LoNatural

16/3 Feeling really good lately. I'm starting to cut fat and keeping on working on my studies while thinking about the future. I see myself living in eastern europe as the quality of the escorts is excellent. As a final attempt to try to get girls for free I'm going to cut some fat and try to play on a band. That's right there my last resort. I'll do it cause I love playing music, but I won't try any more things in terms of getting girls, It's a waste of time and I know it. song of the day :)

15/3 Just had a shitty day. i was at the gym and I saw a tall chad with a 7,5/10 girl. I went frequently where they were to change some dumbells, one of those times he tapped her ass and he looked at me in the eye. He was reminding me that she has chosen him, not me. He gets to bang that chick, I don't. I got really angry, but I know physical confrontation isn't the solution. Life is too short to give in into depression, I can just LDAR but I fucking know that won't solve anything.

14/3 Just took a day off to clear my mind. It has been worth it, I smoked a joint and ate a lot of junk food, just because I could. I ended up watching a documentary and wanting to be workaholic again. I still have to deal with emotional trauma and I want to progress with women. My only conclusion is that I don't want to build a weed habit. I want to return to pickup, I want to overcome my fear of intimacy and I want to get a decent career. It'd be really sad to leave this world ignoring the most precious thing on earth, sexual relationships. Prostitution doesn't have that validation/intimacy component, and for me to become more mature I have to get those reference experiences. The problem is that women's expectations are so high I don't know if It's worth to even try it, I'm just too tired.

12/3 Still going strong. I'm proud of my evolution. I'm in an upward spiral. The secret? To be humble and to know that life will crush you if you relax too much. I know I'm overcompensating, and I love it cause this will keep me in abundance. I'll have an abundance of women cause of my moneymaxxing. I'll have a great health cause I don't even drink and I have healthy habits. Anyways, If it isn't broken don't fix it, I'll simply go on with my grind.

11/3 I think I shouldn't obsess over one specific form of getting what I'm craving the most, sex. I have to live in the present moment, to do things with my family and friends, to get to know them better and to enjoy life without sacrificing the future. To transcend our biological needs we have to fulfill our basic needs. Sex is one of those, and in the current sexual marketplace getting access to it will become increasingly harder. This is a reality that women and white knights will deny because they don't want to deal with a problem that doesn't affect them. I'll learn from them and I'll be selfish too, but without letting my anger control me. If i get a decent body I'll be able to pull some decent chicks, my options aren't as bad as I'm making them to be. Having sex with below average looking women would be a really pleasant experience and I don't want to simply ignore that possibility. My main plan will be to have a crushing career. To hire escorts and to attract some occasional post wall gold diggers. Not trying to sound too harsh here, I'm simply not done with the process of accepting all of this stuff. song of the day :)

10/3 Who am I going to lie to, investing that much energy into the sexual market place isn't worth it. As a short man I'm doomed. I might as well excel at making money and enjoy indulging in sex with escorts. Even if I find a woman hot enough for an LTR I won't be able to date her, I'm too resentful. I want them to feel the pain I'm feeling right now. Victory or Valhalla. Now I understand feminists and their anger. It's tough to be judged on something that you have no control over. I'll learn from them. They don't kill themselves or let their damnation take them down. I'm not going to give up. I'll just make money, bang escorts and enjoy life. No mercy, no quarter.

9/3 A shitty day, I'm sick and I want to do many things, but I can't. I've decided that I'll start taking steroids once I'm about 25, low dosages. This will be to improve my looks and confidence, and to do my best at the current dating market. I know they will probably hurt my fertility but I don't care. I have a dream, a fantasy that I want to fulfill. The pua dream. I already know pua is a joke, but It can be achieved with good looks. I don't know if I'll succeed, but I'll try anyways, I only have one chance and fulfilling my pua fantasy is literally the only thing that I want to make true. It will be a multi-dimensional change. I'll have to improve my knowledge, looks, health, wisdom... I'll try to learn as much as I can from the red pill community, as I believe they are the most useful community for improving reproductive success. It will be a long journey, full of suffering and sacrifices, but that's my fantasy, my dream, my vision, and I can't do anything but follow it to the end.

