phoenix666

@Prabhaker ok I see, thanks for your explanation. then I'm definitively in trouble, because I fantasize a lot about romance, sex, love and relationships..

@Charlotte if people here are neurotic, then definitively about our sacred spiritual practices @Peter Zemskov maybe try to have some green tea before your meditation sessions?

I'm still running away from it. It's becoming clear to me. I'm highly distracted, my subconscious keeps dragging me away from that nothingness psychedelics forced me to face. it's ridiculous, I've faced that emptiness with AL-LAD, twice. and it was heavenly. it ended up being divine. what am I afraid of? I keep running, being busy, being distracted.. I'll use anything. books, the forum, eating, my phone, studying, socializing, sports.. it's all just running ways. I can't keep my focus on that nothingness inside me. my subconscious drags me away again and again..

@Charlotte not meditation per se. that meditation makes my life a better one, that's one of the only things I'm still sure about these days. but the attitude I have towards it sometimes feels neurotic. I plan my days around these practices and they keep getting more and sometimes my parents drop phrases like 'jesus, you can't spend a normal day without your yoga and meditation stuff'

@Max_V @Charlotte hahah I'm like that as well when it comes to meditation. do you ever think this could be a trap? like a new neurosis/addiction? (my parents mention that sometimes)

why is sexuality unnatural, abnormal and pathological? what does that even mean? could you explain further? just curious, that stuck with me..

I experience that quite often lately. but I struggle to define what exactly it is that I hear with it..

@DoubleYou yes, I want to take care of people. I'm quite sure about that. but you're probably right, it's not only one or the other. I still feel the ego interfere, but I also noticed how that part or influence is getting weaker and weaker the more I progress on this path. thank you, it's still a bit confusing. but your words reassured me in my practice. I want to find that out who/what I truly am and more than that, I want to embody it. I want my every word and action to come from the heart, love and compassion. thank you <3

@zenjen nice to see you back here. always remember that feeling, it's right and it will lead you <3

hahaha this. <3 second it! I didn't even know what 'being humble' meant before that

I didn't do massive research. but I quickly looked it up on pubmed, which I would consider a very trustable source and it seems to be safe. like @eskwire said, it seems to already been used from medical practitioners for psycho therapy in people with anxiety disorders. I also read they successfully use 'voluntary hyperventilation' for the treatment of alcohol addiction and neurotic disorders. also for psychologic pain therapy.

I agree with that, recognizing the beauty of reality is a huge first step. it's also something you can't force, but it will come with emerging awareness. I notice it particularly after silent/meditation retreats. when I come back from them, or even after a long and good meditation session. then I experience wonderful little moments that make me smile spontaneously, sometimes my emotional reaction is so strong that I get watering eyes. and all that from small little surprises like the sun breaking through a particularly thick cloud and casting its light on trees. or a small flower in its sacred beauty. or a particularly sweet tasting fruit. or a smile I get from a random person passing by. or a sweet dog playing in the grass. or my mum sending me a lovely text. sounds corny, but such things make my heart flutter when my awareness is heightened. <3

wow, reading your words made me very emotional. intense. I'm sorry for your heartbreak. I had a painful one too one year ago that sometimes comes back haunting me - after all this time. that deep suffering unites us. thanks for sharing your incredible experience. Ayahuasca is something I definitively wanna try..

this is beautiful. thank you so much for this. lately, with everything going on and the few glimpses I got I seriously started wondering whether that desire to become a healer was just another ego thing. I guess that whole prestige thing that comes with being a doctor is coming from that. and I admit, that was a huge motivation for me too at the beginning of my studies. that's where most med students and doctors get lost, in that academic game of good grades, prestige, career, publications and such. they actually forget the heart of this work - which is the patient. I see that happening a lot. that's why I like the term 'healer' more. has nothing to do with that academic game and that whole joke about publications. I want people and their wellbeing to be the heart of my work. that's a drive I noticed only i the past few months. that's what feels genuine. I like that light bulb analogy. I feel the light getting stronger with all the consciousness work. thanks for the reassuring words <3 hahaha everyone is always saying follow your heart . I even catch myself saying it to others. but no one actually seems to know how that really works. you need to do a video about following one's heart and anahata. I think that would be a big help and change for lots of people here. I sometimes feel like the forum needs a little more heart and love and less mental masturbation and righteousness..

thinking is causing a lot of trouble. I always valued thinking and my mind as the highest manifestation of consciousness. I held it for sacred. for years, I lived in my head. lived through my head. lost touch with my emotional body. became insensitive to my own feelings and subtle bodily sensations. I want that back! thoughts don't come from a place of love and compassion, they come from the ego. they cause a lot of worry, anxiety and stress. I can see that now. and it's ok, I can understand the underlying mechanism. it's not evil or bad. it actually wants to help me. it wants to prepare me for the worst (that's where anxiety and worry come in) in order to survive. it wants me to thrive, that's why it's pushing me to do stuff all the time, to pursue things like health, beauty, fitness, friends, love, success, money.. it's all well meant. too bad it doesn't work. it's counterintuitive. I want to go back to my heart. I want my life, my actions and my words not come from my mind, but from my heart. I want love and compassion to be the source of my being..

