sarapr

@MarkusSweden that's not exactly how I meant it. Don't throw me out so soon, tired of me already? I meant it for that moment only .

That one Specially if your a beginner learn python which has very little instructions to begin with then you can enjoy yourself . I solved a problem a set today after days of working on it, boy I feel so good . it stimulated me so much I even went running for a kilometer .

I am thinking of putting this spirituality thing away although I know it is the only true way of happiness , it simply won't work for me now . before I can let go of materialistic desires , I need to have some materials in the first place to then let go of, you know . it works in full circle ways . you be so selfish that you get selfless . specially in today's world there's no way to shoot for the main goal head on , you need to bend the way a lot before you get there and even in the past, spiritual people became enlightened only after their 30s or 40s off course with the exception of prophets cause they seemed to never care for these sorts of things from the beginning but the more normal people who became enlightened did so in the next half of their lives after they had built a decent enough life for themselves and had lived solely based on satisfying their ego. Since this whole thing is making me lose interest in everyday stuff, I want to put it off. Even if I didn't, it still wouldn't mean much cause my attention is divided and it would be a half assing of all the things that I do without making any of them produce results and in a few years I'd totally regret the whole thing for having wasted my life chasing everything but not having gotten to any of them and then I'd also be out of time to do anything about it . totally miserable life to think about it. But if I focus on one thing at a time, I'll get to do all that I wish, everything I have in mind. It really is a hierarchy that you have to climb up before you get to enlightenment and a selfless life. The most important step I gotta take to implement what I decided is to watch my information intake . that's one thing that really holds me down cause it's like I'm doing great in whatever thing I'm doing and a video comes up, I watch it but then it gives me an existential crisis which I have to deal with before I can continue with anything else and this process of handling myself is actually the obstical to handling the issue in a meaningful way and actually the decision I make eventually in trying to balance myself in the face of that crisis is that I cant really do anything about at this point cause my resources don't allow for that so again I'm back at square one with only less time to do the same work so you get the absurdity of this whole situation that I keep putting myself into and I don't learn the lesson .so I will only read books or watch videos on materialistic related stuff and focus all my attention on that . if I do that hundred percent then I'm optimistic I will have put away all the obstacles by the time I'm 30 (tops) .even thinking about it I get excited by what I will have become by the time I'm thirty ,that's huge beilve me. I remember before getting to highschool I always thought oh my god I can do so much in this 4 years, I will build my foundation and put all my effort into these years cause I know this is the time with the most payoff and guess what ? I have come very far from where I was . you wouldn't beilve it . my world view has changed so dramatically, I've embarked on a lot of cool adventures and I did achieve most of what I had in mind. I consider it a success overall so now when I think I will have achieved a lot by that time, I'm actually very optimistic that I will . anyways who cares I was saying sth else . Where was I!? Umm I was saying that, oh I rembered , that then after I achieve all the materialistic goals I have then I will focus hundred percent on spirituality and really when I think about it I have no ideas how my life will turn out after five years from now cause after five years there are just so many different ways I could go in that I honestly can't plan for any further. it's a vast plain to choose from. For now I will focus all my energy on what I said with only little daily mediation practices and small stuff like that but nothing mind blowing I promise . it needs a lot of self regulations though, it sounds easy but it's not. It's almost like it's become sort of an addiction to keep creating a crisis to solve . I'm gonna try no mind on this, meaning awareness . I can't solve thinking with more thinking . that is sth I should understand in my bones . I always think if I thought about this issue enough I could solve it but this thinking becomes an addictive behavior of worrying . even right now I still want to continue to think about it . let's have five deep breaths and then see if I can stop myself now, let alone other times so here we go : I did it . it feels good. I am out of here .

These stories seem to portray enlightenment as a one time happening unlike what Leo says

Wow this is amazing havent even read all of them

He actually seems to be the devil talking with that black background specially the times when he's saying controversial stuff When he changes it to white, that's when we know he's no longer the devil

So interesting

He will change radically. 30 days ain't no joke . I don't think we'll be able to understand him anymore. I'm not ready for a new version of Leo .

