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Everything posted by Oliver Saavedra
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First become fully aware of the emotional process of judgement, all the sensations of disgust, anger, and pride that trigger automatically. Notice how unleash thoughts and sensations in the body. Notice how you discard other people and their ideas because of this. Practice a lot noticing this process when you are others. Also notice how you do this to yourself, how you are constantly comparing yourself with others. Notice the sensations of envy and jealousy of others that are "better" than you. Notice the thoughts and body sensations that arise with it. Notice it is an emotional automatic reaction, maybe you're not literally thinking "this person is better/worse than me and I hate it" but it arises automatically in your emotional channel, you just suddenly feel it and probably react to it. The judgement mechanism is a defense mechanism, its function is to compare and reject those things that are different so that we mantain status quo within ourselves. The problem with it is that we react to it and instantly reject others, thus limiting our learning and creative expansion. After you are VERY aware of it you'll probably start not believing it nor reacting to it. Remember that others are as important and valuable as you, and then change your focus from judging to being curious and try to understand those who are different, you'll probably learn new different perspectives you never considered. Understanding different ideas or people doesn't mean you have to agree with them or integrate them to you, you just peacefully understand their perspective and keep being yourself. Once you practice a LOT this emotional process, you'll realize that everyone is as valuable and worthy of Love. ?
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I also ask myself this a lot, I notice myself constantly moving from "I want to be alone" to "I'd like connection" back and forth, which is really confusing. Seems like social needs are real even though I like to discard them. I really don't have an answer for this for I've been contemplating it for a while, I've found my mind has one posture on it (I'm ok on my own) , my emotions have another posture (i crave deep meaningful connection) and my body has yet aother one (I'm scared and get tense around people). I can give you some good questions tho: - How do I feel around people? What happens on my mind-emotions-body? - What is friendship? What would I like it to be for me? - How do I talk? What are my dialogue habits? What would I like to improve? ❤️
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Sounds like its an emotion trapped in your body and it triggers everything else. If you are ok with it then let it be. If you'd like to work on it first get super mindful of if. Watch those videos and then close your eyes and super focus on the sensations in your body. It probably triggers a lot of knots and tensions. Just notice it with ALL your attention. Deep focus will suddenly relax those sensations, and maybe other emotions will arise. You'll find layers of emotion, the first one is that strong rage you feel, but below it you might find grief, pain, fear, sadness. Maybe yout body was abused in this life or a past life and couldn't defend itself and its asking for resolution. Maybe there are trapped sensations it repressed because they were too much for it, now it needs to accept them and feel them fully. The body always want to be healed, and it can heal itself with the help of awareness.
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Oh man, I feel you, I know its hard. I ended a 7 year relationship last year, and man its been though. Honestly, cry a LOT. Read about grief so you understand the process better. Part of your identity was probably attached to your lover, so it feels like you lost a part of you. So CRY, everytime you cry you heal your wound. Also, write a LOT Get it all out, anything you feel however irrational or weird it seems. I personally wrote a lot of "letters" for her of everything I would like to say to her, but never send them, I realized it was more for me than for her. Recopile all the lessons from your relationship, how you changed, all the mistakes you've made, all that you don't want to repeat, what you would like for future partners, and everything that could make you grow after this relationship. There's hope, yes its gonna be very painful but there's light at the end, its a great moment of growth. Feel it ALL. Much Love ❤️
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Wow thanks for the info recopilation! Yes it is highly addictive and yes it causes all that many troubles. But I've found that tagging it as "bad or wrong" doesn't work. Guilt only perpetuates the addiction system in you. What I found helpful was to understand it, reconcile with it and with yourself and your sexuality, then work on creating whatever you want to create. Then you leave porn naturally because its something you just don't find useful. If you used the title like that just to make it click-baity, then I salute you haha ✋
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The more aware you become, the more you realize all the baggage you have. We all have a LOT to work on, 20+ years of things we experienced left a lot of baggage. It's a blessing that you now notice it, yes it can be overwhelming, but its way better than not noticing it. My advice: pick one thing about yourself and work on it, feel it, question it, understand it, and learn about it from different perspectives, then act on it and evolve through it. Once you're done with the first one, move on to the next, and then to the next, and so on. Give your personal development inner-work a place in your life, because probably you'll be balancing other aspects of your life. But give yourself space and time for working on yourself. Also be patient, you'll probably need another 20 years to work on all of it, so don't rush and try to fix all in one year for it is impossible. Just maintain the intention to keep working on yourself. Get excited for lifelong learning and evolving. Enjoy the ride. Much Love ❤️
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Is it about the name or is it about the want?
