Intro:
God almighty this trip was so beyond anything I’ve ever encountered on psychedelics… It’s like all of my prior trips have been preparing my energy systems (whatever this even means) to handle deeper and deeper experiences of what consciousness really is. This trip was beyond enlightenment and in fact had literally nothing to do with absolute truth. Instead, it felt like a hurricane of information and energy exploring various facets of what form is at an individual, collective, and existential level as well as the dynamics that are propelling evolution forward… I’m still deeply shook at how much of a mindfuck this was. During the absolute fury of the peak, a poetic line came to me “Be with the breath of opportunity unsung” which will make more sense after reading the report.
 
There were also more minor insights regarding divine feminine stage orange attraction and seduction that I’ll discuss… Which were interesting in that I saw their connection to the greater intelligence running through humanity even though on the surface it feels unrelated to the larger themes that emerged.
 
Overall this trip was dark but so fucking beautiful.

Set: To understand what it truly means to let go and how to do it (see Leo’s video on letting go)
Setting: My room, my music, and my cat
 
Themes that emerged:
-       Letting Go for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity
-       Healing the Collective Through Life Purpose
-       Impermanence and True Death
-       Divine Intelligence
-       The Nature of Detachment
-       No PMO and the Divine Feminine
-       Attraction, Seduction, and Evolution
 
Letting Go for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity:
As I was contemplating what it truly means to let go, the psychedelic effects were starting to build and build. Suddenly, rather than receiving any clear insights as to what letting go was, I started having visions and I mean VISIONS about other human lives, and the tragedy that befell them. I started seeing how much suffering was never actually processed upon their deaths, how much regret has accumulated on the death beds of millions perhaps, and how much opportunity for growth and actualization was never actually manifested. I felt the magnitude of how many souls never got to be their best self, and how much sheer sadness was felt by the individuals in these circumstances. I had 3 particularly powerful visions, one was of a middle eastern holy man who was searching for God, for Allah, but who had seen through the dogma of orthodox Islam and was instead searching for God within himself, aka enlightenment. Unfortunately, he was beaten to death by fundamentalists, his journey towards enlightenment never fully actualized. I saw a girl in Syria whose life was utterly demolished by the civil war and who will never quite heal from the tragedy. I saw a man on his death bed who died alone, crying because he never told the woman he loved how much she really meant, and thus never had the life or family he so deeply desired. Interestingly, I saw these not only as visions but as myself. I was that holy man, that girl, that hospital man. Perhaps these were past lives/alternative lifetimes I’ve lived, I’m unsure.

As I felt this infinite sea of regret, and lost opportunity, I started crying and crying and crying, as though my body and mind were letting go of the anguish through my tears. It was like by acknowledging and fully feeling the suffering, I was healing a collective wound in our collective psyche. It was as though the body and mind system were letting go on behalf of humanity. I know this sounds weird as fuck, but it what the experience authentically felt like. In this storm of emotion, the line came “Be with the breath of opportunity unsung.” It felt like God was speaking to me, and finally told me how to let go. You just have to be. Be with regret, be with sadness, be with suffering, be with whatever arises, and it shall pass.  

 Healing the Collective Through Life Purpose
After the line came to me, I saw how absolutely lucky I was to be where I am. I saw how utterly appreciative I am for finding my life purpose and having the life I have. Like fuck man… There is so much untapped potential in humanity, so many lost opportunities for beauty, actualization, truth realization. While I was mulling over this situation humanity has found itself in, I was struck with what felt like an insight, that by living my life purpose, by living my best life, I was healing this particular wound in humanity. I am humanity. Every human life that’s been lived has been mine. So by taking this time, this life, to truly live, to truly actualize, I am honoring my past regrets and mistakes as other souls, and other lives. And somehow, if I can just live this life to its fullest, that will help heal humanity. Whether this is true I don’t really know. I don’t really understand what this collective domain of consciousness I stumbled into is, but all I can say is my life purpose work no longer feels like it’s simply to help me live my best life, but it’s an way for humanity to actualize. My work feels even less like its for the greater good of human potential and opportunities unsung, so to speak.

Impermanence and True Death
Interestingly, this trip very much solidified how absurd the notion of death is. I have zero doubt anymore that I will continue living lives after this one, and that we are all on a journey of experience as God. So no there is no such thing as true death, and yet… there is. You see, there is no more Consilience after I die. Everything that constitutes my individuality will be lost to the void of nothingness. I will never, ever, EVER as God, get this lifetime back. Impermanence is final. This lifetime, all the quirks of this body, mind, and spirit will be gone upon physical death. And there was a deep existential sadness to that. As I was wrestling with this fact, I felt like my consciousness kept slipping between ego and God, and I remember reflecting from this phase of the trip that God is actually somewhat sad about its creations truly coming to an end. But somehow that it could be no other way.. I’m not really sure exactly what I was experiencing here. On one level, I could feel ego sadness, sadness that this life would end because selfishly, I love this life, I love the journey I’ve gone through so much… But it felt more than that. There felt like an existential sadness beyond the ego that acknowledged this creation’s end, and acknowledged the sadness, as though a parent hugging a child who lost their most beloved stuffed animal. Sure, it doesn’t really matter, but does matter. Death is really it man, this life will be gone.
 
Divine Intelligence
So throughout these previous three themes, it was as though consciousness kept slipping around between what felt like individual egoic consciousness, the collective consciousness of humanity, and existential divine consciousness. I become consciousness of how much intelligence is at play with the form of ego, humanity, and god. This felt very… shallow in that all I could tell was that there IS an intelligence doing something. Evolution is building towards something, presumably enlightenment, but even that I’m not really sure. Something is moving the collective energy of humans forward though into something beyond description or understanding. Humans are evolving towards some kind of divine actualization, but what this end game is really all about, I remain unsure of. I was left feeling the threads of this intelligence pulsing through my body and mind, and through the psyche of humanity… And that this suffering and movement we humans have gone through is part of this plan. Yet plan as we humans traditionally think of the word is not what I mean by the word plan… I’m unsure how to communicate this anymore.
 
The Nature of Detachment 
Detachment is like a principle at play which drives letting go forward. It became so obvious, however, that if detachment leads one towards being unemotional, dry, and neutral towards life, that this was in fact a twisted form of attachment. Shutting one’s self off from care, desire, lust, and expectation is a form of attachment; one is attached to the denial of these things. True detachment is being with whatever arises, including those aforementioned feelings. As one does more consciousness work, these types of feelings will begin to fade, but even when they arise, it’s important to simply be with them, feel them fully, and let process through the body/mind on their own.
 
No PMO and the Divine Feminine
A bit of a random turn on this trip. Quitting PMO has been a pretty big focus in my life right now so I guess it makes sense that it came up. Well I was thinking the habit and what it actually represents. And I noticed something interesting about the nature of women attracting men. Women love seducing men, they love being able to be sexy, and grab the attention of men. And yet paradoxically, a woman loves it when a man doesn't actually need her and can say no to the seduction. If you succumb so easily to her seduction, this will unconsciously be seen as weak… In order to attract a woman, she wants you to be able to be extremely turned on, but have the groundedness to not need it. And I realized that porn is like a collective manifestation of the divine feminine seducing men and that by succumbing to this habit, I am essentially telling the divine feminine I NEED her. Which is not honoring the masculine energy inside. I know this is kind of a twisted thought story of an explanation, but these were the dynamics I felt.

Saying no to porn is the equivalent of acknowledging the beauty of feminine but not needing her, which is the most attractive thing I can do as a man. When I feel the energy and need to cum with porn, rather than falling prey to this seductive feminine pull, saying no leverages me into masculinity, into the non-neediness that a true man possesses. The pull to jack off to porn is the creative force, the shakti, the divine feminine seducing the devil inside of me, but a true man can sit in the face of this creative energy, because he is strong to face it, to be with it without action.  Perhaps this was all just a poetic, psychedelic framing for why I should quit PMO lol. I will continue to work on eliminating this habit.


Attraction, Seduction, and Evolution
So I realized various nuances of attraction and seduction. I saw how flirtation strategies through speaking, body language, touch, eye contact, and texting literally infiltrate the mind and get the other person to think about the other. It’s not necessarily worth getting into the specific here because quite frankly, a lot of the information I gained was entirely intuitive and I would need to spend more time processing to put it all into language. Somehow, I’ve walked away from this trip with more knowledge on to be attractive and seductive to a woman, as well as how to respond to the attractive and seductive tactics of a woman towards me.

These mind games feel very SD stage orange. I saw that by participating in this game, I would be necessarily acting devilishly. And yet, this is entirely fine. As long as I am respectful and kind hearted in the end, there’s nothing really wrong with this game. Moreover, during the trip I kept seeing how these tactics of attraction were literally propelling the future of humanity forward through its evolution. It’s like I kept zooming into the nuances of attraction, and the zooming out to the long term consequences of this game through the creation of families and future children. It t’was weird.
 
Outro:
If you’ve read all of this, kudos. I’m left feeling a stronger pull to self-actualize, not for only for myself, but for the humanity that resides inside my consciousness, inside of all of us.
 
The last thing I’ll leave you all with is a poem I wrote at about the 7 hour mark of the trip that I felt encapsulated the experience:
 
Be with the breath of opportunity unsung
I write this for those who’ve lost their lives
For those that never saw their souls shine
This serenade out to the divine feminine
Who creatively wrought out our end in sin
But through this end, and through this death
We see through her eyes consciousness yet
Yet here I am, a single witness to this all
This sea of infinity
This breath completely unsung
 

Put attention on your hara area, the sensations in the belly as the breath comes in and out of your body. As you become very still intensify your focus and try to follow as closely as you can in particular on the out breath. Strict attention to the out breath is the key and the passing of enough time is essential. Just mastering the breath and you will think you have reached nirvana , but it's the passing of the 50 minutes that seals the deal. You will see how powerful this is once you get into it. But be in a place where you won't be distracted. Get up in the middle of the night and practice a little yoga and then attempt it. Breaking your sleep and meditating is incredibly powerful because your brain is still producing waves that are closer to the frequency you are achieving with breath watching. 
Don't watch the nostrils because that will cause you to slip into a thought. One thought and it's game over. Belly is best. Plus belly breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system.

