S33K3R

12:21 PM EST Awareness today has been a bit lower than yesterday. My awareness was high this morning, I did my meditation it was amazing. I experienced many sensations, it was definitely high energy meditation. When finished I experienced my intuition delivering me a message so by focusing on this intuition I did lose my awareness. I get messages on things that need to be done, I experience these messages as if I am talking to myself, its like a voice that wont stop telling me what to do till I do it. It is strange and for a very long time it was difficult to comprehend this is not my ego talking. I only realized it when I had my life saved by this voice the most recent time in 2014. I have had my life saved by this consciousness 6 times through my life. The most recent time was very profound and it involved some unexplained movement of physical objects. This is just my awareness now I will update later today.

Okay a little soon for an update but hey I have a bit of time now. So today so far I remained I would say 70-75% aware. I had many things to take care of so my main focus was the task at hand, but when an emotion arose I stopped and increased awareness to 100%. I notice that it is the smallest triggers that create a snowball such a large emotional reaction. The biggest issue today was my ego leaving the present to push me to the future to rush through what I am presently doing. The ego leaving like that creates anxiety, frustration and an inability to focus. This I noticed would cause me to become frustrated at small things in the present that are not going perfectly, which I noticed in the past create a mental disconnect which causes mistakes to happen. So yesterday I didnt make much of an effort to remain aware. I just kind of winged it like I usually have in the past. I never really saw a need for further awareness because I had defeated the flaws in my personality to control perceived negative emotions. Now I realize that I can't really have too much awareness. I know that I need to further my consciousness as the universe never really allows me to settle with what I have. I noticed yesterday from the lack of effort. I really didnt have a great day. I was exhausted and a bit neurotic. Comparing yesterday to Monday is like day and night. Monday was amazing, beautiful, full of life and love. I must keep going to realize the differences of no progression and progression. I am now getting ready to work. This I feel will be a challenge. Edit Today has been interesting. I challenged myself at the beginning of today to keep my awareness and to have fun with the challenge of staying awake. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was soothing almost. Like everything is going to be okay because your hero is here, and nothing can go wrong now. I like this feeling. During meditation I was able to glimpse the beauty of the universe. But when it came to making it a part of me it was never a part fully. Because I would meditate and stop. It truly has been an extreme boost to my consciousness evolution to understand the importance of this full awareness. Another thing I would like to add. I know this sounds crazy, but now that I am being more aware. I am getting the feeling of being watched a lot. But not like some one is watching.... More like something? Like the world around me is watching me more and responding to my change in awareness. This is just a physical sensation that I keep getting so who knows! Another thing I have gathered today is that.... I work with people over the phone. I used to hate it because its so impersonal and I do talk to a lot of people. Its emotionally draining. Or it was? Turns out with awareness its actually empowering in a way. But anyways... When I interact with people I feel very connected to them with this heightened awareness. Like I hear their voice and instantly feel how they are feeling, respond in a way that somehow brings them to a good energy helps them remember the beauty of the world if not for a moment. What I am observing brings something I learned about years ago (isnt that always the case with this work lol). Anyways, it brings back something that really resonated with me. Service to self or service to others. This theory is basically that when you are constantly trying to take take take, the universe responds with resistance. But when you are giving giving giving... The universe changes and responds with an abundant world. Its the whole fractal thing. The way you see things is how they become, we are but living beings in a fractal universe reflecting our consciousness right back at us. This is what I believe from my research anyways. So. I couldn't comprehend this giving. Not really. I was resistant, I would force, frustration would result and repeat. I came from a very dog eat dog family, mindset, world. This is why I only recently realized how amazing cooking is. If you really break cooking down. Its a very loving giving thing. You are taking pain away from others. You are nourishing their life, their happiness.. Giving them time to do other things they would rather do instead of cook. This to me is an ultimate service to others thing. Its funny because in my family cooking was never special, it sucked, it was a huge inconvenience and it often led to a fight on who would cook. Subconsciously this actually led to severe anxiety when thinking about cooking, cooking, washing dishes, looking for recipes to cook, grocery shopping. Once I became aware this previously scarred activity became nothing, I wouldnt get anxiety but I never wanted to cook. Because a tiny tiny part of me still resisted. Not until full awareness came did I realize this resistance and put the whole puzzle together. Its a silly thing. But that is what we are, we get a microscopic resistance and it snowballs into a monster in my life. I believe the path of awareness is us literally decreasing the tolerance we have for these negative influences over and over till we realize happiness resides within the awareness itself. Today has been a good day. One thing I want to make sure I have stressed is that because I have changed today, the world changed how it approaches me. I talk to people from all over the world. My consciousness somehow changed how they approach me. What I do is fast paced and stressful, yet I am almost finished and I am not exhausted. From a high awareness great day on Monday, to a exhausting no awareness Tuesday, to a high awareness no exhaustion Wednesday... Interesting.

