Valach

General trend is there, yes. Intimacy is a basic human needs and you can not be intimate (don't confuse that for sex) in some hookup scenario. Most people who won in life by being born to healthy parents and are able to connect to others safely simply pair up fairly quickly and tend to have healthy relationships that last. And so they are not out there sleeping with new people. I was hypersexual to a point as well, yes. I met a lot of woman and men in the circles who were the same. Looking back it was very obvious that most of us carried a lot of trauma. To give another example - one of the biggest signs of trauma is substance abuse. How many people who are highly promiscous that you've met don't drink. Alcohol is super prelevant in hookup culture. For a reason.

Always pleasure to read stuff from you

The thing with trauma is that you can develop a coping mechanism to your trauma that will lead to you actually being able to attract people a lot (to a degree I had that too - a lot of my charisma was performance), but it does not help you with having healthy relationships with people or with being content in general. It is performative and not genuine. So that is not something I would promote. Think about two people who have the same trauma and feel like they are not sufficient. One will cope with getting amazing career and hot girlfriend and whatnot. The other will cope by being resigned and playing video games and smoke weed. First one may appear more succesfull but deep down they both suffer the same.

I am still fairly early in the journey, I started just this year and as almost everyone I deal with a lot of self-sabbotage (read: doing jack shit and playing video games when I should be doing inner work). I would say TRE and IPF were the best when combined. I realized I carry a lot of tension in my body which makes it hard to do practices. TRE help me calm down and then the practices starting hitting more. As far as IPF -> I can't really comment on intimate relationships since I am not dating on purpose while doing this so did not have a close romantic partner yet. Things got first worse, way worse actually, because I suddenly became aware of all the patterns that used to run in the background. But from what I noticed I view other people in more positive light, it's like i am able to see the best in them even if we are not aligned. I am far more able to recieve validation (which I would often dismiss) and I crave it less. I am more open and vulnerable with people as well as authetic. I am less scared of people being dependent on me. Empathy increased quite a lot. Often times I have this feeling after meeting someone knew that I know them better than they know themselves. But I estimate I need another year probably to feel the full effect, let's see.

Learning from different teachers and modalities and drawing my own conclusions. Some of them are gonna be more popular (like Gabor Mate), some of them might be more controversial (like dr. Bercelli), some of them just unknown (like Daniel. P. Brown).

I see. Of course any meditative practice for building concentration or self-awareness or insight is great as an assistant for any healing - like vipassana meditation. Then TRE (trauma release exercise) worked very well for any bodily tension - it basically aims into triggering natural tremor response in our bodies that function to release tension from the body and nervous system. Then IPF (ideal parent figure protocol) for healing attachment trauma. It is basically about remapping narrative mind from the early childhood experiences. Basically you imagine ideal (different from real) parents behaving towards your 3-year old self in the best way possible and satisfying your core attachment needs - this then translates into how you relate to your self and other people as well. Then I did a bunch of IFS as well. Great tool, not sure how much it did for me as I was combining a lot of shit but it definitely made me more self connected.

Trauma's on of the biggest manifestation is within relationships and socialization.

Do you mean if healing modalities made me successfull or if I found modalities which effect made me progress in healing?

I do not believe that social skills are learned. That is what I meant. Social skills are given to any human being that went through life without major trauma and has a felt sense of somatic safety in their own body. Even things like empathy are given, always. The guys who are stunted and can't read woman (or any other people for that matter) are so because they experienced some trauma early on in their life and their coping mechanism was to shut down so they do not feel the pain. But at the cost of being unable to feel and read emotions of others. In pua terms -> You craving woman for the most part is a trauma response -> you feel like you are not good enough for them (read you dont think you have social skills) which is a trauma response -> you then go around bascially learning manipulation technique to soothe this inner wound with validation which is a trauma wound -> you succed, you are still traumatized person living in traumatized body but you have learnt to disassociate from the pain of your nervous system being wrecked by trauma by getting validation from people who are probably traumatized as well.

I don't really believe in the concept of social skills. But I understand your viewpoint.

That is what was mind boggling for me in the PUA journey, at least in the start. Everyone was talking to go out and talk to a lot of people to learn social skills so I do not feel social anxiety and I know how to talk to woman etc etc. But then I noticed a pattern. I would meet a woman, I would be nervous, not know what to say and all that. But eventually if she liked me and we would start talking, she would validate me (usually by sleeping with me) and then suddenly that unlocked me and I was able to be myself around her and suddenly I had the social skills and all that. Did I learn any social skills between our first date and say third date when we slept together? Not really. What was going on (and still is to a degree) is that my mind and body were conditioned to rejection due to traumatic childhood. So whenever I was in social situation, specially in romantic context might body would be bracing for rejection. Then when I would get validated and it would suddenly unfreeze me and I would be myself. Learning social skills was not needed. What was and is needed is to reshape your subconcious mind that it is not in this constant state of threat and locking your mind in.