Yes hot water is necessary for oxalate as it doesn't dissolve as well as HCL in water.
Assuming you have a mg scale :
Let the scale rest a couple of minutes before opening it. Set it to zero Cut a small square of paper (preferably cellulose paper, but use normal white paper if you don't have any) and put it on the scale Take note of the weight of the paper Repeat 5 times Add 5 to 8 mg of substance on the paper, put the paper on the scale Take note of the weight of the paper + 5-MeO Repeat 5 times Subtract the total weight with the weight of the paper And you should be pretty certain now that you have the right quantity of 5-MeO

@Psychonaut I know for a fact that N,N-DMT Fumarate and many other psychedelics can be plugged, so MAOI activity can't be a factor. Just don't plug it super deep. MAOI activity is in the intestines, not in the rectum from what I understand.
Plugging seems like the best RoA for many psychedelics. Including N,N-DMT I suspect. I would much rather plug N,N-DMT than smoke it. But don't be plugging freebase. You should only plug salts.
For some psychedelics, like 2C-B, plugging is MORE potent than oral dosing or snorting. So start low.
And never take 5-meo orally.

This is exactly 30mg of 5-meo HCL:

As you can see, not a large quantity. But that dose will knock you to floor and your life will never be the same again.

@nowimhere Oxalate, fumarate and HCl are all salt forms yes.
On a side note, don't snort 5-MeO. It really burns a lot (speaking from experience.)

@Antonius I have some suggestions for getting more accurate measurements:
Get a 0.001g (1mg) resolution scale, you can find on Amazon for about 30$. Choose a leveled steady surface and calibrate the scale. Don't move the scale after calibration. Measure the whole 5-MeO bag before putting your dose onto the plastic container. Record an average of 5 readings. Measure the plastic container without the substance in it. Record an average of 5 readings. Use the button on the scale (TARE)  to subtract the weight of the plastic container. Put your desired dose onto the plastic container that's on the scale and measure. Remove the plastic container and click the TARE button again to bring the scale to 0.000.  Measure again the plastic container, now with the substance in it. Record an average of 5 readings. Measure again the whole 5-MeO bag, now without the dose you removed. Record the average. Finally, subtract the recorded full 5-MeO bag before and after. Then, subtract the plastic plate after and before. Then take the average of 2 numbers. This will be very close to the actual dose you are taking. Example:
Full 5-MeO bag with the dose: 0.234g Full 5-MeO bag without the dose: 0.201g Difference = 0.234 - 0.201 = 33mg Container before dose = 1.902g Container after dose = 1.937g Difference = 1.937g - 1.902g = 35mg Final dose = (33 + 35) / 2 = 34mg  

Notice for anyone wanting to buy 5-MeO Oxalate : having a high precision mg scale is IMPERATIVE.
The oxalate form seems to have a much higher molecular weight. While 30 mg of HCL will fit nicely beside a coin, 30 mg of oxalate only looks like a 5-10 grains of sand...

@axwell Okay, so with using vinegar you DONT produce HCl!!! You can make a salt out of the freebase that is called acetate. The acetate can be used for the same purposes the HCl salt is good for: Snorting or plugging. 
1. First of all you want to know how much HCl equivalent acetate you need. That goes like Freebase [g] x 1,167 = HCl equivalent mass [g]. So for instance if you want to plug 15mg of HCl and all you have is the freebase you use that equation above with a little algebra like: 15mg / 1,167 = 12,85mg. Which means you need ~13mg of freebase converted into a salt to produce "the same" effects as if you directly plug 15mg of HCl because the freebase molecules are not as heavy as the HCl ones.
2. It doesnt matter at all that you dont produce HCl with this reaction for the equation to still be right. But: Of course the Acetate will be even heavier than the freebase and the HCl: Freebase x 1,167 = HCl and Freebase x 1,27 = Acetate. So dont be surprised that you might end up with almost 16,3mg of 5-Meo-DMT-Acetate when you just wanted to plug 15mg of HCl and even used 13mg of freebase. It is the same amount of molecules and hence equals the same dosage.
3. You put the amount of the substance that you weighed out on a spoon and fill a needleless syringe with less than 1ml of vinegar (25% acetic acid; it is called "Essig Essenz" here in Germany and is used to clean pipes or old coins or whatever... Im sure you can buy it in every supermarket)
4. Five to ten drops of vinegar should be enough. You have to drop them onto the substance on the spoon. The substance should solve in the same way as the HCl usually solves in water. If you have a clear and transparent solution, ideally all the freebase molecules have successfully reacted with the acid in the vinegar and now have formed 5-MeO-DMT-Acetate
5. You dont have to worry that the excess acid might damage your butt because you just used 10 drops of it. And you dont really need to calculate the needed volume of acetic acid with any stochiometry. I mean you can but that is rather an issue if you want to snort it
6. You clean the syringe you had just used the vinegar with. Now fill it with about 1ml of water which you can put onto the spoon with the 5-MeO-DMT-Acetate you just made. 
7. Stir well and soak the whole solution up the syringe and it is ready for plugging.
(8. I havent tried it personally, but you should also be able to let the excess water evaporate if you want to snort it. Then you should of course skip step 6 and use the vinegar very sparingly...)
 
Hope this will help you

If you close your eyes, the whole trip will just feel like a dream afterwards. Our #1 goal is to bring the psychedelic state into ordinary life.
Oh, another idea for plugging freebase is to dissolve it in oil. I haven't tried but I've heard it can work.

Mahamudra, nabhi, talabya, 12-24 KP, mahamudra.

@kerk I agree that more important than techniques, it's the connection with the guru, teacher, or better yet (for me), with the inner guru.
@lostmedstudent That book is quite advanced. Check http://www.kriyayogainfo.net/files/English II.pdf as well. It'll help you.
1) exactly, like darth vader! I breath normally, but slowly.
2) I've received a newsletter a few days ago about this: check here.
3) Yes, Om. Some people also prefer "Ong", but imo either way is fine.
4) Yes, but you should do some asanas or hatha yoga to improve flexibility. Practicing cross-legged is so much better.
Suggested readings: All Kriya Yoga books on Leo's book list.
 

@outlandish out of all the training books I’ve actually read on running, believe it or not I find Ralston’s Zen Body Being to be the most absolutely foundational. It may sound weird but if I had to pick a book, out of all the “fitness books” I’ve read and apply the principles I’ve learned in that book into my training, it would be that book. 
Nonetheless here are some good books I’ve read over the years on running and training:
Daniels Running Formula Anything you can find on Renato Canova (search through letsrun.com forum) Running The Lydiard Way Run Run Run by Fred Wilt The Science of Running by Steve Magness (READ THIS) Better Training For Distance Runners by Coe & Martin (not a fan of the 5-Tier system but still a must  read) Every book by Vern Gambetta The Endurance Diet by Matt Fitzgerald Mark Hyman’s books on nutrition Zen Body Being Healthy Intelligent Training by Keith Livingstone (Modern day understanding of Lydiard) The Happy Runner by David & Megan Roche (friends and former coaches of mine. Great book especially if you’re getting into MUT Running - Mountain Ultra Trail) Training Essentials for Ultrarunning by Jason Koop (really a paradigm changer in how a lot of ultra runners train. His approach was a real game changer) Born To Run  Once a Runner by John L Parker (you’re not a runner if you haven’t read this. Period.) Lore of Running by Tim Noakes (you’ve got to be a real nerd for this. A lot of this isn’t true, particularly on the Central Governor Model but still a good read) Anatomy of a Runners by Jay Dichary Ready To Run by Kelly Starrett Becoming a Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett Road to the Top by Joe Vigil Endure by Alex Hutchinson Ultramarathon Man by Dean Karnazes (used to do some runs with him actually here in Marin County)  That should be good for now  

Yes, very clear.
Sounds like you still haven't found the right sweet spot.
Some substances are better/easier than others. Mushrooms can be twisted and hard to understand. Ayahausca can be overwhemling and very uncomfortable for newbies.
What I recommend is tightening up your protocols and tripping in a very controlled manner.
You could try the following routes:
1g of mushrooms >> 2g of mushrooms >> 3g of mushrooms >> until you hit your sweet spot 75ug of LSD >> 125ug of LSD >> 200ug of LSD >> 250ug of LSD >> until you hit your sweet spot This must be done in a good comfortable quiet setting, free of distractions, free of people, and other nonsense. You must do it on an empty stomach and you must sit still and contemplate about the nature of reality with your eyes open. Your intention must be pure & serious.
If you did all that, I don't see how you wouldn't have some nice breakthroughs.

Nonduality is the philosophical, spiritual, and scientific understanding of non-separation and fundamental intrinsic oneness.
For thousands of years, through deep inner inquiry, philosophers and sages have come to the realization that there is only one substance and we are therefore all part of it. This substance can be called Awareness, Consciousness, Spirit, Advaita, Brahman, Tao, Nirvana or even God. It is constant, ever present, unchangeable and is the essence of all existence.
In the last century Western scientists are arriving at the same conclusion: The universe does indeed comprise of a single substance, presumably created during the Big Bang, and all sense of being – consciousness – subsequently arises from it. This realization has ontological implications for humanity: fundamentally we are individual expressions of a single entity, inextricably connected to one another, we are all drops of the same ocean.
Science and Nonduality is a journey, an exploration of the nature of awareness, the essence of life from which all arises and subsides.
What is nonduality, anyway?
There are many shades of meaning to the word nonduality. As an introduction, we might say that nonduality is the philosophical, spiritual, and scientific understanding of non-separation and fundamental oneness.
Our starting point is the statement “we are all one,” and this is meant not in some abstract sense, but at the deepest level of existence. Duality, or separation between the observer and the observed, is an illusion that the Eastern mystics have long recognized, and Western science has more recently come to understand through quantum mechanics.
Dualities are usually seen in terms of opposites: Mind/Matter, Self/Other, Conscious/Unconscious, Illusion/Reality, Quantum/Classical, Wave/Particle, Spiritual/Material, Beginning/End, Male/Female, Living/Dead and Good/Evil. Nonduality is the understanding that identification with common dualisms avoids recognition of a deeper reality.
So how can we better understand nonduality?
There are two aspects to this question, and at first glance they appear to be mutually exclusive, although they may be considered two representations of a single underlying reality.
The first aspect is our understanding of external reality, and for this we turn to science. The word science comes from the Latin scientia, which means knowledge. The beauty and usefulness of science is that it seeks to measure and describe reality without personal, religious, or cultural bias. For something to be considered scientifically proven, it has to pass exhaustive scrutiny, and even then is always subject to future revision. Inevitably human biases creep in, but the pursuit of science itself is intrinsically an evolving quest for truth. But then quantum mechanics turned much of this lauded objectivity on its head, as the role of the observer became inseparable from the observed quantum effect. It is as if consciousness itself plays a role in creating reality.  Indeed, the two may be the same thing. As quantum pioneer Niels Bohr once put it: “A physicist is just an atom’s way of looking at itself!”
The second aspect is our inner, personal experience of consciousness, our “awareness of awareness.” We have our senses to perceive the world, but “behind” all perception, memory, identification and thought is simply pure awareness itself.  Eastern mystics have described this undifferentiated consciousness for thousands of years as being the ultimate state of bliss, or nirvana. Seekers have attempted to experience it for themselves through countless rituals and practices, although the state itself can be quite simply described. As Indian advaita teacher Nisargadatta Maharaj said: “The trinity: mind, self and spirit, when looked into, becomes unity.”
The central challenge to understanding nonduality may be that it exists beyond language, because once it has been named, by definition — and paradoxically — a duality has been created. Even the statement “all things are one” creates a distinction between “one” and “not-one”! Hardly any wonder that nonduality has been misunderstood, particularly in the West.
Excerpt above from: https://www.scienceandnonduality.com/about/nonduality/
Other resources, explanations, & pointers to nonduality:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-O_KhOnJ62o
http://www.lifewithoutacentre.com/writings/what-is-nonduality/  ,
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nondualism
https://endless-satsang.com/advaita-nonduality-oneness.htm
 
