sarapr

@MarkusSweden I feel like this feeling of wanting to live secretly is more of a neurosis than a healthy desire cause I know I have that too and it's because of insecurities that I have so that by having a secret life I could use that as a crutch to avoid the pain of perhaps not receiving the proper attention that I might want . so do investigate this desire to see where it's coming from maybe it's stemming from sth you're running away from, maybe not but before you act on that desire be sure it's a healthy one .

@swan_Joshua Thanks for another great input. Meditation is a good way to really get in touch with reality on a bodily level so to speak but I find it hard to really embody this in real life, like I still have fear regarding my future or I still worry over things in a very real sense while I know this fear is totally useless . have you been able to embody this knowledge in your life ? If yes, how ?

What's your major ?

Such a funny way of writing

A new decision for me is to read a book every night, a fiction to help me get out of my own life for a moment and feel into some else's life. it's better

To me it makes perfect sense that no matter how consistent reality is or how objective it may seem, humans can never go beyond their own perceptions of reality. what ever they do, they're doing it within their own understanding of reality, even if their math works in real life, it is still happening within humans perceptions of reality. The science and its manifestation in reality are all happing in the mind so by defenition it makes them subjective and to think that the reality is objectively happing outside of their perception is to take a leap of faith cause there exists no way to know that for sure. why don't rationalists understand this ? Like really, what causes this to happen? Or is it that I am wrong

What's a healthy religion!? There's no such thing as a healthy religion

Such a complex reasoning behind choosing a username and then I come reading it, throwing it all away

I feel imprisoned. I always have. It's only me who feels that way and it is all because of my parents. they think they own me so now I gotta do whatever they couldn't when they were my age. it's like I'm their new project and all their effort is to make me succeed in whatever thing that they hadn't. I don't want to. I can't even be left alone for myself and it's all because of my mom. she is by far the most neurotic person I have ever known, well maybe there exists some worse people but as of now she's the worst and as soon as I was old enough to understand people's characters I made a vow to do everything exactly the opposite of my mom and that would be a gauranteed path to all the good stuff in life and it has actually worked pretty well for me so far but I can't stand what she's making me do. I am imprisoned by her in every fashion you can think of. ahh even when I look at her face I have all these bad reactions building up in me. I literary can't stand her and she notices that and to change it she makes herself even more disgusting to me. I Hate her , I really do. each time I read that book called the road less traveld, I burst into tears because of all the evil shit she's done to me as a result of her shitty psychology. I can't escape this even when I leave home to go to university somewhere they want to come with me. I guess the only way is that they die but then I'd feel even worse cause I do love her because she's my mom but I can't stand her behavior. it's so nerve racking I don't know how to set myself free. I know that she'll never change and until i live with them, I'll remain imprisoned and till then there's no fucking way out What a shitty life

I'm getting fat !!!!! I can feel my belly against my shirt !!!! I never did before . it is because of PMS again . I had told my mom to buy me macca but she keeps forgetting it. When I have PMS, I get wild food cravings to the extend that all the family members actually notice me eating like a hulk . now I can understand what those fat people say about how it's so hard to lose weight . I never knew what food craving is cause I never actually enjoyed or liked eating in general and I was the same weight for years with one kilo going up each couple of years and that was mostly for my general growth not really fat gain but now I'm gaining weight so rapidly. However, after my PMS suddenly my eating behavior changes significantly like in a way that even if my stomach is hurting and it's totally empty I still don't have any desires to go and grab a snack or sth I just forget I have to eat and when I eat , I eat very halfheartedly like it's a chore. this whole cycle is so crazy that catches me by surprise each time. It must feel really funny to be fat. like this new feeling of feeling my belly against my shirt, it's a new experience . I haven't been exercising either. I'm making a new decision, to workout in the mornings everyday .

I guess being old also plays a role for not wanting to accept you're wrong cause Stefan Molyneux in the video said I didn't do all these years of study to now say I'm not absolutely sure if I'm right. So it clearly depicts a sense of stubbornness in his views

@abrakamowse I keep reading your username "Abra kedabra" why do you do that to me !?

Neils Bohr was sth. at least it makes it clear that not all rationalists are closed minded, only the ones in the science community of this era

But rationalists don't think of it that way. They don't go full circle. If they're ratinoal, they should get it . But maybe someone here is in that group or has some sort of experience with it

If I meditate without having had proper sleep I feel like my head is exploding but when I'm fully awake and well rested I see a noticeable difference in the quality of my meditation so no matter how much you try to make it wprk without proper sleep, it just won't be as good as it can get . slove your sleeping problem instead.

Told you there was sth magical about music ; guess what ? I just read sth about the history of music boxes and in it, it also talks about impacts of music on the brain. Back at the time of Aristotle the power of music was recognized and they wanted to use it as a treatment tool and after world war one it was actually considered a tool for treating injuries and in 19th century formal scientific research on the impacts of music was started. Music generally has three impacts on the brain : structure of the brain , brain chemistry and brain waves . it also prevents Alzheimer's disease . Isn't that sth ! So go on and buy music boxes for your loved ones

Yeah but I meant it in regards to the question of what I am

@Leo Gura when awake I realized all I have of reality is just all the stuff I'm aware of therefore I concludes I am awareness but when in deep sleep I'm no longer aware and I don't have a direct access to it like in waking state so what does that leave me with ?

