Dizzy

Hey there @nexusoflife , I can certainly relate to you very well. I am unsure if I can give any valid advice, but I will tell you some of what I went through. As I seriously walk on this path of true self realization, I am less and less attached to the external world. I realized that hanging out is no longer interesting to me, as I also rather spend my free time meditating or reading. Initially, it was difficult to tell people about this "new me" that no longer seeks doing this or that. Also, at some point, it was awfully hard to be around highly asleep people. I was ready in a sense to give up everything to go to meditate in a cave for the rest of my life. Why didn't I ? Well, with a little help, I realized I don't need to shut down the whole world as I wished to do so. I can practite mindfulness around people and it became a fun practite to watch how others interact, worry and look for drama. I also did learn that is ok to put up a mask to be around people, especially at work. The Dizzy they see and interact is not the "real Dizzy". And that's fine too. Like I don't need to preach anything I learned on my spiritual path to anyone around me or tell my co-workers all the mystical experiences I had last night. I am learning to allow people to be as they are. Ok, mostly everyone I know seems to have a miserable life and at first was hard to see them suffering and be quiet about it. The more I told them my true about this path, more closed minded people became. Then I realized there is nothing I can do for them. I can only allow them to be themselves, even if they emotionally are just hurting themselves. I can not preach, teach or try to change their perspective of the world. I may be able to do so if one has interest on listening or may be looking for a change, but if not, nevermind then. I learned that the best way to interact is to listen, and while listening I am aware of my own judgments. Doing so, it was easy to keep looking deeply into the situation and layer by layer removing the barriers that separates us. The only barrier is really what the mind creates. I also became distant from my family, boyfriend and dearly old friends, although it dosent mean I don't love them anymore (as some claim that's what happened) but much to the opposite. As I became more aware of our true nature, I found myself in love with all. They just can't see it ? Adyashanti said " Make no mistake about it – enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true." So yeah, during the process of awakening our identifications will be declining, I suppose it's common to experience a release of many or all attachments of the mind. And that has nothing to do with non love towards family members. I guess we won't find people to talk about psychedelics trips for spiritual growth or Akashic records in ordinary work or school, so yeah, I also don't have anyone around me that I can talk to, so this forum came very handy to me I am forever grateful for many people here that helped me greatly. I guess you can meet up like minded people on retreats, workshops or even Buddha-like stores/ coffee shops. I never tried lol I find too difficult and I am completely fine having online friends that I can deeply relate to and talk like I am talking to my oldest best friend. Not sure if that's any helpful to you, but thought I could share it. Trust your path! You seem to be doing great progress and eventually you will know how to live to your highest values. Rumi said " what you seek is seeking you". Slowly but surely you will know. There is no hurry to figure this all out. You are only 20 and seem uncommonly wise for your age, so yeah, keep doing your practices and clarity will come Being minimalist is one of the greatest aspects of my days now You said you are going to college, is your major related to what you realized you want now ? If not, well, you know what to do...?

