sarapr

It made me feel a sparkle in my tummy

I have recently found out that I am literally an addict . of course in many different ways but the one that's messing with my life the most is excitement addiction and adrenaline addiction that I honestly don't know how to stop, well maybe I know how but obviously can't do it and I have made a lot of attempts at this but I find myself repeatedly falling back into the pervious trends and patterns, falling back on my previous issues and bad habits and I am just sick and tired of Not being able to just handle my issues and fucking Move On . I simply lack sth in whatever it is I don't know I'm lacking in. mayber it's just the knowledge, maybe the discipline to actualize the knowledge or maybe sth way more fundamental than that like a deep rooted issue in my subconscious. I just want a long lasting solution to just deal with it and put it aside forever like never again would I have to revisit this issue . I don't get why I can't get this ! Now here's what I'll do next time I have that urge: without any attempts of refraining from taking that action which is supposed to excite me, I'll just simply try to watch my experience just observe everything, sit back and take a look and then just let go of this debate in my mind about, "oh I want to do this but I shouldn't," I will just let go of that argument and do whatever I want. I already I feel like after less than three times of that process I would be able to put that issue aside even If it is only for that day and day by day I could slowly just get rid of it and one of the reasons I have kept failing at this is because of wanting too much too soon so maybe giving myself time wouldn't be that bad after all. Okay I'm done maybe I'll journal again on this issue later on after trying it out .

Is it just me or the senators do actually seem much dumber than zuckerberg ! The senetars hadn't even taken look at what options Facebook has or doesn't have .

Great awesome . let us know how things turn out for you .

So beautiful

@AuthenticMeli only the first day of change is hard, the second time people see you without a scarf they won't even realize anything is different .you won't neither . just do it

I know I wanted to stay away but I felt I had to write one more point here. I've been reading some of the other journals here and it feels good to see a lot of people just like myself. We are basically dealing with the same problems . used to think I'm very isolated from others but now I'm not so sure. Two days ago I read about the infj personality in pinterest after reading Leo's blog and it brought me to tears ( very mildly though) that this website understands me so well. It had been a while since I felt so understood. The previous time I felt this way was after taking the myers Briggs test . it is hard to understand this personality type. Even as someone who is infj if I see another infj, I still can't know for sure because they appear one thing on the outside but are sth else on the inside . One of the things I like doing is observing people's interactions with the world and their thinking and it's somewhat hard doing it in real life but through reading these journals it feels like reading people's minds without trying hard

Turn it into a game. Really sit down and think about how it can be game and see each tiny bits of subjects you want to study as getting more scores and going to the next level . make the whole process a fun endeavour . it is only for two months . you won't get the chance to have so much fun with life again , make the most of it

So again I see myself spending too much time here and have decided that I won't be coming around here for some time so if you see me post in this forum again, I give you permission to shoot on sight

Here's what happened about that honesty thing , he didn't precisely ask about one of the two issues that were there but the other thing he did ask about, I did such a sugar coating that there was nothing left of the main thing . now I know I'm a fucking godamn liar who can't allow the ego being even one bit threatened . nothing else needs to be added

Hey hey hey I said I wanted to be more honest in the future right? Now's my chance to do so and in fact it is important that I be honest on this matter but I'm scared what should I do ?!? I'm just so used to lying about this very particular thing . I don't know . should I sugar coat it and say it or not say it or lie about it? Gosh , okay maybe I'll tell him but sugar coat it and tell him in such a sly way that he doesn't even realize what I just told him but he's not an idiot he'll figure it out in a split second, oh ... At this point , just fuck it I'll tell him ... Oh what I've done . there's no turning back, my mind's made up I'm telling him. I'll tell you the result ... IF I'm still alive by then

Now that I'm thinking about it, making these thumbnails are actually quite hard . he's so creative

Sth interesting I've noticed happing is the way my dreams are such good manifestations of my general mindset during the day like a couple of weeks ago I was regaining my lost hope and starting to see stuff in a more positive light and as I was going through that I was having dreams in which I had succeeded in what I wanted and was happy and laughing and running around in beautiful farm fields and after that period I started working two times harder and the dreams I'm having now for like several days in a row is about fighting ! I'm literally fighting in my dreams and not a bad kind of fight but more like the ones in movies cause I have my memory filled with all those action scenes because of the huge amounts of movies that I've watched over the years and one night I was fighting with one of those bizarre guns you see in star wars and the funny thing is I've never watched star wars but just have an idea about it , still it came to my dream. the other night I was fighting with bears and sea animals as I was trying to escape from a fenced area by climbing trees and anything I could climb and the climbing part was so clear like I was doing it in real life and I don't remember the rest this exactly so yeah it's fun to see my subconscious changing on a day to day basis .

I like the idea of confession and don't really know why maybe because of the feeling it gives, this feeling of relief and humbleness . the looks on the face , this look of I'm only human and I make mistakes . I really like it but it's hard , truly hard cause you gotta let go of parts of your ego to let yourself be vulnerable, put yourself on the line , dive into the unknown consequences that awaits you on the other side of honesty. it's scary but that's what gives it a sense of pleasure and accomplishment . once I did the honesty challenge for one week to not hide anything from anyone and oh boy what a week it was . it wasn't at all that bad but for some reason I perceived it to be too scary for me to continue it but I kinda miss it too . hope I can do more of it in the future .

I had messaged him a while ago but it wasn't even read. I think he might've actually done it. so sad

Just got into my head to see your answers on this topic and mostly regarding how important a girl's looks is in relationships

Cool video

@Leo Gura which section of this forum do you visit the least? And which section you never visit at all ?

Imagine you go in a club and there are lots of girls in there, how do you choose if you were let's say actually that alpha male who is confidant enough to walk up to any girl he wants , what catches your eyes? what are your standards ?

I also don't get when you say visual, are men attracted to pretty faces or hot bodies or both ?

Told you I had sleep deprivation so I went home after the class and started studying but when I checked the answers a lot of them were wrong and the slpeeniess plus those wrong answers just made my day and I said fuck it, I'm going to bed and I slept until around midnight when my mom came waking me to eat some dinner and as she was talking I was just hearing bla blah blah, then just cause I couldn't stand not understanding her I got up and I thought to myself such a bad timing, now I can't go to sleep anymore but guess what, I was literally napping while eating my dinner and went back to bed immediately and slept for another 6 hours, a total of 16 hours sleep and after I woke up I was feeling so refreshed like I've been just born. so good

Yes

@Tearos THE ANSWER TO WHICH NOBODY KNOWS

Sleep deprivation is such a real thing; totally messes with everything even my level of optimism and outlook on life, it even makes me paranoid and I have sleep deprivation for most of the week so basically I don't know how a normal day looks like only rarely do I get to see the magnificence of a none sleepy day and it blows me away to realize how discolored my days were . the problem though is I can't really make it work to get enough sleep even right now I have a headache because of that . ahh I can't deal with it anymore

Look this is funny . there's this class I go to for 10 days to recap everything we've learned and we take an exam every morning before we start and I started out ranking 44 in 260 students the first day and then 7 then 4 and today our teacher said people are saying you bought the questions and I laughed but this got me thinking if it was possible to do so and then I went searching for it and I found them for free , not those questions of course because they're not worth it but the other set of exams which are a bit more important. So this is how you turn a good student into a cheater