phoenix666

that's fascinating. did it help you to communicate and to connect more deeply with people? I feel the emotions of the person I talk to. it's tricky, because I only discovered that recently and I can't control it. so usually I can't discern between 'my' emotions and those I can perceive of others.

I know someone who can see/perceive auras. do you think that everyone has at least one of these abilities? and that in most cases they're dormant? I would like to discover mine, if I have one.. and hopefully use it to help others..

quite a strange day - a journey through the infinite spectrum of emotions I'm learning how to connect with my emotional body again. I've watched a lot of Teal Swan videos last summer and they gave some very precious insights about myself, my past and my defense mechanisms. my awareness has increased since those happy summer months. I feel like yoga has shaken something as well. emotions are connected to the body, so with increasing body awareness this seams quite logical. I'm just not used to all of this feeling I guess. it really hit me today. how numbed down I was! and probably still am. today I went from walking down the streets smiling like a lovesick fool and thinking 'I've got kissed by luck' to 'I must be the loneliest being on earth' (drama queen much), 'I just don't know what to do anymore. everything is fading. why are others so happy? why do I struggle so much? why can't I be like everyone else around me?'' (yeah, need to work on my victim mentality, I know) morning was heaven, afternoon was hell. the contrast felt like dying. but it's ok, I went through the fire. without (too much) distraction (a little studying and lots of forum and journaling). I went through it alone. lesson learnt: do not run away from your feelings. they catch up, sooner or later. the further you run, the stronger their momentum will build. just stop. turn around. close your eyes. feel into your body and relax. breathe. watch your breath becoming slower and slower. observe. don not run away from reality. it will fuck you in the ass (you know how that hurts) better option: stop. turn around. face whatever reality throws at you. surrender to it, give yourself to reality

Mr. Einstein would have known..

this is very interesting! do you remember in which video she mentions this? I find Teal Swan very insight- and helpful when dealing with emotions and healing.

it already is, every group is. everyone here on the forum is you. you're talking to yourself hahah no honestly, that's what I've read and heard. I also had a glimpse of that on a trip. I sometimes read a comment and get a really weird feeling like 'oh shit. familiar. too familiar. this could literally be me' like I resonate so much with it that it becomes creepy. but I don't live, act, write or speak from that place..(hopefully yet) must be utterly mindfuck and amusing

ok, somethings's off today. can't quite put my finger on it. I just became aware of how flimsy and unstable my mood is. it fluctuates like crazy. I tried to go into the bad emotions (fate helped me, my friend is already invited for dinner, so I'm gonna face this shit now. and btw I felt a flash of disappointment and jealousy.. I bet she's meeting up with that group of people I used to hang out with too. I've really lost touch with them. it's nice when I see them, but I don't want to hang out with them actively. I felt so lonely. then I asked myself: would you like to eat with them tonight? the answer was a clear NO. it felt genuine. that made me feel better again.) anyway, I noticed something I've seen before, but not as clear as today: when I observe one of those negative emotions, stay present with them, try to 'enter' them...they dissolve. they disappear. they're empty! is that what I need to do? purge through all those emotions I've ran away from? will they emerge with the raising of my awareness, so that I can just be with them? become aware of the emotion, of how I feel feel into it. what is it? how is it? how does it feel in my body? validate it: it's ok to feel like this. this is exactly how you're supposed to feel in this moment. everything is perfect as it is. all is well observe it, be with it (no judging, no trying to fix it/change it) I guess a lot of healing has to occur. I've really neglected my emotional body in the past. I've covered it up with so much distraction. I've built this huge wall around myself, carefully selecting what to let enter and what to lock out. my shadow must be huge. but I see that this doesn't work. I keep clinging needly to good, exciting, safe and soothing things (you kill the butterfly if you grasp too hard) and those that I've locked out are a raging bunch of huns tearing at the wall. it will crack. I'll prevent that. it's time to let that walls down..

@Faceless the day you lost your head?

