S33K3R

I view depression as this person in my life that I hated when we met when I was 5 or 6 or younger? I got really angry at him when I was 9 when I broke a mirror my mom gave me. He followed me around and I ignored him as much as I could. I did this till I was 15 when the fact that I pushed people away my whole life really hit me in the face and I was going through life making no real deep connections to people. Friends were people I kept at a distance. I wanted to die at that time. I somehow got out of that tiny little box and found myself again avoiding this person year after year. Pretending he didnt exist, he will go away right? Not really.... Through a dysfunctional relationship I was forced to face him, this changed me profoundly, thanks Preston So I started meditation and I dug within myself over and over for years. Changing self defeating beliefs my ego had set in concrete from my childhood. Beliefs dont change themselves I realized. This depression still came though? Even though I had felt peaks of ecstasy in deep trance meditations I still somehow felt at a loss. My ego used depressions existence to challenge my progress. My ego would use this depressions existence to try to set self defeating beliefs back into concrete. Fast forward to today. Depression I know now is a part of me, now that I accept it I dont experience it the same. There is no ego battle after acceptance of this. To me it is the winter after the spring. The thing that tells me to slow down and go inward, listen to the changes being made from previous work I have done. I believe this was the last I will ever see of any kind of true depression now that I see it for what it is. So for me depression is a spiritual fall/winter, a time for reflection and going inward. Nothing to fear at all. After all that I experienced I realize this depression has shaped me. Now if you apply this to a more grand scale. Look at society. They are all in a spiritual winter after a time of great growth. This is why the chaos of the world doesn't seem to concern me either. Society evolves just like an individual, but on a much more grand scale. I view society as being my younger self running from the truth they will learn as I did I am sure. Its all so beautiful actually....

I see what you mean. Comparing the self to others is often a measuring tool to determine progress and status. This is actually a form of ego trying to establish hierarchy. Allowing the ego to think about comparing to others can lead to spiritual decline through battling others about your "knowledge" and "status". Everything has seasons of great growth and silent death. When you pick up something that gives you great growth it can be related to the earth and its spring/summer time. Then when the growth has waned it takes time for our being to fully absorb what has entered and changed us. So this can be related to the fall/winter time. These cycles are natural, when you get stir crazy needing to learn something new you have entered a spiritual spring. When you get depressed because that high of learning something new has gone, you have realized you are in the spiritual winter. Once you stop fearing these cycles you will allow them to pass with the joy of the observer. Just watching the seasons pass We all have our cycles, no need to control, define or fight them.

@Prabhaker that is absolutely stunning. Thank you deeply. That is definitely not in the book of secrets. Its so different from the book of secrets approach, that book is so technique oriented..... I haven't read any of Osho's other books ? I love the guy deeply but I spent years taking in that single book. Slowly page by page. This is just beautiful.... Thanks for sharing!

I recently stopped setting goals and stopped worrying about progression. Funny thing is now im getting interested in things because I want to, not to fit some mold society says I should fit to be successful. I am no longer concerned about success, goals, obstacles, other peoples opinions. Turns out thinking about those things takes up a lot of energy and emotion that I would rather use to be happy and explore things I want to do for pure joy.

What if instead of doing online dating you find friends online? Then date the one that you become drawn to. I feel sorry for people who are younger and grew up with this online dating. Because it has taken the humanity out of relationships. People are now objects big boobs, has money, smart, fun, etc. The mind wants to categorize the world naturally. Now that is what dating and love is to many. Categories. Find friends forget about dating. Then choose slowly with intuition. As for being comfortable in your own skin. Just stop caring how others might view you. You are psyching yourself out by obsessing about what others might think. Don't let your mind even go there and you will be doing something called not giving a fuck. I hope you find what you are looking for.

@hinawashi Everything we all do is okay. Especially in the pursuit of a higher awareness. Making mistakes is part of the learning and the biggest factor in success across the board is how fast we get over the mistake and realign with a beneficial paradigm. I use this analogy when I am down on something I have done. I imagine myself as a child learning to walk and if I say nasty things to myself I imagine saying them to an innocent child. This stops me from bashing myself for mistakes. This makes me move onto a solution incredibly fast. Because few people would want to berate and shame a small innocent child. Which we all really are deep down. Don't be hard on yourself for being alive and aware. You are learning that is amazing!

