AdamDiC

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Posts posted by AdamDiC

  1. Posted

    @Matt23 Do you need to be accepted by your mother? Do you need her love to feel secure in yourself? Can you love her independant of her actions?Where are you placing your worth? Contemplate that.

    Try to not get attached to how others veiw/judge you. It's more them than you.

    ===========

    it seems that your mother has something to say, possibly some hurt emotions that have gone unchecked that are now manifesting as this mean attitude. If she is open, maybe you can talk to her and search for a resolution.

    If you find yourself in the situation again make sure to stop and take in what is going on. Feel into the suffering and question why it is there. What do you want? What beleifs do you hold about family? Be honest with yourself and try to find your centre.

    And whether it's actually happening or in your mind, it's hard to tell, but hey... what's the difference?xD

    Hope this helps. 
    AdamD

  4. Posted

    A few days after a profound psychedelic experience I broke down in front of my family.  At first I was scared to cry, to let go, but the more I allowed the experience to unfold the more profound it became. It started out as shameful whimpering, then deep grieving, then cathartic moans, and then hysterical euphoric yelps. I realized that all my problems are fucking bullshit. I looked like a madmen it was amazing.

    I walk into my house and I'm instantly burdened with the expectations of the world. I created them all. I can choose where to place my power. In the world, or in my heart.

    The day before I went to my slave wage job and could barely keep myself together. It's not the job it's me. I've been holding too mcuh in I can't honestly relate to most people. (studying spirituality also doesn't help)

    The problem? I am scared to be myself. I am scared to be God. To be honest. I am not in integrity with my highest self and it kills me inside.

    The answer? Let go of what does not serve me and take it day by day.

    I'll learn eventually. But I realized that most of what I do were given to me by others. I was living a lie. Truthfully there is nothing to do.  At the moment it just feels so hard to squeeze any authentic joy out of life without being burdened by shoulds and survival needs. It's fucking exhausting and my soul feels miserable.

    I want to be free. Although I dont i understand the full implications of that.

    Peace,love.

     

  7. Posted

    Yo. I did some molly (120mg) with a good friend of mine. He is very, very, very, smart. He also has watched basically all of the actualized videos. Especially the last 2 ( authority, and reality) which helped the trip alot. He was on 3g of mushrooms. The trip was just a trip, a journey, it happened you know.

    This is what went down:

    • I AM. HAHAHA
    • I love you (me), if i want
    • nothing matters it just is
    • idk why im writing this to you (ME) to try and prove you (ME) that I am you (ME)
    • BUDDY IM THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE
    • I am that
    • There is no other. PLEASE SHOW ME AN OTHER. WHERE, WHERE, WHERE can it beee??? pff
    • I feel powerful, grounded, surrendered, NOT blissfull. NOT perfect happiness. NOT...
    • suffering = bliss. Nonduality. transcend the struggle. embrace fear to get to love to fall back in to fear to infinitely dance in bondage until our final... idk lol

    IDK if this is gonna last. PROBABLY, HOPEFULLY. im really down to become a fucking unconscious idiot again and wake the fuck up again. Yo who cares.

    REALLLLLLLY interested to see any replies to this. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY? NO, Im WRONG? BAHAHHA. (indulging in infinite I AMness at the moment)

    pardon my humanity. @Leo Gura

  9. Posted

    @Mondsee Kriya is difficult to start so take it easy. You don't have to worry about awakening any specific chakra. Just do the practices as instructed and your system should balance out.

    Give the Kriya thread on this forum a read, especially Leo's advice lol. He basically says u just need 3 practices. Kriya supreme fire, Maha mudra, and kriya pranayama. 

    oh lol didn't know.  um, i'm really not sure to be honest. the only way to know is to test it out. do 2 weeks nofap and journal the results.

     

  12. Posted

    Kinda like a journal entry + forum post:

    Somewhere on this journey i have created the belief that to be pursuing Truth, with all its various duties, one has to stop to caring about their own well being. Thinking along the lines of; tending to the self is deception or farther from the Truth, all desires are feelings and can be let go of, i am a programmed biological entity and need to transcend that.

    Well it turns out that my life fucking sucks beleiving that bullshit. Lmao.

    I need a sense of worth, purpose, love, expression, and creativity. I can and should be an asshole at time (assertivness and integrity). 

    Spirituality...i honestly no very little of.

    I literally know nothing about Truth, i just meditate and think sometimes lol. I think I've always had a default position of Low SE and spirituality kind of aided my ego, with the idea of no-self and self eradication. It actually gave me an identity, something to strive for, a cop out for dealing with my inadequacy, and it also embraces suffering instead of practically solving it.

    My question is one of balance. Life purpose and enlightenment. (I know this has been discussed countless times before)

    How can i balance being a selfish little devil and also Truth (consciousness work)?

    How do I know what is right?

    Any general rules of thumb for staying on track?