 
Meditation Preparations & Considerations of The Temple (The Body)
Make changes in accordance with listening to the body via feeling. Let go of assumptions about what you know, what you can & can’t do, and who you are & are not. Be mindful of the distinction between what you directly experience, and your thought about something. Be mindful the term direct experience does not refer to a past, a now, a present, a future, or a self (these are thoughts). 
Be conscious of breathing, and breathe from the stomach. Notice the increase in awareness of feeling in the body when you do so. 
Maintain toxin free care & hygiene, such as with: preservatives, fluoride, aluminum, mercury, & neurotoxin free products and water. 
Get a routine physical & full comprehensive blood report, and review it with your doctor (preferably a Holistic Dr).
Eat clean. Food is mood, mood is clarity. Listen to your body & educate yourself about food; calories, nutrients, vitamins, supplements, etc. Your second best friend in this whole world, should be your stomach. Try several approaches to eating. Realize you only know about food from direct experience and let assumptions go. Listen to the body, put habit & preference of taste secondary to energy and clarity. Put direct experience, of how you feel, first. 
Exercise to the extent you are able, as early in the day as you are able. Don’t eat after 8pm, drink water instead. Be mindful of honesty, humility, & compassion. Pause to allow the presence of love when creating responses, vs mindlessly reacting.  
Get 8 hrs of sleep.              
Meditate early in the morning, before eating, and before any thought engaging activities like;
    - All screens, reading anything, listening to any thing or anyone, talking to anyone, etc. Instead, step outside and express gratitude. 
    - Thinking. Develop letting thinking go from waking up until after meditation. Every thought that arises, let it go by being aware of breathing & feeling. Use ”not till after meditation” as needed.
Love yourself enough to do this, your quality of life will be greatly enhanced by your commitment and followthrough with daily meditation. This is putting your inner well being first -  and then going about your day. It is a total game changer. Get up as early as needed to make this possible for yourself.  You’ll only fall asleep earlier as a result, and get a better night’s sleep. 
Maintain a dream journal. Every morning when you wake up, write any recollections of dreams in the journal. If there were none, write “no dreams last night” in the journal. Doing this daily develops connection and communication. After writing a dream down, let it go completely. Revisit it after meditation. Consider that in between the pure peace of sleep and awakening, the dream is the reconciliation of those two states. After meditation, contemplate the dream message. Consider it from the perspective that you are dreaming right now, and the message is that everything is fine, even this (whatever the dream was about). You will notice perspectives you’re believing, as to how ‘everything is not fine’. Those, can be let go in meditation. 
Maintain a journal for writing about how you feel. If meditation is overwhelming, don’t persist against the grain, write about how you’re feeling in your journal. Expressing in key. It is a ‘getting it out’, or emptying, by which being fills in. This is the same as saying misunderstanding is let go, and understanding arises.
Add creative expression in your days with what feels right for you, such as; creative writing, drawing, learning an instrument, singing, sculpting, building, carving, dancing - any act of creating and expressing, which feels good to you. Sign up for a drawing or painting class, etc. 
Clarity, emotional intelligence, understanding, focus, patience, and more feeling / connection, are natural outcomes of this. 
Regarding meditation, loving yourself, journaling, expressing, and making changes:
Do not ask others to accommodate you so that you can do this. Accommodate them, if needed, so that you can do this. Do not create conditions or contingencies which “allow” that you can do this. Refrain from entangling any other person in ‘enabling’ you. Simply get up earlier, and be patient when tired, you’ll be falling asleep earlier soon enough. 
Past trauma may be deeply entwined in the body, with regard to perspectives, and unknowingly suppressed, held out of the light of understanding. It is important to be humble, and be smart. Take advantage of all resources available to you. In addition to the things mentioned above, experience assistance bringing things to the surface, into the light, out into the open. That is relief. ’Getting it out’ is the key. Schedule time with practitioners of well being; massage, reiki, therapy, yoga, liberated experienced meditators, etc. Making the choice to directly experience is 99% of ‘the work’. Choose to experience the combination that feels best to you, but do not rule anything you have not experienced out. You will be glad. 
 
Proper Foundation
The quality of tomorrow’s meditation is impacted by all of the above. Recognize those as the basics, your foundation. This is - first “cleaning the house”, “emptying the cup”.  If you are not yet finding peace in meditation, the things above are likely insightful and actionable. Use them as a checklist, add to it what you learn works and doesn’t work for you. Understand why. Be mindful of the direct experience always, not the goal or outcome. Never do practices for the sake of getting them done. Never do practices with the intention or expectation of attaining, achieving, or becoming. Let go of these in your practices. Never force pracitices, and never guilt or shame yourself regarding practices. Let go of these in your practices. Likewise, never pride yourself on or claim the benefits of your practices. A phone which knows the truth of wifi, yet claims it as it’s own, is no longer listening to the wifi. It is always about letting go, and feeling the inner being, the source, within. 
 
Posture, Balance & Relaxation
Sit with spine straight, entire body equally balanced, head tilted slightly forward. 
Scan for any muscles in tension - from balancing the body, and reposition in better balance. Repeat until seated in balance; drop all muscle tension, and see if you lean; if so, adjust again / reposition for balance.
Relax every muscle, from crown of head, through body, to the toes - in waves of letting go, over and over. If you struggle to ‘find the particular muscle’ to be able to ‘let it go’, simply tense that muscle with the appropriate thought, ex: “tense the right shoulder” - this is to locate it specifically - only to relax it / let it go, specifically (only needed initially, if at all).
Stay with each muscle until you feel it release: Feel the crown of the head muscles release, feel the temples release, feel the eye sockets release, feel the cheek muscles release, feel the neck muscles release, the shoulders, the upper back, the lower back, the arms, the hands, the fingers, the chest, the stomach, the hips, the thighs, the knees, the calves, the ankles, the feet, the toes - all tension pouring out through the toes. 
*Stay with each muscle until you feel it release, then move to the next. Be mindful, vigilant of any habit forming. Feel every step. Feel each specific muscle release. 
* Repeat this, from crown to toes, over and over, feeling each “pass” more deeply relaxing each targeted muscle than the pass before.  Notice the entire body unifying in relaxation. 
 
Meditation
Do not move the body, allow it to relax into deep sleep and disappear from sensation & awareness. 
Mind fully alert & present; awaken every cell, enthusiastic presence,  a tiger at-the-ready to pounce.
Notice all senses are one sense, being.
Being is breathing, being is breathed in, being is breathed out. 
Notice the ineffable spaciousness, the silent emptiness.  It is whole, perfect, calm, peaceful. It continues on in all directions. 
Revel in the perfect peace, in innocence, as you recognize the purity that you have always known.
 
Allow Meditation “Practice” To Become A Meditative Lifestyle
As you go about your day, notice this peace is still present, this silence, this being - is always present, always the soundbed underlying and allowing all sounds, the spaciousness underlying and allowing all objects and activities, the emptiness allowing all thoughts to arise.
Carry this into each day, mindful of the effortless nature of awareness. Conscious of any tension in any muscle, relax it, mindful of the one sense; without identification, without reaction, peaceful non-engagement. 
Notice the arising perspectives of unification & connection. Surrender perspectives of separation by allowing them to pass, and return to the everpresent peace and silence which allows all things. 
When you notice reaction, wether muscular or mental, relax, detach by being again aware, non-reactionary. 
Even as reactions occur, wether physical, mental, or verbal, be aware of, not involved in. Relax crown to toes, effortless awareness is always available & ample.
Notice the sound of a voice, is not the sound of your voice. Be that unattached, and that aware, ‘that’ voice is no longer your voice, it never was. You are all sounds, all voices, all things. Be aware all transpires in the ‘one sense’, precisely where it is seen, exactly where it is heard. One Sense, one awareness. 
Notice thoughts are not your thoughts,  be aware thoughts are things, like trees are trees; there is no mechanism found for justification of  “yours”, that is just another thought; awareness is unconditional and omnipresent, and never appears in pieces, and has never not appeared, it will never let you down. Notice there is one sense, one awareness, notice the body and mind are a body and mind which transpires in this peaceful awareness, notice a body and mind is not your body and mind, notice there is one sense, one awareness, all is transpiring and arising in. 
 
After some practice a couple new things arise...
When you have ‘returned’ home, in the peace of non-reaction, the ‘finite ceo’ / “decision maker”/ over thinker/over thinking - naturally recedes, and well being of infinite intelligence will manipulate the body (it actually is “the body”) , aligning things, stretching things, cracking things, etc, just allow this. It’s difficult not to mentally react to this at first because it’s new, but just relax, it is curative, trust it - notice a person is not doing this, infinite intelligence is. Mindfully revel & appreciate this miracle. 
 
