jwkspeck

This is a miracle, huh? I really am a damn butt monkey. I consumed 600 mcg of 1P-LSD, previously having had done 100 and 200 on two separate occasions. I was alone, in my cesspool of solitude in my bedroom. I wanted to search for my demons, and I sure as hell got them. I did not find ego death, nor did I experience non-dual consciousness. It was something else. Worth it? Maybe. I feel enlightened - hell of a lot more motivated to change the way I live. My current belief is that I'm the consciousness of this being. Before, I thought the thought that I was the body. Was I trapped in the mind, somehow? I feel like I got a huge dose of consciousness - which was pretty tough, considering I was convinced I was conscious as I distracted myself day in, day out in this toxic situation. I was simultaneously searching and hiding from the truth. My god. I went too quickly. Clearly. I'm not sure what the expectation was - maybe an expectation of truth. Did I get truth? I uncovered a hell of a lot of fear. I wouldn't suggest others do the same. It's certainly obvious that appearances are a product of the appearances of my early experiences - TV, video games, fiction. I'm even more confused, but it's really shown me how unsustainable my circumstance is. Who says consensus reality is the reality, besides the consensus itself? I really struggle to convey the importance of this, obviously - and I don't know how to integrate this. I feel like I just woke up.

They'll be getting a hell of a lot more respect in the future. Yeah. But now I can't run away from the fact that it sucks.

I don't understand, either. I guess I wanted some magic pill, just didn't think it'd be so hard to swallow. I'm not sure I would have changed without it. But it's given me a fairly horrifying perspective. I reap what I sow.

I see fashion as the "majority trend" - the mainstream, materialist and consumerist past time. I'm sure some fashion can be authentically enjoyable, but I'll admit my view of the industry is largely about status and business. It's a monkey's game, in my view. In contrast, style is an "individual trend" - I have my style, you have your style. I think this can be materialistic and about status, but it can also be artistic and intuitive. Most people have their unique style quirks and idiosyncracies, and it may be important to the sense of identity that we hold, in a way. I think they can either be important or unimportant, depending on your priorities. A person's style, whether it be of writing, clothing, speech or home decor can have meaning to the individual and also give insight to outsiders into their personality, desires, etc. - whereas fashion seems so dedicated to money and materialistic relation.

Well, what's the difference? Really, what distinction is there between you and a fictional character, and is it inherent or arbitrary? It's interesting how we're so indoctrinated with this personal sense of narrative, so lost in these stories about ourselves that we lose sight of the pages upon which they're written. Of course ego will dismiss this, either as crazy, stupid, evil, whatever. Why shouldn't it? If you were given the choice to jump into a dark chasm with no bottom in sight, or back away, which would you choose? Obviously, ego would doubt whether it ought to jump into the scary hole. It doesn't want to die.

You will. The quality of video is just as good as his most recent YouTube video.