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@Will I do hope you find what you are looking for One thing I just thought of though? Is it perhaps the seeking you want but can never have? I studied Osho and I remember him mentioning this in his book of secrets. A seeking mind will go on seeking is what he said. I do hope you find it either way Mr Will.

@Will Very true, like many things in life learning to observe is a stage, or a muscle you are learning to flex. Once you know your ego it no longer becomes much of a battle. It is called coherence. Your ego and your self work in unison toward a similar goal. The ego slowly stops pulling toward toxic and unhealthy habits and you become more confident in your ability to work with your ego. Once you have this down do what you will. Spending your whole life trying to fight something isn't fun and its not what life is meant for. Like all parts of life there are stages and like a river you get to a point where you just lay back and watch life take you away. This all happened for me when I adopted the fuck it mentality. I am a very nice person but I could care less about a lot of meaningless things my ego came up with. That is really when coherence between the two really spiked in my life. Remember nothing is definite, everything changes. Just like a flowing river. Forever changing.

I would fall in love with that beauty. I do every day. When ever I have a chance to loose myself in the beauty of the world I do, because when I look back to my childhood I remember those moments when I lost myself in admiration of the world around me. Surely it is, that is why worrying about the ego except enjoying its antics is putting yourself back into the realm of the ego. It is the same as trying to defeat the government by going to court haha You are participating as a watcher, you learn to watch and separate yourself from the trivial thoughts of the ego. Our minds are always seeking, truth, hypocrisy, an enemy. Seeking always. Observing is very important, there are many people out there with opinions and nobody to listen. I dont know what you should do with this other than to see that it is there and very true. Ego finds many creative ways to remain in the drivers seat. Thats why it has become a game to me I guess?

Hello people pleaser, I am sorry for all of the cinics it makes sense as most people have difficulty understanding this mentality. Let me tell you why you want to please people. It has nothing to do with how you make them feel. It has everything to do with your neurons in your brain. They are called mirror neurons some peoples mirror neurons are extremely well developed. Other people have not used theirs at all. This is why you are so sensitive to your perception of hurting others. You project your feelings of how another might view your actions and you react to that projection and feel as if it is them you are hurting. In reality you are offending yourself if you were them. Look at it this way. I used to be like you BTW. Who is the person people value appreciate, trust etc most? Not the sensitive scared person who is walking on egg shells. Your intention is to not hurt anyone's feelings but you are hurting someone. YOURSELF. Because you arent happy with your decision to please people. So what you need to do is reflect on this and decide who matters more? The occasional really sensitive person, or your own happiness? Or just do what I did, say fuck it for like 1 month to see how it feels. If you ask me, it feels great. I haven't gone back to trying to please anyone. People will respect you more because with that fuck it mentality you are claiming your space, you stop caring about offending others and you just get on with your life and try to be happy. In the end this is what people who care for you want anyways, they want to see you confident and happy. I realized all of the toxic people in my life have kind of wandered away. Because they fed off of my insecurities. I dont need that, neither do you. This is why you should try to say fuck it to all of the unimportant things at least for a trial period to see how it works for you.

I have up days and down. I don't fight my ego, I play with it. I used to fight it when I was learning about meditation in the beginning. The fight with the ego is natural, especially when it is something you fear may take control..... Yet again. This duality will one day fade and you will see your ego for what it is. The brain trying to control our being with knee jerk impulses. Once you have control you can again allow it freedom and actually get to know it as you get to know yourself. Remember this, ego resides in the brain. You are within the heart. You are the one who watches the ego in meditation. You are connected to spirit. Ego is the animal mind who worries always and predicts terrible things to avoid danger. This is my reality anyways