Wazen

Same caveat as everyone else in that, I can only speak from my own experience. You seem to be making this recovery process a mountain when it could be a mole hill. Again this isn't to trivialise what you're going through. But it seems that you've used these techniques with the goal of healing already in mind. You have to slowly unravel where and what these emotions stem from because you need to understand the root cause. A mind set of exploration, openess, acceptance while using the techniques you've mentioned might help. I had the same thing with mediation, where every breath I was able to count or focus on became a "goal" or an achievement because I had accomplished focus. How would you feel knowing that this emotional pain will stop in: 2 months? 9 months? 1 year? 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? If you feel an emotional change for each of the different time frames the it may signal that you have an attachment to the finish line. You won't know that you're at the finish line until you're already there.

Rip the bandaid off. You have control to a certain point. I was in a relationship that had factors like this for about a year, and the constant break up back together thing hurt her even more. This is where you have control up to: Break up with her. After that the rest is up to her and you don't really have much influence let alone responsibility. There's no gentle way to do this, sometimes you have to go through pain. Sorry man, good luck.

Hi guys, This morning I was on the bus on the way to work, and I saw this absolutely gorgeous woman and I really wanted to talk to her. I couldn't muster up the courage to do so. But what happened next was interesting. I couldn't let go of the fact that I hadnt gone and said something, I kept staring and catching glances whenever I could because I thought this person was so attractive to me. I caught myself fantasising about how I would go talk to her if I was better looking. and when she left, my eye almost involuntarily followed her. The thing I have a problem with is that my brain seems to place this heavy heavy emphasis on looks. I know inherently that i'm not bad looking or anything, however, I tend to judge people and how attractive they look is usually a dominant factor in how I interact with them. It's almost like they have an inherent value because they're pleasing to look at. I feel like this isnt a good belief to have because if I meet people who are only attractive, then I'll be creating relationships based on shallowness and not how well i get along with them etc etc. How do I go about changing the belief "that looks matter"?