The last few days have been quite a challenge to remain aware. I have to be honest I haven't been. I feel like this might be the universe telling me to step up my game as this chaos started the day after I started my journal. I don't have much to add because I haven't been doing what I am supposed to be doing. Shame on me!!! Anyways. I was able to maintain great awareness on Monday 07/10/17 before I began working. I was able to do things I normally resist a tiny bit internally it turns out. Little things that build up and make me avoid certain tasks. Well Monday I just started my day with full awareness and I was able to cook a magnificent 4 course meal without issue. It really felt like it was smooth gliding the whole time once I established awareness. If there is anything to take away from my recent awareness experiences it is that I should consider it a chore not to do it. I feel it is much more difficult to function without it than with it. Yet somehow I feel that learning is a bit of work. So weird. Work has been super busy and I think I have been loosing awareness while working and just resorting to old habits because it is such a fast paced environment. I believe the universe is telling me to pay attention to my awareness always regardless of how difficult things get. I will take a breath, reset and try again tomorrow. I would like to note that things have been much more clear for me. I look forward to resetting and starting fresh One day at a time right!! Wheeww Edit One thing I would like to add.... TV seems to really bring my awareness down. I think I am going to start paying attention to the moments when I am watching TV. One thing I have really enjoyed in the past was realizing how there are two separate worlds almost when a TV is on. The one where you are absorbed into the programming, and the one where you are observing the world reacting to the programming. This is interesting. I was able to also feel this shift in reality when driving while my boyfriend was on the phone. Instead of trying to hear the conversation. I took advantage of the fact that he isnt talking to me. I began to hear the sounds being made and stopped assigning them to a meaning. This was very fascinating as far as the shift in perception. Also it was weird to hear voices how animals must perceive them.

@AleksM Thank you for posting this it really resonates with much of what I have found. I am definitely going to be looking into the YouTube videos you mentioned. We will be in touch

@Empty You are in a dangerous situation. Realize that society will never be as advanced as us as a collective. Save who you can and avoid danger. He who tries to change the world will always be a martyr. Unless you accept the danger do not stand up. Be an observer, remove yourself from the fight. Be cautious of following anyone. Stay safe!!!

This tattoo has come into your life to show you how to deal with shame and low confidence. Is it possible the tattoo is being used by the ego to cause negative energies? What is to gain from the shame that you feel? Find the lesson, the tattoo means something you don't like. Dig deeper. It could become more. A spiritual lesson. If you never accept it you can always remove it

@AleksM What you said it'sfascinating I am going to do this. I feel I already maintain a meditative state for much of the day when I want to. But I do frolic with my mind on all kinds of research adventures. It's hard to stop letting my mind wander for this reason I guess. I will try what you said sometimes thank you ?

@WaterfallMachine Thanks! Thats great information I'm gonna try to add this into whatever this is haha Check back for the final result, or I'm sure it will be posted All help is greatly appreciated!!!

People like this I keep at a distance, this personality type is why I don't interact with much of my family. Especially when you are on a spiritual path it is good to avoid any ego triggers as these kind of people enjoy the battle and may never stop that kind of behavior. Remember Siddhartha left his family behind because he knew it would be difficult to attain with the distraction. How I react to these people is I ask a lot of questions. Police do this too. To keep someone submissive ask questions. If he asks "how much are you making" ask him "how much do you think I am making", or "how much are you making", or a statement "I consider income to be a private matter" which it is. Mix in a little humor making fun of his need to obsess with you and he will back off. Respect is something you command, its not just given in most cases.

@Nahm @Max_V Okay I will take the second stage ANNNDD BREAK haha im such a nerd.

