Joseph Maynor

Wow, I've been away for a while. Seems like these conversations bring out an ugly side to otherwise nice and well-meaning people. Maybe it's best to get off the Internet and go outside for a while. Go spend time with people who love you and people you can love. And then come back balanced and try to help strangers on the Internet. Otherwise the whole energy is toxic. And for you too the energy is toxic. You can't love yourself when you're subjecting yourself to toxic energy. You're punishing yourself basically.

You need to apply the Paradox of Ego And No Ego to be maximally happy. Getting locked on one side of this paradox to the exclusion of the other side creates suffering for you and for everybody who is exposed to you.

When you lack love in your life it's hard to emit love to others. It's hard to treat others better than you expect to be treated yourself. And then you're always running around biting people being low in compassion and politeness. This is a hard one to see and to fix because you have to understand it before you can fix it. And it takes facing fear of rejection to fix it. And social esteem doesn't cover the love need. All you're gonna do is get trapped in narcissism without having that love need being met in your life. This is why you need Maslow Stage 3 in order to do Maslow Stage 4 right. And you need Maslow Stage 3 and 4 to get Maslow Stage 5. To go for 4 and 5 without getting 3 wired is tragic. Agreeableness comes from being loved intimately and giving love intimately. This is why you need a girlfriend to get 3 handled and a few real friends that are not online friends in your life.

"Intro. to Zen Buddhism" by D.T. Suzuki

Vote for yourself and forget about politics, it's a distraction.

Watch the video on Developing Skills very carefully. Also the video on Doing Research.

The gateway to Interpersonal Development work is to get yourself an Intimate Relationship. This means a boyfriend, girlfriend to most people. That's the place to begin because that opens the entire door to relationship of all kinds and gives you a natural kind of relationship confidence more generally.

You have no right to an appeal procedure. You don't have a right unless a duty against someone else can be enforced through procedure.

That's called having all the cards in the relationship and steering the relationship agreement totally in your favor. These are called adhesion agreements and they're all over society. You don't Get to negotiate most agreements. Look at the adhesion contracts of any kind of banking agreement. The agreement by one party and all the other party gets to do is sign.

Remake it. That was the one I though needed to be re-made. You were confusing bits of Turquoise and Coral in that one. I thought that was the weakest of your spiral dynamics videos.

You seem to be uncomfortable with being a leader. That will come as you continue to develop. A leader at a fundamental level doesn't cater to anyone, although he knows how to get along with others. But a leader never falls on his sword or feels shame regarding his leadership. Because true leadership comes from the Universe and you're channeling it. There's no reason to waver as a leader. Just keep yourself pure and wise inside -- and keep your courage. Keep your independence even through you continue to function more and more interdependently as life goes on. Video on point to watch:

Hi Natasha. Forgive me for offering an insight here. Yang is not for beginners only. It's Yin and Yang (conjunction) rather than Yin or Yang (exclusive or) or Yang and then Yin (process). Even if you've done a great job integrating Yin, you wanna do the same for Yang too. In fact, for women, probably the earlier videos are the more advanced videos than the newer videos are, see. Women need to do work integrating Yang. Video on point to watch:

Extremely valuable for integrating the Yang aspect.

A lot of the work that falls under the head of "Spirituality" deals with integrating The Yin aspect. You wanna integrate both Yin and Yang. Most men are weak at integrating Yin, so that's what Spirituality accomplishes for them.

Nice. This is reality seen through the lens of the Network of Perspectives Paradigm. This is Turquoise Metaphysics. It's a useful model for sure that should be integrated and loosely clung to: only the pros of it though, not the cons of it.

Integrate the pros of every teacher and leave behind the cons of every teacher. And then realize that every perspective is a teacher too. It's all already right in front of you. Just observe, reflect, do the work -- and take action. Don't sit around on your ass waiting for life to spoon-feed you like a baby. Be a lion, see. God rewards the righteous lion not the sniveling man-child.

I use words like someone framing an insight rather than someone stating a truth sometimes. It's like capturing rather than a stating. Truth is a secondary issue oftentimes. It's a Straw Man to frame all insights in terms of stating a truth that one might rely in on the case of a factual belief. No. That's why we have poetry. The poet can express things that the factual man cannot. But you wanna apply the Paradox of the Plain Man And The Poet too. Don't get locked on either side of this paradox to the exclusion of the other side.

I'm not locked in the Paradigm Of Belief.

The Ego swimming in a healthy mind is good. The Ego swimming in a toxic mind is bad. So, the issue is not Ego being good or bad, it's about purifying your mind. It's the pond not the fish that's the problem.

