Valach

Okay, that is a legitimate redflag, fair enough. I just pointed that out because search for the "perfect partner" is more often than not just a defensive strategy for avoiding intimacy.

I would definitely hard avoid any alcohol or substances for that matter on any dates. That is going to make it easier for you to keep your intentions clearer. As for whether she is right for you or not? Have you considered that this might be just avoidance?

But you do not built relationships on laughter. As @Miguel1 said a lot of what works within the realm of casual or PUA dating is basically an antithesis of healthy long-term relationships. I am not saying that having fun is an enemy, but there should be some level of seriousness and vetting in the dating process and that is inherently not as emotionally stimulating. It is quite interesting when it comes to this if you think about it. There is a general consensus that focusing on just what feels right is not the best life strategy - then I would just play videogames, jerkoff, smoke weed etc. Yet when it comes to dating most peoples vetting process is basically "How emotionally stimulating is this person" - it's nuts.

@Miguel1 Read throug the topic and I agree with your approach. While there is nothing inherently wrong about dating more people at the same time (if you are honest about that), I feel like it tends to mix up too many energies/dynamics with different people in order to view them somewhat objectively. Besides I feel like just as @Zenterus mentioned, I filter out most woman on the first date anyways so it is hard to imagine for me to be seeing multiple woman at the same time whom I would be actually interested in. If I meet a woman where I see the potential for us to go further, I want to explore that. Trying to run around and find more people to date with seems like a defensive strategy to sabotage your relationships.

Damn, never knew that.

Hard to give any specific advice when you do not describe your interactions nor your sticking points. Looks wise you look just fine and should not be held back by it. My guess would be that you view the whole thing way too mechanical from the way you keep track of approaches/dates/sex etc. That was my impression from guys who did that whom I met IRL.

Natasha is mine! Stay way, you muggle.

It is interesting how girls will share it freely once they feel like you are not judging them. I have encountered these "lists" as well and I always got an ick around that. Feels quite objectifying.

Yeah, similiar. I used to be of belief that it does not matter at all. Some experimentation is fine and maybe warranted. But people who do not stop at some point do so for a reason. And that reason is not usually aligned with being good at long term relationships. But just like you, I do not really ask that.

Curious what is absurdingly high number to you?

It is both interestingly enough. The "healthy people" (without me shaming you in any way, I struggle with the same) simply pair up fairly quickly and tend to stay in those relationships so they never really get to sleeping around that much. Then you have insecure attachment (avoidants mostly) who engage in casual sex way more which reinforces their beliefs. Seeking perfect partner, being stuck on ex from past etc. are all defensive mechanism from getting hurt. Fear of rejection is a core fear of all avoidants.

I really enjoy your takes on here. Thanks for that. In my experience also people who chase intense short term situations also kind of condition themselves out of sustaining long term relationships - If all you know and want is excitment, what are you gonna do when it wears off with your long term partner right?

Author of the post, not you.

Okay, the very first comment he made here. Like I do not know what to tell you. This dude gets warning for the way he speaks to woman every second time he contributes, yet you find my views shallow for thinking he is misogynistic?

Like 5 instances of his messages just in this very post.

His "views" are heavily misogynistic.

I never said someone is bypassing or projecting. Sure, these arguments are cyclical and I can't really have any sort of "proof" of my arguments since I am just using my own experience. But then when I see questions many of the guys have on here it is quite visible that they still have a lot of development to do around the topic. It is a inner conflict really for me. Sure, this is a dating section, but we are also on spiritual forum as @Xonas Pitfall pointed out. I would expect many of the things claimed here more on some sort of underground pickup forum, not here.

Do not understand how you made it to almost 3k posts around here and did not get banned.

Yes, everyone who views woman as humans is a whiteknight from your paradigm.

Then we wonder why we have no woman engaging here.

Ye, yea. Comparing woman to food. You clearly do not care and do not derive sense of self worth from her.

I think there is another layer to validation that you're missing here. Not needing validation from one particular woman doesn't necessarily mean that your self-worth isn't organized around validation more broadly. I've known very attractive women who had enormous dating abundance. They genuinely didn't care much if one particular guy rejected them, because there were ten other guys interested in them. On the surface they looked completely non-needy and independent of male validation. But after getting to know some of them deeply, it became obvious that they were still very insecure about their worth. They had simply externalized that worth into their attractiveness and desirability. Their security came partly from knowing that they could get attention, rather than from not needing that attention as a foundation for their worth. So there's an important distinction between: "I don't need this particular person to validate me." and "I don't need my identity as a desirable person to validate me." You can be completely unfazed by one woman withdrawing attention while still being deeply invested in being the kind of man who has money, status, options, and access to highly attractive women.

`Then show off your self awarness and tell me truthfully. Why do you desire "abundant" dating life?

Fair enough. I can't prove it though as I have just my personal experiences with helping guys around their dating life and emotional issues sorounding them. But you can easily see the insecurity in the way people post around here. Like one post will be "I live in abundance and enjoy it so much etc.", the next post from the same person will be "Should I do thing X to appear more attractive to others - be it looks, game, social media, some dating strategy" - it always has the same root - insecurity and shame - sense of not being good enough,

How am I projecting? You had multiple instances on this forum with me, @Natasha Tori Maru, @Zenterus (sorry for the pings) and many others where whenever someone disagress with you you default to "You are projecting/spiritually bypassing/not living in enough abundance and I am right". There are many of such topics on the forum around this. This is not discussion about monogamy or polygamy. That in itself is a very complicated debate as well.