@Nahm @Max_V So I already have a rough draft of this because I have been working on it for a while. Its a total coincidence that @Shan happened to post something with ten stages too haha here it is. This is a rough draft and in no way have I reviewed it and tweaked things to my perfection. I am throwing this out so you all can add/change/play with the ideas. IM SO EXCITED so the A. is supposed to be the A. Description of the stage/personality characteristics that was mentioned. I didnt get to the others yet either. 1. A. Extremely negative angry person. No ability to comprehend suffering in others. Self destructive reactions to any perceived attack. Willing to lash out and harm others. Depression and anxiety are high and not acknowledged at all by this person. Depression/Anxiety are actually feared and the person is ashamed of the feelings which is why lashing out is so easy. Emotional chaos is often chosen over self-reflection. Power is craved and the person may do anything to get their fix. Communication is almost impossible at this stage. 2. A. Angry person who blames others for events happening in persons life. Understands what empathy is and rarely feels it. Animals are more likely to be empathized with rather than humans. Secluded and distant from anyone that doesn't support their paradigm. This person experiences severe depression/anxiety and may not be aware of it. Enjoys harming others emotionally and imagines harming others physically. Communication is extremely limited at this point. 3. A. Depressed angry person. This person has overcome anger and is more so depressed. Though anger is easy to trigger in dysfunctional relationships. These people are very angry at the self and though they may project anger at others, often times in their mind they blame everything on themselves. This is why they lash out, the shame/depression/anxiety is all too much to bear, add in an important person in their lives being disappointed triggers high defenses. Communication is extremely limited at this point. 4. A. Depressed person considering spiritual options. This person is depressed and no longer lashes out for the most part. They have begun the conscious effort for the possibility spiritual solutions to their spiritual pain. This person may be open to help, though they will often hide their struggle out of shame for their condition. This person will still lash out if provoked and toxic relationships can cause this person to regress multiple times before realizing the spiritual cycle of how others influence them. Communication is limited to occasional at this point. 5. A. Spiritual depressed person. This person has realized the toxic patterns/cycles of negativity and they are aware of changes that need to be made in their life. Toxic relationships are recognized though nothing is done to cut them out of their life at this point. This person knows it is bad to lash out at others in frustration though they catch themselves doing it occasionally. Most mistakes are learning points for this person as the bigger the scuffle between the self and others, the more the person learns about themselves. Communication is occasional at this point. Know-it-al-ism is frequent because knowledge binging is common. 6. A Spiritual person who is sometimes depressed. This person has done some meditation to get to this level. Depression comes and goes. The depression is felt differently, it doesn’t cause this person to be afraid and panicky. This person knows how to defeat all emotions with awareness, though they choose to not do it most of the time and struggle anyways. This usually doesn’t lose control significantly due to the boost of awareness. This person most likely has had energetic releases and experiences that help them confirm that what they are learning about is bigger than the self, and working. This person may actually sometimes enjoy the up’s and downs of depression. Sometimes when not depressed they may miss the deep depression because of the intense emotions it triggered in them in the past. Know-it-al-ism is frequent because knowledge binging is common. 7. A. Spiritual person who has depression but is not depressed. This person does have depression within their being. But their natural reaction to these emotions has changed. The relationship to the depression has changed. The self has become so aware that depression appears as a different person within. This person is not constantly self-aware. They use self-awareness as a tool when in times of need. This person may never progress beyond this point because many are on this spiritual path because of a need to discover the causes of pain within the self. This is the point where a person feels they have control. This person still has weaknesses due to their limited awareness and may feel insecure around certain triggers. Those triggers can be anything addictions, toxic relationships, phobias, self-limiting beliefs that have not been changed. This person has progressed a significant amount though they have these weak points which if sensitive enough may force this person to progress further. Know-it-al-ism is guaranteed because knowledge binging has been happening for a while and this person wants to shove it in the worlds face what they have accomplished. Good job J 8. A. Spiritual person who has gone beyond depression. This person uses self-awareness frequently. They are regular meditators as they are starting to enjoy the adventure of this alternate reality they are gaining access to. Seriousness is fading away as debating has gotten exhausting and this person realizes that it just takes a lot of time and it usually ends in the person loosing awareness and regressing back into the primitive mind. It takes a crafty person to make this person debate this person has opened up their child like mind again. They see the world with wonder in their eyes occasionally and sitting in the quiet with nothing going on can actually be seen as fun and exhilarating. This person has understood the concept of not giving a fuck. Their awareness allows them the ability to select and choose what is given time and what is not. Communication beyond this point is usually pretty good unless the person attempting to communicate suffers from Know-it-al-ism haha the forceful mind can be difficult to hear at times. 9. A. This person is extremely self-aware. They meditate regularly and have many spiritual experiences. This person considers their spirituality to be more important than almost anything in their life. They are striving for the stars and they feel the ticking time within their aging body and occasionally are concerned about attaining. Many thoughts are half thoughts, the thought of “will I attain” is cut off before it can be more than a passing breeze. This is how sharp the awareness has become. This person is striving so much that seriousness can creep back in as well. Being this high on the mountain can be very dizzying and there are few that can relate, so it can be very lonely too. 10. A. Enlightened. This person has no pause between reality and the self. Awareness of every moment is full on direct experience. There are no regrets of what was left behind. There are no judgments of others on their path. Words are spoken slowly to ensure awareness is always present in every thought.

