phoenix666

the mind is everything. what you think, you become. - Buddha how true is that? is it possible to slowly, but steadily become what you surround yourself with? like if you read, think, watch and hear about enlightenment, self actualization and stuff, is that actually rewiring your mind? to what extend do you think/feel this is true? I ask because the more I meditate, do self inquiry, watch videos about this stuff, keep my journaling up, read and write on this forum, the more I change. it's not that I've had any big insights or aha moments or awakenings lately - not since my last trip some months ago. but I sense a very subtle change, day after day. so subtle, it could easily go unnoticed. but it's accumulating and I truly feel more loving, calm, compassionate and all the things I read about. or do I imagine all of this? is it just my ego tricking me into thinking that I am moving up on the awareness scale? not sure if my point comes across, hahah I hope you get what I am wondering about much love <3

@Hero in progress I get it from an intellectual standpoint. and I am fully aware of the fact that that doesn't have any importance at all. I know that I have to experience all that, in order to fully grasp the magnitude.. as soon as I think about concept, I create more concepts ect. it's a vicious cycle. and I always come to this 'problem' of infinite regress. I guess I really have to just sit down and become conscious, step by step. thank you for your answer <3

not really 'art' compared to what some of you guys created right there..but I thought I could share this anyway. I kinda let my mind loose and this came out during some boring lectures

@Shiva let's do that! haha let me know if you find out

@Mad Max I don't really get it^^ @Shiva I don't know why, I can't explain it, like you say. but at the moment I feel that there in fact is some deeper truth to it.

a change of perspective/in direction is always refreshing

@Nahm this is a good suggestion. I guess I'll just see where this path is going to bring me. thanks for your inspiring inputs always!

wow, sounds like a wonderful experience you had there! but why did you think about death during such a blissful moment? did it feel like dying, or was it just a thought?

writing is in fact therapeutic. maybe even more than talking. you may start keeping a journal, maybe even on the forum (that prevents you from slacking off). that helped me a lot with sorting things out in my mind

infinite regress I am the perceiver. but I can't pin the perceiver down. where is it located? as I notice a thought, I label it 'thought'. It feels like I perceive it. I ask myself 'who perceives the thought'? and then I ask who asks.. there is no end to this game.. my logic tells me that this isn't going anywhere.. something in my mind came up today, a sentence: awareness is trying to become aware of itself. it just seemed ridiculous, I started laughing.

@zenjen be gentle with yourself, I wish you all the best on your path <3

@zenjen no, I was completely convinced that I would be trapped in that insanity forever. I mostly knew that I was on a trip, but that didn't matter. I guess it was because 'being different' has always been my biggest fear. I've always felt like there was something wrong with me and that thought made me so afraid, that I always tried to ignore it. the shrooms smashed it into my face and I suffered until I was able to surrender to it. but I can see that it's a very different situation, because the symptoms in fact vanished as soon as I came down from the trip. I just think that the special situation you're in could potentially be a stepping stone for real growth. so don't think that there is something wrong with you <3

on my most powerful shroom trip, which happened to be the most terrifying and the most wonderful at the same time, I had a bone shattering fear of going crazy. I could see my thoughts becoming insane, getting all the symptoms of an actual psychosis. I had a very strong resistance to it and it was the most terrifying moment in my life. I thought I would never be what is considered 'normal' again and was so afraid of judgement. as soon as I surrendered to it, literally embraced that insanity, it evolved to one of my most wonderful moments in my life. I think there must be a connection between spiritual awakenings/insights and what modern medicine classifies as 'psychiatric disorders' .. I just found those interesting articles: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201507/is-it-psychosis-or-spiritual-emergency https://beyondmeds.com/2011/01/05/psychosisspiritualexp/

@Serotoninluv as inspiring as those glimpses can be (and admittedly, such aha-moments and insights are immensely cool to experience), I think that the most important thing, is to integrate and embody what you felt in those special moments in the daily life. That's the real work, keeping a high awareness as you go though your daily life.

@Leo Gura thank you for your advice, I will look into that once again. It's so deceptive, it's actually very beautiful. I am more and more in awe about this self sustaining trickery

I also stumbled upon this 'problem' of infinite regress. the thing is I get that thinking is just a tool and it isn't going to lead to enlightenment. but even that I only know intellectually. which is in turn more thinking. I really don't know how to step out of this 'thinking' mode. whenever I try, I end up thinking myself out of thinking fuck, does that even make sense?