@Nahm I felt something warm <3

it's so scary though..to let go at first

awareness can be tough oh, it is back. I felt so good the past days. suddenly I'm here alone, feeling sad (for no obvious reason). how exactly do I feel right now? restless, aimless, sad, like everything is futile. like there is no reason to do anything. sad, confused. the prevalent emotion is lonely and empty. I could meditate all day, or binge watch a TV series. I recognize, this is a moment where I'm vulnerable. it's a point where I could fall into a huge ego backlash. some time ago I wouldn't have recognized this subtle mood swing. it is a mood swing, this morning I felt great, like I love to be alive, I went out smiling like a fool. enjoying the sun and the flowers. it crashed when I came home an hour ago. crash is the wrong word, it was more of a subtle shift. normally I'd distract myself from it. I felt the urge to binge-watch something, to eat, to write to a friend, even to study. I caved. I wrote to a friend, asked if we could have dinner together. that made me feel better immediately. I know I should be present with this loneliness, face it alone, meditate with it. but at least I've become aware of how I've used to deal with such negative emotions in my past (with a lot of distractions, without even noticing of having those negative feelings and acting out from them) I'm writing it down, it's a form of being aware. I already feel lighter. don't run away from your emotions. I'm learning how to re-connect with them. it's easy to do with the good ones. bad I guess the bad ones are the real teacher...

@Jamie Universe @okulele thing is, we're led by emotions. emotions are not just flimsy sensations we can look over. they are everything in our experience of life. what does that mean? e-emotion. they are literally what puts us into motion. every action we take, every word we say ore even every thought we think comes from our emotions. it's even scientifically proven scientifically that the input for every movement we 'willingly' make, starts from subconscious parts of our brain, the limbic system (where our emotions are seated) specifically. thing is, whether we are conscious of it or not, everything we do comes from our emotions. now the question is: are we aware of what we feel? or are those emotions that lead us buried into the subconscious mind. everyone has emotions, we would die without. the question is, are we aware of them or have we been running way from them, distracting us from them until they became locked into the subconscious/shadow? a little insight I just had whilst eating breakfast

@Viking in retrospective I'd say they changed something. first of all I became aware of unconscious mechanisms on a logical level. I remember writing down the steps and answering some questions. I also tried to apply those steps while interacting with other people, which deepened my empathy. that, in turn, connected me more with my own emotions. of course this takes time and practice (I keep forgetting) but in the long run I can say that my relationships became better, specially with my parents, who I regularly 'use' to practice over the past months a lot of repressed feelings surfaced..mostly 'negative' ones. but I recognize now that that was necessary, as I've been subconsciously running away from them for a long time. even if you don't apply the steps she proposes, becoming aware of those patterns is already moving something in you, in my opinion.

do you mean apathy? I've struggled with that a lot in the past. Teal Swan has a couple of good videos about apathy, getting in touch with our emotions, expressing emotions and such that have helped me a lot

@herghly I guess I'll begin with with focusing on medulla, since I'm used to that from previous practice. eventually I'll move on to bindu visarga yeah, it says so in the book as well. I just got extremely unsure and confused because it just felt impossible for me. I'll bite through it, thank you for your reply. <3 wow, 5 days? that's great, I think it will take a little longer for me congrats on your discipline and progress. I will practice Kriya twice a day, maybe that helps with improvement regarding technique

life is sweeping by go and dare before you die something mighty and sublime leave behind to conquer time. -Goethe Happy birthday from me too. you've enriched our lives Leo. I wish you all the best and much love <3

loving such mindfucks <3

I became aware of being a slave to time and clocks during a shroom trip. I realized that time causes so much pressure, anxiety, melancholy, stress and worry in my daily life. it's getting better. but I still feel enslaved. it's hard to break free from time when modern society is centered around schedules. how can you escape from that while keep 'functioning' in society?

do you guys focus on medulla or bindu visarga during the first pranayama? also I'm also a little confused.. I'm supposed to focus on medulla/bindu visarga, look at Brumadhya, use Ujjayi Pranayama, visualize energy through my spine and chakras and counting. how the hell am I supposed to do all of that? it's very difficult for me. my focus feels diverted, all over the place. turns out I'm extremely bad at multitasking (although I'm a girl) is it just me or is it normal to struggle a lot with that at the beginning?