@Max_V @Nahm Okay cool!! Lets all think about one stage and really break it down. Get into the mindset of what we were like in that stage and come up with a very detailed description. Do you guys want to take on one stage on your own? Or would you be happier doing one stage at a time together? I was thinking we can use this thread to break things down, bounce ideas, discuss the characteristics and come to conclusions and when all is said and done we could post the final result in a neat and simple thread so its an easy read. I am down for however anyone wants to do it. I was trying to find a way to do this myself, but I was thinking it would only be from my perspective and we need to really have a group effort of a community to make it well rounded and speak to as many people as possible Not only will this help those who are starting on the path or whatever, it will also help those of us who are a bit further along to remember what the path is like and help us emotionally separate negative behaviors (ego) from the individual who is sacred and might be really aggravating to deal with I see a lot of shaming on this forum for behaviors that are just the ego pulling tricks. This is a great solution haha

I love this thread I would like to send this out there to you all who have commented and anyone who is interested in putting in their contribution. This article is great, but it focuses on the meditation path. What about people who are more primitive thinking and have a more difficult time understanding their position on this scale? What if we created a similar scale to show additional information such as: A. Description of the stage/personality characteristics B. Traps that the described person can fall into/What not to do/what to watch out for C. How to proceed through the stage as fast/painless as possible D. How to help someone through this stage without triggering the ego (for those who are not interested in "self help" and have someone interested in self help trying to help them) I believe personally if we break these things down then we can create an awesome document that can literally be a road map for those out there trying to understand their path in a more objective and less emotional way. Anyone interested? @Dodo @WaterfallMachine @Shan @AleksM @Nahm @Max_V

All of these answers are very good! I wanted to add a small thing as well. Perhaps fear of attachment is what you have. Fear of abandonment. The constant stress can become difficult to bear and can leave one exhausted and giving up. I had this for years when I searched within for answers to issues of my own. I have a very fragmented family siblings and parents etc. This diseased my ability to love properly I was in fear and pushed others away for many years. This made room for a reconstruction of my belief system. If you are pushing others away there is a reason find the reason and you can design a plan to speed up the lesson and get on with life hapily. Whether that means accepting you like to fly solo, or that means you have to figure out fear related issues or whatever. You have the answer within.

Yes binural beats will help. Also might I suggest breaking down the difficult tasks and finding an individual solution to each of them? I am currently teaching my boyfriend to meditate. He has his same issue with comfort and focus. We decided to take one thing at a time. So he will not meditate every day. Instead he will be increasing flexibility sitting in the meditation posture trying to breathe evenly and after the muscle memory is created he will move on to the mind and meditation. This is also how I started to meditate when I was 13. I spent a month centering my balance. Just sitting and feeling the sensation of the different ways to lean. I found my most comfortable position. Meditation is not a thing to be rushed or become frustrated with. It will create anxieties that will further hinder progress. Instead break down the difficult tasks and learn one at a time. Soon enough one thing at a time will become automated and you can move onto a new goal. I use the 8 out of 10 rule. 8 success to 10 before moving on. If you move on and have difficulties with the thing you thought you mastered, go back to the previous practice to become a little more familiar. Remember to also have fun, meditation is considered play in my book good luck!!!

If the moon influences us, I believe this can definitely. I watch suspicious observers on youtube for a long time now. I have been monitoring people in my life who are... More neurotic than others. I have observed people tend to be influenced when the earth's magnetosphere goes into a geomagnetic storm status. Friends who are couples fight more on those days. Terror attacks seem more common on those days. I was reaching out to see if anyone else has any experiences with the sun disrupting emotions that they would like to share? I also notice that I am very likely to dream/remember my dream if I am sleeping while the sun has come up. I am so excited to hear any experiences you all may have had. I have to say I have not noticed the sun making me neurotic really, unless I am in a really negative mindset for some reason.

