I’ve know this woman know for about 4 to 4/12 years.. We met, dated briefly and then that ended.. We reconnected as friends about a year later and I have become very close to her and her family.. We have great times together.. She has become a very special person in my life, as have I to her, according to her.. I have approached her in the past about maybe re-igniting our relationship as see were it goes but she doesn’t want to be in a relationship at this time… mainly due to other focuses in her life like sick mother and helping of other family members.. Understandable..
Recently we were at our local watering hole and she was talking to this guy… ok not a big deal.. We are always talking to people.. But then I found out she meet him on a dating site… I immediately starting feeling the tingling sensations that come with feeling helpless, worthless and then the “why am I not good enough” started going off in my head… She could tell something was wrong as I did my best to hide it.. But I asked her “why” if she didn’t want to date or get in a relationship and all she said was she didn’t want a relationship. I asked why I wasn’t good enough and she said it wasn’t me… So at that point I left the bar and went home…
We’ve hung out since and have had good times but now im like in uber low self-esteem mode.. She has been to the bar again since, which she has done before.. Usually hanging out with her Uncle or what may be… but I keep having these feelings of worthlessness and jealousy and getting really emotional.. All because I’m not good enough for her?(thought in my head). This has been since last week..
I’ve had a lot of time to think and found Leo’s videos on YouTube which have been helping.. I know that the issues I’m experiencing mainly have to do with and my Ego, extreme low self-esteem and my obvious visions of “Maybe one day” scenarios… but this is consistently in my head now and it’s hard to clear it out.
But I really need help here… I have to many years invested in this Friendship with not only her but her family.. They all mean a lot to me.. I want to stay friends with her if that’s all it is going to be.. But I need to find myself so I’m ok with her moving on someday if an when she chooses.. And if she chooses, be accepting of that and be happy for her.. Even if I wasn’t the one… I’d rather have her friendship than nothing, maybe?
Totally lost at the moment but I do want to be happy in my life.. I need to help myself because this isn’t the first time I’ve had this feeling or thoughts. I’ve felt this way in other relationships.. I want ME BACK… I’m a great guy, loyal and when “Happy” I’m confident… But usually only then…
Any thoughts would be helpful….
JS
