Hello people pleaser,
I am sorry for all of the cinics it makes sense as most people have difficulty understanding this mentality. Let me tell you why you want to please people.
It has nothing to do with how you make them feel. It has everything to do with your neurons in your brain. They are called mirror neurons some peoples mirror neurons are extremely well developed. Other people have not used theirs at all. This is why you are so sensitive to your perception of hurting others. You project your feelings of how another might view your actions and you react to that projection and feel as if it is them you are hurting. In reality you are offending yourself if you were them.
Look at it this way. I used to be like you BTW. Who is the person people value appreciate, trust etc most? Not the sensitive scared person who is walking on egg shells. Your intention is to not hurt anyone's feelings but you are hurting someone. YOURSELF. Because you arent happy with your decision to please people. So what you need to do is reflect on this and decide who matters more? The occasional really sensitive person, or your own happiness? Or just do what I did, say fuck it for like 1 month to see how it feels. If you ask me, it feels great. I haven't gone back to trying to please anyone.
People will respect you more because with that fuck it mentality you are claiming your space, you stop caring about offending others and you just get on with your life and try to be happy. In the end this is what people who care for you want anyways, they want to see you confident and happy. I realized all of the toxic people in my life have kind of wandered away. Because they fed off of my insecurities. I dont need that, neither do you. This is why you should try to say fuck it to all of the unimportant things at least for a trial period to see how it works for you.
