Commodent

Be who you want to be and not who you think you should be. I think that's what it boils down to. Following this mindset will naturally lead you to care less what other people think, as you have a reference point within yourself and don't need to get it externally. Do I want to talk about the weather, or do I want to talk about the awesome thing I just read yesterday? To some people, knowing what you want can be a difficult thing. But it's there, and when you spend some time listening to it will become easier and easier until it becomes second nature. In general, listening to your wishes and acting on them takes courage, as a lot of people might not agree with what you're doing. That is especially true among those close to you, so you might have to find different people to surround yourself with as well. But in the end you will have to push through a lot of fear in order to live authentically. Just remember to do so in manageable doses, so as not to overwhelm yourself.

@Farnaby No problem. And it's approx. 15 seconds on step 6 by the way, not 30.

I think you would find this tendency in pretty much every forum except those targeted at women. I actually think there are surprisingly many women in here.

Brainfuck is definitely stage turquoise

@Farnaby Yes I definitely think our psychological state affects our immune system and thus may lead to allergies. But I think proper sleep might be even more important, as it is shown to have a profound impact on both psychological state and immune system. So make sure you get enough sleep It's not very appealing no, but you build up a tolerance and get used to it. I usually start the day with warm shower, and on the end I turn down the temperature and stand there for maybe 2-3 minutes. I also wear relatively little clothing when outside and trust the body's ability to warm itself. We have a tendency to pack ourselves in excessively much clothing, leading us to become pretty much isolated from our environment. By wearing little clothing I feel very much in touch with my body. Also note that breathing work is very important in the Wim Hof method. It goes something like this: Breathe in deeply Release the breath. Don't use force to breathe out, just release. Repeat approx. 30 times until you feel kinda dizzy and lightheaded. Release the breath like previously, and hold it. Finally, trust your body's (and not you mind's) instinct when you feel like gasping for air. After doing so, hold your breath for 30 seconds. Breathe out all the air. Repeat the whole process 3-5 times. This method strengthens your cardiovascular system by "stretching" it in both directions, as well as being a powerful way to oxidize your body. This is not woo-woo, by the way. Wim Hof has proven its effect in several studies.

@Emerald Does he have ads on his videos? I use adblock, so wouldn't know.

@Farnaby Faulty association is just an idea I have, based on the fact that I became allergic to pollen after my eyes were exposed to a lot of allergens (pollen) at the same time as I had a bacterial infection in my eyes (an actual threat). I suspect that led my immune system to associate pollen with bacterial infection, but that's just my idea so I would take it with a grain of salt. The Wim Hof method has through studies been shown to drastically improve immune system response. I've also heard stories of people who basically had their allergies and autoimmune disorders cured using the method. The Wim Hof method is a powerful grounding technique, and I think that's why it works so well at strengthening the immune system. I have never really tried the Wim Hof method in the pollen season, so I'm not really sure. Nevertheless, whether it helps on allergies or not it's still very refreshing and grounding, although quite uncomfortable at times. I haven't been sick for years and the allergies doesn't really bother me anymore, so I'm doing it mostly in order to get more in touch with my body.

@integral Haskell is definitely interesting. I'm not sure how useful it is for game development though.

I've heard a lot of good things about EMDR. I think that focusing intensely on something else while talking to a large extent prevents you from blocking emotions that might bubble up. It also simulates the eye movement which is present during REM sleep, a sleep state which is largely responsible for the processing of memory and feelings. So I definitely think there is some validity to it. EFT, however, I'm not familiar with.

I hate going to nightclubs, so I generally avoid it. It's the lowest of the low of our human society. It's not even a good place to meet new people, as the music is extremely loud and it's impossible to make meaningful conversations. No, I generally aspire to go to places where I actually want to go. Like a meditation group or BJJ group or something. It's so much more enjoyable, and it's a great place to make friends who share similar values. However, if you actually want to go but is too fearful to go it might be wise to follow your wish and not your fear (within tolerable levels of course).