A word of caution regarding thought stories & dualistic narratives
Meditation at it’s most basic level is focusing on breathing in the stomach & relaxing the body, thus indirectly detaching attention from thoughts. Thought ceases in activity, simply from not receiving attention. The body is infinite intelligence, but the thinking dualistic mind believes it’s running the show. This is brought to an end in meditation, in ‘returning to’, or realization of, who you really are. 
When the body relaxes deeply, it releases contractions; tension from emotions created in misunderstanding via one’s forgetting who one is and  “making sense” of self & reality in an apparent physical universe & separate body. These ‘held’ tensions are the root cause of overthinking. The mind keeps churning in an attempt to resolve with thinking, what is only resolved in feeling. 
When the body (infinite intelligence / nothing to know) begins releasing the suppressed falsities (all knowledge & specifically the idea of “me”), the mind creates narratives of the experience to perpetuate “it’s control”. In perpetuating the misunderstandings, rather than relaxing & releasing the suppressed emotions by maintaining focus on stomach breathing, the mind (thinking) weaves & latches onto varies models of duality to control the narrative. (Kundalini, demons, assertion, death, nervous disorders, past “bad” trips, guilt, shame, unworthiness, fear, anxiety & past stories, depression & future stories, projections, deflections, identity, loss, sacrifice, etc)
But meditation is focusing on breathing from the stomach & relaxing the body, and thus indirectly detaching from thoughts. To believe any narrative which arises in meditation, is to sustain and perpetuate the “idea of you”, so as not to ‘directly experience’, you. 
So if you don’t want to awaken, but enjoy the fundamental benefits of meditation, just meditate for twenty minutes a day. Ideally in the morning. 
If you do want to awaken, realize you got caught up in a thought story, and meditation was focusing on breathing from the stomach, and thus indirectly letting thinking go. The truth is the mind is making it all up, and the “fear” is the mind’s label to justify denying the truth “of itself”, the profound love that is, that you actually are.
Write about how you feel and why, in a journal, to understand yourself & develop emotional intelligence. 
Talk to someone who listens, so you can express yourself and your emotions.
Write what you want in this experience of life on your dreamboard, and allow the surfacing of desire & authenticity to help you realize & release resistance thoughts. Live the life you actually want to live, the way you actually want to live it.
 
https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices
Posture Meditation
This body-based meditation is a very effective way to get grounded and centered. It encourages an embodied, calm, and open awareness, and discourages disassociation. If you have a tendency to "leave your body," feel ungrounded, or disassociated, this is a good practice. 
Sit with your spine straight and aligned, and the rest of your body relaxed. Keep bringing yourself back to this condition. 

1. Take a reposed, seated posture. 

2. For this meditation, it is very important that your spine is straight. Your neck and back should be in perfect alignment. Your chin should be down very slightly. 

3. If you are sitting in a chair, do not rest your spine against the chair. Sit forward so that your spine is supporting its own weight. Let the muscles of the spine be engaged. 

4. All the other muscles of your body can be completely relaxed. Allow your face muscles to let go, and your jaw to drop slightly, so that your teeth are not touching. 

5. Let your shoulders hang freely, and let your belly be soft and open. 

6. This is the posture you are aiming for, with your spine erect and your body completely relaxed. 

7. As you sit, keep bringing your awareness back to the fine details of your posture. Notice any time your spine slumps even slightly, your head leans to either side, or any other deviation. Correct these gently and repeatedly. 

8. Also notice if any other areas of your body tense up even slightly. If anything is tensing, relax it in a gently and soft manner. 

9. Keep checking in with the body, using your body (somatic) awareness; the feeling in your body. Mental images of your body will probably arise, which is fine, but these are not what you are concentrating upon. Instead, concentrate your awareness in the sense of your body. The sensitivity in your muscles, tissues, viscera, skin, and so forth. 

10. The more detailed and minute you get with this awareness, the better. Each tiny area of the body has its own sensitivity to contribute. 

11. Every once in a while you can zoom out to cover the entire somatosensory field -- the awareness of your entire body -- to bring the overall body back into alignment. 

12. Keep relaxing every muscle everywhere. Use just enough tension to keep your spine erect, but no more. 

13. Continue this meditation for at least 10 minutes, continuously contacting your body awareness. 
 
CAUTIONS:
If you have any spinal injuries or severe back pain, it is fine to allow your spine to rest in a pain-free position.                    If you find yourself distracted by a lot of mental chatter, you can use verbal labeling as an aid to concentration. 
For example, when checking on the spine, you can say to yourself, "spine in alignment." 
When checking on the body, say, "body relaxed." 
 
 
Awareness of Thoughts Meditation
By learning to watch your thoughts come and go during this practice, you can gain deeper insight into thinking altogether (such as its transience) and into specific relationships among your thoughts and your emotions, sensations, and desires. This practice can also help you take your thoughts less personally, and not automatically believe them.  Additionally, this meditation can offer insight into any habitual patterns of thinking and related reactions.  
Observe your thoughts as they arise and pass away.  
·       By “thoughts,” we mean self-talk and other verbal content, as well as images, memories, fantasies, and plans. Just thoughts may appear in awareness, or thoughts plus sensations, emotions, or desires. 
·       Sit or lie down on your back in a comfortable position.
·       Become aware of the sensations of breathing.
·       After a few minutes of following your breath, shift your attention to the various thoughts that are arising, persisting, and then passing away in your mind. 
·       Try to observe your thoughts instead of getting involved with their content or resisting them. 
·       Notice the content of your thoughts, any emotions accompanying them, and the strength or pull of the thought.
·       Try to get curious about your thoughts.  Investigate whether you think in mainly images or words, whether your thoughts are in color or black and white, and how your thoughts feel in your body.
·       See if you notice any gaps or pauses between thoughts.
·       Every time you become aware that you are lost in the content of your thoughts, simply note this and return to observing your thoughts and emotions. 
·       Remember that one of the brain’s major purposes is to think, and there is nothing wrong with thinking.  You are simply practicing not automatically believing and grasping on to your thoughts.  
·       When you are ready, return your attention to your breath for a few minutes and slowly open your eyes.  
Optional:
·       There are various metaphors and images you can use to help observe your thoughts.  These include:
o   Imagining you are as vast and open as the sky, and thoughts are simply clouds, birds, or planes passing through the open space.  
o   Imagining you are sitting on the side of a river watching your thoughts float by like leaves or ripples in the stream.  
o   Imagine your thoughts are like cars, buses, or trains passing by.  Every time you realize you are thinking, you can “get off the bus/train” and return to observing.

Awareness of thoughts and emotions is one of the areas of focus developed when cultivating mindfulness.  In Buddhism, mindfulness is one of the seven factors of enlightenment and the seventh instruction in the Noble Eightfold Path.  
The Seven Factors of Enlightenment:  https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/piyadassi/wheel001.html
The Four Noble Truths:https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Noble_Truths
The Noble Eightfold Path: https://tricycle.org/magazine/noble-eightfold-path/
 
CAUTIONS:
Please be gentle with yourself if you notice that you are constantly caught up in your thoughts instead of observing them.  This is both common and normal.  When you realize that you are thinking, gently and compassionately return to observing your thoughts.  
If the content of your thoughts is too disturbing or distressing, gently shift your attention to your breathing, sounds, or discontinue the practice. 
·       Remember that you are not trying to stop thoughts or only allow certain ones to arise.  Try to treat all thoughts equally and let them pass away without engaging in their content. 
·       This practice can initially be more challenging than other meditations.  As you are learning, practice this meditation for only a few minutes at a time if that is easier. 
·       It can be helpful to treat thoughts the same way that you treat sounds or body sensations, and view them as impersonal events that arise and pass away.  
·       Some people like to assign numbers or nicknames to reoccurring thoughts in order to reduce their pull and effect.
 
 
Breath Awareness Meditation
Stress is an extremely unhealthy condition. It causes the body to release the chemical cortisol, which has been shown to reduce brain and organ function, among many other dangerous effects. Modern society inadvertently encourages a state of almost continuous stress in people. This is a meditation that encourages physical and mental relaxation, which can greatly reduce the effects of stress on the body and mind. 
Sit still and pay close attention to your breathing process.
Take a reposed, seated posture. Your back should be straight and your body as relaxed as possible.

Close your eyes, and bring your attention to your breathing process. Simply notice you are breathing. Do not attempt to change your breath in any way. Breath simply and normally. 

Try to notice both the in breath and the out breath; the inhale and the exhale. "Notice" means to actually feel the breathing in your body with your body. It is not necessary to visualize your breathing or to think about it in any way except to notice it with your somatic awareness. 

Each time your attention wanders from the act of breathing, return it to noticing the breath. Do this gently and without judgment. 

Remember to really feel into the act of breathing.

If you want to go more deeply into this, concentrate on each area of breathing in turn. Here is an example sequence:

    1. Notice how the air feels moving through your nostrils on both the in breath and the out breath. 

    2. Notice how the air feels moving through your mouth and throat. You may feel a sort of slightly raspy or ragged          feeling as the air moves through your throat. This is normal and also something to feel into.

    3. Notice how the air feels as it fills and empties your chest cavity. Feel how your rib cage rises slowly with each in breath, and gently deflates with each out breath.

    4. Notice how your back expands and contracts with each breath. Actually feel it shifting and changing as you breath. 

    5. Notice how the belly expands outward with each in breath and pulls inward with each in breath. Allow your attention to fully enter the body sensation of the belly moving with each breath.

    6. Now allow your attention to cover your entire body at once as you breath in and out. Closely notice all the sensations of the body as it breathes. 

Repeat this sequence over and over, giving each step your full attention as you do it. 
Suggested time is at least 10 minutes. Thirty minutes is better, if you are capable of it. 
If you find yourself distracted by a lot of mental chatter, you can use verbal labeling as an aid to concentration. For example, on the in breath, mentally say to yourself, "Breathing in." On the out breath, say, "Breathing out." Another possibility is to mentally count each breath. 
 
 
Self Inquiry
This is a meditation technique to get enlightened, i.e. "self realization."  By realizing who you are, the bonds of suffering are broken. Besides this goal, self-inquiry delivers many of the same benefits as other meditation techniques, such as relaxation, enhanced experience of life, greater openness to change, greater creativity, a sense of joy and fulfillment, and so forth. 
Focus your attention on the feeling of being "me," to the exclusion of all other thoughts. 
1. Sit in any comfortable meditation posture. 
2. Allow your mind and body to settle. 
3. Now, let go of any thinking whatsoever. 
4. Place your attention on the inner feeling of being "me."
5. If a thought does arise (and it is probable that thoughts will arise on their own), ask yourself to whom this thought is occurring. This returns your attention to the feeling of being "me."
Continue this for as long as you like. 

This technique can also be done when going about any other activity. 
 
CAUTIONS:
Many people misunderstand the self-inquiry technique to mean that the person should sit and ask themselves the question, "Who am I?" over and over. This is an incorrect understanding of the technique. The questions "Who am I" or "To whom is this thought occurring?" are only used when a thought arises, in order to direct attention back to the feeling of being "me." At other times the mind is held in silence. 
 
This practice of Self-attention or awareness of the ‘I’-thought is a gentle technique, which bypasses the usual repressive methods of controlling the mind. It is not an exercise in concentration, nor does it aim at suppressing thoughts; it merely invokes awareness of the source from which the mind springs. The method and goal of self-enquiry is to abide in the source of the mind and to be aware of what one really is by withdrawing attention and interest from what one is not. In the early stages effort in the form of transferring attention from the thoughts to the thinker is essential, but once awareness of the ‘I’-feeling has been firmly established, further effort is counter-productive. From then on it is more a process of being than doing, of effortless being rather than an effort to be.
 
