GabrielWallace

I agree, this video is something special. When it was first released, as I was watching it something suddenly clicked inside of me and I had the fullest, longest-lasting enlightenment experience I've had without psychedelics. It had been one of the craziest, most dramatic weeks of my life... I was trying to end a relationship, I was in love, my friend was in the hospital and would die a couple days later, we were trying to get his family a visa from America (I'd hired him to come to China), I was sick with a rash and sores, my head was all over the place and I was hoping from some clarity from somewhere... And then Leo delivers this video... And something clicked inside me, and I was suddenly weightless. All pain was gone. All strain, physically and mentally and emotionally, had just been lifted off of me. The insight of objective meaninglessness had untwisted something in me and I spent the day instinctively grinning, laughing, crying at all the beauty surrounding me, feeling energy run through my body like I've only ever felt on psychedelics or intense breath work... The whole experience lasted almost the entire day on full power. I've had glimpses of that same weightlessness again, but not quite as strong as the one I had that whole day. This video is something very special.

Now that I'm making that connection, I do remember reading about some experiments Stanislav Grof did in this field of relating the birth experience to one's life. I read that book several years ago and I will revisit it now... Any other ideas from anyone though, still more than welcome!

@Swagala Thank you for your input. Also, one more piece of information for anyone reading this, which may or may not be relevant, is that she also told me that she remembers being in her mother's womb and not wanting to come out, and that she didn't like the experience of being born. I forgot to mention that, and it may well be of profound importance.

@Swagala Hahah... But the thing is, she doesn't really "love everything about life." She thinks life is stupid and describes it as torture, particularly being "trapped in the body." She equates the whole experience of being in her physical body with torture, it's just that taking a shit leaves her no space in her mind to 'escape it' as she can when she puts herself into her own loving meditative state.

Hey everyone ~ I am trying to help a friend. Last year she did a vipassana meditation retreat and now she meditates around four hours a day. She claims that these days she only ever feels love, and no other emotion (although she's contradicted this a few times without realizing it). She completely lights up when talking about meditation and the 'wellspring' she goes into when she is there, and she says that her only life purpose is to be there. She says that before she learned to meditate and found her 'peaceful wellspring', every day of her life was torture. She's never seen any meaning in life, and still doesn't, but the meditation takes her away from the torture and into love. On one level I don't want to suggest that she is wrong - both of us are very aware that meaning is simply created - and I wouldn't want her to change her meditation practice when it is so peaceful for her. What concerns me is how she talks about how "we could just forget this stupid life". I asked her to talk more about what she meant, and she told me about how she has "always felt trapped in the body" - particularly when taking a shit. She recently did fasting where she only ate two bananas a day every day for more than a month, while meditating four or more hours a day. She said that she only felt total blissful love during this time, except when she went to the bathroom. She said she thought she would escape the torture of 'pooping' if she only ate a tiny bit each day, but to her surprise she still had to go each day. She said it's the one time she can't imagine being in a meditative state, because it's the worst and most torturous experience for her. (I clarified that it wasn't specifically a physical pain, but more a reminder how 'trapped' she is in her body.) She said she feels trapped and tortured in this body, but when she meditates she can forget she has a body. For me, meditation is not about 'forgetting I have a body', but rather connecting deeper with it - and of course, if I go really deep (on psychedelics, for example) then I can sometimes reach levels of being infinite, which is not dependent upon the body and where I realize the body is an illusion. But this is very distinct from needing to escape the torture of the body. I am concerned for her. Do you think this comes from a deep childhood trauma? Have you ever heard of this before? Something about it all sounds familiar but I cannot remember where I've heard of this before. Are there any books or research on this subject? Anyone else who has been through this? Ultimately, do you have any recommendations? Thank you so much in advance.

Have you completed Leo's worksheet on Money Psychology? That worksheet is helpful and practical in understanding any neurosis you may have around money. He attaches it in the description of this video: There are of course several books you can read on the subject as well. A lot of them mix the psychology aspect with investment and business tips to go with it though, which you may or may not be looking for. Other than that, I personally find simply making detailed financial plans are very helpful. The more clarity you have over your financial situation (your earnings and your spending, as well as accounting for any potential financial setbacks), the more control you will feel over the situation.