you don't need to apologize for anything @Karin12414 if you need time, take how much as you want. if you want to deal with this alone, do that. if you want help, reach out for it and you'll find someone. whatever you feel like doing, it's ok and you don't need to justify it. don't let yourself be pressured into taking actions you're not ready for (telling your parents for example). I know how fucking scary it is.. whatever makes you feel better and secure is the right thing to do! I'm sorry you have to go through this. you're not alone <3

#nofreewill #higherselfinaction hahaha let's get back to studying...life still feels real for me, no awakening from maya for me yet..

you just made my day how can I go back to studying after this??

I feel that too! my life has become pretty lonely as well. my parents commented on that a couple of days ago. but it feels richer than ever before, to be honest! that brownie is delicious hahahaha this. <3 but seriously, every single person is a manifestation of your higher self, giving you the possibility to grow, to learn something, to cultivate love and compassion. not easy, I keep forgetting it as well. but when I remember, my attitude changes immediately and I'm able to bring a little bit of light in other people's lives <3

paranoid I think I slowly understand where my paranoia is coming from. before my first trip I'd never thought of myself as a paranoid person. and I'm probably not in a pathological way in daily life. but then again, psychedelics dig up shit from the subconscious. apparently I am! now it makes sense. I've always had this fear of just being different, deep down I'm scared of being dysfunctional, or let's just face it: psychiatric. that's why it has always fascinated me so much. a desperate attempt to understand myself? a perverse excitement I get from getting close to my fears? why am I so afraid? I'm still hugely dependent on approval. I want to be validated by people. I want them to look up at me. I want them to think I'm smart and wise. where do those narcissistic tendencies come from? now I get it, it's a actual a deep lack of self worth! it's an attempt to get the validation and approval I don't get from myself .. from others! this narcissism I see in myself is nothing evil. it's a lack of self love. it's not looking for power (I can only talk for myself) it's begging to be loved! the key is self love. (whoop whoop, like that's an easy thing.) still trying to figure out how that stuff works.. and the paranoia? I think it's rooted into modern society's way of living. I feel so disconnected.. from everything. from nature, from other creatures, from other people. even disconnected from myself. so disconnected for a huge part of my life that all I felt for a long time was apathy. disconnected from my own emotions. numb and empty. the only way of feeling was strong negative emotions. that's why I continued to dig myself deeper and deeper into drama and downright dangerous situations. I did so many stupid things. in order to re-gain feelings. and I did. I felt shame, disgust, regret, self hatred. that stuff needs some healing! I want to re-discover my connection. all is one. I've committed to this path. I don't follow it blindly, I've had some glimpses of how it feels to return to the source. I want to connect with people, with myself and with nature. meditation, connect me with being! yoga, connect me with my body and my energy! journaling, connect me with my mind! and finally, holy mushrooms, connect me with god, infinity, myself, with everything!

you are not crazy. don't be ashamed of yourself, you're doing everything right <3 this is actually quite frequent in victims of sexual abuse. something similar happened to me when I was 15. an older (very, very much older) friend of my family repeatedly abused me. he manipulated me in all kinds of ways. it destroyed me, I went through a hell lot of suffering, until all those memories emerged from my subconscious mind and I started just remembering all of it - and forgiving myself (I also noticed arousal when remembering what he did to me..and it made me so full of shame and self hatred..) ...and even him. this might take a few years, but it's definitively worth it. what helped me along the way is self development, spiritual work like meditation, yoga, mindfulness, journaling. the most important thing is developing self awareness and complete self-honesty. this doesn't have to involve anyone but yourself - if you don't want (of course, if you want help, reach out to whoever you think could help you) you already did the first and most important step: you became aware oft this, you observed your own emotions and were completely honest with yourself. so honest, you even had the courage to share your story on this forum. this is great. you're strong <3 write about it, write down how you feel. talk about it. writing and talking about your emotions, journaling and meditation are very useful tools for accepting, letting go and finding self love. I wish you all the best <3 you're not alone!