phoenix666

@Lauritz wow how did that happen? sounds so wonderful! did it just hit you by surprise? I slowly come to the realization that those shifts and insights happen spontaneously. not when you're trying to force something. it just hits you out of nowhere. sometimes even during an unconscious moment. but I think that meditation/mindfulness/consciousness work increases the chance of such insights and shifts happening. what's your daily practice? and when did you start your journey? yeah, I think AL-LAD or any psychedelic really can take you to the next level. it can open doors to such shifts. really wonderful what you describe. <3 I hope I'll experience something similar as well one day

@Dodo oh, ok, now I get what you meant. and yeah, you're right about that. it's a bit advanced. I think at the beginning it's important to build the habit, so that momentum builds up. after a while of meditation practice, awareness can percolate into daily life. that's actually what I'm trying to do lately. I still keep up my yoga/meditation/journaling practice. but I try more and more to expand mindfulness into every aspect of my life. so challenging thou. I keep forgetting... @Leo Gura yeah, I can see the importance of cultural upbringing. also of individual life experiences, shadow and lifestyle. I think the best is developing a big picture understanding, building up a broad basis. then picking out the things which work best for oneself. and adapting it from time to time, always growing. that's why I like your approach! it's like a meta-analysis. takes the best bits out of every approach. @Toby love the analogy with the shoe I know I know, nowhere to go.. I already am.. but honestly: until you get there (in the sense that you see that you already are it) you look for it, you search..you walk the path until it hits you and you feel that there is in fact, nowhere to go @Nahm like the hero's journey. ends where it starts. it remains the same. but everything is oh so different <3 love the paradox!

@Lauritz yeah, I've seen that clearly with the shroom trips: as weeks go by and you process and integrate your experience, your entire being changes. I changed so much over the last couple of months. of course, meditation and patient mindfulness practice are a huge motor. but psychedelics are like a quantum leap the weeks after the trip are like opening one present after another <3 I wish you a wonderful experience with LA-LAD! looking forward to read your trip report, if you plan to write one!

@cirkussmile I've become aware of my suffering. I think that's the first step towards something. @Dodo I like your thoughts, especially the one with all paths already being in Rome well said! what you wrote is very beautiful. but in practice, and now I can only speak for myself: this wouldn't work for me. I want to live a mindful, compassionate and conscious life. sitting down and meditating, doing yoga, contemplating, talking to people about their feelings, facing my own emotions, journaling and consciousness work like that helps me becoming more mindful. if I don't do all those things, I just slip back into unconsciousness. like it happened before when I stopped doing 'enlightenment work' or practice. in practice I would just return to my old life, chasing success, validation and desperately run from one shortsighted gratification to another. and that was not a happy place to live at all..

@Lauritz thank you very much! yeah, 100mcg were pretty ok for trying the first time, so that's a good plan. no, I did it without trip sitter. the first two times I tried mushrooms, I was not alone. but looking back, I prefer going through the experience alone. it's my journey, my path, my unconscious revealing itself. I don't want anyone to influence those experiences I have to face. but that's just me and my feeling about psychedelics (for now). so you have to decide for yourself if you feel save enough <3 but in my experience AL-LAD is much easier on your mind than mushrooms. shrooms are very twisted and I also had moments were I felt completely stuck into them and the fucked up thoughts they were provoking. no such thing happened on AL-LAD: it was all very clear and chill. like a very clean headspace.

back to ground zero I'm becoming more and more aware of how unconsciously I go through life. it's like as soon as some minutes pass, specially when I am surrounded by people..wush. awareness slips away. focus out the window. autopilot and tension. shallow breathing and judging (mostly others). craving attention, wanting to stuff silence with speaking. (talking so much, saying so little). and the biggest problem: when I'm unaware, I am not aware that I am unaware. so tricky. our mind is a sly fox! gotta love its ingeniousness. but I feel, that's the way to go: no shaming, no judging myself. no frustration. just be amazed by this trickery! admire the self deception! it's a genius! it's godly, that's why it's hard to crack. every time I catch myself being unaware, instead of judging and blaming myself, I just compliment myself. not you idiot went on autopilot and got lost in thought stores again. but wow, you reclaimed awareness in a completely unconscious moment, good job! that's the way to go. that's loving and caring. I need patience: back to ground zero. how? my breath is ground zero. whenever I get lost in thought stories (huh, that's a big one for me...gotta say, I have so much fantasy..) I return to my breath. again. and again. and again. frustrating? boring? oh yes. but that's the reason the fruit of this work is so sweet

@Leo Gura yeah, I was actually quite surprised. didn't expect a 3/4 tab to be that insightful. can't wait thank you for your precious work Leo <3

@Nahm thank you for reading and always inspiring me to become more loving through your words. I am sure you will <3

don't try to stop, control or get rid of your thoughts. that just builds resistance, it will never work. be caring and gentle with yourself <3 who is the one who thinks you're a loser? get to that part of yourself and love it. love it to death! it will adjust itself with time.. <3 good luck on your journey. you're not a loser, you're a wonderful soul going through a healing process <3

as divine will wants, I was just watching this video before I stumbled across your post. maybe it can help you <3

@ajasatya I did a bit of research, but there are no zen sanghas near me. the nearest is still too far away for how my current life is evolving. but I'll just continue practicing with my daily yoga and meditation routine. good things don't come easily.. I trust in some kind of higher wisdom in me that will lead the way into higher consciousness

this. I came across breathing mindfully / observing my breath again and again. but I struggle so much. I can't keep it up for more than a minute throughout the day. it's so difficult. feels like it's the last thing my body/mind wants to do. the is so much resistance to focus on my breath. is that normal? or is it just me? do you have any further tips how to float through life whilst observing the breath @ajasatya ?

