SeekingPeace

I very often feel that I live to work. It's an awful feeling and the depressing realisation is that as a 29-year-old, I have more than my current lifetime until I can retire. It's quite an overwhelming feeling and has led me to consider that perhaps I am not necessarily seeking the right vocation, rather I simply don't like being forced to work so many hours just to live. That sounds really bratty, I get that, but it is a pretty sad state of affairs that we spend the vast majority of our best years at the mill stone. Until recently I had quite severe issues with anxiety which manifested itself physically. The symptoms never really got to the point where I was feeling mentally unstable or close to a panic attack, but I could feel it in my chest, like I was in fight or flight constantly and, for about 2 years, my resting pulse rate was around 100. About two months ago I stopped drinking coffee as it is a known stimulant for anxiety and anxiety symptoms. It happened pretty quickly, but my anxiety was gone within a week and my pulse went down to 70, so I am pretty pleased with that. There's a weight off my shoulders now and I want to try moving on to bigger and better things now that I'm not so consumed by my obsessive compulsion in observing my heart rate which, most likely, contributed to a higher pulse and anxiety. Any advice? I am trying to find more acceptance and peace in the way my life is, where my life is going in the short-term and try and determine the direction I want to travel in the long-term. Meditation is something I enjoy when I do it(rarely) but it is a tremendous struggle as I have ADHD. I don't want to medicate the ADHD because it usually brings with it a higher blood pressure and I feel that's biting off the nose to spite the face, as we'd say in the UK. Anyway, rambling now. I am all ears. Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend.

Thank you. One thing that is a saving grace for me right now is that despite hating the Monday-Friday grind and enjoying my weekends, now it's Sunday evening I am really looking forward to seeing my colleagues tomorrow. I work with some truly wonderful people and I enjoy being caring and compassionate to others and expressing a genuine interest in their well-being and the well-being of their family. I am not financially well-off(at least relative to the society I live in), but kindness is a currency I think we can all muster and share with others. I am, funnily you should mention it, considering moving in to a local Buddhist Sangha to focus on meditation and other pursuits that I believe would help. Can I also thank you for the amount of time and effort you put in to your content. I'm sure for every thousand views you get, several people mention the gravity of its impact on them, but I hope you know there are lots of us out there that you've helped and it's truly appreciated!

Thank you. Yes I think I seem to ultra-focus on new ideas or hobbies in the hopes I'll find something that just 'clicks'. I feel like I have such a void in my life that I need an obsession to fill it, so I tend to go off on tangents and all in on things.

Thank you all for your advice so far. Just an update, I have a telephone interview that's the provisional step of a process for a job at a store in the city centre. It's part-time and not great pay, but the benefits are incredible and it'd actually work out more money over the year than my current job, so I hope I get it I have also applied for a portering job at a hospital that's full-time. Not brilliant pay but it would certainly keep me fit! Hedge - Thank you for your questions. I've just got in bed so I'll get back to those tomorrow

Before my current job I was in a depressive cycle for nearly 6 years. In that time I didn't work apart from two jobs, both of which I only stayed a day. I've been at my current job now for nearly two years but it's a zero hours contract, aka I am employed and I'm not guaranteed any shifts, having to pick them up as and when. Needless to say it isn't a stable income at all and I've struggled finding work to replace this job. At the beginning of each tax year(April) the funding for staffing changes depending on the volume of work that year and projected work in the coming year, so contracts are then sometimes issued. I missed out on last April's contracts because it was all done on seniority and this April I filled out the forms about 3 weeks later than everyone else because I was off ill following surgery. What bothers me is that I work hard. I may not love my job or even like it, but I am grateful of the opportunity to earn and I am grateful for the job helping me out of depression, so I take pride in repaying that with loyalty and hard work. A lot of people last year and this year got jobs that simply saunter throughout the shift and don't really care all that much, some of whom have only been there a year or less, and I work to the point I can barely walk afterwards. I've come in on inconvenient days where managers have text me saying they really need help and I even missed a wedding to go and work a 14 hour shift. So now I feel almost embarrassed, hurt and I guess undervalued to put it mildly when I now have to go to work and see those same people I described above now wearing company colours. I know it perhaps seems petty and I don't plan on staying with the company for all that long(2-4 years probably), but even so, it sucks and it feels like all my hard work and loyalty has gone unnoticed despite the fact I extended those out of pride, not for attention. Any suggestions on how to better accept the circumstances?