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I feel yor are overwhelmed and in a rush. What is it that you dislike about the things you've tried?
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Last year I heard a Joe Rogan episode with him and also seemed pretty above the paradigm, Orange-Yellow. What I don't understand about him is his anime-like character, as a designer It always makes me want to jump from the roof seeing how very wise people with a great message have such bad branding and image, it tests my yellow all-acceptance hahah
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Oh man, I feel you, I remember feeling this in college too, as If I were doomed to be trapped in my own walls. Change is ALWAYS possible, everyday you can decide to change. You just need to focus attention where you need to. The walls are repressed emotions to a point that you detach completely from your emotions, feeling numb but safe, but becoming unable to feel happiness. When you detach from emotions everyone becomes a concept, not a human being, and thus you can't feel them nor connect with them. My recomendation is: re-connect with yout emotions, allow yourself to be vulnerable, write a lot and reflect about the past traumas so you get in touch with those emotions, cry a lot, there's probably a lot of grief you need to feel. Really try to keep your focus on the sensation, get massaged by the emotions. Also there's no hurry, in college we're always in a hurry and that makes you live time-constrained. But spoiler alert: time doesn't exist, its only real for the mind, for the left hemisphere. When you get more in touch with your emotions you'll begin to think more with your right hemisphere, and it only recognizes the present moment. So there's really no hurry, allow yourself to stop completly and just feel, if necessary even force yourself a little to feel. Reconnecting with your heart will change how you experience your reality. I've been a year and a half focusing on this and taking down the walls, and I can tell you its very beautiful to be free. You can do this, there's hope. You can always write here for support, we got you covered and that's a beautiful thing about this forum. Much love ❤️
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@JessiChell When we judge we usually see people as "less valuable" than us. We judge their ideas, beliefs, actions, work, body, clothes, voice, everything as less valuable and thus disgusting. In the same way we judge ourselves as less valuable than others, feeling disgust for ourselves. The thing is value isn't real, so we have all the same value. Your personal value doesn't depend on what you do, what you know, what you believe in, your money, your ideas, on nothing. Nor does nobody else. We're all worthy of Love, no exceptions. This needs to be understood emotionally, for disgust and judgment of others is an emotional thing.
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I cheated and lied to my ex-girlfriend for 4 years, I unconsciously hurted her a lot but now that I'm aware why and how it happened I can see that she also played a role on that. We were both very attached to each other, being in a relationship since we were 15. I was unable to understand and express how I felt, and she was very upset, judgemental, but also repressive. We both repressed how we felt all the time. Also we were both very self-centered. What kept it stuck is that we never had the awkward yet important conversations. We never really adressed our problems, we never talked about how we felt, and how to work things together. So if I have some advice is this: Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to say what you think and feel, even if you don't really understand it, just say it. Have those awkward conversations, for real, you'll save both a lot of time, that'll get you both outside of the cage. For me it took 4 years to accept I didn't wanted to be with her and have the courage to tell her. If I have done it before we both would have had a lot of less fear, stress, pain, lies, misunderstandings, and silent fights. We'd been free. Vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen. I know its hard, I really do. Much love ❤️
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Feel you, I'm very avoidant of people and social networks (and even family) because is very draining to me. I have my constellation of people who I enjoy and have good conversations. But they are also kinda loners so we don't speak all the time. The thing I've been learning these last years is to notice my disgust and judgement towards people and try to understand it. Be curious instead of judgemental, and I've realized everyone has something to teach you. Usually the "negative traits" I judged in people I also had in myself, I was just projecting my shadow. As I began to be more compassionate I began to get comfortable with people and began to attract people I can actually have more deeper and meaningful connection. ❤️ Here's a nice video on loneliness:
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Love you all, thanks for your beautiful words ❤️ So good to be in a forum of people that get it :')
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Beautiful (: I agree this forum is kinda cold, I find it pretty masculine, its more about mutual support through telling eachother what to do, which is nice and helpful but a bit cold. Art and appreciation would be nice, but there's not much of it in the self-help field, and this is a self-help forum. Here's something I find very beautiful
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Yes that kinda works but be aware. Don't make it a rule to be "better", be careful with clinging to measuring growth. Some days you need to rest and do nothing, and if you're measuring you will guilt yourself for resting. Growth is gradual and non-linear, and plateau is part of growth. This is right, only compare yourself to who you were many months ago. Because maybe everyday you grow 0.001% and from day to day you can't see that, but it builds up, and in a year you'll be able to see that 1% of growth.