I think that when you feel ungrounded, tense and insecure it puts your immune system out of balance. It becomes less efficient in preventing disease and it might confuse things as harmful which are really not. In short, it becomes less effective and less precise. A lack of sleep does also severely impact the immune system as well as emotional regulation and many other things. I also think it can be due to some faulty association. I got an eye infection in the middle of the pollen season, and I think it led my immune system to associate pollen with eye infection. Because after that I was allergic to pollen. You might want to check out the Wim Hof method.

Yes, as @Toby is saying, challenge your fears but don't do it to the point of overwhelm. And IMO excessive shyness is mostly always due to trauma, so if you want to pull it up by the roots I would suggest you to put your attention there.

I think it's notable that the ADHD symptoms share so much in common with chronic sleep deprivation. And they're using amphetamines to treat it, which is one of the most powerful sleep blockers there is. I suspect the prevalence of ADHD is the result of the ongoing sleep loss epidemic. Matthew Walker mentions this in his book "Why We Sleep".

@Bill W Sure. It's just that I'm seeing so much cold and hurtful behavior in here which doesn't serve anyone, but of course, to some people the pros might outweigh the cons. It's only up to you to decide if it's worth it.

I just read over the last couple of pages, and I think it's important to remind ourselves that people would not treat each other like this in real life. On the Internet people can just splash over other people's boundaries without any concern of facing consequences. I have said it multiple times, and I'm saying it again. If you value your mental health this is not the place to be. It should be kept to low doses, and even then you must have a solid grounding in order to not be put out of balance. I also think the mods are being way too passive in situations like these, letting discussions stray out to insults and personal attacks. But of course, Leo owns the shop so I guess it's up to him if he wants the forum to be like this.

There is one thing I've noticed about people who complain about "victim mentality" and lack of responsibility, and that is that they have a tendency to not treat others well. Or rather, they treat people well but feel restricted in letting their dysfunctional habits run wild, so they complain about others having a "victim mentality". But that is just the very same victim mentality that they are complaining about. The JBP cult is a perfectly good example. Do some inner work and take responsibility for how you treat others, and this become a non-issue. An important part of self-improvement is learning how to deal with other people's boundaries. They are not negotiable.

I disagree with your notion that defenses is some inherently bad thing. It's often driven to excess yes, especially in our Western society, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. A lot of people might even benefit tremendously from learning to stand up for themselves. You can be a narrow-minded tyrant, or you can be a defenseless slob unable to accomplish anything in the world. Like all things, it's about balance.

To address your points; even if I'm not consciously recalling what I've learned I feel like whatever I learn is contributing to fine-tuning my overarching perspective on life. I feel like my current perspective is the sum of everything I've learned, and that it's deeply ingrained in who I am, to put it that way. So one thing I've learned might be insignificant, but it makes a part of the vast whole which keeps growing ever so slightly every day. This is kinda how long-term memory works too. The memories that are prevalent within hippocampus gets "transferred" through brainwaves into the structure of the rest of your brain during sleep. So everything you learn and experience shapes who you are on a very deep level, even if you might not actively recall it all the time.

It's not helpful and it's quite arrogant. I stay far away from people like that.

Do you have any idea where these feelings are coming from?

I'm curious why people are so preoccupied with this question, as it seems rather abstract and impractical. Is it a way to cope with feelings of blame and guilt? I know it was in my case.

Society might consider the primary role of men to have a job, but it doesn't mean society is right. You are free to be whoever you want, although it might not be in alignment with the expectations of society. Personally, I feel like men are more so expected to have good social skills and be well-liked. My parents' generation seems more concerned with jobs and career.

A big joke.

@Truth Addict I'm not suffering, and you're projecting again. You're also taking zero accountability for what you're saying, by telling me to not take it seriously. Why would I not want to protect myself? Should I just roll on my back and listen on people's idiotic projections on me, without calling them out on their bullshit? Would that favor anyone? I don't want to be happy. Right now the only thing I want to feel is what I currently feel. Happiness can wait for later. You don't have to do anything, just know that your arrogant projections and the unsolicited advice that follows are annoying as hell.

@Leo Gura Touché.