Valach

The post reeks of a lot of resentment. It is about you, not at all about the woman who are or are not hot.

How did you go about healing that?

Yeah, I feel like "abundance" as in dating bunch of girls is just a temporary relief from a deeper wound.

The tricky part is also being aware of why the one wants the things he/she wants.

I didn't want to talk to you specifically. Just wanted to paint the general picture of pickup community, where I see that we are all wanting this 10/10, yet we don't give a shit if our other life is 7/10. And I think that's a good thing (having non-perfect life). I feel like if we can't learn to be happy with a woman who is 7/10 or 8/10 looks wise, we have an issue on our hands. And I am struggling with the same thing!

This is exactly whom someone without much success with woman would admire. The dude does not have much game to speak of. Eventhough I dont like the term.

I mean, to be buying designer clothes is already materialism. Again, it does seem like the woman is extension of yourself in a way. Of you self-value in this case. I am struggling with the same thing so not judging, but I see this so often in the pickup community. You don't really care that much that your job is 7/10, your health or your friends are 7/10, why does the woman have to be 10/10? It often is because we project our own self worth onto her. What is your experience with dating/being in relationship with those top tier woman. I did date couple of them myself and I found that they are usually terrible at relationships. In a way the sheer options they have and the constant admiration and validations corrupts the soul. If I had to be born a woman in my next life and my intention was to have a healthy, mature relationships I would probably choose being 6/10 over 9/10 lol.

That is impossible to answer. There are just way too many different woman, even among the "most" attractive ones. Some of them will care very much, some of them really don't. Obviously those who do not are not as visible because they do not have instagrams full of expensive things etc. But yeah, if you want to have a stable, healthy relationship, you have to be somewhat stable - but not just financially. Another question is though, why do you desire these specific woman for a relationship. Me personally, I am not really a materialistic person and I would not enjoy company of such woman. I feel like often we desire these "top-level" woman just to prove our own worth to ourselfs, not out of genuine liking.

Curious about this conformity, would you expand on that? Also what do you consider excessive? I never liked the big tattooes covering big parts of body. I enjoy the cute small ones girls sometimes get.

I feel like it is so common these days that it is impossible to make any generalisations.

There are many ways to showcase competence though. Money is not really the smartest way to go about dating. If you want to have a stable long-term relationship, that is.

Fair, I missed that, sorry. The issue also is that most people lack self awareness to recognize when they indulge with it as coping mechanism.

It is a very common coping mechanism like anything you listed to escape internal shame, pain and all the uncomfortable feelings. I am not completely against porn and masturbation, though I think it is just better to masturbate without consuming porn. It also replaces the need to meet someone, to have sex etc.

Yeah, social media addiction is crazy out of control. That being said I would not consider watching porn for 30 minutes a day healthy either.

I feel like the issue is that humas are not really built to moderate such things. It is very easy to get addicted. It's quite similiar to social media you have listed in your list of "worse things".

Go ahead and define your own morals. I don't really pickup girls in the clubs so can't say myself. On dates I don't mind having drink or two with a woman, but I would never try to get her drunk in order to sleep with her.

Everyone has different morals, what do you think about it? It also depends what do you mean by drunk. I would not have an issue with w a woman who had 1-2 drinks to ease nervousness and anxiety. I wouldn't go for someone who is clearly drunk.

You have to learn how to screen for woman who are good at relatioships and not just chasing novelty all the time.

That is just having a good self esteem. You don't need game for that.

Agreed. Many of the characteristics that are praised as part of the game are quite unhealthy and will make you worse off relationship wise. I struggle with this quite a bit. And a lot of aspects of game work on unhealthy people mainly (which is majority of people so PUAs dont give a shit). A lot of woman would compliment me on how exicting I am. How they never know what I will do or say next. Then they get surprised that this is a shit characteristic trait for relationships and carries over a lot of internal instability.

Of course you can. But the more important question is. What do YOU want to share with the woman you are talking to? Not what you need to share to get some sort of positive reaction or avoid negative one.

@LordFall I do not dispute that entirely. I just think once you heal, the dating stops being about survival that much. I am not bypassing anything, I have been through pickup, I've seen the emptiness of it.

@Natasha Tori Maru Yes. I feel like attractives is quite a bit of projection. I don't feel good enough. I don't feel safe in this world. So I search for a value in the world to anchor myself in it. If I get a valuable woman (attractive according to society) that mean I am valuable and thus good enough. Do you yourself have experience with healing attachment trauma?

@LordFall I am not sure what happens then since I have not reached that stage yet. But I would argue that a big chunk of desire for very attractive partner is a desire to prove yourself, to others and yourself that you are good enough and attractive. Once you heal, you might be screening for compatibility and aligned values way more than for attractivness. Though it might still be relevant. I can't say myself. But I don't see in any way how this approach will hinder your attractivness. Quite contrary, I feel like this is the ultimate way to become attractive. If you are truly happy and content in yourself and do not have any need to prove yourself...that is gonna draw a lot of people in. Like, what else is there to learn after this?

@Spiritual WarriorMost people however have to go through it to realize it is not the answer. However many people get stuck in the endless chase of options. I am just trying to bring out that perspective. I believe on such forum it is okay. Wouldnt really post this on pickup forum.