8/3 I'm becoming more and more grateful each day. I'm alive, I have a decent family, a decent set of conditions and a decent degree of freedom. The gym is helping me become one with my ancestors. The ones who sacrificed everything to bring the next generation. I'll try to encarnate masculine values, I love them and I want to embody them.

7/3 I'm having another depressive episode. I know what I have to do. No more crying, no more moaning, I'll just do what I have to do. My resentment towards women is building up again because some bad looking girls have recently tried to lift my ego to trick me into commitment. An extremely coward move if you ask me, they should accept their fate as I've accepted mine. I'm going to focus on building some strong friendships, play music, keep lifting, studying and meditating, and ignoring without any amount of guilt the suffering around me. I'll only help my allies. Maybe one day I'll be able to heal my trauma and let go of my hyper-materialistic paradigm. I believe in these theories and I'll follow my beliefs to the ultimate consequences. song of the day

Thank you very much! I'll check it out

6/3 I'll try to be more consistent with this journal. I´m starting to let go of my ego, Eckhart tolle is really helping me with that spiritual progress. My main goal now is to really focus on my studies while trying to socialize more and keep up with my gym routine, which is really helping me with my self esteem. I now feel more than able to get a decently looking girlfriend, but I won't fall into the old trap of persuing women directly as it's a waste of time. I'll simply improve myself as much as I can and I'll let the girls make the first move, as in reality women are the choosers. I'm also learning to let go of sex, and therefore to be happy on my own, which will be extremely helpful, as an emotional dependency towards a woman can be extremely destructive in the long term. song of the day :D

3/3 I owe a lot to the lifting community. It's really making me a better person. I feel stronger, more motivated and more satisfied. My next steps are to really consolidate my studying habits and to start a meditation habit. I'm starting to contemplate alternative paradigms outside of the orange stage ones, but those alternatives only appear then the basic necessities are in check. My priority should be to make sure my basic value as a man is good enough. To get a stable job, a decent body and some hobbies. Then I'll easily find a decent gf. Then I'll be able to go beyond materialism, but right now I know I'm not lying to myself when I say that sex is a basic need that should be covered at all cost.

2/3 Lifting is massively improving my self esteem. In a few years I'll become stronger than let's say 90% of men. It's fixing my inferiority complex as I no longer feel threatened. This is letting me focus on other things, such as spiritual progress. The main lesson I'm learning is that the cure for depression is physical, and It consists of actions and a fair amount of luck. song of the day :)

1/3 It's really hard to be an average young man, it really is. Everybody expects you to work your ass off and sacrifice yourself for a system that literally treats you like a utility. This can't get worse. I'm sober, studying a difficult degree, with no money or female validation. The only validation I get is from my mother, I'm trying to rely on that. I'm also using guitar playing and lifting as a way to increase my self esteem, but It's getting really difficult. Once I get a stable job I'll be able to visit hookers, therefore fixing the sex problem, at least partially. I'm also relying on comedy, I love it. I feel part of something bigger, not just a doomer. I really identify with this meme but I don't want to let it ruin my life. Being a healthy doomer is my current goal.

27/2 Life is extremely brutal. It really is. I can't afford to waste time. I think I'm progressing tho. I'm in an incredibly tense state but it will pay off in the end cause I'm building healthier habits. My relationship with my parents is improving a lot, I'm making them happy and I love it. It's one of the few things I wanna do with my time. To make my parents as happy as I possibly can. And to survive this cruel joke, at least until my parents are dead. I can't start taking real risks until they are gone.

27/2 The idea of relapsing on defeatism is becoming more appealing. This journal is helping me keep my feelings in check. I know what would it happen if I decided to skip classes and smoke weed. I'd feel great in the short term! Carpe diem! No. I'm not going back to that lifestyle. I'll have a healthy rest and I'll get back on track. My detachment from female validation is improving, as I know many of my peers who I respect have also problems to get laid. My resentment towards women is reducing too, I know they didn't choose their biological urges, just like me. mood