 
Do Nothing Meditation
Many respected spiritual traditions, including Buddhism and Hindu Advaita just to name two, claim that the highest state of spiritual communion is actually present in our minds at all times. And yet many meditation techniques focus on  creating some special state that wasn't there before the meditation, and which goes away at some point after the meditation. If the highest state is actually present all the time, shouldn't it be possible to simply notice it without inducing some change, or special state? 

That is exactly the purpose of the Do Nothing Meditation. This technique (which is really an un-technique) will allow you to contact the highest spiritual state without actually doing anything. Each time you notice an intention to control or direct your attention, give it up. 
1. There is no need to get into any particular posture, unless you feel like it.
2. Do not position your attention in any particular way.
3. Let whatever happens happen.
4. Any time you notice yourself doing anything intentionally, stop. 
Doing anything intentionally means something you can voluntarily control, and therefore can stop. 
If you cannot stop doing something, then it's not intentional, and therefore you don't need to try to stop doing it. 
So. Anything you can stop doing, stop doing. 

Some examples of things you can stop doing are:
* Intentionally thinking
* Trying to focus on something specific
* Trying to have equanimity
* Trying to keep track of what's going on
* Trying to meditate
Let go of doing anything like this.
5. Keep doing nothing for at least 10 minutes, or as long as you like.
 
CAUTIONS:
It may be difficult for some people to notice any difference between the Do Nothing meditation and gross "monkey mind," that is, the ceaseless, driven and fixated thoughts of the everyday neurotic mind. If this seems to be the case for you, it may be helpful to do a more structured technique. 
 
 
Concentration (One-Pointedness) Meditation
One of the hallmarks of modern life is the proliferation of distractions. As media become more pervasive, and media connections more ubiquitous, time away from distractions becomes ever harder to find. Previously, people were content to sit in restaurants, or stand in line, without a television screen to stare at. Now these have become standard. The result of all this, and many other causes, is that people find it increasingly difficult to focus their minds. 

Concentration is a necessary human skill. It makes proper thinking possible, increases intelligence, and allows a person to calm down and achieve their goals more effectively. A concentrated mind is like a laser beam, able to use all its powers in a single direction to great effect. 

Concentration is critical to many human endeavors. Being able to listen to another person, for example, in a compassionate and connected manner requires being able to shut out distractions. The experience of making love can be greatly enhanced when one is not, for example, thinking about other things. 

Concentration allows a person to stop being a "reaction machine" or "robot," simply responding to stimulii, and instead to become more thoughtful, self-directed, and confident. 
Concentration is an interesting thing. It is a very general ability. That means developing concentration in one area will help you concentrate in ALL areas. So, for example, if you learn to concentrate on a particular idea, it not only helps you think about that idea (which would be very limited), but actually helps you to concentrate on anything, which is very generally useful for everything! It's like lifting weights. It doesn't just make you strong for lifting weights, but strong for anything else you want to do!

Think about one thing. Every time you get distracted, return to that one thing. 
1. Find an object on which to concentrate. This can be a physical object, like a pebble or a feather. Or it can be a mental object like a particular idea. It could even be, say, your homework.

2. Cut off any sources of distraction. These include, but are not limited to, telephones, emails, computers, music, television, and so forth. Turn all of these off during your concentration practice. 

3. Begin your period of by mentally reminding yourself what you are concentrating on. 

4. Now begin to concentrate. If your concentration object is an external object, this may mean looking at it. If it is a mental object, then think about it. If it is your homework, then do it now.

5. Each time your mind (or eyes) wander from your concentration object, bring it back to the object. It is important to do this very gently and without judgment. 
6. Repeat this process of coming back to the concentration object for as long as you wish, or until your homework is done. 
Cultures worldwide have developed concentration practices for both spiritual and practical reasons. 

Concentration is called dharana in Hinduism, and samadhi or shamatha in Buddhism. It is considered to be a key skill for meditation.
 
CAUTIONS:
Concentration can at first seem to trigger a lot of anxiety. This is, however, not the fault of the concentration practice. Rather, it happens because many people use distraction to avoid feeling emotions. Then when the distractions are removed, a tremendous amount of ambient, unprocessed emotions (i.e. emotions you are feeling but were unaware of feeling) are present. So it is not the practice of concentration that is causing anxiety, but instead it is the habit of distracting ourselves from our emotions. This may be the root cause of much inability to focus and concentrate. If that is the case, try meditating on emotions (below). 
Concentration and meditation are not the same thing, although they are related. Meditation (usually) requires concentration, but also requires relaxation or equanimity.
 
 
Emotional Awareness Meditation 
This meditation brings about a great deal of equanimity with emotions. They will not seem to affect us as deeply or adversely. 
Many people have trouble contacting their emotions directly. Even if we feel that we know what emotion we are having, that does not necessarily mean that we are contacting it directly. 

To contact an emotion directly means to feel it in the body. This is the opposite of most people's experience, which is to related ideas about the emotion.

Here is an example. A person asks you how you are feeling. You respond by saying, "I am angry, because..." You then go on to tell the person all the reasons you are angry.

In this example, only the first three words, "I am angry" have anything to do with contacting emotion. All the rest of the explanation is about concepts.

A fuller example of contacting emotions directly, that is somatically, would be to say, "I am angry. I can feel a sort of gripping tension in my belly that is uncomfortable. The tense area feels kind of twisted and sharp. Parts of it are throbbing. It also feels like it is radiating heat outwards." 

Notice that the cause of the anger is irrelevant. The practice here is to feel the physical expression of the anger as completely as possible. 

Extended practice of this meditation will bring about "skill at feeling," that is, a tremendous amount of clarity in the emotional world. Emotional intelligence. 

It will also help emotions to process and release much more quickly and completely, because we are not holding on to ideas about the emotions. The body processes emotion quickly, naturally, and fully. 
Feel the physical expression of an emotion as completely as possible. 
1. Settle into a comfortable meditation posture. 

2. Breathing normally, bring your attention to your emotions. Notice if you are feeling any emotions, no matter how faintly. It is not necessary to know precisely which emotion you are having, or why you are having it. Just knowing that you are feeling something emotional is enough. Guessing is OK.

3. Once you detect an emotion, see if you can find its expression in your body. Maybe there is a feeling of tension, gripping, tightening, burning, twisting, throbbing, pressure, lightness, openness, etc. 

4. If you like, you can mentally make the label "feel" when you detect a body sensation of emotion. Other labels are possible ("emotion" for example). 

5. Each time you detect an emotional body sensation, try to actually feel the sensation in your body, as completely as possible. Feel it through and through.

6. Completely let go of any ideas you have about the emotion, or self talk you might have about why the emotion is arising. Return to the body sensation of the emotion.

7. Continue contacting these emotional body sensations for as long as you wish.
 
Meditating on emotions is a traditional part of Vipassana practice in Buddhism. It is, for example, one of the four main techniques covered in the Vissudhimagga (The Path to Purity), an important Buddhist text.
(The version presented here is a summary of a practice given by American Buddhist teacher Shinzen Young.)
At first, practicing this meditation may make it seem as if the emotions are getting bigger. If they are negative emotions, this may seem overwhelming for a while. This is natural. It is occuring not because the emotions are actually getting bigger, but for two interesting reasons. The first is because we are no longer suppressing them. We are allowing them to actually express themselves fully. The second is because we are observing them (actually feeling them) very closely. Just as a microscope makes small things look bigger, the "microscope" of attention makes the emotional body sensations seem larger than they really are. 

The good news here is that as the emotions express themselves freely in the body, they are being processed. Usually this means that they will pass much more quickly. 

If we are feeling a positive emotion in this way, it may pass quickly, but we will also derive much more satisfaction from it, because our experience of it is so rich and complete.

If we are feeling a negative emotion in this way, we will experience much less suffering from it, because we are not resisting and suppressing it. 
 
 
Equanimity Meditation
The cause of much of our upset and emotional instability is clinging and neediness around people we like, and aversion and negativity towards people we don't like. We also have an unhealthy indifference to strangers, who may need our help, or at least our good will. 

This equanimity meditation helps us to examine our feelings towards people, and correct them where they are mistaken. This leads to a more balanced, wholesome, and helpful viewpoint. It also cuts off a lot of emotional turmoil at its root. 
Meditate on three people (a loved one, an enemy, and a neutral person), examining and correcting your feelings toward them. 
1. Sit in a comfortable meditation posture. Follow your breath until you feel centered and grounded.

2. Bring to mind the images of three people: someone you like, someone you dislike, and someone towards whom you feel indifferent. Keep these three people in mind throughout the meditation.

3. Focus on the friend, and look into all the reasons you like this person. Try to see if any of the reasons are about things this person does for you, or ways they uplift your ego. Ask yourself if these are really the correct reasons to like someone. Then do the same thing with the person you dislike, instead asking about the reasons you dislike them. Finally, do this for the person you are indifferent towards, asking about the reasons for your indifference. In all cases, notice where your ego is involved in the judgment of the other person's worth. 

4. Next, ask yourself whether you consider each of these relationships as permanent. Would you still like your friend if they did something terrible to you? What if the person you dislike really did something nice for you? What if the stranger became close to you? Think about all the relationships in the past in which your feelings about the person have dramatically changed. 

5. Now, visualize the person you like doing something you dislike or that is unacceptable to you. Would you still be their friend? Remember that many people have changed from friends to enemies in the past. There are people who you used to like, toward whom you now feel emnity. Think about how there is no special reason to feel good about a person who is only temporarily your friend. 

6. Next, visualize your enemy doing something very kind for you. They might visit you in the hospital, or help you to fix your home. When you imagine this, can you feel positive emotions toward this person? Can you remember times in the past when an enemy became a friend? Is it necessary to feel that your strong dislike for this person will last forever? Isn't it possible that they could someday become your friend? 

7. Now visualize the stranger. How would you feel about them if they did something very kind for you? Isn't it the case that all your current friends were at one point total strangers? Isn't it possible that a stranger could become your best friend? It has happened before. 

8. Think carefully about how everyone deserves equal regard as human beings. You must discriminate and make decisions based on your knowledge of a person's character, but you do not have to hold strong feelings or judgments towards them. It is very likely that your emotions around a person will change many times, so why hold onto these emotions so rigidly? 

In Buddhism, equanimity means a very deep, even profound, state of mental balance and stability. It is considered one of the seven factors of enlightenment, and a hallmark of the third and fourth jhanas, which are deep states of meditative absorption. 
This is a traditional meditation from Mahayana Buddhism. Its goal is to arouse "bodhicitta' or the mind of enlightenment. There are other equanimity meditations from other Buddhist lineages (e.g., Theravadan), as well as from other contemplative traditions.