This is my report of my insights of a 2g dried of magic mushroom trip that happened yesterday. This report may seems more like a high dose trip, however, I have done a lot of work to all of this occur in only a 2g dose, yet I had no idea I would go this far. --------- When I go for a trip, it's a full day preparation. So my day started with 30 minutes of HoloSync meditation, followed by 1 hour of Osho's Dynamic meditation, 40 min of Kundalini yoga and then another 45 min of Osho's meditation. At the begging of the trip I found fear was there with me. Well, I didnt want this "thing" with me the whole time, so already tripping I grabbed fear with own hand and throw it away, like I would drop an object out of my hand. Only 40 min in and this had happened. I knew it would be then a deep trip, had taken fear out, after that I was already beyond the thoughts. All was quiet when there was a sudden sound. I said "ok, mushroom please show me what I need to learn in order to grow ". I had no expectation at all, I trusted on what the mushroom can teach me. Next thing I know, I merged with the sound. I wasn't listening it from an outside perspective, it was me - the sound doing it and expressing it at the same time. Quickly after that everything went down. I had no identification with the mind, thoughts, body, external or internal. " Enlightenment for a wave is the moment the wave realizes it's the water". I read that on my wall. I then decided to look to my window and there was the ocean (yes the ocean is really there). As contemplate it, slowly I started becoming part of the ocean too. At this point on, there was nothing that the "I" wasnt. The "I" merged with my whole room and with the whole universe. I was the one being the universe and also the one perceiving my surrounding with my own eyes. I looked at my hand and I could not tell that was my hand - the hand was just part of existence and had nothing physical to it. I was the hand, and was also the space in between where my hands were and where the wall was. I was the hand, the oxygen, the atoms and molecules, the wall and anything thats beyond the physical wall. I was part of the source as much as the source itself. I was vibrations of energy that has no begging and no ending. I was water and the one who was drinking the water. I was nothing physical or the opposite of that. To be clear, all of these realizations didn't come at once but it's hard to describe what points were this or that happening, as the sense of time from the old perspective was long gone and the word "time " was just another word that had no direct meaning. I had also realized that I had no longer any feelings, no emotions, no identificatio with mind, It was there as the mind and the same time it wasn't. No sense of self, no "I" identified with one certain space, time or object. Everything I ever thought I loved was gone. Every single labelled I put on "this I love and this I don't " was just a pattern because I was pure existence and could only love all, because it's all me. And that was intense. I couldn't even cry or laugh because none of them applied to that moment. Nothing I ever learned before applied. All my senses were GONE. The world I knew was gone. I wasn't alive but wasn't dead either. I just was a being. It seems beautiful quoted here but it wasn't all pretty and wonderful as others awakenings I had before. I have been in a beautifully realm before where there was no pain, only infinite universal joy and love. Well.. now being everything and nothing at the same minute, when a minute isn't really there as merely 60 seconds and 60 seconds is also "me", it's holy shit intense. It was deepest play with fire I have ever been. Took me many hours to fully came back to the old sense of self. Although I am not fully recognized with the old self yet, much of what before I claimed to be part of me seems to be fully gone, what I used to like and dislike also may be gone. So, then, what is me ? I am existence. That was my experience and realizations. There may be some parts I misinterpreted and can't express with words clearly what was. I may have more insights coming as I go along and integrate it all. Thanks for reading if you did Comments and opinions always welcome

@Loreena Did you feel good while having this trip. What was your emotional state ? I can not say I felt good. Good didn't really exist or made sense during most of the trip. Emotions were gone too. Just at the very start I laughed when I looked at the window and the ocean was there but at same time it wasnt. It was there as the ocean, but it was clear the ocean was also me. There was nothing to separate me from the ocean, and I laughed because I looked to the window and saw the ocean everyday, but now I looked and didn't see the "same " ocean as before. After that, all the emotions were gone. You said you felt everything was, your hand was you, you were the water, and you said you had no emotions, wouldn't that feel very passive or robotic like dead. How is that feeling beautiful ? If you had no emotions, it means you neither felt good nor bad, just like a statue. Mundane and unaffected. Yes. Pretty much it, neither good or bad. At some point I could not say that the experience was beautiful, having no emotions and no identity, was intense. Yet, intense was not bad, or good. How helpful was such an experience in real life as you were coming out of the trip ? Very very helpful Shortly after the trip and the next few days I was still in a deep state of no identication with my mind, thought, personality, or emotions. Emotions still came up, and as I noticed them, they would go away pretty quick. And it was no longer intense, it was a sense of liberation on what I seemed to be stuck. So the good part came after the trip. A lot of my fears has been washed away. The night after the mushroom trip I dreamed of seeing a lot of snakes. I was just looking at the them. My whole life I was scared to death of snakes and would wake up in a state of deep fear when dreaming of snakes, but that night, I woke up in peace regardless of the snakes on my dream. Also, this last trip has helped me to clearly see that what creates the duality is my mind, and any minute I go to separation I ask "what is separating me from them?". The answer is clear: nothing! Then I can look deeply and find love. It's been wonderful to find love anywhere I go. Of course, I still experience negative emotions, but my awareness has increased deeply since this trip. My meditation practice also has been deeper and deeper since then. It's like a " Zero Experience" or "No Experience," right? ...How is that a good experience. It's like you are temporarily cut off from life. Yes. A good way to describe is that I felt neither alive or dead. And as I had no identification with nothing, I could just be existence, or life itself.