@sarapr Don't give up trying to challenge and broaden people's perspectives. The lesson is that you need to take different approaches with different people. Personally, I'm a fairly busy person and if I disagreed with, say, a Christian who believed that the Bible was the literal word of God, and then the next day the guy sent me a two hour sermon from a preacher and said "Now you'll definitely get it" - honestly, I'd probably get about six minutes into it before turning it off as well. Because in my life, that's not a priority. It's not where I am 'in the maze', so to speak. Work out where people are in the maze. Guide them around the next corner. And plant seeds along the way. You can certainly still be upfront with them about where you are. You can still tell them you watch Actualized.org videos and whatever else, because that in fact plants a nice seed - but for a lot of people, it will only be a seed. You need to know how to get someone from A to Z without launching them up in a rocket.

Unfortunately when I encountered one of this guy's videos I reacted hastily and wrote a comment that wasn't entirely thought-out and probably did a bit of a disservice to Leo's teachings. That's something I very seldom do - I am usually rather meticulous about the way I choose my words. But there was something about the bravado nature of the guy's ignorance that triggered me in the moment and drove me to immediately try to call it as I saw it. And I know my comment lacked the depth of articulation that should have been there. In any case, I don't think the guy himself would have listened, whatever I'd said. I think he does what he does as a form of self-deception. You can tell by the way he presents his arguments and even by the way he responds to criticism. I don't know his whole backstory, but the little I do know leads me to believe that he stumbled on his own spiritual path so many times that he felt betrayed by his own spiritual teachers and became bitter at spiritual teaching itself. He now spends a lot of time and effort trying to debunk spiritual teachers. He's convinced himself of this 'unspiritual' ideology and made it his whole identity - to the point of making YouTube videos to present to the world. He's actually convinced himself that he's helping people by doing this, but all of it is an ego construction built in order to dwell in the facade that 'there is nothing more to pursue'. This is my take on it. But who cares what my opinions are about him, really... I don't know him and I could be wrong. It's not meant to be a scathing criticism of him - just my analysis, for what that's worth.

It occurs to me that there was maybe not enough context in my initial post, even though I was just looking for ways to pull her away from her internet addictions to engage in a real conversation. Perhaps what you need to understand about this situation is that we have both wanted to leave China for more than four years. I've felt stuck here, but I've been willing to stay because I know that she really is stuck here and she doesn't have the luxury of just leaving like I can. The whole time I've been trying to figure out a way for us to get out. She has her heart set on Los Angeles but it seems to me that she's not very realistic about what we need to do in order to make that move. My Chinese working visa was denied last year because of a change in the law (long story). I'm now on a tourist visa and I make visa runs every couple of months so I can stay with her for most of the year while making money online. But who knows when the Chinese government are going to stop me? What then? I also pay 100% of the rent in our Shanghai apartment. I know she's been working relentlessly every day for months but she won't even tell me how much money she is making for all this work. So when she tells me that she bought lots of clothes online this month and gives me the price to pay her for Christmas, there's clearly a real lack of alignment or communication. I've been trying to sit down with her and work out a real, solid plan for our future. I've been trying to do this since way before I was forced onto a tourist visa. It's essential that we're aligned otherwise what are we even doing? I know that neither of us wants to be here, but she won't talk about it for any length of time longer than 30 seconds without beginning to scroll through her phone and ignore me. Don't get me wrong - I have compassion for her stress about the situation and I understand her instinct to avoid talking about it - but it does neither of us any good. I hope this clarifies the situation a little better and you understand that it's not just me coming up with my own personal goals and trying to force them on her. I'm genuinely asking what I can do to engage her in a conversation where we can actually talk through the situation that she is trying to distract herself from facing, because I understand that it's stressful for her to talk about, but avoiding it is causing more problems.

Maybe I should clarify, when I talk about becoming aligned with our goals, I don't mean having identical goals. But at the same time I don't separate my goals from my life with her - I can't just ignore the fact that I have a Chinese girlfriend currently living in Shanghai who wants to live in Los Angeles. When I speak of alignment I am talking about whether or not we would be mutually supporting one another in what we both want for the future, as well as where we're going to live and the kind of money I need to be making in order to support that lifestyle. She has dreams of living in Los Angeles, but that requires her to get a visa or green card, which takes a lot of work as well as marriage. And right now I can't afford to live in Los Angeles. She needs to understand that reality, but also understand my plan for getting us there, which requires me to invest in my business enough to get the necessary money coming in regularly. If she doesn't get what I'm trying to do then she'll just keep billing me for gifts she buys herself online and we'll never get there. That's where alignment must come into the picture. Perhaps it sounded like I made lots of plans just for myself and I wanted her to agree to them, but that's not what I mean at all. Many of the plans account for moving to where she has said she wants to live. (Location isn't a priority for me in my life, but it is for her and I'm willing to accommodate for that.) Believe me, if my goals we're completely separate from her, then I wouldn't even be in China right now and I wouldn't be moving to Los Angeles ever - I'd just be traveling the world by myself off the money I make online. But that wouldn't work since we do love each other and we're committed to a life together, so we need a plan to get where we both want to be. And I've made one - I'd love to share it with her so we can adapt as necessary and get on the same page.

