phoenix666

from min 46, more or less <3

yeah, wanting to escape, to make progress and to see truth sounds very familiar. I've been there for so long, I still slide back from time to time. but what I've discovered to be the most powerful is not to destroy the seeker...but to love the seeker. that's when he gets transformed and integrated, instead of rejected and pushed back into a groundless shadow love the seeker, love him to death

hahaha I love it <3 yeah, awareness is like the sun. when it shines on things, they are transformed <3

I have to study a lot for university.. I feel that contrast between loving to study non-duality and such stuff for myself and hating what I have to study for my exams. but I'll go through it, it's only 1 year left I've noticed that whilst studying for uni I shift away from mindfulness almost immediately. I get completely lost in frustration, boredom and even some anger. anyone having a good advice for staying mindful whilst having to learn by heart some really 'material' stuff? thanks in advance <3

the possibilities are infinite to an empty mind - that's what we should shoot for yeah, we're in this together from all the mystic traditions I've encountered so far, the Buddha's teachings are those which resonate the most with me. maybe that's no coincidence ;-) I really don't know, I just know that meditation has enriched my life so much. it's effects are starting to snowball and I love it <3

wow, I got this glimpse today during meditation, it felt like a huge relief; whatever I do, is perfectly fine and I can love myself regardless there is nothing I can do to make awakening happen... because the universe - god - the absolute is taking care of it awakening is happening every single moment, everything is infinitely expanding I felt every cell in my body unfolding, all beautifully orchestrated by something that must be universal intelligence - and I couldn't do anything but observe in awe <3

life feels so much more vivid, I can't believe. it's almost too good to be true. I know this feeling, I've had it during some awakening experiences on trips too - the feeling of OMG this is just too good to be true. can this really be? do I deserve this? I think this is still holding me back a bit - the part with do I deserve this much bliss and beauty? oh, yeah, I do. life is beautiful, existence is magical. and I deserve to be loved and to be blissful and in awe like I've always been as a child. I want to walk the path of self love more. enough with this mentality of 'you have to work hard to deserve something' or 'you have to earn your happiness' I've grown up with this, passed down from generations. and whilst it was all well meant, what did it bring me? self hate and low self-worth the love of the universe is endless - and free. everyone serves infinite amounts of love, me too <3

oh yeah, I experience the snowball-effect too. and it feels like the whole world is awakening with us <3

oh, yes. the most beautiful and incredible year of my life so far <3 feels like a new life has begun, actually beautifully expressed. complete, but unfolding infinitely nonetheless <3 I love that feeling when I read something and it resonates so much that it gives me chills my pleasure. this is all inside of you. can you feel it? <3

no, I've had quite some glimpses, I'd even say awakening experiences on psychedelics. I'm trying to integrate those now. but I've never really had a non dual / mystical experience sober. deep insights during meditation and even daily life seem to get more frequent lately though

I realized some time ago that for me, sex is about union. in the end all I want, is to feel connection...to others, life itself, nature, to everything <3

@Sashaj sounds like it came very naturally to you too. your intuition maybe? listen to it, if it helps you <3 did the nihilistic phase pass? yeah, 'a bit more dramatic' what is left? ~ <3

oh, that's so lovely. I'd like to meet such people too.. I know what you mean, I've met some during my stay at a Zen monastery and at a meditation retreat. still looking for them here in my hometown and daily life though haha, of course, my signature, true yeah, it was a huge insight. I only realized how much I've been living outside my body after really, really grounding into it. your words opened the door <3 swimming is wonderful, it can bring you into a meditative state rather quickly

still trying to do that throughout the day.. it's quite ok and feels awesome during most activities. but it's kind of challenging during intense mental activity like studying I actually started focusing on my heart naturally towards the end of meditation today. it did things to me it felt like every cell in my body started unfolding into something much bigger, like a million empty spaces opening and expanding ..and in the center, around my heart area there was a light huh, I don't know what that was, but it felt so, so good

@Sashaj incredible, it's practically exactly what I went through on psychedelics a couple of times. worked so, so good <3 it inspired me to try it sober too. of course, less intense... but more peaceful. what inspired you to do this technique? for me it just happened naturally as I contemplated my own death on AL-LAD some months ago thanks for sharing <3

thank you so much for sharing,@Sbilko I'm so glad you're studying something you have such deep passion for. wonderful <3 I always try to keep in mind what I study for; helping and healing people. that helps a lot. but motivation isn't really a problem right now. the thing is that I manage to stay mindful for the most part of the day now. only when studying, there you go, awareness flying out the window but it's actually getting better. admitting it is already a first step. becoming aware of unawareness hahah I love this

