MM1988

I denied that I even have emotions and was depressed my whole life since a teenager. Ive started my daily meditation practice 1 1/2 years ago (now yoga) and I saw that I was slowly but steady able to recognize bad emotions but I was still not able to do anything about it. About 3 weeks ago it seems like I broke some threshhold and it finally clicked and I now understand what it means to allow emotions. Im easily conscious of my emotional state the whole day and whenever I feel bad I lay down or find a quiet place and work through it. The thing is, ive been doing this for 3 weeks now and the bad emotions just keep coming and coming. I can work through an issue and feel really good and like im done with it for good - and about 1 hour later its back and I have to do it all over again. I can go to sleep feeling relaxed and I wake up feeling miserable all over again. I swear on the weekends Ive been lying on my couch for hours without distractions working through depression just to have it reappear the same day. At work I have to suck it up for a while or I wouldnt get any work done but I still try to allow the feelings whenever possible. Has anybody gone through this? Does it get better? I dont know if its the built up shit over the years, or if this is just my life now.

Leo said he would tell us about the messages of emotions in part 2 of this video that never came. Anybody got ressources on that because I'm highly interrested in it.

The thing is I have really everything in my life in order. Every time I was rejected I did what everyone says and focused on myself more. But now Im 30 and I wonder WHEN will it happen and will it even happen.. I have zero confidence with girls and I dont know how to acquire it if everybody rejected me up to this late point in life. I can tell myself Im a good catch all day but I wont believe it anyway. I dont know how I would break out of this cycle other than a girl falling for me by pure luck, and thats never going to happen. And im tired of focusing on myself and putting off relationships for another decade.

@Serotoninluv But what if then the thought pops into my mind "I shouldnt control this situation/thought" and then I dont? Or what if I deteach from an emotional situation because I have some thoughts about what eckhart toll talks about then I feel better just because this stuff exists as a concept within my head? Was this decision made by the ego or my true self? Its just like a recontextualization of the situation that makes me feel better. Exactly like someone who got brainwashed and now he doesnt feel bad about killing certain peope. This person simply got his psychology rewired to frame a situation differently. It doesnt seem like that would have anything to do with awakening.

What exactly happens if I have a negative thought, become aware of it, and then drop it? If I am not my thoughts and I cant control them I shouldnt be able to control them just by being aware of them. I dont get how this works. How does raising consciousness change thoughts? If free will does not exist becoming more aware would just mean I can watch the mess unfold. How does it influence further thoughts or lets me deteach from emotions?

@Leo Gura This is the exact problem with sites like reddit. I made a website+software that eliminated just that some years ago but it didnt take off

How are these two connected? Can you be depressed when you are on a higher-than-average consciousness but nowhere near enightened?

@YaNanNallari Thank you a lot. Its either this or therapy.

I know I shouldnt interact with people when in the lower self because I'm just miserable, cant focus on them at all,will pity myself or if I can fake it for a while they will at least definitely know something is up. The problem is I'm in my lower self 99% of the time. I just sit in my room lonely, not motivated to do anything. I can use meditation or sedona to release these negative emotions and it will work for about an hour and then they come back. Or maybe I'm feeling good for a day and I think this is it, I finally made progress. And the next day I'm back to zero. There was a time where I just hated work days and on the weekend I could relax and have fun with a videogame. This is not possible anymore, I'm suffering on the weekends now too. I cant bring myself to even play a video game or watch a movie or really do anything. I talked about this with my parents and they are very worried about the direction my life is heading, alone, no relationship, smoking a lot, really no happiness in my life. I can tolerate going to work for now but I wonder for how long. If I had to describe how I feel its just wave after wave of sadness. It doesnt matter if I'm conscious of it or not, the waves come. Its just my normal way of being. And I dont know if thats really a way to live life. At my worst times I think about suicide a lot I just cant sustain a normal level of happiness.

@YaNanNallari you are right but I cant spend my whole life sitting at home watching my emotions. I'm just sensitive to everything. I got rejected by a girl 3 weeks ago and it still haunts me daily whereas every normal person will brush it off immeditately.