(The version presented here is adapted from the book How to Meditate: A Practical Guide.) 
 

CAUTIONS:
It can be upsetting to bring an "enemy" to mind. When working with the mental image of an enemy, be careful not to get lost in negative thoughts and feelings. If you find that you can't handle working with a specific person without getting very worked up, switch to someone less upsetting.
 
 
Body Scan Meditation
The Body Scan is designed to help you feel and bring awareness to the myriad of sensations that occur throughout your body.  By practicing this meditation regularly, you can improve your body awareness and also better work with pain and difficult emotions in the body.  Additionally, people report feelings of relaxation and renewal after this practice.  
Sit or lie on your back and systematically bring your attention to each region of your body, beginning with your feet and moving upwards.  
 
As you begin:
·       Sit or lie down on your back in a comfortable position with your eyes open or gently closed.
·       Take a moment to check-in with yourself, observing how you are feeling in your body and mind.
·       Begin to focus on your breath wherever the sensations are most vivid for you.
 
During the body scan:
·       Try to bring an attitude of curiosity to the practice, as if you are investigating your body for the first time.  
·       Notice and feel any and all sensations that are present, such as tingling, tightness, heat, cold, pressure, dullness,  etc.  
·       If you do not feel any sensations in a particular region, simply note that and move on.  
·       See if you can be aware of any thoughts or emotions that arise as you move through the regions of your body.  Note these thoughts and emotions, and then return to the bare physical sensations that you are experiencing.  
·       Whenever you come across an area that is tense, see if you can allow it to soften.  If the area does not soften, simply notice how it feels and allow it to be as it is.
·       Feel as deeply and precisely as you can into each region of the body, noting if the sensations change in any way.  Also notice where they are located.
·       If you notice any pain or discomfort in a region of the body, see if you can practice allowing and exploring it for even a few seconds, feeling the various aspects of the sensation(s).  
 
Suggested sequence of body parts:
·       Begin with your left foot and toes, then move awareness up the left leg until you reach the left hip.
·       Right foot and toes up the right leg until you reach the right hip.  
·       Pelvic region and buttocks, stomach, low back to upper back, chest and breasts, heart and lungs
·       Hands (both at the same time) then move up the arms until you finish with the shoulders.
·       Neck, throat, jaw, mouth (teeth, tongue, lips), nose, eyes, forehead, ears, skull and scalp.  
·       Finally, become aware of the whole body and rest for a few minutes in this expansive awareness.  

The Body Scan is a variation of a Burmese Vipassana meditation practice that involves scanning the body for physical sensations.  This meditation is also done in various yoga practices.  The Body Scan is used in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), created by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D.  

CAUTIONS:
If you have experienced physical abuse or trauma in the past, it is not recommended to do this practice without a trained professional.  Additionally, if you notice intense fear or other strong emotions related to a particular part of the body, please discontinue this practice.  
It is generally advised to take at least 30 to 40 minutes to complete the body scan.  However, if you wish to do a shorter body scan, spend less time on each region of the body, and/or focus on both feet, legs, and arms together as you move through these regions.  
If you wish, you can practice the body scan in the opposite direction, moving from your head to your toes. 
 
 
Walking Meditation
Walking meditation is a great way to begin integrating the power of meditation into your daily life. It is the first stage of meditation in action, that is, learning to be meditative while "out and about" in the world. 

It is great to do while, for example, taking a walk in the park, at the beach, or in another natural setting. 

Walking meditation is often recommended for people who are doing a lot of sitting meditation. If you are getting to sleepy, or your awareness is getting to "muddy," walking meditation can perk you up. Alternately, if you are getting to concentrated and mentally "stiff," walking meditation is a perfect way to loosen up a bit. 
Walking meditation is a common practice in Vipassana and Zen Buddhism. 


Pay close attention to the physical activity of walking slowly
1. Before walking, stand still in an open, balanced posture. Bring your awareness to the feeling of your feet touching the ground. 

2. Now begin walking. Keep your gaze fixed on the ground about six feet in front of you. This will help you to avoid distraction. 

3. Note and mentally label three parts of each step you take. The labels are "lifting," "pushing," and "dropping." 
 
     Lifting - when you are picking your foot up

     Pushing - as you are moving it forward

     Dropping - as you are lowering it to the ground

 As you make each label, pay very close attention to the actual physical sensations associated with each of these actions. 

4. After these three components become clear, you can add three more, so that the entire sequence is: "raising," "lifting," "pushing," "dropping," "touching," and "pressing."

5. Your mind will probably also engage in thinking extraneous thoughts, but just allow these to go on in the background. Your foreground attention should stay on the physical sensations of walking.

6. If you find that you have been completely lost in thought, stop walking for a moment and label the thinking as "thinking, thinking, thinking." 

7. Then re-establish your awareness on the feeling in your feet, and begin the walking meditation again. 

8. A typical session of walking meditation lasts a half an hour. 


CAUTIONS:
Make sure to watch where you are going, especially if you are around traffic, other people, etc. 
 
https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices
 
 
 
The Yoda Meditation
https://www.thedailymeditation.com/learning-to-meditate-with-jedi-master-yoda-online-meditation-course/amp
The Neo / Matrix Meditation
https://www.dc-acupuncture.com/lifestyle-personal-transformation/how-meditation-makes-you-more-like-neo-from-the-matrix
F That - A guided Meditation
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY

With previous successful experience of plugging 35mg's, I used the same method to now plug 45mg's expecting a medium strength trip. The set and setting were excellent, in a clean room feeling good and ready.
After administration, I laid down comfortably on a prone position on my bed and waited:
I had some initial fear after administration, but that fear subsided as I calmed down, the stinging in my butt became noticeable but the sensation was mild and very bearable. I started getting more aware of my body, and suddenly the stinging in my but got stronger for a couple of seconds, but then it subsided as I surrendered.  The awareness gradually grew stronger and larger and with that arose certain sensations in my body, I started feeling more uncomfortable, my heart started beating faster and a lot of bizarre thoughts arose, thoughts of my inner voice screaming very loudly, thoughts of my body being impaled, etc. It felt like these thoughts came up in order to suppress the rising awareness, but as I surrendered into them, the grip of these sensations and thoughts got released and transcended.  As the awareness spiked higher, I got aware of my whole body. But it felt like my body was becoming more "insignificant" as the awareness rose higher, almost like the growing awareness was this big field that permeated the sober and ordinary field of bodily awareness resulting in the body feeling smaller and smaller in contrast, almost like it was disappearing and becoming very distant. Because of this my heart started to pound faster and fear started coming up, a tingling sensation of mild terror washed over my back and disturbing thoughts were the only thoughts arising. As the awareness grew very large, I got aware of all the significant bodily sensations, of the fear of death, of all the thoughts and I surrendered into all of them and I didn't cling to anything. I surrendered all my worries of "my body not being safe" or "im too cold" or "my arms are falling asleep", as I kept surrendering, these thoughts became more and more distant and the body got further and further away as awareness kind of "took over", and this awareness felt pleasant, and every time I surrendered into a thought or a sensation, It felt like I transcended it, and trough this came a sense of joy and liberation and of being safe. As I intuited that the awareness was not getting any deeper, I chose to open my eyes and see how much time has passed since administration... 18 minutes, so I closed my eyes again and surrendered into more and more thoughts, I surrendered every sensation, everything that was thrown at me.  At some point, I tried to do self-inquiry and there was nothing there! If I looked inwards there would just be the external reality there, nothing else, almost like I looked in and out at the same time. I tried doing the concentration technique that you do in Kriya, and instead of struggling to get aware of Medulla and Brumadhya at the same time like I would do when sober, now I could see Medulla, the third eye, what my eyes saw, all my bodily sensations and all the thoughts that arose all at once! I opened my eyes several times to check the time, and it went by very slowly, I had no choice but to keep surrendering into the awareness. If I would give in to the thoughts and sensation then I would suffer deeply, as the obvious purpose of the thoughts was for "me" to survive because they were very urgent and they depicted my old tempting habits, and if I would cling to and obey these thoughts then I would go full panic mode, as that was what the thoughts were pointing to at that point. At one point in the 30-minute mark, I started to shake my body, and it felt like it was shaking itself. first my right arm and then the left and then my legs. Doing this was actually very pleasant., and I got this urge to go into symmetry with my body, and while doing that the shaking became very enjoyable. I did this for about 2 minutes. After that, I spent 10 minutes lying down just staring at the beauty of what I saw; as I laid on the right side of my face it applied pressure to my closed right eye while my left eye was open, and this made the patterns that arose in the closed right eye apply to what I saw with my left eye (which was open), and I found it to be very beautiful (You can try this yourself) At the 45 minute mark, body load started to fade away and I slowly regained my energy, so I cleaned up the mess and filmed a short video to conclude the trip experience. The awareness was still there. Insights:
I could have either clung to the thoughts and go full panic mode or I could just have surrendered. Let's say that a thought arises saying that I won't be able to experience the joy of passion ever again! Then I can either say "NOOO, I WANT TO LIVE!!!" thus cling to the thought of wanting to live because you want to experience the joy of passion, or you can let go of the thought, which entails that you accept that you won't experience the joy of passion ever again.  The key in order to surrender is that you got to be able to surrender into any sensation and any thought, mainly the thoughts! As awareness grows, really, any sensation becomes bearable, but what makes it unbearable is if you cling to the thoughts that come up. What really helped me to surrender into the thoughts that came up was that I was ready to die and go beyond death: I didn't really care! Awareness is unimaginable. You can never relate to awareness trough thoughts, only through action. Thoughts are there to suppress awareness, thus they can never make you more aware! That is why you can't relate to "higher awareness experiences" because you're either aware or your not. Now after the trip, I can't really relate the actuality reality of the trip, but I do remember how it felt. And all of those memories create a model of "kind of how it was based on the sensations and thoughts I had at that moment" but the thing that's midding from those memories is awareness! These models consisting of thoughts depicting certain thoughts and emotions can never depict awareness itself because awareness is prior to all thoughts! Awareness is not a specific thing.   In the awareness, I was left with this feeling of deep but mild joy and peace, almost like that peace was the awareness itself, and in those emotional terms awareness itself would equate to love and bliss! I guess that these emotions are always inside of us, but we just gotta get aware of them, and what makes us unaware of them is all the thoughts. Letting go of desire makes you happy. When I went on the comedown to play on my piano with the intent to express the joy of awareness through my improvisation, I actually couldn't press the first key, because the purpose of pressing that key would be to encapsulate what I wanted to express into a certain sound, but awareness couldn't be encapsulated! Anything I would play felt invalid as there would be no way for me to express awareness through the piano!  Turquoise music is either silence or music that raises your awareness and consciousness. Aftermath:
I felt very calm during the comedown of the experience, and I did contemplate going for a breakthrough dose right there, but that thought was just as compelling as the other thought of prolonging the breakthrough and instead integrate the experience. Both of the thoughts came from the same place. I ended up choosing not to go for a breakthrough dose at that moment, instead, I sat there marveling at how beautiful reality was! When you let go of all your desires, action steps and thoughts (because of the rise in awareness), then you can let yourself become aware of the beauty of reality! These insights are very valuable and I will try to integrate them as much as possible. Next time I will administer 55mg's the same way in the same set and setting.
 