Why would that matter ? ? People idolize Trump, Obama, Leo, their teachers, God, the sun, the stars, this guy's thread. Not a thing one can do about that. If he sees it or not, if he likes or dislikes, that shouldn't be a problem either

It's where I met like-minded people. Where I am now it's very hard to find people that I can relate to, so I am forever grateful for this forum and all the wonderful souls here

It certainly appears that way Did you have this impression too @nexusoflife ?

That's awesome! Thank you @Shanmugam :)

? The Upanishads is on my book list, which only seems to grow these days. I will write to you when/if I get to it. I am also very interested on reading Liberation in one lifetime- Milarepa and Ramayana. Have you read these as well ? Yes, I am very curious to learn more theory and ancient tales, but ultimately we know they are a distraction.

@Mondsee You may find on your path that you can hug Stalin and Hitler, a rapist or a terrorist, and love them as your best friends, as you love yourself by no resisting the natural course of life - love, you will find this so called unconditional love.

Have you seen this @Joseph Maynor ? Doubt you will have questions after watching this

I had serious consequences for being honest with my boss and telling my true Truth! For being honest, I was called a liar and irresponsible. Eventually the situation turned around as I kept my honesty, she did apologize to me and all is well now. As to a stranger passing by, on the beginning of my process of "no more masks and lies" I would find hard to show anything but a polite happy face. Today, I am showing what I am. It dosent matter if anyone will like or not, agree or disagree. In the end, they can have any perspective they want to have, and that will not affect my being. To be clear, as soon as I started dropping the mask I was also increasing my awareness, doing so I am much more peaceful today then I was when I was pretending something and holding up a mask. But yes, I deeply realize that are tons of consequences of it. Especially for people that loves me and expect things from me, I realized the more I tell them my truth, the more I hurt them and consequently (a few times) I hurt myself too. " Why did I tell the truth if this caused so much pain? I should just have lied and put on the mask". I am learning to make peace with the truth - pain situation. The truth can hurt and be painful, yet once the REAL TRUTH is said, it won't matter, as I will find love within the pain. Wish you love and light on your journey @OnceMore

Oh uau! This is an incredibly profound trip! Thank you for sharing Definately the deeper mushroom trip I ever heard of. You did wonderful as for preparation and being ready for! Very happy for you the veil has been broken once, you can only go deeper for now on. Please, let us know how your pratictes are on the following weeks

Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa is my Kundalini yoga teacher. Her classes are highly effective She has online videos, but I got her DVD, so I am unsure which particular video to reccomend.

What do mean by "fully enlightened"? What is enlightenment theory for you? Don't need to tell me, just ask yourself that. If you are looking to feel happy and be connected to God, I am sorry but that is not enlightenment. IMO, we can't simply watch a few videos and decide "on yeah I wanna be enlightened", then do one or two pratictes and figure "if Leo never got it, I won't either". Well, the process needs to start from the very begginging. You need to learn to change your whole judgmental perspective over yourself and what others did and others do. Yes, you may never beat Usain Bolt, but that is NOT a comparison to realize our true nature. This is NOT a competition in X time. Much Like Leo said, Seems to me that there are tons of practices you need to focus on before getting into self pity " I will never be enlightened". I reccomend looking to master your emotions, make peace with yourself, learn to be present, learn to be extremely patient, watch Leo's video How to Get Started with Self Actualization - over 40 techniques and TRULY apply the pratictes you choose for a few years. That's when you will really start climbing the Everest and during the climbing, the forum is here to help with others insights and experiences that we may have been through

Einstein was not a spiritual sage, but was enlightened and applied his wisdom to develop the theory of relativity. I may be wrong, but in my opinion there is no way he would come up to the conclusion he did if he was "just" genius - on the brain level. And that was my point on putting up his name up there He "used" enlightenment to teach physics and the philosophy of science.