OMG you know what happened today? I was swimming and after a while I entered a meditative state, like some days ago. but this time I suddenly realized, oh, I'm fully in my body now. so in, that it almost felt like being outside of it. do you know what I mean? it was one of those everything goes full-circle things and I actually realized that in my past I really felt disconnected from my body...and that I always tried to distract myself and to run away from being 'me' and in my body. I think it's linked to self hate. OMG I realized this because of your posts... thank you so much. it feels like the realizations I get during and after listening to Matt. it's like 'oh, yeah of course. I knew that subconsciously. it's like a door opening, to wisdom I already have in me, but I'm not aware of it.' how can you say that I'm an empath? because Matt's teachings resonate so much with me? sometimes it feels like he is talking directly to my heart <3 I really want to read his books, yeah. thank you, Martin

my pleasure <3 oh yeah, it really does feel this way in the moment. do you know the feeling of being in love? with life itself? it's hard to not get attached to it. even if right now I think I could see love and beauty even in the darkest of places. (please someone remind me of my words once I'm actually in such a place) so true, so true. thanks for reminding me to surrender. the mind is such a tricky thing, unbelievable. so bittersweet! that's exactly what mother aya showed me when I was so much in awe, that I couldn't speak. I couldn't form any thought. it was so beautiful. I realized the moment I'll define it, it will cease to be. thank you for sharing <3

actually, I do. and how you expressed it actually matches more with idea I had in mind. words are tricky, specially around this topic.. thanks for reminding me <3 I actually haven't read his books, I've just been avidly listening to him on youtube. his books are on the top of my 'books to order next' list though. can't wait for that. no, it's not easy, loving requires vulnerability and faith. there is so much beauty in that. <3 yeah, it makes sense. I've never felt like not actually being in my body, or at least I've never had the need to express it like that. but I think I can compare it with the apathy which plagued me for a long time. and that horrible feeling of being disconnected from everyone and everything. I feel so much more connection now. oh hell, yeah, so much. I've lived with so much self-hate and judgement.. it was a very dark place to live life from. I'm so thankful I found the way of self love. it really changes the whole world <3 wow, sounds like a profound experience. so glad <3 are you still feeling more grounded?

wow, meditation is starting to flourish as I close my eyes and observe the breath, something opens up. I dissolve in it it' a whole new world. this place is peaceful, wide, open, full of possibilities. it's a bit trippy. that lead me to a question: is awakening trippy? or is it because I associate it with psychedelics so much? or is the psychedelic world the actual truth?

oh, I can relate to what you wrote there very much, @Martin123 specially the everything seems more real and 3D. I like the term everything seems more 'plastic'. it feels more real, but also more flimsy and illusory at the same time. how do you deal with all of this? are you working on body awareness and just general mindfulness? doesn't this sound like some kind of transcendence though? much love and thanks for sharing <3

beautifully explained,@fluidmonolith wow, so true. I hope I can offer help that comes from love and acceptance rather than from ego. as you said, awareness is key there.. sounds like you're giving a wonderful example there, good job

thank you, dear <3 so happy I could give you one of those they feel special, I know..

wow, today I felt so great and relaxed in my body. I've never felt like this before (except when I tripped on MDMA) actually, it felt like a Molly trip today. but I was completely sober. wow, I loved it. it happened during my swim session. swimming has something very meditative with it repetitiveness and monotony, I tried to empty my mind, always take my focus back on my breath and body movements. and suddenly - wow - I was just really, really in it I fully relaxed into my body, all resistance dropped and it moved on it's on, completely in the flow wonderful. I hope I can feel this more often. how? body awareness? active relaxation? my only thought was 'wow, wow, wow' and 'wow, imagine going through life in this state' and I actually think it's possible. I wasn't even doing anything special, just swimming. breathing, emptying my mind, focussing on my movements and relaxing into the flow

@Martin123 so true all the flowers I stop to admire, the trees I love to observe, every breath I take consciously... so motivated to meditate and contemplate, study about non-duality all day.... and then I have to learn this shit hahaha gone is the 'high vibration' yeah, you're right. I'll observe my resistance and frustration. I'll just patiently watch it until I'm able to transcend it. one day it will be washed out of my system entirely I hope..