Commodent

@Truth Addict Okay, boredom, disinterest and growth was a source of suffering to you, doesn't mean it's the same thing to me. Stop projecting. Believing I am suffering even though I have told you otherwise is incredibly condescending and arrogant. You are trying to pull me into the very same inner conflict that you have, i.e. resisting certain emotional states. I can see your bullshit, but someone else might not. That's why I'm calling you out on it.

@Truth Addict Then perhaps you should stop phrasing your "advice" as absolute truth. I'm not interested in spiritual dogmatism. I never even asked for your advice, and I explicitly stated there was no problem. "Do whatever you want my friend, I have no interest in controlling your life." "No need for reacting and getting personal." ???

@Truth Addict Yes, I simply said that I have no desire of being interested in everything. And then you ask me why I think I should learn. I do not think I should, and I could very well stop. I do it because I enjoy it. Meanwhile, you have been preaching your "shoulds" this entire thread. Your resistance to disinterest and boredom is quite evident, btw

@Truth Addict Who said anything about "should"? I do it because I enjoy it. And what makes you think you can't grow and live at the same time? I enjoy the fruits of my growth every day. You seem to have a quite strained relationship towards growth and disinterest. They are not bad things.

@Truth Addict Even if that was the case, I do not desire being interested in everything. Shifting interests drives me to learn new things and grow.

Nothing about your psyche is irreparable. Your brain is plastic your whole life, and all of the neural pathways can be changed. That means that everything you considered you, can change.

You experience your concentration to be good enough, better than average even, and yet you let some research paper convince you otherwise? My dear, don't let that bug you. Just like any mental illness, OCD manifests itself in lots of different ways. It's not set in stone, and it does not really tell anything about who you are. If I were you, I would regard the OCD diagnosis as a general description of a bunch of different issues that seems related. No research finding will ever teach you anything about who you are. Trust your own experience.

@Shaun You are the environment, in the most literal sense. Anything that we inflicts on the environment crashes back on us sooner or later, because we are not isolated from it but very much a part of it. We throw plastic in the oceans which breaks up to microplastic, fish then eat it, and then larger and larger animals eat those again and so on until it's all the way up in the food-chain. They have even found microplastic in walruses at the North Pole. And now it's entering our bodies too, to a larger and larger degree. We must get used to eating toxins in the future. If you value life valuing the environment will be a natural implication.

@Recursoinominado Haha, glad to hear. From the little I have seen of that video he seems to make a lot of sense. Someone who have spent a lot of time in their head and are well-developed spiritually and intellectually (like you seem to be) will probably be better off moving downwards towards the ground. That is, allowing yourself to be human by listening and attending to your body, connecting to your emotions, building a strong and healthy ego (which is important in order to manifest your will in the world) and so forth. As illustrated in the figure below: If you found these things illuminating you would probably enjoy the book "Eastern Body, Western Mind" by Anodea Judith. That's where the figure above is from. I'm not familiar with the guy, but Matt Kahn definitely seems to be a good resource from what I have seen.

Like this? I've had it my entire life. It's called visual snow.

Consistent mindfulness practice with focus being on bodily sensations (and not necessarily eye perception and hearing). Also, keep doing what you're doing with barefoot walking etc. Maybe get a massage or something. Listen to your body's signals, eat when you're hungry, undress when warm etc. Attend to your body's needs. It has great value. Using the chakra model, I can tell you that the problem you're describing is mostly associated to a deficient root chakra. When the root chakra is deficient, you don't really have any foundation to heal (or rather, activate) the chakras above it. For example, when you're ungrounded and disconnected from reality (deficient root chakra) you can't really be in touch with your feelings and relate well with other people (which is associated to 2nd chakra). Deficient root chakra is usually caused by abuse/neglect in the very first months of your life. Most commonly from receiving too little physical contact and closeness from your parents. Don't expect immediate results, as your root chakra has probably been more or less deficient your entire life. Just keep at it. With meditation and psychedelics you are really energizing your 6th and 7th chakra, but by doing so it's easy to lose touch of your ground. So you should probably ease on that for a while until you've gotten a strong sense grounding.

