thetrut11

#Day 10: Today i masturbated but just with imagination, tbh it was difficult to make a picture in my head, i think im used to get excited just by porn. With weed all good, im getting used to the little voice in my head.

#Day 8: So i decided to fast these three days and i think it helped me to gain more control over my self. I've been feeling some anxiety but nothing out of order. I'm considering to start changing my diet to a vegetarian one, i've been reading about the benefits and it sounds interesting.

Unconscious decisions in the brain (https://www.mpg.de/research/unconscious-decisions-in-the-brain) "In the study, published in Nature Neuroscience, participants could freely decide if they wanted to press a button with their left or right hand. They were free to make this decision whenever they wanted, but had to remember at which time they felt they had made up their mind. The aim of the experiment was to find out what happens in the brain in the period just before the person felt the decision was made. The researchers found that it was possible to predict from brain signals which option participants would take up to seven seconds before they consciously made their decision. Normally researchers look at what happens when the decision is made, but not at what happens several seconds before. The fact that decisions can be predicted so long before they are made is a astonishing finding." Free Will and Neuroscience: From Explaining Freedom Away to New Ways of Operationalizing and Measuring It (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4887467/) "One could state that free “decision-making draws upon a rich history of accumulated information, manifested in preferences, attitudes and motivations, and is related to the current internal and external environment in which we act. Complete absence of context is impossible” Unconscious determinants of free decisions in the human brain( https://www.nature.com/neuro/journal/v11/n5/abs/nn.2112.html) "There has been a long controversy as to whether subjectively 'free' decisions are determined by brain activity ahead of time. We found that the outcome of a decision can be encoded in brain activity of prefrontal and parietal cortex up to 10 s before it enters awareness. This delay presumably reflects the operation of a network of high-level control areas that begin to prepare an upcoming decision long before it enters awareness." According to this the choices are made in an unconscious way before we chose it , so if we don't really make it how is it that we can be responsible for it? In some sense is like everything is already predetermined? what do you think @jimrich

Day #5: No weed, no porn. All good. I've been feeling better these days although i takes me some effort to fall sleep. Today i craved a lot the weed, meditation helped tho. Tomorrow i'll go to a retreat for 3 days, i think it will help me to clear my mind a lot. See ya!

@sgn Hey wassup! Putting other people before yourself is the most stupid thing you can do, and i'm telling you this because of my personal experience. During years i tried to please another persons like for example doing things that i really didn't wanted to do, or saying yes when i wanted to say no, etc.. but even tho i did all this things for the persons i felt like crap inside myself, so i came to the realization that people in general doesn't give a fuck about you (apart from family and your truest friends). From my experience ppl are just thinking in their individual desires and happiness, so i started to do all that but for MYSELF, i distanced from a lot of people and started to grow my self, how? accepting myself, loving myself, pleasing myself, knowing myself, and i started to act aligned with my feelings and what MADE ME FEEL GOOD. Maybe it can sound selfish but the moment i started to change and focus more in my insider rather than the outside i really started to live.

That's right! when I'm fully on some specific activity i just forget about it, but when I'm doing nothing is when all the thoughts and feelings related with weed and porn start to come to my head and body. --- Day #3: With weed all good, but i relapsed with porn. I'm having troubles to manage both at time so i have decided to first clean my body from weed and then go with it with porn, i'm just going to hold masturbation as long as i can but right now i don't care relapsing with porn, all my focus is in weed. I have identified the times during the day that cravings are worst: these are when i wake up, after gym and after eating at mid day. However i have realized that the cravings are more psychological than physical, is like my mind saying and putting pictures of me going to buy or smoke weed, or a lot of sexual images, etc.. the cravings tend to last like 30-60 mins, after that i get to a normal state. I'm learning to accept the thoughts and feelings (not to fight or resist it) and be as present in the moment as i can. I started to read the book "ALLEN CARR'S EASY WAY TO STOP SMOKING" it talks about quitting cigarettes addiction but you can apply the concepts either way. It has given me a different perspective of my condition and why i really continued smoking. --- I've been remembering why in the first place i started smoking weed.. and i comes to my days at school where i started to smoke cigarettes and alcohol JUST like to please other people and to be accepted in a social group and fill voids of my childhood (i had back then low self-esteem and depression issues), later on i tried weed and i liked it, so i started to do it more and more frequently and i dropped alcohol and cigarettes. I'm not against smoking weed because i think is a powerful tool for self-grow, it has opened my mind to ideas an people that i wouldn't have considered or accepted before. When I smoke i get like this insights of my life situations and also about life in general that had led me to comprehend everything from a total different perspective, the thing i'm not cool with right now is smoking every day of the week (it just makes me lazy and doesn't allow me to achieve the things that i want in my life).

Day # 2 So far so good. The thing that i'm dealing the most is my emotional state, i feel pretty irritated like hating everyone and like unwilling to do anything, i think the root of this is that i used to do almost every activity high (going to the gym, playing music, to sleep, etc.) so my body is used to it, i hope everything comes to normality in the next days. Another thing is i feel like a lot of sexual energy and i get aroused by little things. I'm working with the Pre-mortem Technique : Basically is consider all the possible failures of your goal and then propose a solution for each one, here is mine: <Weed> failure reasons: 1) smoking weed in my room. 2) go out with ppl that smoke weed. 3) write a dealear 4) buying in the street 5) being alone to much time. 6) having more cash than I need. 7) go out with the debit card. 8) being in my room for too much time. 9) get triggered by some image or video. Solutions: 1) Throw away all the weed that I have in house. 2) Dont go out with anyone related with weed or even respond their messages. 3) Delete the dealer's number. 4) Go out with the exact ammount of money that I need. 5) Sharing time with other persons. 6) Go out with the exact ammount of money that I need. 7) Leave the debit card in house. 8) Just use my room to sleep. 9) Don't use social media while I'm cleaning myself. <Porn> failure reasons: 1) being alone for to much time in my room. 2) get triggered by some image or video. Solutions: 1) Just use my room to sleep. 2) Don't use social media while I'm cleaning myself.