right when I thought this forum needs a little more heart and love thank you Leo, you changed my life. could never choose a favorite video, simply too many. specially when they started getting really mind bending and spiritual. I'll never forget my first Leo-video How to master & control your emotions. not my favorite one, but I become a nostalgic mess when I think about it. that's when my whole journey started! love from Italy <3

@njuufa thanks for your suggestions. next time it comes up I will try. could be, because meditation sometimes becomes rather mind-centered for me instead of embracing my whole body, emotions/feelings/sensations..

it's so true, the ego hates this. I feel it. every time I get close to Truth (and all meaning is illusion, and BEING is meaningless with it) the ego becomes like a grumpy, sullen child. I can see that, I guess my intention to become a healer comes from the ego itself. it's not coming from a selfless place - yet. the problem is, awakening seems to not go well together with university and work.. I guess sooner or later I'll have to choose between Truth and everything I'm working on the material level (education, work)

@Leo Gura yes, I can see that my life is still highly socially conditioned. it's much better than it used to be, but still. I feel like the rat race is mostly gone, I'm not stuck in that competitive 'I have to be the best' and 'I have to get good grades' mindset anymore. but it is true that this is all about survival. I want to be someone. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I know that there is no inherent meaning to what I do. I constructed it. and I constructed my life purpose as becoming a healer. I get my sense of being someone by being able to help and heal people from -at least- their physical sufferings. the stress is getting better, I've noticed a huge shift over the last 6 months. but still, sometimes it comes up. this resonates with me. I can see how this is what's at the root of my anxiety. and also the reason I chose to do something 'meaningful' in my life. I can see more and more how much value there is in ''to help others you must first help yourself''. there are so many dysfunctional figures in our health care system. no wonder it's not working for most chronic diseases plaguing modern society.. I guess to become a 'good' healer I must first heal myself..

thank you <3 Matt Kahn's teachings are resonating with me more and more. I just have to find ways and mindfulness to let them enter into my daily life. you just gave me new motivation and possibilities. from where I'm now I still think it's impossible to live guided by emotions instead of thought. I guess I still have to realize that my emotions generate my thoughts.. thank you!

@Leo Gura ok, yes, I can follow you on a logical level. I'm stressed about studying for exams, writing a dissertation, organizing and doing internships. deep down I'm afraid of failing my studies, I'm afraid of failing at my future job. I'm afraid of fucking up my future patient's lives. true, I'm afraid of not living up to my expectations. I feel like if I don't, I'm nothing --> being nothing --> emptiness if I actually try to sit with stress, anxiety comes up. then I usually end up meditating/watching my breath. then it just disappears. is that a hint on its inherent emptiness? thanks for your explanations! very insightful.

what I noticed, is that a lot of people ultimately recognize (consciously or unconsciously) that nothing fulfills them properly. nothing can fill the emptiness they feel. so they make kids, putting all hope into them, making their kids their new and ultimate life purpose. kids can be a life purpose, everything can. the question is, do they realize that all purpose is self created? it's not inherently there. I'd take a wild guess and dare to say that most people don't know this. they just think kids are the ultimate life purpose. can they feel the emptiness sicker through that? I feel that with my mum for example. she projects everything onto me. I love her. but sometimes I just feel very loaded with responsibility. like her wellbeing is in my hands. maybe I'm just projecting all of this... but she even said it to me, so I don't know.. enlightened people know that kids aren't the ultimate strategy of making them happy and filling their lives with meaning and purpose. they know that that's just a way of creating meaning in life. they can have kids or not, but they definitively don't need them to desperately fill their lives with something

@Leo Gura there is emptiness in stress? is that something you experienced/explored yourself? just curious, as I have to deal with stress quite often. it's my biggest obstacle right now. I tried to face it with mindfulness. I then noticed that it is something that I create myself. but more than emptiness, I just feel anxiety and tension overwhelming me..

@DnoReally it was a 75microgram tab

ok, I probably didn't believe it until now..are chakras actually a thing? what are they? video request for Leo btw. we need a video about chakras! I did a heart meditation where I tried to talk to my heart: I asked how it feels, what makes it happy, what makes it sad, what it wants me to change and such things. I got answers in form of sensations or sudden insights I could also describe as intuition. then I actually tried to open my heart chakra. I used binaural beats and focused on the area in the middle of my chest, imaging a bright green light there. during the meditation thoughts came up, like usual. but also people I feel an emotional connection to. I felt the urge to tell them 'I love you'. so I just did. then I also said why I loved them. for example my mam came up and I told her 'I love you because of the way you care' I did this with every person that came up suddenly it happened: I felt something in my chest. something physical. like an actual cracking? opening? right where my heart should be. I panicked a little, I didn't expect to actually feel something on a physical level. my heart rhythm altered for a couple of seconds as well. I've never felt something like this before! is this a good thing? anyone experience with opening chakras? thank you!