Forewords: I have found that plugging 5-MeO-DMT oxalate required alot more substance for me to feel any effects from it. I plugged 35mg's.
My set and setting was really good, I did my morning routine and I wanted to keep on with my day until I found myself in the perfect setting to trip on 5-MeO, so I took the opportunity and I dont regret doing that. Even though I felt like I was supposed to do stuff, and I felt like "My ego was active and big", it didnt turn out to be a hindrance. I fasted for 36 hours prior to the experience (initially for health reasons).
I got okay with the fact that I was gonna die, and I felt excited for my death. I was full of energy, while I grounded up the 5-MeO and dissolved into the water.
After administration, I went and laid down comfortably on my bed with my limbs extended, opening myself up for any experience. 
I felt fear during the comeup, and it really stung in my butt, I surrendered into the sensations. My heart started to pump faster Suddenly, my awareness just shifted, and went up 10x to a peak meditative state, and this made me much more aware of my body and the body load. That made me start breathing more heavily and I felt just a little terror and fear coming up. I surrendered. I did also have some thoughts of like "this is it his is what I wanted" I felt satisfied with the level of awareness I experienced, but now after the trip I can definitely assure that this awareness could have gone much higher in terms of satisfaction. I suddenly calmed down, and 15 minutes into it, the pain the my butt was subsided, all fear was gone, along with the heavy breathing and pumping heart. I was left with this surge of awareness, where I was constantly aware of all that was happening, I got aware of all the thoughts that came up. I felt a little more connected to everything, but there were no non-duality or ego death. The ego was definitely there, and it throwed me a very very compelling urge to jerk off, and so I did, while being very aware of it. The orgasm was so laughably different than what the craving displayed that I got this sense of liberation, which caused me to have amazing surge of masculine energy, I felt like I could do anything; I could plug another 60mg's, I could go run a marathon, lift a mountain etc. This masculine energy probably came from an inner liberation that I sensed as I got this feeling of certainty that this craving will never be able to seduce me ever again! I felt very liberated that even though im struggling with nofap, and this relapse would make me feel guilty, I actually felt good, like "This was worth the experience, and why thehell should I cry over spilled milk? Lets move on with life!!" I felt alive like never before, but this energy was not satisfying by any means, it was more like "I could do anything on order to get something, so by definition, the energy would not satisfy me. I tried surrendering, I attempted meditation and self-inqury during the peak (I was fully able to move around, dont get me wrong), and I would have gone pretty deep unless I had this impatience to go do something, to release my energy, I ended up satisfying my hunger for food by eating a couple of pineapples. Insights:
Taking care of the body is paramount, paramount in how you will feel in the body and what kinds of thoughts will be thrown at you. If the body is not properly taken care of, then doing personal development would be like trying to stop a flood with a towell. If the body is in its peak state, trancendence of the body will be much easier (This is counter-intuitive) The key to release an addiction is to not think about it! If you think, crave it or fantasize about it, then you will attract it. When a thought of the addiction arises, sit with the thought, permeate it with your awareness until it disappears, but also make sure that you have your mind and thoughts directed at something elise! If you will have 10k thoughts arise during your day and you're a heroin addict, it would be much more beneficial for you to direct your resources at something thats worth working for, rather than just sitting on a couch and having all those thoughts be unavoidably focused on your addiction, as your not doing anything anyways. Its much easier to get rid of an addiction if what you are thinking about is actually not the addiction, rather how to live the best life possible. Permeate your thoughts with your purpose (by taking action on it!) while also letting go of thinking about your addiction until you wont have a single thought about the addiction anymore, and only then, it is transcended. Yes, you can sit on the couch and let go of every single thought until there is no thought left = the addiction is gone, or; You can permeate whatever thoughts you have with the purpose of authentic eudaemonia rather than hedonism, so that you stop thinking about your addiction = the addiction is gone. Summary:
This experience was very beneficial, and I feel like I know the proper set and setting, the proper mindset and the proper way to surrender. Plugging was indeed very very smooth, I have now a new sense of how alive I can feel if I just think differently about life, and next time I will administer 45mg's the same way, expecting terror torture and death.

