sarapr

In practice. It's so easy to just conceptualize the perfect way but not so easy to do

After reading what you said and watching the video this is what came to my mind: that if we stop projecting and conceptualizing about others then all that will be left is purely who they are and it's gonna be the same for everyone because if we don't assign labels and ideas to people's behaviors and actions then everyone will be the same for us , we'll look at everyone in the same manner . then there will be no place for liking someone over the other or feeling sorry for this one but another way for the other one, then unconditional love can happen but in practice it's much harder to stop projecting onto others , in reality I love someone because they make me happy and if they don't then I'll no longer love them but what I fail to understand is that this love eventually makes me unsatisfied and in fact I could be much more happy if I gave out my love to everyone unconditionally , that would come back to make me a longer lasting happiness .

That's what you meant I should do But it's not useful anymore , the notification is gone

It's compassion. My love for people falls into only those two categories and it's very petty now that I think about it. Yeah it's alright . it's a tricky subject

By self-realized , you mean self love? I spelled it wrong , by pity I mean feeling bad for them because the only reason I might love someone now is because I like them and like to keep them to myself but if I don't want to love them for my own sake then it's most likely because I feel sorry for them.

I love others for my own sake and if I love them for their own sake it becomes a feeling of pitty for them.

Why ?

Yes it is attachment but I don't actually do that . it's a feeling I get once in a while for different people and I get obsessed with that person but then the feeling fades away after a couple of days. it's not real love I guess. I don't really know what loving others is .

Me too because back then he was more like us but now he's way beyond our league and he had warned us about it that he'll outgrow us soon if we don't do the practice and he did.

It's about Leo's blog so if anyone does it you can post it here but also I wanted to mention sth , that if it's true then it explains a lot and very exciting discovery about the past and it also explains the prophet Mohammad's enlightenment because he used to go in a cave in a mountain for a whole month every year and he did that until he was forty . that explains a lot

Really!? Thats why they say solitary makes you crazy and go insane. I bet they knew that from thousands of years ago.

@Shin it was genuine. I've messed you up badly. It seems you can't trust me anymore so from now on no more sarcasm . Truce

Also if you want to know what's it like to awaken and be it , think of the time you weren't born yet and reconnect with your experience at that time .it's gonna be so empty for you that you didn't even know you were awake . So don't think you weren't awake before, you were and it was your choice to dream in the first place . trust yourself that you've made a wise choice before.

Thanks to you , the smile emoji and me were reunited for the better and are living together in harmony ever since .

Yeah but still love to waste time whenever I can afford it

Which part of my journal would be considered a lie? it's perfectly aligned

Haha that's not one of my arguments . I like wasting time

Its actually so true because anything we do is to preserve ourselves from death. But since we're all gonna awaken with death sooner or later why not enjoy the ride in between

Congrats . how do you actually do 2 hours of meditation. That's nearly impossible for me. Last time I did an hour and it was laborious as fuck

@Shin Nice that you finally started your journal . I suppose you wanted to for a long time right?

I have the same problem when using my phone. It's a bug . it needs to be corrected .

Oh boy I just got a culture shock from my own country . the people here are deteriorating . I watched a video on YouTube about asking the youths if they followed the famous people of Instagram and most of them did and some of the parts of their Instagram clips that I saw , oh my god what are they doing to themselves I truly feel bad for them . apparently I don't really know what goes on in here and every now and then I get a culture shock and it takes some time for me to come to terms with it. I don't actually live here I guess , it all seems so foreign to me . it is a telltale sign of poorness in here . the youth don't have anything useful to do around here and that's what they end up doing , quite obvious actually but still so good that I don't live in their world . it's a disgusting world to live in , in terms of their world view I mean.

120 days left oh my gosh I'm freaking out . OK I wanted to just write somewhere and just write and write and write . sth just poped into my head that the reason for my suffering right now is being all over the place , thinking about all sorts of shits and then lacking focus and losing site of priorities and one thing Leo said about different levels of comprehension is so damn right, if I fully comprehended the importance of my priorities I wouldn't be this much of a bitch that I am and I'm actually trying to not beat myself up and that's how I talk to myself . forget it you can't . This morning attempting to free myself up of my addictions, I first worked out for 20 to 30 mins then I sat down to meditate for one hour for the first time and it was funny how it went. first started out good , finished the first 20 mins without realizing any pain then I got agitated and opened my eyes to look at the timer then the next 15 passed painfully then I was almost falling asleep then to keep myself awake I asked the age old question of what am I and that turned me back on then I felt a one second of that oneness feeling everyone talks about and for a moment I felt magnificent, it was good but passed so fast and I went back to the normal meditation I was doing and I was blissing out for some more minutes after that and as soon as I had that silent mind , this thought of" I hope my time is not running out" kept coming and ruined the silence and then it finally finished . the most unexpected part was that right after I finished meditating , I was running after all the cravings that had come up in that time and went on acting on all those cravings one after the other, I mean wtf bro . anyway from then on I've been a walking dead following all my low level temptations and I feel even weaker than before . honestly I don't know what's gotten into me . I am literally suffering . I feel bad about a variety of things including any aspect of human life and I even feel so bad and ashamed of them that I don't like to write them here and maybe that's the problem, taking my ideas too seriously when they don't mean anything but still, it hurts . I need some change and excitement in my life but my parents specially my mom wouldn't allow it now would she . I went shopping the other day but that hasn't helped at all I need some sort of crazy adrenaline rush in my body . where can I get that ?!?!!? I don't know. I want to go bungee jumping if I spelled it right . that's what I truly want and you think you can replace that with meditation ! of course it's not gonna work you idiot . so what should I do now that I can't go bungee jumping ? Well maybe I'll just sit here and rot . but there has to be sth . I don't think so . I'll just give up on that and accept my situation and push forward yeah wake up early and get some shit done . that'll make me excited right . Finally I'm done writing . time to sleep.

Me tooo