Valach

In what ways do you think? EDIT: Sorry, I missread that, I think I get what you meant now (not a native speaker )

I agree. How is it related to blocking? I have blocked my ex (not out of whim of emotions) but as intentional decision almost one year ago now. And I have spent the year healing my attachment wounds, grieving the life I did not get and growing in general. Why would the act of blocking be immature there? Why is it even relevant? Almost everyone has trauma. The more you learn about it the easier it is to see.

But that is what you do as well no? You said it yourself, that you do not block to not send the message of some hatred. That is still seeking to appear mature. I would be very careful there. Trauma and pain related to this was the biggest catalyst for my own personal growth and raise in consciousness. Besides, most people have plenty of trauma, most of us are completely unaware or living in denial about having it.

And if I am still attached and I seek independence from them via blocking so I can focus on my goals and whatnot, would that signal maturity or immaturity? Furthemore, would you say someone with trauma is inherently less mature?

Why?

Because you are hurt in some way and you with to not see them anymore (social media, stories etc.) or you want to signal to yourself that it is truly over and cease the contact. Or you want to prevent yourself from reaching out in times of weakness (not sure if that works since you can unblock anytime).

Okay, what is immature now about blocking an ex?

Okay and someone preffering peace of not getting calls all the time might block the number, does that make the person immature?

People block someone for different reasons. I never though of it as sending some kind of message. I simply did it for myself.

I am not judging you for blocking the number as well, I understand it. Simply saying that it does not do much for me (does not trigger me - I do not really check who I have stored in my phone anyways). I don't think it is immature. What would be immature is not blocking it if you know it will help you heal out of fear of appearing immature.

@Miguel1 I also struggle with getting over breakups and letting people go. But that is because I have abandonment trauma so breakup triggers all the old wounds. Personally I do delete stuff common photos and remove/block their socials so I do not see them and get reminded of them. The nervous system needs to get used to not seeing the person anymore. Blocking the phone number does not do much for me as there is no photo there so the brain does not get triggered by seeing the number.

I am not saying it is healthy. I am simply saying that you should not be structuring your life around what you think other gender views as high value or cool or desirable. That is still you seeking validation. What is "healthy" also depends on the paradigm you operate from. When I was doing this couple of years ago I had a fairly rich social life (it was always very easy for me to make friends for some reason) so in a way I was "pausing" my social life to do pickup, it was not my only choice so to say. And woman had no issue with it for the most part. That being said, yes, today I would not consider it healthy. But to be honest I would not consider going out to clubs and doing hookups or using dating apps for that healthy either. Personally I would stay away from anyone who drinks alcohol (of course not gonna judge glass of wine with a dinner). So again, depends on your paradigm.

Most people are not. That is why deriving your of sense of how "succesful" you are at life from how capable are you at attracting people. It is not a measure of health being good at attracting unhealthy people.

Whilst I understand the sentiment, this is a very dangerous sentence to ask yourself. Why do you even care what your future partner wants you to be? You should be really only concerned with what kind of life do you want to life for yourself (which of course is very hard if you are attached to getting validation of woman - I am still there too).

Oh, yeah then we kind of just have different semantics. I am not saying they genuinely do not feel like assholes. It's just not who they truly are. They developed their personality around trauma. But they feel like that is who they are, yes. Anyone who has trauma (which is most people) will have trouble knowing who they are under all these defensive mechanisms. What I am trying to say is that I have met assholes who were good with woman - they are emotionally so disconnected from themselves that they have no clue who they are under all the pain.

I would argue that the assholes are not being themselves either. No one is an asshole or "mean" person by default. This is usually a learned behaviour to cope with some wounding. Unfortunatly there are a lot of behaviours that are not healthy but a lot of people will resonate with them and find them attractive (usually because their own wounds resonate with that). It's not worth emulating or developing these though.

Maybe we all should focus on more important things than proving to our egos we are right and above some internet forum users.

Of course you would say that

Then explain how was it limiting for you? From the comments you post on here I sincerely doubt you outgrew that stage.

And even more experience will teach you the limits of your approach. It is really just showing off how needy and desperate for validation people who seek this really are. Which is not a bad character trait, most people struggle with this, I do too.

It's a great advice, but it takes time to grow into place to let it land. It will reach you at the right time.

Authentic relating is one of the most healing modalities in my experience. It is basically your conscious mind telling your subconscious that who you are right now is sufficient.

How? I spoke against PUA, not against having sex.

Thanks for wording it out for me. I am not native speaker so struggle with that sometimes. Though for me, it is more about healing and trauma release then about building your external life.

Find a woman to have a sex with if you need to and focus on healing your trauma. Do not waste time on PUA, what is so hard to understand about that?