Weltschmerz

The other day I found myself teaching an impromptu yoga class to a bunch of people. I was incredibly nervous because I felt I did not know what I was doing, but it just happened and I found myself in a cobra pose holding a lungful of air. Beyond 15 seconds I completely forgot that reality had ever happened, I felt formless and all there was, was laughter. It seemed like an eternity until I started questioning what was happening. It was only upon questioning what was happening that I realised a big group of people was waiting for me to teach them the next move, but I realised that this was a self-delusion, albeit necessary as I started remembering my existence, continuing to smugly laugh about it all happening. It felt like being transported across all of time and space into just that moment, which made me realise that every moment is constructed by consciousness - my entire life was just my own dream designed for myself with all the edgy thrills, insecurities and emotions to make it a fun rollercoaster ride. I found myself back into the cobra position again, this time I slipped back into that state of nothingness without realising at all again, but I was somewhat prepared. When I came back, my filter had been completely removed, my thoughts were silent and I was spouting this random wisdom in a very calm and slow manner to a bunch of stage blue/orange people - even though it has been a big concern of my for a while to not expose myself. What is the nature of this experience? I can only think of it as an NDE or ego-death. It was beautiful yet incredibly terrifying, I immediately came to so much respect and humility of what this all is. When I tried explaining it to my family and nearby people they were very concerned that I was near killing myself through holding my lungs full in that pose. Am I doing pranayama wrong? After it, I immediately become more honest, compassionate and humble until the ego built back up. Concerns about death through stupidity have come up

I have been wanting to train Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for a while, When I first heard of the benefits of it I knew it was on my path. After my first hour I was hooked, I had fasted and stayed awake the entire night beforehand after watching an amazing video on Jiu-Jitsu and spirituality by this same guy. There is so much room for playfulness and consciousness. It sparked a change in my consciousness, I immediately realised that I no longer had to work at my insane bartending job, working during the night and sleeping during the day. I am now waking up at 4:30 am every morning, meditating 30 minutes in the morning and night for a total of an hour, and respecting myself in my actions. This was the video that I watched late at night that kept me so awake:

There isn't a reason not to be involved in the universe, it already flows through all of us! I have been taking myself so seriously ever since my birth, and all this has resulted in is dishonesty, unwillingess to be vulnerable, unwillingness to love, accept surrender and face discomfort. Looking back on my last post here, it was so full of resentment, duality and delusion. But that little child has grown. Sometimes honesty is too much to bear, and that is why I haven't been on this forum for so long. Yet I have learnt so many valuable things from people here that it would be unshowing of gratitude to the universe not to be involved. You are all so unique in your own unfoldings that I cannot resist being inspired to share myself. As my exploration of the Kundalini energy and breathing deepened, I came to realise that I am not at all external or internal, they are the same and flow into each other. Yoga is sexual communion with the universe. When I realised this, all of a sudden my stage blue belief that business was bad and unselfish shattered, and I was obsessed with giving and receiving within the divine. A greater sense of value to my life appeared. This is what I have wanted as a little child, to understand what is so mystical about the blue sky, I don't mean the mundane blue sky that we see all the time, I mean seeing yourself in the sky and marvelling at the wonder and beauty of it all. There were so many times in my early childhood that these situations happened, back then they were even more mystical because I had no conceptual idea of what the experience actually was. From my own unflowering, I have carried that discomfort is always the way, however I must also face the discomfort of one day surrendering that too. But for now, from discomfort I can extract these values that I love and love to express: Discipline, to be in such constant love with what is that I can not help but render service Devotion, to realise that I am already so complete that the only thing to be is devoid of myself Sacrifice, Asceticism, facing all discomforts no matter what the cost, brutal and radical honesty, unending servitude to my higher self Conviction, to always shaping and reshaping myself, choosing the way of higher consciousness These are all the same, they are just different expressions of the same beauty. I am your father, and your child. You are my father, and I am your child. Satnam

If you were any more aggressive in that situation, as in escalating the conflict, do you think that the outcome would have been more desirable? Would it have been more desirable to humiliate him? You may feel humiliated that you left a fight, but really it was much more prudent of you to disengage and leave.

Hahahaha, Alright I'll go running in the forest at night again. I can now see how this is just imagination being fed, thank you for your help.

This is getting quite ridiculous... Watching Leo's latest video on the paranormal has opened up my mind, but also released a deep fear from childhood. As a child, I was always naturally scared of things, but horror movies, especially those involving demons etc (Paranormal Activity etc) would keep me awake for nights on end. I always had this deep curiosity and interest for demons. I overcame this fear with rational thinking eventually, but occasionally when camping or in solitude, I would always wonder if there was something else out there, but I would dismiss it. This is going to sound really silly, but I am genuinely afraid of such an entity existing. Earlier this year I read that an entity can attach itself to your suffering and feed off it, and that made me paranoid when on my own, but I overcame that with rationality. I used to be fearless (or so I thought), but now I can barely sleep or meditate early in the morning for fear of nightmares or sleep paralysis. My imagination is constantly making up grotesque and spine-chilling demons that, with the whimpering plea of a child, I do not want to ever encounter. I used to be able to go running late at night in the dark forest, it was serene, I craved the beauty of the isolation but now with this opened mind of the paranormal, I cannot seal the paranoia. I am constantly unnerved by figures in the shadows and even the slightest sounds. I have always wondered what I would do if I did see one, but It would depend on its appearance I would either attack it and hope that it is imaginary or sit in shock as it approaches me or stands ominously still. Is this a spiritual problem or simply a juvenile dwelling?

I have been slowly implementing Leo's advice over the last two years, eating healthy, exercising and getting 7-7.5 hours of sleep per night. However, when it comes to studying or reading books I just can't commit the information and implement it. I have been trying to read at least one self-development book a month, however since the start of the year I have been slowly reading the 7 habits of highly effective people, and whilst the first few topics were easy to understand and implement, there seems to be way too much to try to understand and digest and I am too tired by halfway through the day to grasp the notions. My purpose and drive are always there to improve, but I feel that I cannot apply it intellectually which is frustrating. Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it?