It's a very useful psychological model. It can very well be tied together with Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, among other things, and it showcases how different types of trauma and psychological mechanisms manifests itself in the body and your entire state of being.

Yes, my interests have shifted. I'm sure you still have some interests too, despite having lost some? It becomes harder to socialize yes, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to unsatisfactory socialization. You need to find other people who match your values. It's difficult yes, but it can be done if you look in the right places. Like a meditation group or something. Our society is very inauthentic, and I feel that's kinda what makes it so boring. People are scared to share their authentic thoughts and feelings. I dare say most people don't even have any idea of who they are as they aren't even aware of their authentic thoughts and feelings. It gets drowned in distractions. No wonder it gets dull and uninteresting.

@studentofthegame Yes, I've noticed that some things seems to pull me back into old ways of thinking too. It can be very frustrating, to have made so much progress and then suddenly feel like you're back to square one. I think those are the moments where it is most important to actively recall those lessons you have learned. It can also be a great opportunity to grieve and process those emotions even more deeply, as such resurfacing brings awareness to things that have been buried. I must say that this has been a most enjoyable conversation, and I appreciate your sincerety, insights and willingness to listen. I'm now entering a period of hectic exam preparation so my focus will be primarily there from now on. I do, however, hope that our contact does not end here. I wish you the best of luck in landing a job as assistant psychologist, and I think said psychologist will be very lucky to have you! Until then

@studentofthegame Yeah, BJJ is very fun. It's very technical and is almost like "physical chess", as there are always a lot of options, some of which might work and some of which might not work. It's also very good for self-defense (I've been demolished by people who are way smaller than me), there's very low risk of injury since there's no kicking (which you might like) and no hitting. There's a lot focus on sparring which is quite fun, and the people there are also super nice and passionate about the sport. I've practiced Karate and Taekwondo for a couple of years, and BJJ is way less rigid and has a more of a light-hearted feel to it. I've also considered trying Capoeira, which is a mixture of martial arts and dance. Geoff Thompson, I will check him out. It sounds like you migh enjoy the Wim Hof method, which I have mentioned earlier. One of it's components is ice baths, but you also have the other component which is breathing (as demonstrated in this video). I think that could very well be accompanied by meditation. After doing the breathing for 30 breaths and then hold my breath I feel very still and acutely aware. I think he has an app too. How do you feel co-dependency manifests in your life? Yes, that 12 step group will probably be helpful in some way or another.

@DrewNows Yes fear, or more specifically, shame.

In my case, it was because I did my very best to try to hide who I am. I also did, and still do to some extent, suppress body language in order to hide my internal state, making me notoriously hard to read.

Intelligence is not uncool. In fact people are desperate to be regarded intelligent and easily get insecure about it. A "nerd" however is pretty much uncool by definition. From Cambridge Dictionary: "a person, especially a man, who is not attractive and is awkward or socially embarrassing" or "a person who is extremely interested in one subject, especially computers, and knows a lot of facts about it" None of those sound very "cool" in my book.

