phoenix666

very true <3 or maybe even better ..to fully accept and love yourself exactly how you are in this present moment. and be witness of change arising from that very place. but that's difficult..

thank you, I'm glad it touched you <3 hmm, probably.. but why would that be a 'bad' thing? the ego is not the enemy. I'm not here to eliminate my ego. I'd like to integrate it. the whole 'ego is bad' thing is what makes it flare up, I feel..

update on today's Kriya. a little insight illuminated me during concentration. I could peak through some clouds: we're already there, I'm already. I could sense that there is nowhere to go, we are already one. I'm just not aware of that. I could sense something in the way: the self. 'me' - just me being a thing, the perspective from which I look and interact in life is clouding my awareness of oneness the awakening is not a process of construction, of adding things. it's the opposite. it's a deconstruction project. it's subtracting layer by layer, belief by belief. it's like slowly stripping a flower from all it's petals (that's why it hurts sometimes but feels liberating and lighter afterwards) until there is nothing left but the quintessence - a white sheet, empty and open for anything

hahaha a heads up? sounds more like a 'I cut your wings to bring you back to earth' but yeah, maybe my vision is too far away. maybe I expect too much...

looks like I needed one more life, visceral demonstration of how I create my own problems. all self created, all projected onto neutral, completely meaningless reality. life keeps teaching. thank you how did I react ? I got partly sucked in. it's ok. I kept having lucid moments where I could reconnect to peace and calmness. I trust in them. I feel like they are becoming more and more frequent. one day they will extend over my whole day. that's my vision. of me becoming very calm and fully relaxed. being connected to peace and love all day. that's where compassionate actions and words come from. I can see there is some ego talking there. part of me wants to sage-like also for being liked, loved, approved of and admired by others. but I can also see that that's the best way to help others. in the end, there is no me being selfish there. I hope to gain permanent awareness of that one day. or at least to be in that place for the most part of my day.

this feels like a new beginning. a new stage (there will be many others around each corner) it feels like I've spent the last two years of my journey fighting, trying my best to become a better version of myself. I passed from being a victim to being the fighter. the camel took on responsibility and morphed into a lion (Nietzsche) now it feels like it's time for a change. I am tired of fighting, tired of trying. there is a silent voice, a deep trust that everything will fall into place. I'll just surrender and go with the flow. the lion has brought me here. but the lion has its limits. the lion thinks it can do everything on its own. it's strong, proud and goal oriented. the lion does things on its own, it also thinks to know everything. the lion doesn't accept and love what is, it bites its way through but let's be honest. there are so many things I don't know. I don't know how to love myself unconditionally. I don't know how to raise my awareness. I don't know how to become fully conscious. how to live in the present moment. how to realize my highest potential. how to help other people. how to be loving, calm, peaceful. how to stop thinking. how to stop looking for validation and love from other people. I call into the light of the universe to shine through me and to do all those things on my behalf. to do everything through me, to take every action, to speak every word. to love my heart unconditionally and to manifest my highest potential for the wellbeing of all souls. I am done fighting, I thank the lion in me to have taken me out of victimhood. but now it's time to be honest. it's infinitely bigger than me. I am just a tiny human being in the infinite universe. it's time to be a child: to observe in awe. to take aside my pride and ask the universe for help. shine through me.

hmm. union. connection to source, infinite intelligence. embodiment of oneness/enlightenment. connecting with unconditional love. I would like to sincerely speak, act and move from a place of love and compassion. all that I'd say ..