• Substance: 5-MeO-DMT (HCl)
• ROA: Intranasal
• Dose: 40 mg
• Total duration: 45 min.
---
In what follows, I will try my best to convey the utter insanity that was that trip. Writing about 5-MeO-DMT is difficult because words simply fall short to honor this substance enough. It proved itself to be far beyond anything I could have imagined, and then some. Since many of you don't have access to this admittedly rare psychedelic, I will detail everything as much as I can, step by step. What are the different effects? Can it really induce an Awakening? What did I take away from the experience? I will cover these questions in length, so stick with me if you're interested in the matter or hesitant to give it a whirl yourself. Still, please keep in mind that this TR is unfortunately not half as accurate as I would like it to be. Using text to describe this is like attempting to explain the uniqueness of Salvador Dalí's paintings to a person blind from birth. I think it's a matter of fact that there are no words. But I still want to try!
Set & setting, onset
Aside from this trip, I had two other experiences with 5-MeO that left me unsatisfied: one of 16 mg, and another of 23 mg. Although quite powerful in their own right, those trips didn't lead me to spiritual discoveries because they were not strong enough for my ego to break, thus mainly being moments of useless physical and mental discomfort. My intuition told me there was much more to it and I was eager to feel it all for myself, so I decided to have a massive dose this time around: 40 mg. It was all that was left, and I didn't feel like wasting 10 mg by going with a more conventional 30 mg dose. As you'll figure out shortly, it was not exactly a good idea. Now that the dust has settled, I don't regret going that far. But please be extremely cautious and confident if you want to go beyond 30 mg yourself, as it seems already more than enough for most people. Those quantities are no joke at all. If you're new to it, start with 10-15 mg and increase gradually. Otherwise it will catch you by surprise and destroy you, as it did with me.
Like the majority of my psychoactive experiences, this one took place at home while I was alone. It would have been safer to have a sitter, especially given the dose, but it's only unaccompanied that I can take the most out of a substance. After weighing out my remaining powder with a milligram scale, I split it in two lines and disposed them on a glass plate in front of me. Up until that point, I was enthusiastic and in a good mood; seeing the two impressive beasts waiting for me calmed me down quite fast. It was a behemoth dose of a behemoth psychedelic, there was nothing trivial in what I was about to do. I became filled with apprehension, almost terrified by the small amount of powder, and stared at it for maybe an hour before finally finding the courage.
'Now or never', I said to myself as I insufflated the 5-MeO with a straw in both of my nostrils. It had a pleasant flowery, candy-like aroma to it, albeit quickly followed by a much less welcomed burning sensation. Twenty seconds in and I was already shaking of both excitement and fear. I tried to relax and layed on the couch. To maximize the absorption of the chemical by my nose, I tilted my head upside down and proceeded to massage my nostrils in a circular pattern, although I'm not entirely sure it helped much. A few minutes went by like that. My heart was pounding like crazy. And eventually, after 5 minutes or so, it began.
Phase 1: The dismantling
I started to feel a pressure in my head. A fastly growing dizziness followed shortly after, eventually spreading malaise to the rest of my body. No longer at ease on the couch, I layed down on the floor and focused on keeping my inner balance for as long as I could. It was already hitting strong, but I was in known territory. Yet my heart was beating so much that I could hear the pulse in my neck like a drum. As the vertigo became barely manageable, new bizarre sensations manifested all over me and specifically in the chest and the abdomen; it felt like my internal organs were disappearing. At the same time, my hands and arms became oversensitive. It was getting odd. I started to hyperventilate because I was under the impression that my breathing was inadequate. Before I had a chance to accustom myself to anything, my skull was compressed, my head was buzzing, and my whole body vibrating. All of this was incredibly fast, and more importantly, ever-growing. It didn't take me much longer to realize that this time, I wouldn't be able to handle it.
But that was only the beginning. Only a couple of minutes... with an eternity ahead. I was getting very hot, but reaching for the window was impossible. My head and body were too heavy to move. I was literally smacked to the floor. Of course the intensity of these physical effects only continued to increase and increase. At this point it was already the strongest thing I've ever felt in my life, and I knew very well that I was still only at the bottom of the curve. The various sensations eventually culminated into one unified, all-encompassing feeling. It was an explosive energy of unfathomable power. There was nearly nothing else in my field of awareness than this. Hundreds of thoughts raced in my head simultaneously. The burning in the nose was the least of my concerns now. It was my very life that was at stake.
Oh, the terror. The sheer, gut-wrenching, mind-crushing terror. If you ever had a panic attack, multiply this feeling by a million and you will begin to have a pretty good idea of the emotionnal abyss I was falling into. Falling into myself and just dissolving, this is exactly how it felt. A few words on the visual component, although it was clearly the most underwhelming aspect of the experience so far: everything around me was morphing, breathing, and drifting very concretely. A bright yellowish tint overlapped my visual field. I didn't care much. Hard to marvel at geometric distortions when your consciousness is freaking evaporating. My imminent death became a certainty to me. I managed to get on my feet and just proceeded to scream my lungs out. 'No! No! NOOO!!' I'd never suspected I could shout so hard. Let me tell you that I meant these noes more than anything I've ever meant in my whole life before. I was desperate. But also very angry at myself for making such a foolish mistake.
The intensity continued to increase and expand. Every nerve, every fiber, every last corner of my body and mind was completely and totally overstimulated. It felt like a supernova was exploding in each and every cell of my brain. I was still screaming and running all over my apartment—perhaps not having a sitter was for the best after all. It was in me. No escape, nothing to hold on to, not the slightest relief in anything. Still to this day, I don't understand how it's humanly possible to experience such an overwhelming, tremendous power. Waves of pure destructive energy flowed through my whole being. Everything exterior and interior to me was collapsing on itself. I didn't even care about survival anymore. My life didn't matter, all I wanted was to get out. I would have used a gun without a single second of hesitation if I had one, just to make it stop. Undoubtedly the worst and hardest time of my life.
I really wanted to stress out this somatic aspect of the experience because it's a reality that everyone has to face to a relative degree when using psychedelics. It can get extremely taxing on your body (and consequently on your mental well-being), so you have to be prepared for this kind of things. 5-MeO is not an 'easy shortcut' to infinite consciousness as some might think. 5-MeO is suicide. It's still a small price to pay, though, for the reward is... Well, you already know.
Phase 2: The Ultimate Dive
The obliteration continued to burst. About 10 minutes into the experience, I just gave up. As I was running to the kitchen in my attempt to somehow dissipate this infinite overflowing energy, yelling like a madman, I blacked out. The last bit of me was annihilated. From this moment on, my body went on full autopilot, and I couldn't remember doing or controlling anything afterwards. 'I' was gone. But one thing remained: awareness. Thus started the real trip. This is where things become challenging to word.
Despite the chaotic nature of the process, the transition from the physical to the 'metaphysical' phase felt quite smooth. I can't tell if this transition was quick or slow, because it felt like both, but at a given point, I realized that a change was made, like a click. You probably know it by now: the key thing about 5-MeO-DMT, the number one rule, is to surrender completely. You have to let go in order to tap into the deepest realms. And this is what happened, quite mechanically I must admit, when I blacked out. Precisely because there was no one to resist anymore, all resistance vanished for good. Which is not to say that the stream ceased to deploy itself. As I abandoned myself, and all the rest, to this experience, it exploded even more. The energy skyrocketed to infinity. There was no one and nothing in the world to hold it back. The stream was free, and so was I.
I found myself floating in what I can only describe as an eternal, infinite void. In this 'dimension', there was no time, and no space. I forgot their meanings. I forgot my human senses, all of them. This perception was so direct and total, that it was beyond any sense; it was not visual, not tactile, not soniferous... It was everything at once and more. Unified, undefined, compressed. I forgot the life I had before. I forgot who or what I used to be. One thing only was certain: I was. I was this omnipotent flow of purity. When this realization poped out, it was so deep and clear, that I could only think 'This is absolutely incredible.', although it was a feeling rather than a thought. An obvious and undeniable feeling, a beam of unprocessed truth. Like opening my eyes to light for the first time. And discovering existence as what it truly is.
I remained in this state for what felt like an eternity. Immersed in this divine light. One with it. The serenity I felt was of cosmic proportions. It was intense, even more so than the destructive energy of before, but this time, it was positive and healing. It felt like home. Home of the soul. The one and only place I ever wanted to end up within. While deeply mystical and mysterious, there was nothing to understand, nothing to analyze, nothing to conceptualize... It was the clearest, and the most obvious, and the most unquestionable feeling ever. My body was laying on the cold tiles of my kitchen. But I... I was laying on the ultimate layer of reality.
'I only exist to be here.', I thought. 'I only exist to feel this. To be this. Nothing else matters. There is nothing else.' And indeed, how could there be anything else? It was silly obvious. Being is everything. Being is the core, the substance of all, the Father of All, the Son, the Holy Spirit. And I'm sure every religion has other nice names... I realized this, and I laughed internally. It felt so good, so unbelievably good. 'I have won.', I thought. 'I have already won everything there is to win.' And then: 'Yes. Oh yes. OH YES. YEEES!!' I became a yes. God, the euphoria. Infinite pleasure. Infinite love. Infinite heavenly energy flowing and filling everything. It was way too good. Forbiddenly good. A billion times more that anything I've ever desired.
And at last, I thought 'This is It.' When I received and became everything, and fully accepted it, and fully acknowledged it, this thought, this feeling popped out from the very core, like the ultimate truth. 'This is It.' ... But what is It, you might ask? Hahaha... You fool. It is It! Itself. You can't name it, it's all names. You can't define it, it means everything. You can't understand it. You can only feel it, only become it. It hit me, and it was the breakthrough of the experience. Incidentally, the most important moment of my existence.
Phase 3: Rebirth & aftermath
I wish I stayed in this state of totality forever. As I said, this experience was timeless and didn't feel short by any means. But unsurprisingly, it had to wear down, and eventually I began to reemerge. Slowly, my vision and other senses came back. At first, it was surprising, because I was no longer familiar with them. I was perceiving a lot of information that I couldn't make sense of, seeing colors, and hearing sounds... It was marvelous, beautiful, maybe the kind of things a newborn experiences during the first minutes of his life. I was too shaken to formulate coherent conclusions about anything. I didn't want to think, so I just continued to savour this awesome exotic feeling that was still very much present and flowing through me. The greatness was taking form, diversifying into uncountable gorgeous shapes. Everything around me was magnificent.
And in this very moment, I realized very clearly, that all of these different things were branches extending from a single tree. Not separate from it, but prolongations of the tree itself. It was extremely lucid and clear. I was perceiving raw reality, like a single gradient containing every possible color, without any disconnection within it, or any false separation. And I felt that it was all possible only through me... Wow! As far as what I can articulate goes, this understanding was probably the greatest. It's one thing to have a theoretical, conceptual image of non-duality, but it's a drastically different thing to actually feel and embody it.
I noticed that I was laying on the refreshing floor of my kitchen, which felt stupidly great. Honestly, part of it was just gratefulness for still being alive. I heard some sounds, and saw a silhouette standing over me. I couldn't process what I was perceiving, although I knew it was important. As I faced my inability to make sense of things, I took a step back and was offered another precious fragment of truth: raw reality is meaningless. In and of itself, completely meaningless! How deliciously ironic is it? I found one of the best pieces of wisdom of my life within complete 'confusion'. A fact that speaks a lot itself.
Much to my dismay, this lucidity started to wear off as well. The sound that I was hearing was the person's voice. They were loudly calling me by name, and hearing it triggered a response. 'Oh, that's right. I am someone.', I thought. Funny how this was my first logical, constructed reflection. The ego was among the first things to creep back, as the fierce beast that it is. 'I had a life before... But something very big happened. I took something.' And like that, other similar thoughts and observations continued to spawn and multiply. 'This will change my life completely.', I thought. 'How could it possibly be the same after something like THIS?' It was amazing, but at the same time frightening. I knew it would have enormous implications for the future.
A not so distant future... I recognized the face of my uncle, who lives nearby. He was worried and I could feel it, which in turn made me sad. I wanted to tell him that I was feeling better than ever, but I couldn't squeeze out a single word out of my mouth, nor could I move a finger, for almost ten minutes. As he told me later, he heard me screaming for several minutes straight like I was being murdered. Apparently, I was also bashing everything around me, because he heard loud thuds coming from inside as he knocked to my door. He later found me in the kitchen, motionless and unaware, with a blank expression and an empty stare. Laying on the ground among overturned tables and chairs. I can only imagine what he must have thought...
So naturally he called an ambulance because I was unresponsive, and shortly after I was surrounded by turbulent rescuers running around and checking my pulse. I could speak by the time they arrived, and said I felt perfectly fine, but they wouldn't listen. It was a truly pityful moment, they all had no idea. I was honest and said them what I did, much to their disregard. Some of them looked at me like at a piece of garbage. I can't blame them, the whole scene objectively didn't look good. I had to be taken to the hospital, but that's a story for another time. So much for after-trip integration!
Insights & conclusion
Alright, let's pretend the embarrassing turn of events never happened. It's time to discuss the trip as a whole. Holy moly, wasn't that strong! From a purely organic standpoint, this thing hits like a high-speed train. Be very ready if you plan to do it yourself. And of course, don't take such a high dose, unless being body slammed by the Universe is your thing. I want to say this loud and clear: as far as I'm concerned, everything they say about 5-MeO is true. This substance is the key to the kingdom of God. My understanding of words like 'existence' or 'being' changed entirely. In less than half an hour, I experienced absolute infinity, the whole spectrum of human emotions and sensations, the collapsing of time and space themselves, and litteraly merged with the core of reality. I honestly doubt it goes much further than that... This trip was total.
Now, does this qualify to be called a genuine Enlightenment experience? Look, I don't want to offend anyone and I honestly don't know the first thing about true spirituality. I am in no position to say what is actual Awakening, and what is not. All I can say, is that it was the freaking most unbelievable moment of my life, something that I never would have dreamed was possible. I will remember this until the day I die, and will cherish it, and will always stand behind it. Whatever it was, it was it up to the hilt. You be the judge. But for me, it was as authentic as it gets.
This trip happened in August 2017, so I allowed myself a lot of time to assimilate it and find the right words. I'm not sure if I succeeded. I know that I used a lot grandiloquent sentances and superlatives and bombastic metaphors, but clearly I don't know if there's any other way to put it. To me, if there's one thing that truly deserves to be called infinite without abusing language, it's this. I thought about it a lot, and tried to reach states of this nature by my own, during meditation or even in every day life. Sometimes I have short glimpses, mostly randomly out of the blue, and they're awesome. Like fresh reminders of this experience that help me to remember some aspects of the trip I forgot. Also, my subsequent trips with other psychedelics like LSD changed a lot. They feel much more limpid and enjoyable. Some of what I wrote here was thanks to other substances. They helped me to connect the dots and make sense of the craziest parts of the experience.
I withdraw from this trip three major insights of which I still have a very solid and fresh understanding as I write these lines:
• Everything is one. I mean, obviously. It's so undeniable at this point. There's not a shadow of a doubt in my heart. This reality is one. And it exists by itself, for itself, does whatever it wants, expands through the never and through the nowhere, like a savage, insane, infinite and eternal fractal. Being is its substance. Being is the common denominator of all things within it.
• The present moment is the only thing that there is. Let that sink in, carefully understand what's being said. The present moment is the only thing that there is. Can you see? Can you feel it? This thing that you are experiencing at this very moment. This elusive little thing that you so rarely pay attention to. It's eternity itself!! Do you realize that there will never be a future, and never was a past? There's only this! This small present moment, shorter than a femtosecond, so short it can't be measured, it will go on for ever, and ever, and ever...
• Reality has no meaning whatsoever. It's contents have no meaning. Meaning exists only within the utilitarian minds of some living creatures. It's artificial and fake. You can use this tool as you please, but try to not get lost in the web. Don't waste your time chasing moral chimeras... Don't think any of this has purpose other than just being itself.
Aaand... phew. That's about it. I think it's time to wrap this up. I said what I had to say, and I hope some of you guys found this useful. Thanks for sticking up with me until the end. Please feel free to comment if you have remarks or questions, I will gladly address those. And damn... Definitely try 5-MeO at least once in your lifetime before you die, if that wasn't clear by now.
Peace!

Loved and screetshot it! Thanks. I'll try it.