That's wonderful Yes. Yes. That's pretty much what I said I am not clinging to any concept. What I said is just what I experienced before. It dosent mean I am attaching to the concept. And to be clear, I never, not even for a minute claim that a certain concept is the real and only TRUTH. Yes. What I wrote is a concept. How else would I express "Enlightenment" if not by theory/concept? I simply don't know any other way I could express it, if not by theory. ? Yes, that's also a theory. Isn't it ? Yeah. That's the dream state, the matrix, the shadows on the wall. Although I am not clinging to thoughts, I answered what you asked based on my direct experience and trying my best to express myself with words. Yes. I realize it. That's why I am not going around and thinking about it. My practices does not include "today I will spend the whole day thinking and finding a good theory for what is enlightenment" LOL. Well, It's in fact an interesting subject to discuss, however in my opinion there is really no point to discuss too long. That would be the same as going to the movies and enjoying it, and then spend hours and hours trying to "get" something more out of it. Now if asked, how does one reach a permanent state of nonduality, that's another long and interesting subject as well

Enlightenment it's the full realization of our true nature. If one decides to live in a cave, that's his choice and his way of being. If one decides to be active in the worldly system, that's also his choice. In my opinion there is no such a thing as "more" or less enlightened, the difference is how they choose to live their life and express their Truth. Consider all the masters and their teachings and wisdom. Look at Jesus, Buddha, Plato, Einstein, Ramana Maharsi, Yogananda, Peter Ralston, Osho and so so many ancient masters and sages as well as of today's. Look how they all point to the same concept, but none of them got all the answers of the vast universe. Like Leo says, you can be enlightened and work at 7/11 or use the full realization to "be the change you want to see in the world". Well, I guess we are way off the subject of the guy's question and I apologize @How to be wise.

Well, don't assume an enlightened being "won't be critical". Any enlightened master has their own point of view just like anybody else. Much like Jesus, being enlightened means you are ready to be crucified to tell your Truth. If Osho said whatever he said about Jesus, Mother Teresa and so on, he was authentically expressing himself, and it dosent make him a "Zen devil".

Ego Death - what initially you assume is "you" is dying. The ego acts like a guardian trying to protect itself. The death of an ego happens when the egoic self is no longer in control, consequently it dosent have a particular identification with the self. Ego transcendence - The process of nonabiding awakening to abiding awakening. The ego is there, but it's loosing it's power to identify with emotions, feelings, needs, wants and all of the patterns an individual have. Enlightenment - Well, there are tons of books and videos about it, So I will put in my own short words: When the mind is free of the need to be free, no longer seeking any particular experience or expression. The mind simply is in the state of consciousness without a self and apart from the dreaming statre.

Negative emotions get stuck in the body. When we start on the spiritual path, we often find ways to release negative emotions/ energy. The body can experience a number of things when releasing negativity, such as heart palpitations, feeling cold, shivering, vibrations and so on. Usually when that happens, fear also comes up to the surface, you just need to learn how to deal with all that. But now for sure: that's a great thing! It's said that when strong negative emotion come to the surface it will "get out". It's like a cleansing process To work with all that I recommend: 1) Osho has a very effective way for energy work! Look for Osho's Dynamic meditation (and why to do yet ) on YouTube! 2) Watch Leo's video How to deal with negative emotion. It's an old one but yet very effective. 3) Any kind of body movement, be it running, CrossFit or even stretching. To me, Kundalini yoga is highly effective! Spiritual path is also about learning to properly move the body, along with so many other practices. And know that first this all may seem weird and uncomfortable, but learning how to be ok with that is also an asset for growth

This is topic is just like going to the movies on a Tuesday night @Leo Gura That's just too funny ? I love the way you express yourself on this forum! @Setty For most of people takes some self actualization practices to be able to realize the illusion we perceive. If you can be presence while watching cartoons, good for you @Martin123 Please, Let us know how it goes

You had a nonduality experience Now, I recommend you to drop everything your mind believes it's the Truth if you wanna go a step further into consciousness. A good starting point is to stop seeking a certain pleasure experience

Halifax, NS, Canada. Anyone in East Canada ?

@Azrael would you please describe how was your no break through experience with 5 - MeO ? How so / or what holdings would you say prevented to break through these times ?

@HikiNEET @phoenix666 @Space Thanks guys for your input Glad to see someone else on this forum also interested in such work I talked with some people from this forum and they helped me a great deal too I had a few more experiences and much less painful this time.