He has visited a couple of times so far. I bet he couldn't resist the temptaion. loooser

Each PMS I go through , I come out the other end with some growth. Might not be all that bad after all. I notice myself having worries and monkey chaters in my mind about a particular thing each month and I think about that problem so much that I put it away completely and then the next month it's a new issue but no longer the previous ones or if it is a previous issue it wouldn't be as strong just some mild leftovers . I do think that PMS is helping me uncover my subconscious issues and shed some light on them so that I can solve them .

Where should I get the strength to counteract peer pressure and societal norms which I know are damaging? It's simply too much to hear the same things over and over again wherever I go. It's almost like I can never escape toxic people. What are your suggestions? ( one specific thing I have a problem with is getting nose jobs. It getting out of hand and it is bothering me )

@Everyday i go to the library and stay there the whole day and study for 10 hours a day . the library really helps with the resistance but even then when I have resistance I usually pick a book I really enjoy and after reading that I find myself wanting to study more and more like a positive feedback loop. I study in two hour sessions with fifteen minute breaks and one thirty-minute break in the middle of the day usually at 6 pm . it's only painful the first day, right after that, on the second day , it would all feel normal . At this point all I do for the next month is recap. I've covered all the subjects so now the recap is a daily basis. If you have any more questions let me know. Besides all that, one thing I've noticed about studying for 10 - 12 hours a day is that time is much shorter than you think. I used to think only if I studied for that long, I would be able to finish everything in one day but now I can see even 10 hours of study a day won't be enough , there's so much more to do but you won't know that until you actually study that long .

Okay the last month which was supposed to be the time for me to fill in the gaps has come and I really need to make wise choices. My deepest problem so far about creating my study plans has been the lack of prediction for unwanted situations and lack of flexibility so that I wouldn't have to abort the whole mission because of one simple stupid inevitable thing that happened . so I'm here to stop that now. focus and clarity are also the key points I need to pay attention to. Pick one source for each subject stick with it and do it every single day plus some other stuff that comes up daily which doesn't have to be an everyday thing. So do that you'll be fine. One book for each subject that's it.

Hey I'm feeling much better now You know why?!? My brother came ( hooray) I went to his room to have a talk and I ended up making him laugh his ass of. He literary had to get up from his bed to cool off. We laughed so hard that we were sweating . I guess he should be happy he has me Speaking of sweats , the weather has gone crazy these days. It's supposed to be spring but we are having floods all over the country and our city is like a desert at this time but this year we are having rains every other day, sth which is rare even in winter time !!! It is all global warming showing off. On this particual matter I'm no longer optimistic . let's see how long it takes us before we manage to get the human species endangered along with thousands of other species then we can call it a day and all go home to have a nice ever lasting sleep underneath our technologies ! Good luck to us

There's so much to fix, so much to work on. I wonder if it's even possible. I'm tired . I miss my brother. I love him so much. Now that he's going to college I don't see him anymore. I know it'll only get worse as time passes. I don't like growing up. Everything's changing so fast. Takes time to adjust. I want to be a kid again. To play around with my brother . ahh they were such good times. Miss everything about my childhood. I want it back.

@Rilles i had the exact same thing happening. I went out of my way to find her phone number through my other friends and contacted her and after that the dreams stopped. Just like that and we just talked about how we were doing , nothing special but just that short chat made me peaceful again . we went back to no contacts again so don't worry you won't regress into your past that much.

@aurum what other types of people would be attracted to spirituality ? Do you think it might even be possible to get into spirituality any other way than wanting to heal a wound ? Is it that it always has a negative component to it at first?