There is a group called the heart math institute that researches kundalini actually. They have videos on youtube. I haven't dug deep into their stuff but I did read a research paper about heart and brain coherence and the data is extremely positive. They are onto something there Check out the videos you can find on youtube. Search for terms like heart coherence or heart math institute. From what I have seen they claim to have the ability to take pictures of the energy we release and all kinds of data.

@MIA.RIVEL May I ask what hobby that was? I do some art in my spare time and am cautious to make it a career. Any advise?

I understand where you are coming from. Meditation can be a sensitive thing. It is a tool we use to dig the deepest into our psyche. Deeper than we have ever been. The reason most of us end up traveling on this road is due to depression and other emotions that we view as embarrassing or negative. When I first started meditating I was very sensitive about it too. The thought of someone rejecting meditation felt like they might be rejecting my whole existence, my depression, my need to recover. Me... At that time. It was extremely scary to open up. Over time I became confident in my adventure and started having fun with it. Slowly I stopped caring what others thought and then it hit me.... I realized everyone deep down has some sort of curiosity or desire to understand the subject. Now I enjoy trying to see if I can find people to talk to about it. These are all stages that you will pass through. Remember nothing stays the same, even you. Especially you Dont be afraid to go hang out and have fun like that if you get the feeling you should. Play is an important part of understanding how to connect to a higher consciousness.

I went through this stage for many years. It is hard to accept the world for its ugly self. But it is what it is and the best thing each of us can do is change ourselves for the better. Hopefully others around us will become better as a result and theoretically if one person changes the ripple effects can really reach far and wide. Changing yourself is the best thing you can do for the world. I know this is easier said than done. As I said I struggled with this anger for 8 years. It held my progression back substantially while I waited to let it go. Now I see society for something different. We all have our karma. Who are we to try and work out these complex reasons for why things are this way? Seems like a mighty big weight for one person to take on. Something that helped me get beyond this frustration is this. Each person has a different level of awareness like the whole systems thinking Leo mentions. But as a collective we all have a collective awareness too. Each of us participate and cannot escape this. The collective consciousness is at a pretty low level of awareness. People like you and me who are becoming aware we are pulling this collective consciousness slightly to a more awake status. Society will never be as aware as we are, we are the ones leading the way to change. We are literally paving the way for the rest of humanity when it comes to awareness evolution.

@alea Instead of TV I do a lot of research. I use TV to wind down and zone out. I never really follow the show I put on, its more background noise. My attention span isn't set up for TV and movies lol My addiction is around research and hobbies. Whenever I do get into watching TV for a bit of time I start to feel very disturbed within and I get really annoyed with my consciousness and the way it feels. Its hard to explain

I went through that stage with my sister. It can be tempting to play puppet master in these situations as it kind of feels good to "get even". Over time while indulging I realized I was becoming obsessed with her which kept pulling me into the negative realm. No matter what I did I would be negatively influenced by my choice to play with this seductive fire. Unfortunately it is not possible to interact with those you have a deep desire to hurt without consecutively hurting yourself. I was unable to stop this on my own so I decided to cut her out of my life. This back and forth negative karma was a game we played our whole lives and it seemed to stem from some past life drama because she hated me from when I was a baby. Forgiveness doesn't mean everything is okay and your not hurt. It means you don't care enough to bother with them anymore. It is good for you because it gives your consciousness space to expand into different things that push you toward where you will thrive most in this life. If you want to stay and continue hurting them then you will never have time for other things you may want more. It is up to you to make a conscious decision. Do you want to hurt them or do you have more important things to focus your energy on? Often times we think we can do both but in reality emotional stress takes its toll, this manipulation game you are playing will hold your progression back. But its not a terrible thing to learn that from experience. I spent years not progressing because I had to understand this in my heart.

Yes!! It seems such a big task to make such a decision, life purpose!!! Sounds heavy I myself used to struggle with this. Then I started seeing things much like you said. I started thinking about what I do for others instead of what should do. I slowly realized I have some profound gifts that I can send out into the world which can help some greatly. Therefore I have given up on deciding on a "life purpose" and instead adopted a mentality of getting to know my true self. This helps me know my talents, and I can alter my approach to give the best of myself to the world. Thus in the end I give the gifts I am meant to give and fulfill my "life purpose" without ever debating or getting hung up on such a difficult decision.

That is exactly what I was thinking!!! I feel to name obstacles is to give them power within my psyche. I prefer to pass them by without recognition.