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Oliver Saavedra replied to Mind of a beast's topic in Life Purpose, Career, Entrepreneurship, Finance
Oooh I remember how frustrating it was at first! What happens there is that mind maps is another form of structuring thoughts. Regular text-based learning makes your thoughts structure in a linear way. One idea conects only to the next, making your thoughts only have one direction. Also it is more word-based. And mind maps make you train what is called radiant thinking, which is thinking in networks of ideas. One idea conects to multiple ideas, making your brain relate ideas more easily. Also it is more image-and-color-based. Its clearly frustrating to the linear mind trying to learn radiant thinking, its a new structure. But with practice the brain will LOVE it because it is more congruent with its nature, neurons also work as multi-directional networks. I remember a story from the book that was about a man who could remember EVERYTHING because his brain was hyper connected, he could access any idea he seen in the past super quickly, he was very smart of course but it was overwhelming, his brain worked at excess speed and he could not rest. So what they did is train him by writing his thoughts in a linear way, in sentences and paragraphs. Slowly his brain became more linear and slow, his ideas not connecting at a high speed, so it stopped being overwhelming. I love this topic I could talk about it all day hahah -
How dominant are you? Let the beast come out and make her forget about everything until she cums, then you cum over her.
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Oliver Saavedra replied to Mind of a beast's topic in Life Purpose, Career, Entrepreneurship, Finance
Mind Map Mastery by Tony Buzan Practice mind maps and your ability to connect ideas will skyrocket, thus your learning and creativity. -
Does anybody feels fear of adults or authority figures? When I talk to my mom or people around their age (40 and above) I feel my body tensing and an automatic flight response, I notice myself trying to avoid them. I have a hard time speaking with them, even when I really want to improve my relationship with them I feel fear. Any advice?
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We have three things: mind, emotions, and body. This three are connected and have their own relationship. Our focus always tends towards one, in your case mind, that was my case too. This tendence develops through life unconciously. Right now you probably experience life through the lens of your mind, your other two channels are out of your awareness but they are not dead. Those pains and bad emotions are a call for help, there are things down there that need your attention. Now, you have the power to focus your attention to whatever you want, where you put your attention you place your energy During meditation you are probably trying but your mind chatter always takes all the attention Practice focus consciously, try to hold your attention on emotions or body sensations I'd recommend some guided meditations to focus on specific sensations Also visualize something that makes you feel a positive sensation (gratitude, joy, love) and fully focus on the sensation, not on the images and words (though you might need them a lot at first), but try to focus on the sensation! Also do a lot of body scan guidded meditations It takes a lot of practice, I've been on it for year and a half, and have discovered and resolved things about me I didn't know I had Now I experience life in a very different way Here a nice one:
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There's a whole section on the forum of this, go check it out. https://www.actualized.org/forum/forum/32-high-consciousness-resources/ Also try not to over-consume content, theory is important but one can become addicted to it (as with any novelty), focus more on practice.
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Do the weirdest thing you'd never do and feel the awkwardness. Discomfort is a great hobby for learning to get out of your box. Listen to music you dislike, speak to people you dislike, learn from topics you don't care about, dance in a way you would laugh at yourself, etc.
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As you describe him he is in a "second place" structure. He maybe sees anything as more valuable than himself, unconsciously comparing himself and saying how "I am worse" than it, he's always number 2. People pleasing is: you are more important than me, so It is my duty to please you Any accident of him becomes a huge deal because it was HIS FAULT, the problem is more important than him Things MUST be perfect because I'm unworthy and I need to prove that I'm worthy I must fear everything because I'm powerless I can't make decisions because I'm powerless, so anybody should take decisions This is an unconscious structure, it's very emotional and physical He could reflect on his self worth, check his past experiences, try to focus on why he is worthy Understand fully why this is his default mechanism, so then he can see it as separate from him and not buy into it Have some experiences where he is number 1, the protagonist, the hero, the one that makes decisions, the one with power He needs to FEEL that he is as valuable as anybody Much Love to you and to him ♡
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Totally! Guilt and shame only perpetuates the habit. Also no habit is bad, thinking it as bad just makes it a problem and then you try to run from it You can't run from no thing, you can only create what you want to create.