MM1988

@F A B hit the nail on the head

@Mikael89 get in here dude this is a thread for you

It seems like behaviour like meditation and searching for truth is contraproductive to finding a partner as a male. If you do one you cant have the other. This is why many christians until today practice abstinence, it stems from a core truth that jesus realized in his direct experience. You will have to give up on romance to pursue enlightenment.

Forget it, thanks for the advice I think its good. Im just becoming neurotic about this topic again.

@aurum how do you show interrest for example? btw. its exactly what I did. I showed interrest by trying to kiss her and then I disappeared. Then she contacted me again to go for drinks and we did that, but I didnt make a move or showed interrest again ("mysterious") and that was it, she lost attraction.

if she contacts with direct interrest then yes, otherwise no. This shit is making me too neurotic, I need to look out for myself first. Fuck this guy earth.

@NoSelfSelf Shes an acquaintance and a bit in my friend circle not someone i knew from tinder etc.. We only got close and I made a move she rejected recently though. Then she wanted to see me again for something but I didnt make another move because she rejected me the last time and I was back to friends mode. Then I got this "maybe I should do another move" and tried to get her alone another time. But its always the same. I ask her to do something, she has something to do, I ignore her, she texts me again, I ask her to do something, she invites friends with it or has somethign to do etc. i flirt with her some more over text, I ignore her etc.... same cycle for some weeks now. And now im just saying fuck it because i suffer from it. I thought I could take this easily and make a move or flirt from time to time. But I cant, im too attached.

I was pursuing this one girl who is perfect for me for some weeks now, making an attempt maybe once per week when she texted me again. She always seemed vague and everytime she texted me I was back in pursuit mode. Yesterday because I suffered so much from it this week I decided its over for good. Im going to avoid her just so I can put an end to this for myself. Who knows maybe she comes back, maybe not. I have to loose my attachement. She just texting me again wont be enough this time. When shes showing clear interrest like inviting my over to be alone with her I may be on board but other than that, I suffered enough. @NoSelfSelf

@NoSelfSelf I literally saved your comments to my notes book. I hope this advice is good haha.

@NoSelfSelf By the way, since most guys get into relationships somewhere in their life. How the fuck does everybody know to behave like that instinctively? Its completely lost on me.

@NoSelfSelf By the way I did that too in the past and what basically happened was, while I was waiting for her to do something I suddenly hear she has something with someone else and its over. Which got me neurotic about "not pursuing enough" again.

@NoSelfSelf Isnt that a very passive role? Arent you supposed to be active as man and basically do everything?

@NoSelfSelf that would make total sense but how would you ever establish an emotion connection if you only pursue a little bit and then just dissappear and wait ? That stuff is so complicated.

The scientists models are far more accurate. A cavemen would assume the earth is flat.

Some days your mind will just decide to make your life a living hell.

@Nahm I'm trying so hard, I really try. And it goes well for a couple days and then I have a really bad day like today and the neurosis just goes into overdrive. The suffering just builds up and staying conscious takes a lot of energy. And when a certain breaking point is reached I go into "fuck everything" mode.

Normal Ego: Alright, you fucked up this date, but look some girls liked you in the past, maybe you arent her cup of tea. others will come and like you. My Ego: Holy shit dude you didnt have a single sucess with a girl in over a DECADE. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. I know you already tried a lot but there is something totally going wrong. NO SIGN OF THINGS IMPROVING EITHER. LOOK AT THE STATISTICS FOR FUCKS SAKE. WTF HOW CAN YOU SIT HERE MEDITATING ?!

@Mikael89 You are so right. All these people preaching here have had normal formative experiences growing up so their neuronal network and psychology isnt as fucked and focused on failure as ours. They are healthy human beings. The purpose of ego is to calculate future based on past. And our ego is basically ringing the alarm bells non stop based on our past experiences. "Just write a different story in your mind". So easy to say when you are not suffering under your twisted mind every day and cant put a stop to it.

I'm not denying that it probably wont make me happy. But it is what is on my mind all day and my mind tells me thats the reason I'm suffering and thats just reality. I know its probably bullshit. @Mikael89 My experience as well. There was a 3-4 year period in my early twenties where I was open for a relationship but didnt look for one and was content alone. Of course nothing happened. Its just now that I'm nearly 30 my neurosis is going into overdrive.

@Strikr If you dont want a relationship you obviously dont suffer. Many autistic people are like that. Do you think I can just turn it off? I would if I could. You cant compare that to League of Legend, being good at video games is not nearly as fundamental as the human need for intimacy. And for me playing video games is the exact opposite of winning at life.

"I cant win the lottery, the chance of winning is smaller than 1:100.000.000. Its pointless, the game is rigged against me, I tried for 15 years and didnt make any bit of progress." "Enough with this victim mentality."

@Nahm You know whats kind of shitty about this forum. Everytime someone who is nowhere near enlightenment and deeply suffering from emotional problems asks for help here he gets showered with all this - excuse me - non dual bullshit. Its triggering to say the least, because when you are in that situation this information maybe sounds good but it does nothing but confuse you. Its also why Eckhart Tolle is so popular but I bet 99% of his readers are still suffering. Its just a thought in their head. It maybe helps a little bit, but the suffering perspective will be back over and over again, and it will feel 1000x as real. But I dont know what else advice someone could give. There is really no way to help ordinary people. Life isn't a Love Simulator. Life is the most sophisticated torture device.

@Rilles You are totally right but the situation is more complicated and paradoxical than that. I have to not want a relationship to have a good relationship. To become better with girls I have to learn flirting, make moves, etc. while at the same time I should not be doing these things because its a search for an external fix and I should fix myself first. So do I chase girls to become better with these things or do I do nothing and concentrate on myself for years? Plus there is a timer ticking at the same time, I have maybe 5 years left to really start a family and thats late already. And I'm starting at zero. I cant work on myself for 10 years. Practically I have to do something right fucking now but I should also stay away from dating at the same time. There is no way to win this but to give up. If I had a relationship or at least knew I could get one when I wanted I would be double motivated to become the best version of myself. Its the only part of my life that seems totally outside of my control. Like this, its everyday like "do I continue with this self improvement thing today or should I just jump in front of a train and be done with it?".

@Enlightenment dont you resent other people sometimes for why they have it so easy and relationships are just a normal part of your their life and for you this area of life is just closed off for unknown reason and you have to go through all this suffering to cope with it?

@Rilles I dont want to be 50 and regret never having had a relationship or family. I want that to be a possibility for me. I dont want to die without ever having had an intimate relationship. So I'm already working on the long term solution to eliminate that "need" and surrender myself to my fate, even if it means I maybe cant have a relationship in my life. But this solution is very long term and I'm suffering and doubting like crazy. I'm neurotic 24/7.