Commodent

As long as you're aware of what's going on, you're meditating. In general, I think one should aim towards less and less technique.

Whenever we interfere with the natural way of doing things we tend to fuck things up, because we are not aware of the consequenses and the intricate ways in which we are connected to nature. Is it coincidental that self-reported feelings of loneliness among teenagers have shot up the roof after the introduction of the iPhone? No, it is not. It is exactly because we are spending so much time in front of our phones, pretending to be socializing, rather than actually socializing. It's a false substitute to a biological need ingrained into our DNA over hundreds of thousands of years. Just to make it clear, I'm not denying the pros of digital communication. The possibility for us to instantly message each other across the globe is absolutely fantastic. The cons are, however, MASSIVELY underestimated and should definitely be brought into awareness. The addictive nature of phones does not make it better either. That's probably even the worst thing. We are really the first people in human history who are able to go our entire day without any form of solitude (time spent without input from other minds). You wake up, check your phone, go to work listening to a podcast etc. and finally go to bed without any experience of solitude. Our minds get no time to rest, because we're always jumping from one distraction to another. That is, unless you've been watching Actualized.org and meditate every day.

@Nivsch What do you feel caged in from experiencing? What is this "caged" feeling telling you to do? I can certainly relate to that feeling. It's a push towards liberation. Liberation from techniques, ideologies, fixations of any "correct" way to be or feel etc. It's an invitation to be who you are. Whenever I get this feeling I focus on regaining my grounding and getting in touch with my authentic feelings. I breathe deeply, write in my journal about what I'm feeling, go for a walk and otherwise just do the things that I enjoy doing. I also take a break from any self-help and meditation, as too much of that easily makes me lose touch with my grounding. Particularly Leo's teachings tends to pull a lot of energy to the head. That is not a bad thing though, that's just the nature of his teachings. It just requires an equally strong energy in the opposite direction (towards the ground) in order to mantain balance.

You don't need to go from one ideology saying all solutions are external to another ideology saying all solutions are internal. In fact, both of them are correct. It simply depends on the problem. You don't want to stay in situations that are obviously not good for you. At the same time you don't want to sabotage situations that in fact are good for you. Think for yourself and listen to your gut feeling.

In my view marriage only offers a false sense of security. So if you want to live an honest life I'd say it's better not to get married.

Digital communication has very few to none of the benefits associated to being social. It's like porn vs. actual sex. It's not the real thing. There has been several studies on this, showing that digital communication doesn't really activate the brain regions associated with being social. Real-life interaction is so much more than just an exchange of words.

Have you confronted him about it?

Emotions are a vast spectrum, and you can experience multiple emotions at the same time. No emotion is inherently worse than any other. It's not a "scale" extending from +5 to -5, it's a palette. There is so much beauty in sadness, grief, even anger, but most people fail to see that because they see it as "negative" and thus they resist it. They don't want to look at it. See, the goal is not to feel happy all the time, as that is only one color in you palette. The goal is to reduce inner friction and attain an openness to ALL experience, whether it be "good" or "bad". That is true liberation.

I read this book a couple of years ago and in my case it had a damaging effect. It fueled the illusion that some experiences were worse than others and should be avoided, leading to a lot of inner tension in me. Might not be the case for you, but I don't want anyone to fall into the same trap. A comment I wrote back in March that elaborates further:

Practice tying together what you're reading with direct experience. Ask yourself "how is this relevant to my experience?", "can I imagine myself doing what he's talking about?", "what is he getting at?". Can you visualize what he's saying, so that you can apply it to your own life? If you cannot, it might be a bit to advanced for you. I feel like this ability to knot together theory and direct experience is incredibly important to harness in order to self-actualize and grow.

Yellow/Turquoise:

Because I remember the blissful, carefree and magical state of mind I had as a child, and I want to get back to that. I want to feel vibranty alive and be fully in touch with who I am. I want to live a life of honesty and integrity, where my way of being is a true reflection of who I am. I want to create something new everyday and share it with the world. I want to take risks and explore all the things that life has to offer, both the good and the bad. I want to break down the barriers between myself and other people, nature and my own inner being.

If you expect anything from the do-nothing method you are not doing the do-nothing method. lol. Do-nothing is essentially doing whatever you like.

Judgment is not bad in and of itself. It's an important component of knowing what to do, who to surround yourself with, what kind of treatment you accept from others etc. Like everything, it's about balance. Same thing goes with blame, as there is such a thing as healthy blame. Blame is simply acknowledging how certain outer (or inner) forces influenced you. The problem arises when it gets excessive and you use it as an excuse to not improve your situation. Of course, the more conscious you are the more able you are to utilize these mechanisms in a healthy way.

I've heard the Wim Hof breathing method does this to your body; alkalizes your bloodstream and fills it up with oxygen. Might be worth looking into.

To me it seems like you're just pursuing interests without really having a grand vision.

@Shadowraix I personally found the book I mentioned ("Eastern Body, Western Mind") a pretty good resource, as it goes through all the chakras from bottom to top and is very in depth. I'm not sure what to think of the practices but the theory is good.

Have you ever looked in to chakras? There is so much bullshit and woo on the subject, but I actually think it offers a quite holistic framework to spiritual development. What you're describing here is mostly associated to the opening of the 2nd chakra, svadhistana. I can definitely recommend the book "Eastern Body, Western Mind" by Anodea Judith. Also, do you plan on doing a video on embodiment work? That's something I'm very interested in.

@Farnaby Yes, that realization of self-fulfilling prophecies can be very daunting. Partly I think because there are no obvious solutions, so it's easy to feel very trapped. The solution is really making it a non-issue, but it's very, very hard to see that because it goes against everything we're taught and it goes directly against how we perceive ourselves. It shouldn't be forceful either as you don't want to strengthen the habit of fighting with yourself. So it definitely requires a huge leap of faith. What has helped me in the process is reminding myself how neuroplasticity works and that it generally takes weeks or months to notice any change.