26/2 I'm tired, really tired, but I know I'm doing the right thing. Lifting is massively improving my self esteem, and I'm not even big or strong.The idea of sacrifice is really liberating. Knowing that working my ass off is the best way to feel comfort, cause I'll be so ahead of the competition that I won't even have to worry about having enough resources. I know that by doing this I'll have enough money to do what I like to do. Eat great food, spend time with friends, hit the gym, visit concerts, hire escorts and make music. I'm also starting to detach myself from my limitations. I'm starting to accept the brutal reality of my dating prospects and I'm taking it like a man. No more moaning about something I don't have control over. I won't waste my chances. To have sex with a prime hot girl, a girl who would completely ignore me in normal conditions, to enjoy her body and to be myself around her cause there is no fear of rejection with an escort. To experience what is normally exclusive to the children of god (top tier men) That would be the ultimate religious experience for me. Not a perfect one, that wouldn't be exactly love, but I'd be good enough to justify the grind. mood

25/2 I'm pure stage orange right now, and I love it. Improving my career prospects and my health are satisfying enough by themselves. I'm visiting escort pages everyday to remind me what can I get if I put in the work. twenty-something year old babes who will have sex with me, no questions asked, no drama involved, no fear of rejection. Realising I don't have a chance with those top girls has been one of the harshest things I've faced in my life. Maybe I'm doomed to be unatractive to them, a loser in the game of love. Life is brutal and we can't have everything. Refusing to play the modern dating game and doing whatever it takes to get those top girls, even if I have to pay them, refusing to settle with an ugly girl to have ugly children with, doomed with the same disease...That would be a rebellious act that I'd be really proud to embody. I'm hitting the gym and I love it, I'm studying religiously and I'm keeping my diet in check. I'm taking care of my parents and I'm improving my relationship with family in general. My attachment to girls is too high to pursue a minimalistic lifestyle, for now at least.

24/2 I'm becoming more and more humble, and I love it. Life is brutal and I should be grateful to be able to see my family everyday, to study a decent degree and to have some decent career prospects. Although my dating prospects are absolutely horrendous, I'm learning to deal with celibacy as I have to deal with more important issues right now. I've quitted alcohol and I'm trying to quit weed as well. I'm also really committed to my degree, to hit the gym and to quit sugar and fast carbs in general. I've noticed that It's important to implement these changes without being perfectionist, as perfectionism can easily ruin a good streak.I wanna make more friends too, to build some strong alliances that can help me out when I'm in a time of need.Anyways, I feel like I'm doing the right thing by pushing forward as I know that playing the victim is a fine way to waste my life.

thanks for your answer! I'm glad you escaped that loop, I'll be glad to escape from it too if the time comes.

Source Work As MeditationOsho on Work as Meditation "Work is a necessary part of your transformation. Groups clean your mind but without work the mind will again gather rubbish. Meditation takes you into beyond-the-mind, but it starts cutting roots from the body-mind, and I want you to be with a wholesome integrated personality. Therapists clean the rubbish that centuries have poured into the mind, then work should make the body rooted in the ground, and then meditation can grow like flowers of a tree in the high sky. "People need to change the attitude that exists about work, particularly in the Western mind. Meditation should be part of the work, not separate from it. "Work and relaxation are not contradictory. In fact, the more you put yourself into work the deeper you can go into relaxation. So both are important. The harder you work the deeper you can relax. Work is valuable. It will bring humbleness and silence. People should feel that their work is something very special, and that whatever work they do is respectable." "The emphasis should be on full-time work. 6 hours a day is perfectly okay. Work is part of the whole program – when you work, work as if it were a group therapy. Call it "work meditation". If you really want to meditate and get into yourself, at least 6 hours work is a necessity – is part of the whole change in your energy. It is scientific. For 6 hours you should forget everything else – forget the whole world, forget your problems – whatever work it is, be total in it. Then something is possible." ... What do you think, is it possible to do highly cognitive demanding work while meditating (studying for example) or should the two habits be separated?

How can people be aware of the dark side of their minds and not be aware of their sexual preferences is beyond me, they seem to be blind.

That´s a limiting belief. There is a financial transaction, but that doesn´t stop the experience from being intimate. A good escort will treat the encounter as a regular date, I don´t see the difference, It doesn´t have to be like a porn movie. Imagine a provider with a gold digger, she might not be attracted to him but It doesn´t stop the experience from being intimate and enjoyable.

I haven´t given up, I´m simply focusing on money cause it´s more reliable than looks/pua (you can always visit escorts, I have done it and It´s as good as regular sex imo)