Love comes only from being aligned with the Will of God. Then you can be a beacon of love without even trying to be one.

@ajasatya Cool man. Good vibes.

@ajasatya Help has a certain feel to it. Good-natured-ness. It has a finger-tip feel. You can't dodge this issue with your words. Say what you will, it doesn't take away the real issue. It just adds a layer on top of the issue. But I do appreciate your perspective -- you got a good one.

This is a great insight. Sometimes you have really great insights that even I feel behind of. But yeah, this one is right. Emotional Mastery is an Interpersonal Development issue primarily. Emotional Mastery Work is really first faced when the desire to create and develop relationship connections rears its head in your life. You can be a hermit all alone and be Enlightened and be just fine. Emotional Mastery is a Relationship Work issue, it's an Interpersonal Development issue. Are you an INTJ?

@ajasatya Everybody's compassion seems to come from a different place. And I'm not saying that's bad. But when you hold yourself out as a compassion-giver, there's a certain arrogance in that stance toward other people. See, this stuff gets tricky. Lots of people hide behind these teachings to feed their narcissism. The true test is only the generosity and abundance of spirit from which you approach and infuse the people who come into your Community -- that has a certain energy to it and (I daresay) morality to it that you can't fake.

@Bill W (1) Joseph Maynor said: He should have some sympathy for guys who go that route Bill W said: Tyranny of the "shoulds" as Albert Ellis would say, although I think it was Karen Horney originally. I'm as much into practicing and working on my compassion as most, but this is not a place where Leo has to show sympathy for certain things. I think it's unhealthy if people are posting on here with any kind of expectation Leo will come in and dispatch some sympathy. He might do it every now and then, but we can't cling to that. Joseph Maynor's reply: My only response to this is one should be sympathetic to one's own Path. If you had to go through something yourself, you thought at that time that that's what was best; and as smart as you are. So, if you see another person in that same situation, what do you do? What could you do to take that person from where they are and move them up peg in order to try to help them? This is a context-by-context judgment call and it requires good character; namely: compassion, politeness, openness to experience, agreeableness, high emotional stability, and alignment with the Good. (2) Joseph Maynor said: Take these people and help them, don't tear them down. Bill W Said: Who is tearing who down? Are people feeling torn down? That's an emotion sending a message. Work on the real reasons for that. Leo is not the reason. Joseph Maynor's reply: Look at interactions as an opportunity to help a person, see. You gotta have some kind of vision for seeing a lack in this person. And once you see those lacks, then the question becomes how do you give this person something that can take them up a peg in their life. See, this is why you gotta have compassion and be coming from a really healthy place to be a life coach. Are you a helper or are you a philosopher? See, those are two different professions. This doesn't mean that these two professions can't have a baby together, but it takes the right kind of personality to pull that off. (3) Joseph Maynor said: Take people as they come Bill W said: Perhaps, I guess that's true other acceptance which a great thing to strive for, but on a teaching forum where the message given is often blunt and to the point. If Leo took everyone as they come nothing would get done here in my opinion. I would imagine most people are here to affect change in themselves (I think?). Would do people expect on here? I want certain people in my life to take me as I come perhaps, but not Leo, let him have his say on me if he chooses. I don't need to accept it, or feel hurt about it. This is not the Samaritans. Leo is not Carl Rogers. This is not a client-centred place. Joseph Maynor's reply: People are coming to the Forum for help. Let's give them a bit of help as best as we can. (4) Joseph Maynor said: Guide them tenderly and with acceptance and compassion, don't shut them down and make them feel dirty, immoral, or stupid. Bill W said: Again, what the real reason for someone feeling dirty, immoral, or stupid on here? Is it Leo that is the reason? You are going to be a life coach, what will you tell your clients if they say Joe Bloggs from down the road made me feel dirty, immoral, or stupid? Would you tell them that Joe Bloggs needs to be more compassionate and tender? Or would you advise your client to move to a place where all is compassionate and tender? Or would you go to work on their belief system? Their thinking habits? Their sensitivities? You would help them grow I am sure. You can't depend on another person for your peace of mind, it's nuts. Joseph Maynor's reply: Again, this depends on what you want to accomplish and feel in life. Do you want to be a helper to try to benefit someone else? Or do you wanna be a philosopher so you can feel right and appear right. Those are different professions the Life Coach and the Philosopher. Now, you can merge them, but that takes certain cultivated personality traits to pull off sustainably.