@swan_Joshua since you're here, I might as well ask some more questions. I did a contemplation right now about the separate sense of self as you call it and contemplated the answer to this question of what I am and this time I got to sth different and realized that all I am and all I have of existence are only different sensations that I have, different sensetaions from different parts of the body and the sensations of thoughts included as well cause I can see now that my thoughts are also sensations happing in the body and all of a sudden it all seemed like a wall in front of me, a wall between reality and my perceptions of it; like everything I have of reality being these sensations and not being able to go beyond that ; therefore any other human or object I interact with is just part of my sensations so in that sense I'm the same as them and everything I know of at any moment is another part of me and it can't be any other way cause if it was then I couldn't have accessed it so basically I am what I'm aware of or maybe the awareness itself which includes everything else so all there is, is awareness . am I in the right path here? Is this what's described as being one with everything else ?

@swan_Joshua oh my god such a long and comprehensive post . I read all of it and will certainly implement what you said in no time . Truly appreciate your effort to help . Thanks a lot

@Monkey-man i have the same sort of issue with my parents but never choose to confront them cause I know they're so close minded that instead of helping them I'd be upsetting them enormously .

Hey I have this new struggle about meaninglessness of life and everything in it so I want to write my thoughts here maybe I can clear it out for myself a bit. There have been a lot of new born babies around me for the last couple of years and I've seen a lot of moms and their babies and how all of them thought that their baby is the special one and how everything on earth hinges upon the specialness of their baby and this sort of attitude that obviously every mom even my own mom has towards their baby and realizing the meaninglessness of life does kind of break my heart to see no one is really special and no one is different even if they do grow up to change the world, it still means nothing cause you know, so what? the world itself is meaningless so is the person who changes it . so this feeling of no matter what you do with your life it still means nothing, no matter how great you are, how hard you work , how famous you are or how helpful you are to the world means nothing . when the world itself is meaningless let alone humans. that is partially why I choose to do what satisfies me the most rather than how valuable it can be to others cause it can Never be valuable so the only value you can find is what pleases you on an individual level and maybe what pleases you might give out some value for others as well but if giving value to others is put before what satisfies you then that's ridicules. it should be about you first hand now that the whole thing is meaningless. if what pleases you turns out to pruduce value to others as well then let it be. so now that there's no real value in anything I can just do whatever I want at any moment. in the process If I find out that chasing addictive stuff is not satisfying then I'll use discipline to do things that satisfy me on a deeper level but that doesn't mean it's valuable in the bigger picture but at that time it becomes valuable to me and I do remember times when I had absolutely no responsibility at all and I chased superficial satisfaction for a couple of weeks but eventually I ended up going after some challenges to do some hard work so even if I'm let to do whatever I want, I'd still choose to go after some hard work that results in sth and not the immediate pleasure I might get from doing the easy stuff so I'm not worried about the motivational part cause I've seen myself do "meaningful" work even if I didn't have to but what troubles me is this thought at the back of my mind telling me so what? you do all this work and it does satisfy you on a deep level but it's still meaningless to the world and it's a sort of thing that hurts me on an egoic level in the way that undermines my ego and pride and it can't be solved by thinking or knowing that it doesn't matter if it's meaningless. I can't let go of pride with knowing I have to let go of my pride but you know on the other hand if I do come to a point where I surrender that pride, I could actually find sth more profound on the other side but from here, it sure sounds scary and I can't be sure if living life without pride is as blissful as they say . right now I'm a scared little puppy, afraid to take it another step further . here's what a conclusion of these thoughts looks like so everything is meaningless. whatever I do is meaningless. The ramifcations of this are: so you'd better do what satisfies you the most regardless of anything and just stop caring for anything else and be playful and trust that the outcome of being playful is actually far better than doing anything neuroticalley; secondly, even though everything is meaningless, there's still a profundity that exists that no matter how much I say it's meaningless, I can't deny the awesomeness of reality and no matter how much I say "so what," the fact that reality exists is beyond any meaning you could ever give it so there's this underlying feeling of awe that exists regardless of its meaning; thirdly, this knowledge only hurts me because of my ego and pride and there does exist other set of feelings to have about this world other than pride and ego and feeling hurt, I could also experience the feeling of wholeness and acceptance and peace as a result of the meanigless ness of life and I could choose to feel complete already now that I know there's no more objective to have, there's nothing else that I could acquire to make me complete, I already am complete instead of feeling threatened by any tiny change of prospective because I'm afraid I might lose my pride but if I feel complete then there would be nothing that could threaten me or make me afraid and it is a much better way to live life to live as though you are untouchable. so I guess that was a good clarifaction in my mind that it is meaningless and there's nothing sad about this fact other than it hurts my ego so even if I am not special that's not a bad thing, it's the best thing cause now I am free to do what ever I want, to live however i want, to laugh and play and live courageously without any worries. I know it was somewhat a sloppy way of writing so sorry for that .

Once I was killed with a gun in my dream and cause I just couldn't let go of not being there anymore I was still able to see from above everyone leaving me there and it was absolutely terrifying to to cease to exist for ever and then cause there was nothing else for me to do after I died I just woke up . But yeah the better question is why we think we're alive in the first place

Music is the key for a lot of my problems . whenever I listen to it everything suddenly becomes better .there's sort of a magic in there that happens. Right now I'm listening to a very soothing one . it changes my mood a lot. It's actually so much more powerful than I thought