Alcohol does not teach you social skills though. They are there, alcohol just unfreezes your nervous system so now you can talk. So the lack for people who can talk to woman drunk is in confidence, not in social skills.

Which is precisely what people need, the confidence to be authetic. You do not really need to learn what to say etc. You know that already, it is just supressed deep down.

Right. As I said the reason he is even able to do 100 approaches is that he gets either rejected or (more likely) self rejects himself out of interactions. I did not start game from the typical "zero experience", I was somewhat of a natural. So I never really went through the phase of mass approaching. But my typical daygame (which I did more) session would last for 2-3 hours where I would talk to about 10 woman max (if that). Simply because I would usually spend long time in interactions, have instadates and all that. So there is something going wrong here.

The spam approaching is good to do for one weekend - to just make this breakthrough to be able to approach at any given time. After that it makes more sense to focus on actually developing connection.

Many guys can not tell. I never saw him so idk what his sticking points are exactly. But he needs to start having longer interactions. It should be hard for you to reach high volume for approaches simply due to people being interested in talking to you so you keep having long conversations.

It is better to not focus so much on numbers. I don't think he is at the stage to recognize good and bad number.

Brother I will try to come back to this and formulate it beter later on. I need to get some work done right now and this response needs time for me to think.

Fair. But in my experience young woman are more prone to evaluate you by the amount of emotional stimulation you bring to her life and not focus on you character as much - so someone who hates woman but is just fun/charismatic might have his way with woman ( I have actually met plenty of men like that). Older woman might be different. But I don't have that much experience with older woman (romantically or platonically) since I am still in my 20's.

@Miguel1, I want to challenge you a little bit here, and I mean this in a friendly and constructive way. Reading your posts in this thread, as well as some of the things you've written previously, I sometimes wonder whether there might be a bit of spiritual ego mixed into how you see this whole situation. There seems to be a recurring narrative that you are highly developed/conscious, while most people around you are significantly less developed, and therefore it is extremely difficult to find someone who meets your standards. At the same time, you also seem to bring up things like being beautiful, looking young for your age, having very high standards, etc. And then there seems to be quite a lot of frustration around not being able to get the kind of relationship you want. I could obviously be completely wrong about you, because I only know you through what you post here. But taken together, something about that feels a little contradictory to me. Generally, when I meet people who have done a lot of inner work and have developed a deep sense of love and acceptance toward themselves and other people, I don't notice much need in them to emphasize how developed they are relative to everyone else. If anything, there often seems to be increasing humility about how much shit they themselves still have to work through. That doesn't mean I think your standards are unreasonable. I actually agree that once you care about self-awareness, emotional maturity, growth, etc., finding someone genuinely compatible becomes harder. And there is nothing wrong with wanting a partner who shares your values and can meet you at a certain depth. What I'm questioning is the relationship you have to those standards and the story surrounding them. I wonder whether instead of framing the problem primarily as "I have developed so much that there are very few women developed enough for me," there might be something useful in asking: What is dating still supposed to give me? Why does not having this particular kind of woman create so much frustration? Is some part of me still looking for completion, validation, or a sense of worth through having an exceptional partner? And perhaps letting go of dating could actually be useful from that perspective—not because you have transcended women or relationships, but because it gives you space to investigate what you were hoping to get from them in the first place. Maybe there is another direction worth putting more energy into as well: deepening the love you have for yourself and other people, and finding something meaningful through which you can contribute to others. I don't know enough about your life to know what that would look like for you, or whether dance already serves that role to some degree. But at least for me, orienting more of my life around what I can give rather than what I can get has been very helpful. And I wonder whether there is something there for you too. Again, I could be projecting or misunderstanding you. I'm not saying any of this as "you're actually not developed." I'm questioning whether the identity of being highly developed might itself be something worth examining.

To be honest, I don't think older woman would be more tolerant about this.

But you keep coming into this spam apporaching, this is not first time you mention this. 2 instadates are gonna teach you more than 100 1-minute conversations.

Wouldn't it be more productive at this stage of your development to focus less on spam approaching and more on actually building some connection within these approaches?

For me woman would often get mad that I have much softer hands than them. I never used anything for them but I have really soft skin on them.

@Miguel1 I do not think giving up entirely needs to happen. Why not just take it super easy and deprioritize it? I understand your frustration. I am also tired of situations where I come to a date and the woman really cares about what kind of music I like or what kind of series I am watching. As if it says anything about the person. But I do not see that as a reason to give up entirely. Just try to find your crowd (i know its hard) and take it way slower.