@Nahm Its a combination of negative thought patterns about myself, my past and anxiety about the future mostly concerning my romantic life, sometimes my health. a lot of nihilism, boredom and low self esteem mixed in. No therapy yet

@Nahm About 2 years ago I was suffering intensely, suicidal thoughts every day. After a big panic attack I said to myself this is it, and started meditating daily, and I havent lost a day since. I ordered tons of books, gave up alcohol and weed, worked on my diet. But the progress isnt gradual at all, I had many times where the suffering came back as strong as it was before even though I thought I were over it. I had more panic attacks after that. I made zero progress with romantic relationships and had more things happen in that area that hurt my self esteem. I had days where I was on a high and thought I'm over it only to fall back the very next days. In my darkest days I think of all the effort Ive put in so far and see that I'm still inside that hole. Its even more demotivating. But I will keep trying to get out of it.

Update: About 2 weeks ago after intense suffering and brute forcing sedona something in me shifted and I was able to allow emotions. I was not suffering despite something going wrong in my life again. I felt lighter and was able to cry and let my emotions flow. To my surprise I was able to maintain this for a full two weeks. This weekend the suffering crept back on me, things didnt go as planned and I was resisting once again. I thought I had lost it. Last night I had a horrible dream and woke in the middle of the night with intense anxiety. Today at about 2PM the shift happened again. I am able to let the emotions flow. I dont know what it is but I'm glad its back. I can feel it in my stomach, it feels lighter. I will probably lose it again in the future.

@Robert I know, im working on getting a SO for a decade now with zero progress. Everything in my life is in order but girls just cant feel attraction towards me for some reason.

I dont know if its related to my yoga practice but some time ago I had a strange experience where I suddenly felt exactly like Im coming up on an E. I felt this euphoria and my heart rate increasing, my pupils were even dillated. Even though it felt quite good I was also freaking out at the same time because I didnt take anything that day. So I resisted it a lot and 20 minutes later it was gone. That got me thinking, could it be possible to release neurotransmitters at will and get yourself high without drugs? I know wim hof can control his immune system though yoga and sadhguru often talks about a simmilar thing whenever asked about drugs.

@cetus56 sorry for not clarifying it, its slang for MDMA. MDMA releases the neurotransmitter serotonin in your brain.

yeah this is stupid as hell, just mixing random drugs and being delusional.

All my bullshit radars go off reading this. The thing is, if you can delude yourself into all kinds of things if you want a specific outcome. And if some guy tells you your consciousness is higher than before you will start to "see" it everywhere. I know this effect from various self help book techniques. You will tell yourself wow this shit actully works and feel great for a couple off days. Than reality sinks in and it does nothing for you anymore. It just gave you an emotional reaction and you deluded yourself. Not that all techniques are total bullshit but you are bullshitting yourself especially if you paid for it.

I wonder this for a long time. It doesnt matter if the girl is white trash or if she is high educated. ALL GIRLS WANT THAT CAVEMAN SHIT You have to be sexist, into masculine sports, drinking, fighting, be hyper agressive and take no shit from anybody. You would think that would not fit with intelligent girls but they go crazy for it. If you are not that kind of guy or if you are even sensitive you are out of luck, you will either stay single or fake this shit (and work against your integrity) for the rest of your life. There comes a point where you just have to accept who you are and if that means you can not have relationships or sex you will have to bite that bullet. You have to get real and align yourself with reality. This is how evolution works in this reality and weak man simply get sorted out. If you born with one leg you cant spent your life dwellling over not playing in the NBA.

holy shit haha

Which stage in spiral dynamics do you guys think Marcus Aurelius was at?

These incidents seem to happen more frequently and the Incel community seems to grow every day. Nowadays due to shallow culture and social media 80% of girls go for the 20% of top guys and a ton of guys will end up working their ass off for society without ever experiencing intimacy. Its logical some wont accept that. Watch this stuff happening on the media, its only going to become worse everyday over the next years. This generation of girls is already so picky that being an average dude isnt enough anymore.

If it happens to you, how can you recognize it so you can call the doctor in case its actually a medical emergency.

If life is intelligent does that mean that infinite intelligence just designed the laws of physics, atoms and stuff like that. Or does that also mean that my life, whats happening to me, which people i influence is designed in an intelligent way. Basically I want to know if infinite intelligence extends to the social levels of reality. RSDTyler said something once that stuck with me. He said as soon as you are on the path to become your best self it seems like life will give you the lessons and rewards you need and exactly when you need which one. Obviously he isnt enlightened but can someone who is tell if he's right?

Lets say your girlfriend broke up with you and its very hurtful (hypothetical, I'm single). And now she dates new people immediately. Would you rather avoid the places where you could see her and stay home, or is it better to go out anyway in fear of seeing her and ruining your night? Staying home seems like emotional avoidance but putting yourself in these situations seems like harming yourself over and over? Both don't sound good.