@Max_V that's okay, play with it to your comfort and slowly you will realize there is nothing to fear this is what you need it sounds. Remember to play and try many methods. Only you know what is right. Observe and fine tune your methods.

I had this same issue when I started to discover the fear energy. Eventually I became angry and fed up with how persistent it was. I reacted with indulgence. I challenged the fear. I challenged it to grow I said "so you want to exist, then exist" I asked it to intensify more and more and it grew and engulfed me fully and vanished. In the end after many meditations like this I realized..... I was resisting the fear a very small amount. So small I could not sense it. So now I do this in times of emotion I cannot let go. My emotions to this day have not come up with anything to control me when this method is used. You have this same issue. I know because you ask why has it not gone? There is a small part of you that anxiously awaits this fears departure. It's okay use this technique and it should help. Sometimes to relax we must tense our muscles to the max. This is no different from emotions. Indulge the emotion that is to minute to let go. It will vanish in the indulgence.

I always find myself playing the other card. If someone attacks another then I rationalize the benefits of that persons choices. Everyone I know knows me for this. I am not one to join the group for judging and talking about others. I notice how it has has hurt my own energy to do so in the past.

@Tano I an happy you have figured it out

You have spent much time to expose this person. You have sharpened your investigation skills to do this indeed. Time not spent to realize your truth. When all is said and done I hope you are happy to resume your path of seeking. He is here to teach you something you chose him for a reason. Don't miss the meaning of this lesson. It's easy to miss when stuck in a primitive mindset. Meditate and find the lesson. Do what you must to expose if you need. But find the lesson to. Perhaps he chose you for him to learn a lesson as well. Remember your hate ties him into your life more than he would be if you didn't care. This causes your karma to entangle. Don't miss the lesson of your resentment as well.

That sounds like the akashic records. Have you heard of them? They are the library that holds all of the knowledge there ever was! That is so awesome to go there! That is so profound OMG I absolutely loved reading about your experience! Are you going to do them again? You made me want to try them again Thank you so much for sharing!!

Emotions are just our initial reaction to our perception of any given situation. To label something bad is to push it away. Once you push something away you create a fear. When you stop labeling good and bad. You can fearlessly welcome the emotion. Dissect it. And take the benefits from it. And let it go when you please. This is why emotions are not good or bad. You can only remain centered when you are not acting out of fear.

@Sarah Marie I believe I may have some of what you experience. I hear voices, whispers? They tell me to do things when driving at at other times. Things have also disappeared, or have been thrown at me once for a good reason. Like I was at a turning point in my life and something disappeared that made me change everything in a split second. From that I sold my house and moved from Utah to Florida. I am not afraid of this though it can be creepy when I feel a presence. I know these things dont disappear.. But No matter how hard I try I cant see something sometimes. Something erases certain things from my consciousness/even from reality. I cant explain it any better lol I actually take pictures of areas now when I cant see something I know is there to prove to myself I was being blinded temporarily. I have only been able to prove it a couple of times. I feel like this is a game, I am not sure of who the other player is haha I would like to develop this to understand more. So you just did a lot of awareness meditation. Any particular techniques I should look into? I have to be honest. I meditate, but not regularly. I trance really quickly, and really deep.. I have accidentally meditated for 6 hours and not realized it was longer than 30 mins. When I meditate regularly I now get this feeling like I am floating and I begin to feel distant from the people I know. So I cut back a lot so I can continue to engage with those around me. Because if I meditate conversations are very alien to me and I find myself viewing others as "humans" instead of people I know and relate to. Hard to explain lol Words are so limiting.

When pondering this question I immerse myself in my past. I go on vacation to my memories in meditation. What sticks out? I ask myself. What will I never forget and always hold close? What brought me closest to divine consciousness? My answer is the answer to these questions....My answer is moments in the sun, discovering new life, the smell of nature, touching the earth/sky/water, the power of nature, dancing in a wonder filled universe, seeking.... Always seeking so that I can drink up the vast consciousness only one, myself has. I believe every answer will be different as we are all different. Never confuse your consciousness with another persons consciousness. We are all infinitely different.