thank you yes, it was like a back and forth: my mind kept interfering with explanations and intellectualization. something Leo mentions quite often, I reckon it must be really hard for him, like tenfold. it's already very strong in me.. something like 'oh, now this is wonderful. it's heaven.. -but how can I explain this? I have to share it! maybe it can motivate someone. how could I put it into words' that usually drags me out of such states.. it must be really hard for Leo, as he constructed his life purpose around this.. I generally struggle to bring my awareness from meditation/yoga into daily life. I keep forgetting. it's really challenging for me.. I'll try! I'm ready to dive deep <3 thank you so much for your kind words that's very challenging for me, the not doing anything. so hard to unwire that pattern. the less we do the more we get. I have to keep that in mind.. yes, I'm not judging them. I know they did everything from a place of benevolence. they wanted all the best for me. they grew up like that as well and never questioned anything. maybe they didn't suffer enough to start questioning and investigating new paths. I hope it was like that. I love them. I am thankful they did everything they could to teach me all they know about life. but there is value in becoming aware of where all my contra productive patterns come from. it also helps me to understand from where they come from. life gets more complex, but also more interesting when watched from infinite perspectives <3

oh, yeah, things still bother me as well. but I think the whole thing helped me raising my overall awareness. I still get sucked into thoughts and problems/worries...but I sometimes get clear moments where I can peak through my own projection. that's when I can take a step back, gain distance and peace. then I can relax and act from a place of relaxation. (before getting sucked back into everything) it's a back and forth. but the clear moments will get more frequent, I hope at least here on the forum. someone suggested it for re-connecting with love. I've read some interesting stuff about MDMA for curing PTSD and connecting with emotions. and that's exactly what happened for me. it honestly felt like therapy. I got it from a friend. it's not a classic psychedelic, but very underrated for this kind of work here, in my opinion. as always, it really depends on set, setting and intention. <3

@Revolutionary Think wow, I've known that on an intellectual level for a while now. but it was shown to me in a very 'visceral', 'bodily' way through MDMA. that substance connected me to my emotions that deeply, that my mind just rested in complete silence. it was utter bliss. no monkey, only love, harmony and peace. the day after the mind slowly crept back. and it demonstrated me very directly how thoughts literally construct all problems. there are no problems, the mind projects them onto reality. entirely self created. such a humbling experience..

@pluto wow, sounds like you followed an inner calling. great intuition there. you call that bizarre? I always get the feeling you must be the most intuitive, simple, loving and compassionate of souls thank you very much for your reply. I love reading about your experiences! maybe one day your inner voice will lead you towards breatharianism.. who knows, everything goes full circle

@Iorga Camil thank you my dear

wow, I'm deeply impressed. how is that even possible.. and they even want us to believe that veganism is somehow deficient. incredible. <3 there really is something alien about Victor...exotic. so open, calm and joyful, like it's a play. wow, I can feel his energy through the screen. I wonder how it must be to talk to him in person have you tried living as a breatharian,@pluto ? I think I've read that in an older post of yours?

maybe the time is ripe

has anyone experienced something like that as well? my vision has improved: colors are more intense, contrast is sharper. the world looks more plastic, more 3D. it was a gradual change, a tiny bit after each trip. suddenly I realized the sum of it all and I am sure, my eyes see the world differently now. also my tactile sensibility has improved. interestingly, that went the opposite way. it wasn't a gradual enhancement, it happened suddenly after one single trip. everything felt smoother and softer. I was quite surprised when that heightened sensibility didn't fade after a week. it's still here and Iove it. food is tasting better an better, specially fresh fruits. it's probably because of many things I've integrated in my life (mindfulness, meditation, yoga..) but I feel like psychedelics enabled that quantum leap which made the change tangible and impossible to go unnoticed. <3

we cannot accept the truth of transience, so we suffer. that's so, so true.. I've realized that as I started following Leo. that's why Buddhism resonates with me so much. I'm still suffering because I cling to emotions, people, connections, mystical states, insights, joy, awakening experiences.. but the first step is done <3 becoming aware of this. slowly we will loosen our hold on everything and surrender to the eternal flux, to the evanescent nature of reality I feel you, dear Max! <3

