LeMale

@How to be wise exactly man. There is always tension in my muscles and nerves. Hard to describe its in the background all the time even if i feel "enlightend" or whatever and even if i dont indentify with this feeling. I will give the book a try, ty. @Nahm Dude i dont want to eat just because im hungry, when i dont have the right setting to eat something good

Hey, im from Germany and ive been watching self actulization videos for about 3-4 years. Improved the way im thinking alot. But i have this continious anxiety which is always there in the background. Ive tried meditation and it helped reaally alot, but i couldnt make it a habit. Did meditate 2 weeks or so and i had the disapearing of duality experience, the connectiveness and that i am creating my world, i could really feel the things. If im not meditating or not continiously working to push out of my comfort zone its so hard not to have anxiety. Why ? other people dont work on them self and they are just fine... i feel like the missing part is love in my life, like real love. And i have fckn problem, that i cant laugh genuinely... im in a social situation and i laugh... but cant laugh for longer then a few seconds. Something snaps in and im soo negative again, and i spread bad vibes instantly even though i was in a good mod before.

Okey ty for ur recommendations, yes i mean meditation is great and i will do it a daily habit, and i did for a short period. Its just as u said i think there is something in my subc. Even if i do meditate and im aware that all what i think i am is just a construct created by me and an illusion and even that illusion is an illusion and so on... Still i think i have to work with my subconsciousness, because im a human and we are bond to our minds and our limits and our needyness to belong to society.