This can be a big weight holding you down. Beware of the concern you have for others it can drag you down. Think of it this way. The psyche can only hold 1 belief comfortably at any given time this means if you do this ^ you can't realize below. Therefore you need to make a conscious decision between yourself and others. After realizing you have to leave others behind only then can you know the answer to this question. Once you can let others happiness go then you can become happy. The way that this helps others is profound. Many times we as humans think we must fix things and nothing else is aware. This is wrong. Your friends will see the change in your being, they will feel the change in your energy and consciousness and they will energetically be drawn to you to seek change. They will ask you what is different. Hopefully you can help them with your answers. People don't accept help that is offered, they accept help when they ask for help. There is an internal process where realizations have to take place. You can't speed that process along. The realizations take place from observations such as you deciding to better yourself and them seeing the result and craving the same thing. Think of it this way. You are in a body of water (your emotions), you are sinking (depression etc) you have a life raft (deflated because you dont know how to use it yet) You have others with you as well. You have choices to make, panic with them and validate their struggle by struggling as well. Tell them to give you some time to fix things and blow up the raft just enough to try and pile everyone on (it will sink). Or you can swim off keep an eye on your friends safety blow your raft up completely climb on it come back and help them all realize they have a deflated raft too. You have to accept this is a world where you can only help yourself and allow others the free will to choose as they wish. I know many people I can't help. My mom is a big one. Her karma is hers though, its sad but that sadness is limited to the occasional observation at her limited view of reality. Acceptance of others choices is key.

Not at all <3

@sgn you just took me back to a realization I once had. Thanks!

Yes OMG What if you played with this meditation technique??? Enter the emotions you fear and observed them and why they exist? It makes sense! That sounds fascinating? You deserve to exist and claim your space

@SOUL I completely agree, my mind floats along and isn't considerate enough to always try to get the point across haha Thank you for clarifying Soul I know you got my back

@Natasha @NutellaTC Hello Orlando, FL here!!!

I was once in this situation with my boyfriend. We went through a really rough period. He slowly changed over time (he is a very stubborn person). We have become stronger from the struggles, but only you know if your relationship is meant to be. I hope you find answers in what happens next <3

@Sevi @Angelique No thanks required Thank you for making me remember this <3

@thetrut11 I helped my boyfriend overcome this problem with sex addiction. His was much worse it sounds. We ended up figuring out that the hardest part about recovering for him was the moments he was alone and bored. After a while he ended up doing a lot of reading and researching when the cravings were at their worst. He would come home with a lot of "did you know" facts. This helped him distract his mind and also he was researching the pain the sex industry can cause women and young girls. This really helped him get a different perspective on his prior limited view of what used to turn him on. Now he doesn't see the sex industry as the same so it doesn't trigger him the same. I hope you find what you are seeking

You know yourself better than any of us, do you feel that this is really stepping it up or is it more of a gradual move? Do you have a backup plan if the changes start to feel like too much? I know for me I am slow to bring change and I take tiny baby steps all the time because I can be quite rebellious haha I have always been the one to stick it to the man, including myself haha Whenever changing things in my life I try to never over step because I used to get abusive at myself for faltering. If you aren't like that then make big goals. But beware if you tend to beat yourself up, one step forward with two steps back usually makes for more frustration in my history books. It can be hard to change because of the self awareness we may not have quite yet. Just be prepared to allow yourself to make mistakes. The way I stopped myself from the self abusive pattern was I started listening to my minds nasty little comments about myself when I didn't meet expectations. I would ask myself if I would say this to a small child learning to walk every time they failed momentarily. Children are so magical, nobody has convinced them to talk down to themselves yet. I hope we all can one day relearn what it is to be childlike to ourselves and eachother

@Anirban657 I used to feel that when interacting. Think of it this way. Your self perception can be viewed only one way at a time the ways are from your POV, it can be from others POV, or it can be your opinion of others POV. Usually when people are in this state they are viewing themselves through their own judgmental eyes how you believe others see you. This is a very disruptive energetic pattern because it is so confusing internally and is almost impossible to maintain with balance. So in essence this is not who you are. You are allowing fear to direct your energies and if I was you I would adopt a "fuck it" attitude for a short while to see if this helps. Care not about what a single other person thinks, feels, or does unless it directly impacts you. I did this for myself years ago and haven't really looked back. You should research this neuron in our brains called "mirror neurons" these neurons are the cause for your concern about others opinions of you. This is just an evolutionary trait to keep humans in groups and to help us cooperate without all hell breaking loose. Saying fuck it tells this neuron to effectively shove it. Believe me when I say it feels good