@Viking wow, really fascinating. you were right, the interesting part happened afterwards. wonderful, that's what we want, isn't it? long lasting effects, something we can take with us in daily life. was that just once or do you experience each trip similarly? thanks, I enjoyed reading your report <3 @John Iverson I've gently built up the dosages, shrooms from 1g to 4,8g and AL-LAD from 75 to 150microg. I would love to try micro dosing one day.. hopefully I'll soon find the chance to do so @astrokeen I have no idea to be honest. I've heard Matt Kahn talking about DNA changes during awakening experiences. and I also read some studies showing persistent changes in neuronal pathways through psychedelics. functional MRI scans prove those long time effects. not that I need scientific proof for that, I could literally feel my patterns change afterwards.. it really feels like I'm becoming more conscious, more aware (yoga, meditation and all that probably helps with that as well) but it's cool to actually read that in 'serious' papers I've also talked to a good friend of mine who is quite experienced with this stuff. he's also convinced that profound trips can alter our DNA and gene expression. hmm I honestly don't know which strands I'd consider the most powerful. but there definitively is a difference from trip to trip, dependently and independently from the strand I'd say

I've been working on my diet for over two years.. but I just realized (over the past two or so months) that it's actually the other way round. my intuitive food choices are becoming more clean and simple with my increasing awareness <3 more and more towards lots of fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds

@Dogsbestfriend but it didn't go away entirely? then it seems to be permanent/persisting as well, doesn't it? the intensity go the change probably depends on lots of things.. mindset, implementation, general 'level' of awareness, trip frequency and intensity, how much we surround ourself with enlightenment work.. on one trip I've actually experienced something like a journey through my own DNA: I was riding on the double helices like on a infinite roller coaster. I witnessed a transformation of my genes; lots of bases were changed I hope you'll experience some long lasting enhancement as well <3 @John Iverson I took about 10-14 trips since march 2017. mostly shrooms and AL-LAD, one time MDMA @Viking wow, that sounds quite intense! and all of that from one trip? beautiful! did you write a trip report? @PsiloPutty yes, definitively! that's beautiful to hear..it's the same for me. butterfly effect, huh? a trip inspired me to become active on this forum, which made me go to a retreat, which again turned my life upside down <3 yoga, books, meditation, this place here...it's all so powerful. but nothing seems to send you straight into oneness like psychedelics it's been therapeutic, life changing and a real quantum leap for me <3

maybe it's about realizing we've never had control sometimes I get that weird, tingling sensation.. it's like I can look through the deception and I see: control is an illusion then I get captivated again, cling to the illusion and fear losing control (the one I've probably never had in the first place) I know how scary it is to let that go...but it turns into heaven, I'm sure you'll see <3

sounds like love, light and magic are expanding in my life <3 feels like it's slowly becoming more and more beautiful <3

music does something with me. it's (another) lesson learned on psychedelics. I've never quite realized before how much influence it has on our body and mind, as it enters our system. I've had several experiences of tones, melody entering my body, flowing through me. as it does that, it leaves something behind: releasing tension in every muscle, releasing all resistance. making my mind light and less prone to cling to anything. 1g of dried shrooms mini report wow, extremely interesting experience. I didn't think I'd feel that much on 1g. with open eyes I felt quite normal. thoughts a bit more distant and clear than usual, colors more vibrant. just general the world looking more 3D and stronger contrast. but as soon as I closed my eyes.. the world.. PUFF, gone. there was no 'me' anymore. I didn't go through a painful process of dying like on other journeys, there was no fighting, no resistance. I was just gone. I wasn't everything either. my boundaries dissolved, 'I' expanded, becoming the whole room. I was the stream of music in the room. it was filled with a lot of things: Leo, Buddha, the forum, my phantasies, friends, books, Matt Kahn, stories ... very interesting. I wonder what that was.

wow. this timing right when I needed it. I don't know how life continues doing this. thank you so much for sharing this, Max. helped me a lot <3

ok, I'm glad if I can help you, too <3 this concept seems to become more and more present in my life <3 talk about synchronicity, you two, @Gabriel Antonio and @Colin thank you so much for the suggestion..but guess what.. I've been using such glasses after 7pm for the last 2 years now! really improved my sleep meaningful coincidences everywhere!

hahaha the exact opposite of what I did but yeah, I had that feeling...that I actually should do it the other way round. I will try, thank you. let's see what comes up today .. thanks for your input Viking <3