my addiction to knowing it just hit me how addicted I am. specially the last couple of days during studying. as I read, I feel that I grasp onto the words, want to soak in all the information. I neurotically take it in, want to save it somewhere in my memory, like a possession. I don't only want to know, it's like I want to own the knowledge. and I feel bad when I forget things. it's horrible when knowledge slips through my fingers like water. I realize intellectually that it's me that creates value and meaning. my mind projects value on knowledge. ever since I was little, I was rewarded and appreciated when I knew something. that's why I associate not knowing with being repulsed and not loved. I associate knowledge with power, love, validation, admiration, future, success. and not knowing with being worthless and not being enough. my mind, being a programmed machine, naturally grasps onto information and is terrified of losing it. I realize that it's all a projection. I didn't come up with this shit consciously, it was drilled into my mind when I was a little girl. in school, society in general. my parents where always big on this. specially my father. he always valued success and being the best. getting good grades opened many doors.. my father always gave me the freedom I wanted...when I brought the good grades. when I didn't, it felt like his love, appreciation and validation was taken away from me. fuck, no wonder it feels like hell. no wonder I put myself under such pressure before exams. exams aren't merely grades on a piece of paper. they literally equal love and being worthy for my mind. now I get it, I get my need to be successful, I get my panic to fail. how do I get rid of this? how do I reprogram my subconscious mind? how do I drill into my subconscious mind, that I am worthy, no matter what? all this success and career stuff...it inherently has no meaning, I project value on it in order to feel whole. is awareness enough? is being aware of those mechanisms enough for my mind to change?

my favorite food are fruits, especially berries. love them in all their variety of colors, shapes and sweetness something I never get tired of and I eat it every day for breakfast is oatmeal with bananas, seasonal fruits, cinnamon, nuts and berries. it's an evergreen!

I am so glad I stumbled upon this video through your post. I actually started experimenting with the labeling/mindfulness technique months ago and I eventually got to a point where it actually became this described mixture of mindfulness labeling and self inquiry. very, very similar to his technique described with the arrow. I started asking and looking for 'who is hearing? who is feeling?...' never found a satisfying answer thou I just find it really cool that I instinctually came to this technique without knowing it existed! good luck on your path!

@Serotoninluv wow, what an experience you had there. but you see, something in you kept you save, or better gave you security, like it just knew what you were doing. something in you kept you there, stopped you from breaking out of that powerful experience. that should give you trust! someone once told me that retreats can be very messy at the end. returning 'home back to normal' can be difficult and confusing. but slowly, with time you will keep getting presents to unwrap. little insights and changes, little shifts in awareness. all aftershocks of the retreat falling into place, slowly, so that you have time to process and integrate everything. I guess it's the same for trips! at least, I experienced it exactly like this. so, don't worry, you probably know already everything, you just have to slowly become aware of it. everything will fall into place

@rush it was a 5 day silent retreat where with different techniques like guided meditations, free mediations, yoga, walking meditation, general mindfulness.. you could practice being mindful practically the whole day. that's when I really understood that everything you do can be meditation, if you do it mindfully, slowly, with awareness. I usually do use Leo's mindfulness/labeling technique, SDS, Do nothing or watching my breath. I also like Osho's dynamic meditation it really is a different kind of happiness. my life has always been like a roller coaster with admittedly more downs than ups. it was neurotic, hectic, full of angst and worry. I always thought that living in the moment essentially meant hedonism. little did I know that it was just me running in a hamster wheel, constantly trying to be happy, constantly searching for something. the happiness I feel now is something completely different. It's a mixture between calmness, peace, trust.. it feels very solid stay motivated, it really is a nice place to be in. and I am not very high on the awareness scale! alone in this forum, there are people who live life from such a beautiful place..read their comments, get inspired by them, it helped me a lot

@Kevin Dunlop I hope I will get bored of the limitations soon. but I don't want to force it, I guess this needs its time. thanks for your beautiful description

I've been asking myself this question a couple of times as well. I guess because our brains are not actually wired for happiness. they are wired for survival and reproduction. I am now in a stage where I genuinely prefer meditating over going out partying, drinking, socializing, watching movies .. (I didn't actually think I would ever reach this state!) I've started meditating more or less consistently for 20 min a day 2 years ago. after 3-4 shroom experiences this spring I started meditating more, like 30-40 min a day. but I only reached this stage where I genuinely prefer meditating after a silent retreat I did this summer. after that I started meditating more or less 60-90 min a day and I also started a Yoga habit. I still have some issues with love/romanticism, success and career.. I don't prefer meditation over those things yet. but I trust in the snowball effect I hope this motivates you!

@cetus56 I just meditated on letting go, facing whatever comes. I had some moments of peacefulness and some feeling of expansion here and there, like usual the last couple of weeks. I know my problem: it's the wanting, the trying to achieve. the doing instead of being. but I'll just go through this process, like you described beautifully in one of your posts: sooner or later my mind will probably surrender and let itself fall. I'll keep the safety net in mind @Serotoninluv I can relate to that. my most terrifying and illuminating experience was during a shroom trip. I heard about ayahuasca and its immense mindfuck-ability...god, that really must have been something you experienced there but it seems like you have been integrating it well, you've surely grown from it! I really feel like it's time to do some psychedelics again..like I need that push. but I don't have any possibility right now. I'll just have to trust that when the moment is right, a chance will pop up.

@cetus56 I have the desire to let go off this doomed plane and I trust that it will happen sooner or later!