@studentofthegame Yeah, change can be a difficult process. In my case I party very rarely. To some people who go partying all the time I am probably a very boring person, but then again I have good friends who are not preoccupied with that. And I doubt they consider me boring. Funny thing is, if people were to stop drinking society probably would have been way less boring than it is today, as people would have to do inner work in order to connect to their authentic selves instead of just doing it in short bursts through alcohol. I think those nights out drinking are largely what allows us to mantain an overly inhibited (boring) lifestyle. As you might know, us Scandinavians are quite inhibited, but we are also one of the heaviest drinkers (relevant comic). I don't think that's a coincidence. What I'm trying to say is that I guess it depends on the people you hang out with. I don't find people who live responsibly boring at all, and if you enjoy your life then it doesn't really matter wether you're a "boring person", imo. I read a bit of Tao Te Ching, but I personally couldn't get through it for some reason. But Alan Watts has a lot of great stuff on Taoism which I found to be more digestible. "The Tao of Pooh" by Bejamin Hoff is also pretty good. I would like to learn more about Theravada Buddhism too sometime, maybe I'll check out the Dhammapada. I've been processing a lot of blame, rage and guilt when it comes to my parents. Although I don't have as much buried emotions and am more able to relax around them, I still don't enjoy their presence as they will step over my boundaries whenever they can if I'm not watchful. I would have cut them off long time ago if it weren't for their clinginess, it could even be that I wouldn't have the urge to break contact if they were less clingy. Ex-gf's best friend, that sounds like a surefire way to end up in some drama. But then again, I don't know how your ex-gf would handle it. Those traits are certainly a big one for me too. I think it works the other way around too, that girls also want intelligence and empathy. Although I guess that maybe depends on where you live. I study CS, and on my spare time I attend BJJ and go to chess club. So most of my time I mostly hang around males. I meet a couple of girls (who also have dogs) when I walk my dog, so maybe there are some chances there. I do however think there are better chances if I were go somewhere I could meet the same girls regularly. So I'm thinking of maybe joining a singing, dancing and/or meditation group. In addition to meeting more girls I think it could be fun too, hehe. Most people my age only use Tinder for online dating. It is however quite time consuming (as the odds are not in your favor if you're a guy) and way inferior to real-life interaction.

@studentofthegame Hmm, interesting. Maybe there's a part in the middle that is not that interesting to you, so you lose interest, and when you take it back up again you feel like you have to start over again? Hard to say. Usually when I find a book I really enjoy I will read just a little bit of it each day (usually before going to bed) to give all the insights time to sink in. When I find a book that is really not that interesting I will read it in big sessions and/or read until I've got the gist of it, just to get it over with. I've added "Man's search for meaning" to my list. Finding meaning in that kind of environment must be quite hard, to say the least. Books are indeed quite lovely. Currently I'm reading "Eastern Body, Western Mind" by Anodea Judith. It seems quite useful in understanding how trauma affects development and different parts of the body. I likely have a deficient root chakra due to early trauma (prior to 12 months), which has lead me to overfocus on the higher chakras (self-knowledge, self-reflection etc.). So to me healing would probably entail working downwards towards the ground, while to someone who is more grounded it might entail working upwards towards the higher chakras. Very interesting. The strong fear of losing a parent sounds very much like to could be related to some sort of abandonment trauma, so good thing you're working with that. I have kinda the opposite problem. It sounds horrifying, but if one of my parents were to die I would probably feel rather indifferent. Maybe relief even. My mother is always suffering mentally, she's diagnosed with PTSD. I have for the longest time craved having a girlfriend, more so than normal I think. I remember in 2nd grade in elementary school I would initiate contact with this girl I really liked, and it went really well until a couple of older guys started mocking me for it. So I have actually always been quite romantic at heart, but due to my shy nature I never really interact with lots of girls, or new people in general. I feel like it's getting a lot better though, and that I just have to attend more activities now in order to meet girls. How about you? Where do you foresee yourself meeting your future wife? Thank you. Yeah, I certainly can't foresee myself sticking to one thing forever. I just sometimes wonder how I can transfer my computer skills to other more "soft" occupations. If I can somehow can use my computer skills to help people in a personal and meaningful way? Seems kinda far-fetched, to be honest.