I was meditating the other day and came across a new experience. I started shaking and my body was moving back and forth. I couldn't help but laugh at myself . it was totally funny to see my body moving without any permission from me whatsoever. it was like, none of the cells of my body would take orders from me anymore like it wouldn't be important what I wanted . I was overthrown. But I have read previously in this forum that these sorts of shakings happen and I mostly think it's a muscle issue and when the muscles get tired of being held straight they start shaking . I haven't tried other positions of sitting to see if that's actually the cause though. I wish more of these experiences would happen to me but I guess I should say, careful what you wish for .

@Nahm actually that turns out to be true and the ancient people saying that turn out to not be that dumb after all

I love to work with computers and do programming but also love biology and biochemistry and also like to do some things that require you to get up and do sth either with hands like creating a hand craft or with the whole body like sports . now how do I combine all these together? I've always known what I wanted very specifically but were never clear enough about the way in which I could get there mostly due to lack of proper and correct knowledge about how different paths to getting there work and what the process is like so that has resulted in me changing directions multiple times to better suit my main purpose so now after all these path diversions, I'm not quite sure if my most recent decision is correct or not but I wouldn't worry too much right now cause I know whichever way I go I'll end up embarking on all those adventures that I like. the only thing that changes each time is the order of importance in which I evaluate those activities and also the order of timing for them cause I can't do all that at once obviously.

Was just talking to another friend of mine who has had a nose job and then right after that I came here reading some posts and the difference in the quality of my thoughts and the huge mood change I felt, hit me like a wave. It's so hugely remarkable that a minute ago when I was thinking about noses and nose jobs, that had become my reality and then when coming here and thinking about spiritual stuff I felt the reality changing around me . It's like your reality is created by what you do and think of for most of the time . It's crazy how we can change our world by changing our mindset. And the thing is, there is no other world than your world so stop making yourself feel bad when you have all the power to change a world in an instance. There's nothing stopping you .

I never knew how much I actually enjoy studying . always resisted it for what reason I don't know but now that I'm studying real long hours, I find myself enjoying it even more it's like the more I study the more I want to. And exactly the same with other things. the more I do sth the more I end up doing it. maybe that's how addictions are formed but currently I like to develop this habbit of studying . totally enjoyable .

Writing gives me a sense of ease and peace and comfort. I'm a bit worried again for my future but I guess it'll be alright after all . my life would change dramatically in just a few months. I'm looking forward to that and in a few years I wouldn't even recognize myself looking back . I'm generally extremely optimistic but my brother is always restless, nagging and complaining about everything and he ruins my day as well when he or anyone else in general does that . I don't enjoy being around these kinds of people. they constantly give out negative energy . since I really look up to my brother I find myself under the influence of his negative energy . im not sure which is the better way to live life. To be that optimistic or pessimistic? I couldn't be pessimistic even if I wanted to. I always find a way to see things in a bright light even while I myself am nagging . yeah he messes with my emotions too much . I guess I have migraine . I always have a headache . One of My friends is suffering from insomnia at this age. When she told me that, I wasn't shocked at all. It was always obvious to me sth bad would happen to her sooner or later. She was and actually still is a constant cumpulsive liar, always bragging , always trying to prove how foolish everyone is and how smart she herself is. A lot of mental garbage and nonsense in there. I know why she's suffering and I know I can help her but she's too stubborn to admit her insecurities to herself . just as I had said that everyone has problems to work on and if they don't even realize there are problems, their body will yell and shout and cry out loud but they still wouldn't hear their body and they will suffer for if. I wish I could somehow help her. She says I'm the only one who understands her and that I have been the only one whom she could be comfortable with after all these years that we've been apart she still asks me all the time when she can call me so sometimes I manage to find some time for her and she calls and talks about all her problems to me and all I do is mostly listen and cause I know my advice won't be heard, I don't try to tell her to do anything. I just let her pour out her heart and say whatever she wants. Maybe that's the best thing for now, to not confront her. I personally thank god that I can sleep at nights peacefully and allow myself to dream every single night and enjoy myself whenever I can . I am truly thankful for that .

@aurum when do you wake up?