    How do i go about being a selfish little devil and actualizing my whole amazing life without demonzing it as bad? (wow, realizing so much uncoscious beleifs)

    i understand that these are really up to me to decide, but in your life, when can you tell that you've overdone the ego, life purpose, striving thing.

    i like music, i am a musician, a great one, and i feel amazing when i play, i am amazing, theres just guilt there, and anger, born of love. I want everyone to have what i have, well at least the people suffering. But i cant even give myself what i want. I deserve it, i am amazing.

    thanks.

     

  13. Posted

    This guy is woke.

    You can tell he's sharing from experience. Awesome.

    Vipassana is blessed.  And the fruition he talks about (void, oblivion) is really just an unconscious non-dual state. Similar to various samadhi states etc.

    And for some reason when you come out of these states - usually near the end of a vipassana retreat, or not - you feel lighter, as if you've been slightly purified. It's a cool system by Mahasi Sayadaw

    But this should'nt discount the hundreds of hours of noting meditation lol. SOOO much noting.

    :D

     

  14. Posted · Edited by AdamDiC

    @jim123It's not about angels or demons or anything like that. He's not leading a cult or secretly murdering people. He is authentically expressing the energy within, he calls it God, it helps him to transcend ego, and he is not hurting anyone in the process. We can project all we want onto him but that is just our egos and not him.

    It is crazy, he's on a different level. But for him, in his experience, theres nothing to judge becuase there is no individual with preferences. He's God, like Leo says, God accepts all, God is pure, infinite, accepting love. He literally gives no fucks about us and our petty judgements becuase all he does is express and accept himself unconditionally while we sit in our ego and try to control our urges.

    SUM UP: Do 5 meo.

  18. Posted

    Study the greats, read autobiographies and biographies of Jim Morrison, John Lennon, Elton John. Get a taste of what it takes to be a revolutionary musician. Then drop acid a couple times, tour with an album, meet girls, and travel the world.

    And DONT FOCUS ON COPYWRITE AND PERFECTION. JUST WRITE A SONG A WEEK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, THATS HOW PASSION IS MADE

  19. Posted

    @who chit @David Hammond wow, thank you so much. 

    I do meditate, but I guess i just need to be more conscious despite everything. I have to change my relationship to this experience. And i can't comprehend what it will morph into, only observe the process slowly, carefully, and with much love.

    All my problems arise from lack of observation i feel. I will observe and melt.

  21. Posted

    Somewhere on this path i have developed a high amount of repressed anger and energy. It feels hot, tense, and concentrated, it's located in my neck and shoulders, and it comes up stronger when i go against my intuition and start worrying.

    If it could speak it was say something like "FUUUCK, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT, STUPID FUCKING PHYSICAL REALITY FUCKING FEELINGS AND SHIT AND DESIRES AND THOUGHTS! AGGH".

    on the other spectrum it  makes me depressed and listless because i dont understand it. Communicating my feelings to others seems hard, i try but feel as if i wont be understood.

    Any help is appreciated.

  23. Posted

    Hello guys,

    From April 24th - May 1st ill be doing a solo retreat in a cabin in the woods.

    Im excited but im just hesitant as to what i should practice.

    Ive done plenty of Vipassana retreats in the past 2 years and id like to try a variation of it. I understand a basic mindfulness practice is necessary in the begininng of a retreat to sharpen the mind. I was just gonna do like 4 days of Vipassana and then the last few days throw in some Self-Inquiry. Although i dont have a daily SI practice it sounds like fun.

    There's also the possibilty of reduced sleep time, fasting, and psychedelics...

    What are your suggestions?

    If you were doing a 1 week Solo-Retreat what would you practice?

    Thanks!

     

  25. Posted

    @denydritz Exactly man, you got it.

    @Good-boy There was no other way I would have learned that. You see I wasn't actually doing nothing, in my mind i was trying hard to actualize, but the lesson learned is that there are things that work and things that don't. what you think will work (the mind) mostly always turns out to be bullshit, it's fantasy and illusion. You have to ground your development in the moment. Like everything else.

    @ExodiaGearCEO I am currently working on Leo's LP course as you speak and yes i see the value in it. One really has to be focused on the most important aspects of his life and see a goal or vision worth fighting for to really get anything done in this life. Like you need it. But the fact is that no one is trained to be this way. Most people just wake up and go through the motions. A LP stream lines your actions, your motives, your desires, passions, and creativity into one niche area of growth for the world. 

    If your life purpose was to brush your teeth wouldn't you run to the sink every morning? If it was to eat breakfast wouldn't you rip open the fridge to get it? LP should be simple, exciting, and broken down into small attainable steps. There should be something you can do every single day to work towards it.

    And for homeostasis, the fact is that once you know about the theory, you can't help but use it as a scapegoat. yes your body does react against change, but i know you also tell yourself. "Why do i feel this way, oh its homeostasis. Fuck i can't beat that it's in my genes. Oh well let's give up" You have to know homeostasis is at play and still be detached from it affecting you.

    Peace