Valach

Agreed. And let's also not paint people who are not interested in spirituality as "less wounded", they simply chose different coping mechanism. I met so many "normies" who clearly show a lot of trauma, yet are not drawn to this stuff.

I think part of it is also that we just became very hedonistic and self centered as humans. This approach of relationships with the question of "what do I get from it", whilst understandable, does not lead to healthy relationships in my experience.

Deep down you are affraid of rejection, that is why you do not lead your interactions and escape into another one.

I don't doubt that It's just that the really spiritual people I met here in Europe gave me the feeling that they would not really fit with the average "bali crowd".

It is up to you how you use it. The point is that he will be more motivated to stop self ejecting from the sets.

It is incredible hard for me as well. I don't have a very good answer for you. But building self connection and self awareness is the key for any inner, I believe you do them to. To give you an example: About 1 year ago I was casually seeing a woman. One evening I felt horny and hit her up to come to my place and she agreed. Nothing wrong with that eh? But at the time I was already starting to make some progress with the stuff. So I tried to stay with the feeling of horniness. I befriended it and went deeper. Underneath I found a deep sense of loneliness, unworthiness and sense of being lost. I found a small kid that wants to be desired and chosen by someone. It made me realize that I was just using this woman to stuff down any contact with these emotions. So I had to cancel on her and went into focusing on healing myself. And I see this as missing in the "hedonistic" spirituality. People come to that and want to feel good. Be it by spiritual practice, some healing modality or just the lifestyle itself. But true healing is not just about immediate relief. It is not just about feeling good. It is primarily about feeling more. Feeling the pain of your existence, feeling your traumas, feeling how you were mistreated as a child and how you try to cope with it as adult. For a large part of my journey so far I would even argue that I feel worse. I feel a huge sense of sadness and loneliness. But I embrace them and cry it out. And I find that this is the true inner work. When people claim they want to feel good, what they mean usually is that they just want to feel less. They want to distract themselves from their own inner suffering. I am not sure what you mean by the society's judgment though? Could you expand?

I have a feeling that also people imagine different things under spirituality. I have been to bali, just briefly and what people on there define as spirituality seems to be just Hedonism 2.0. labelled as spirituality so they can feel superior about themselves. A lot of these healing trips and ceremonies are just huge escape attempts.

Congratz. Now sleep with a man who hates woman and you have conquered dating.

So it forces you to actuall stay and enjoy these interactions instead of running towards another set.

You want a challenge now? From now on you are allowed to make maximum 3 approaches a day, after that you have to go home. Make it count.

But what is your long term goal that was my point. You literally are coming here claiming that you are learning game and at the same time don't want to waste time talking to girls, don't you see how counter-productive this is?

Okay but what do you want? Do you want to just master approaching everyone? Or are you looking for something? Why are you even approaching woman if you reject them then?

Yes, but the definition of sapiosexual is that the primary attraction is intellectual. I have met people like this and they simply do not care about physical attraction much. So they don't really differentiate between someone being average or hot just like I do not really care if the woman has blue or brown eyes (doesnt really change my attraction to her persoanlly).

It is hard, indeed.

Yeah, well I think if people value only the physical aspect of relationhips and no sense of intimacy or connection, they have their own issues. Which I see quite often. Most relationships are just glorified version of FWB.

But you yourself have mentioned that physical beauty is very important to you. How can you be sapiosexual then? Would you date a woman who is not conventionally attractive? Say average looking? Btw. I will still respond to the previous conversation, need to contemplate on it.

What is problematic seeking?

Almost everyone has trauma to some degree. I would not be surprised if all of us in this thread have it.

It feels like large chunk of people on this forum are just rage baiting at this point.

Forgoting trauma does not mean it does not impact you anymore. Most people are completely unaware of their trauma. By design.

A small child whos survival is completely dependant on their parents does not have any choice.

Trauma is not really about what happened to you (even if that is the initial trigger), trauma is about what happened inside of you because of what happened to you. If a child is being dismissed by its parents, it develops a belief "I am not not enough, I am not wanted, I can not depend on others" - that is the trauma.

How so?

Trauma is also inward experience, it hinders true self esteem.

I am not. Take it as you will.