living a life of service. I discovered something that truly makes me happy. it makes me flow, it makes the colors brighter and my soul lighter. it's even detached from any outcome. (a honest thank you is pure gold and love, but it's just a bonus) helping. and it's not about making myself bigger, like it was in the past. I've always considered myself a not so empathic or generous person. I recently discovered that other people's pain makes me suffer as well. that their joy makes my heart shine as well. it's beautiful to reach out my hand, whenever I can. I want to live a life of service. I want to never get tired of lifting people up and to help them on their way <3

I know I should be open to anything. but I lived in my past so much, re-experienced my past so many times again and again, that I'd rather leave it behind

@Nahm not everything you listed, I did now. I had to put being born, dying, existence of anything beyond my perception and the big bang in 'belief'. I put that people are individuals, that there is physical matter and that the past existed (not that it exists right now, like I used to believe when I was living in victimhood mentality) in 'experienced'. I had to, because it feels like that to me. I hope for an experience that proves me wrong on that as well thou

@Serotoninluv @Emerald yeah, seems like the body becomes more sensitive. I always eat plant based, but I even feel the difference between when I eat at home and when I go out. there is such a huge difference between home cooked meals and restaurant/mensa meals. I feel more energetic when I eat at home and more heavy and a bit more sluggish after eating at a restaurant.

@Nahm in short, my whole knowledge is actually just belief. everything I've ever thought to know. an it's a lot, since I've always seen knowledge as something important and big in my life. my curiosity has always always been very dominant and there are very few things I've actually experienced (at least, they feel like I've experienced them): my senses. relativity of time, insanity (during a shroom trip). my breath.

look for the one who is lacking and shower him with love <3 this empty loneliness and lack is a big one form me as well. the only way is to love the one who is feeling this way. no love from others is ever going to satisfy this lacking part in you. only your own love can do that <3

@caelanb try it out for yourself. direct experience is the only way. I've been on a plant based diet for almost two years now and I've never felt better. I also feel more connected to nature and animals <3 I could't imagine going back to eating meat, dairy and eggs.

@Sine patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. - Aristoteles I feel you, we're on the same boat <3 keep your vision in mind <3

@zenjen wow, so beautiful <3 sounds incredible. I hope I'll experience something like this as well sooner or later. one day you will be strong enough to take on all that suffering from others and morphing it into love <3

@Heart of Space thank you for pointing out my lack of knowledge about weed. I wrote I THINK that you can become physically addicted to it, that's why you get withdrawal symptoms. less addictive than nicotine and caffein, yes, but addictive nonetheless. whereas you can't become physically addicted to shrooms or LSD because you built an immediate tolerance. at least, that's what I've read and heard.

@Heart of Space I think literally anything can become a chronic crutch for people. the problem with weed is, that you can become physically addicted to it on top of mentally. That can't happen with shrooms or LSD for example.

It's so true. I also think there are different grades of spiritual attunement. I think it's both something that you're just born with and how much you work on the spiritual path. some people seem to just naturally be more sensitive. then again, sensitivity is something you can work on. you become more sensitive by raising your awareness; by diminishing all the stimuli we're bombarded with in modern society and by turning inwards. I took shrooms with my (now ex) boyfriend two times. we took exactly the same amount and my trip went so much deeper. I experienced so much more mindfuck and insights. I went insane in front of his eyes whilst he 'was able' to stay almost completely 'clear and normal'. I realized that I was actually always sensitive for spiritual stuff, I was just not strong enough and therefor hiding behind a self constructed wall of distractions and BS. I also had two years Leo videos and meditation on my back, so no wonder I went deeper than him. thank you for sharing your experience with AL-LAD. I'm planning a trip with it in the next weeks and I am already very excited it's always beautiful to read about all the wonderful insights on this forum <3

@Gabriel Antonio what you write about sharpening the senses totally resonates with me. I wasn't exactly stoic and cold, I was actually very emotional when it came to my feelings. but I couldn't handle people in pain. for some reason when I saw someone crying or suffering, I had to laugh. it was horrible. I felt very bad because of it, I thought I was a bit of a psychopath. at funerals it was so hard for me to keep a straight face. I didn't actually feel it funny when someone came crying on my shoulder asking me for help. I just felt a barrier between me and other people and the laughing was a reflex. during a retreat that barrier broke down completely and I realized that it was all a defense mechanism. I realized that I was actually extremely empathetic to the point that I had to defense myself because I wasn't strong enough at that time. a woman started crying during a group meditation. I could feel her pain like waves washing over me and started crying as well. that's when I discovered my very sensitive and empathic nature. I specially feel it with my mother. I don't know why. she is a beautiful, loving, caring and sensitive soul underneath layers of political and materialistic bullshit. she seems very shallow at times and is always so stressed and agitated. when she enters the room, my body tenses up, I can literally feel her own inner distress. that's what made me be kind and loving to her. I can feel her suffering soul underneath all the bullshit she carries around on the outside. I love her <3 (sorry, that kind of went off topic, but I just had to write it down) I also made this experience of facing my insanity on a trip. it helped me overcome one of my biggest fears (that of being different, weird and just insane. of not being normal) I don't think I solved this issue completely yet. I still sometimes worry about not being 'normal', so I expect some further insanity experiences on future trips.. but we're all in this together <3