@Angelo John Gage I feel like the terms are less likely to get corrupted if they are more technically accurate, corresponding to something relatable people can actually visualize and replicate. Instead of self-love, maybe "resolving inner conflict" and/or "improving the inner dynamic". Maybe even more specific; "talking nonjudgmentally to the wounded parts of yourself", "allowing yourself to be as you are and feel what you feel". "Be here and not there". Instead of letting go, maybe "forgetting" (because that's essentially what it is). Maybe "making it a non-issue". Putting your mind on something else that you actually enjoy thinking about.

@kieranperez I agree that the lack of empathy and practical detail is very discouraging and not really helpful at all. I dare say most people preaching about self-love has no clue what it is at all. It's just an ideology they believe will cure all their problems. What I'm saying on the other hand stems from direct experience and clinically proven methods (most notably for treatment-resistent patients), so I certainly hope you don't put what I'm saying in the same basket. From "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" by Janina Fisher: "Self-love" is not really about feeling good, it's about acknowledging every single part of yourself, whether it be feeling good or not. You might feel good or you might not. You can't force yourself to feel a certain way, but you can still make efforts in cheering yourself up just like you can make efforts cheering up a friend. Again, the attempt might work and it might not. The important thing is that the experience is being acknowledged. When I read your example, I can clearly see two parts of you that are at odds with each other. The part of you that has suffered a lot and desperately wants to feel good and that small 4 year old child within you that feels like an incompetent loser. Both parts have very valid (and tragic) reasons for feeling that way, and both need nurturance. This nurturance can be given externally, or it can be given internally by the left-brain that remains positive and logical and knows how to talk in a helpful manner. When it comes to perfectionism you might enjoy this article about shrinking the inner critic. Regarding "letting go" I would like to offer a practical example. Let's say you have an issue with social anxiety. It might have started with you becoming aware of the anxiety and then you start ruminating over it because you want to get rid of it. By doing this you are replaying the unwanted scenario over and over again in your head, thus strengthening the neural pathways between the brain regions associated with social situations and anxiety. (A scientific study showed that someone sitting in front of a piano imagining playing a sequence will experience the same brain changes as someone who actually playing the sequence). So, the next time you're in a social situation the anxiety is much more likely to get triggered. Similarly, this problem can be "forgotten" by not thinking about the association. As stated by @Angelo John Gage this is called neuroplasticity and every brain has this mechanism. PS. You can really just forget about "letting go" and "self-love" altogether. Those words carry so much useless baggage.

@kieranperez I think the reason why the advice of letting go rarely works is because it largely has become a cliché and people don't know what it really means. It's just an idea. How exactly does one let go? How do you love yourself? Well, nobody tells you that, so the advice is usually pretty worthless. In my view self-love is simply talking patiently and compassionately to yourself like you would to a small child or loved one. You become your own support system so to speak. Anyone can do that, just like anyone has the capacity to talk patiently and compassionately to a child. It can take some time to cultivate the habit, though. I wouldn't totally abolish the notion of letting go either. I remember when I first heard of it I thought it meant pushing away emotions, and I did exactly that in a rather neurotic way. It caused me a lot of harm, so for a long time I had a distaste for it. But that's not really it. You can acknowledge all of your emotions and every single part of you, and still let go. You see, most of our deep problems are not really problems and they're completely self-constructed. They're self-fulfilling prophecies and by focusing on it you're only making the problem stronger. This goes well along with our understanding of neurology. By focusing on the problem you are strengthening the neural pathways associated to it. "Cells that fire together wire together." So you can litterally think yourself mentally ill. So what do you do? You ignore the problem and after a couple of weeks or months you quite litterally forget the problem. You need to trust that the solution does not lie in thinking about the problem, but rather by not thinking about it. It's very counter-intuitive.

I think ego is not bad in and of itself, it is in fact absolutely essential if you want to attain anything in this world. The problem only arises when people start identifying with ego, as they fail to recognize it's really only a part of the whole and subsequently live their lives under a massive delusion. It also stunts growth, because they think ego is all there is and will spend all their lives perfecting their ego. I think experiencing states of no ego can be very useful for understanding what it is, and how you're not really that. The chakra model for example makes this very clear. Ego really only corresponds to the 3rd chakra; manipura. In order to be fully authentic you have to come to terms with your ego (among other things) and not try to deny it. I think this is something most spiritual people are very bad at. In my experience this has all been a process of liberation on every level. Spirituality should not leave you feeling caged in by dogma, "the right way" or whatever. You want the exact opposite; total liberation.

@Psyche_92 What you describe is quite common and usually arises from a place of hopelessness, exhaustion and/or something similar. Despite giving up you're still quite attached to your self-image. What I'm saying is more immediate and goes a lot deeper. It's moreso linked with authenticity rather than lack of ambition (although lack of ambition could be a byproduct). It's about completely giving up the idea of who you are and who you want to be, thus allowing true growth to occur. It's about getting in touch with YOU, and not be a fake. A lot of people just give up on their goals without being in touch with what they truly want, because they're so used to being told what to do. So they end up like you describe. But who knows, maybe living like a bum could be an important step in the process in figuring out what you truly want, by helping you realize you do not really want to live like that. I mean, one has to start somewhere.

Try quitting, if only for a few secs. Give completely into the defeat and angst. Surrender all your goals, everything. Maybe even admit defeat of not being able to surrender. That is what surrender is. Kill the person who you are trying to be, not your physical body. Be who you are, and feel what you feel. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, so it is obviously a very bad solution.