@studentofthegame Yeah, both of Pete Walker's books are very good reads. I think it's a good idea to start with Pete Walker's works, as Janina Fisher's book is heavier and more directed towards mental health care professionals (which I assume is no problem to you however ). One benefit of IFS is that it is a model that well suits self-therapy. So even if you were to spend some time finding a therapist you can still make great progress yourself in the meantime. I've added "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck to my reading list. Seems like a good book. I think I could enjoy being a therapist, and that it in many ways would be a lot more meaningful than working with computers. The only problem is that in order to do so I would have to spend 6 years studying theories and practices that doesn't really resonate with me at all. It also sounds rather exhausting to listen to people's deepest troubles for several hours a day, although I know it must be quite rewarding to be able to help people on such a deep and personal level. However, I think I would much rather offer a platform from where people would be able to help themselves. By writing a book for example. I think my talent lies more in intellect rather than empathy, so I don't necessarily think I would be a good therapist although I have the ideas. I still have very much healing work to do. I think that you, simply by doing the healing work you are doing, very well can become one of the best psychologists out there. It's quite rare, even among therapists, to do this kind of work. And from what I gather, most therapists are indeed quite split off from their wounds and inner experience. Which stunts their ability to help others. I have always enjoyed planning far into the future. When I was 13 I decided I wanted to attend the study programme I'm currently attending, and I stuck to it and worked hard in order to get in. But for the last couple of months I've been having doubts whether this is something I actually want to work with. Although software development is fun it doesn't exactly feel like my life calling, if you know what I mean. I don't really know what else I would want to do yet, so I'm sticking with it until then. I have the feeling if I read more books and try different things it will with time become clearer to me what I want to do. Having said that, I'm leaning more and more towards the arts and other forms of self-expression. I'm thinking of choosing Visual Computing as a specialization, so maybe I can use those skills to create art somehow. How about you?

@studentofthegame I hope he gets proper backing too. It's been a strange couple of weeks. One day they were beating PSG 3-1 with an impoverished team, the next games they have been losing consistently. I wonder why that is. Learning to walk before learning to run... very true. You will find that this forum is packed with people who believe nonduality to be some sort of magic pill to cure all their problems (spiritual bypassing). And they project those beliefs onto others, leading to wildly out of touch advice like "you are not your ego identity yada yada". They are trying to help others the same way they're trying to help themselves. With wishful thinking and dogma. I'm not saying there is no merit to these ideas, but preaching about nonduality as some sort of magic pill is dishonest, out of touch and in most cases, not at all helpful. Fun thing is, these "advanced" modes of thinking usually arise naturally once you start resolving those emotional issues holding you back (where good sleep, good nutrition etc. could come in handy). So actually dealing with the problem at hand would likely be more helpful if awakening is important to you. I have noticed that myself too, that unwinding from stressors can take a surprisingly long time. I have noticed it can be greatly reduced however if I spend some time calming myself, but it's so easy to get distracted by other things. Like watching YouTube, and then "oh shit, I have to study" etc. That's actually a big motivation of mine for cutting out the smartphone. It promotes a distracted way of thinking and is not at all relaxing. It very much is. I made a a quite lengthy post about integrating your past some time ago, where I talked some about self-compassion: It might sound weird at first, but if you spend a couple of minutes thinking soothingly to yourself you will probably notice yourself relaxing. IFS is VERY relevant when it comes to this.

Seeing her with someone else seems to flare up self-doubt in you. What is it's purpose? There likely is no higher purpose, but why then is it there? Chances are you grew up being compared to others by the people closest to you. And now you are living with the consequenses. You weren't made aware of your innate value, but you were taught to see your value in relation to someone else. It's quite sad, and unfortunately quite common.

@Leo Gura So you condone this kind of manipulative behavior? Inflicting harm on others in order to attain some hidden goal?

@studentofthegame Haha cool, pretty much all of Norway are United supporters at the moment. It's not every day a Norwegian gets to manage one of the biggest football clubs in the world. Where are you from? The UK? Yeah, plenty of time. I've heard there are a lot of older people who get into the profession, which is a good thing IMO. It's a profession that requires great responsibility and shouldn't be pursued until one feels ready. In my view this is skipping an important step, as gaining a full picture of your past and grieving your losses is a huge part of healing. Without a full life narrative you also won't have the understanding of how those faulty thinking processes arose (spoiler; they were taught behaviors), and without that I think CBT can very easily plant/strengthen the subconscious idea that one is inherently faulty and thus exacerbate feelings of shame. It's also much harder, downright impossible to elicit self-compassion without that understanding. In my view CBT is a very invalidating and emotionally neglective form of therapy. It only deals with the cognitive level and is really just scratching the surface. You can think like a saint and still be plagued emotionally due to unresolved trauma.