Thanks to responders @purerogue Yes, you're right that it's not a good idea to bring it up when she's been working so hard. But the issue that once again stirred the many questions I have about our future was the fact that she spent so much money and then told me that I owed it to her for Christmas. I felt that just handing over the money without explaining that this wasn't something I was happy about would be a terrible solution. Yes I was pushing the conversation, but there was good enough reason to do so. Her birthday is January 8th and I cannot afford for her to give me another bill like that due to me not making that clear to her. She won't get a day off until Chinese New Year, which is about six weeks away. And despite the fact that she's been working so hard for the last couple of months, this isn't something I've only been trying to do for a short period of time. It's literally been years that this problem has persisted. We've been together almost six years and I can count the 'serious conversations' we've had on one hand ('serious conversations' from my masculine dominant brain of finding solutions, haha - I do recognize that we've had countless 'important' conversations from a feminine perspective ). I will take the advice and wait again until Chinese New Year to try again to have a dialogue where we get really clear on each other's motivations for what we are really trying to do and get in alignment. I have around 100 pages of very detailed future plans now for the next five years, and I'd love for her to tell me whether or not she agrees with all these plans. I'd have loved to make them with her, but like I said she avoids big discussions like that - and I value purpose and clarity. If we're not in alignment, then we have to sort that out. But I can't know if we never talk about motivations or goals. @Jeff Zhang Yes, she is Chinese and I have been friends with her family for years - they call me 'Xiao lao wai' ... There's no question about the fact that she wants to stay with me for the rest of our lives - that much she has said. But it's the path we're on together that I want to clarify. @Odysseus Merry Christmas

There are indeed too many beautiful gems of condensed wisdom out there to choose one. I'd rather make a whole necklace out of them and allow them all to sparkle in their own glorious way - which is what Leo has been doing with his book list. A few that have really guided me or at least resonated with me (which may or may not do the same for you, since we're all in different parts of this maze) include: The collected works of Zhuangzi Tao Te Ching, by Laozi Hero With A Thousand Faces, by Joseph Campbell On the Taboo of Knowing Who You Are, by Alan Watts Symbols of Transformation, by Carl Jung The Teachings of Don Juan, by Carlos Castaneda

Hey - thanks for taking the time to read this on Christmas Eve. I've been in a relationship with a girl for almost six years now. We've lived together for more than five years. It's been a rough year and finances are not what I would call stable right now, since I've started making money online and it fluctuates quite a bit. We've had a disagreement about her basically giving me a surprise bill for her online shopping this Christmas. That's just a little background to give you some necessary context, but the issue I need advice on is not on the disagreement itself, so I don't feel it's important to go into other details. What I was trying my best to do to solve the problem was to have a conversation about why this has upset me, what her expectations were, the situation we're in, and most of all try to really become mutually aligned with our goals and what we are working towards in the future and what it will take to get there. I'm very willing to compromise. I love her and I am committed to her. But we both need to understand what we both are trying to do with our lives. But it's incredibly difficult to have this conversation at any time of the day on any day. It's not the first time I have tried to sit down and have a real conversation where we discuss what we want in life, what it's going to take, and really become aligned. And it never happens because every time I try to do this she just watches YouTube or her eyes are glued to her phone. She does respond to what I'm saying occasionally, but usually only with the most rudimentary of comments while still watching makeup videos or talking to people on WeChat (China's WhatsApp). And that's when I start getting frustrated. I start repeating things over and over again, because I feel she's not listening. And then it just becomes a cycle where she just says "I heard you say this many times" and I say "But you haven't responded, and I don't know whether you understand what I'm saying." Through this process, I get more and more frustrated and it turns into me raising my voice and her not responding. My question is: How can I have a real conversation that leads to a true mutual understanding of each other's motivations, when she's always using distractions to avoid real conversations? It's not about me wanting her to agree with me, it's really about wanting to see if we're aligned and whether we have aspirations that will support each other in the future. Whenever I say this to her, she always says she just doesn't have time. It's true that she hasn't had a day off in about two months, and I can certainly sympathize with that, but she's always got time to have an exchange about a cute cat video, just never about anything that's really important. And this has been a situation for years that has lead to many problems that I would very much like to avoid in the future. If anyone has any insights about how to engage in a meaningful conversation with someone who is incessantly distracted (or is using distractions to avoid the conversation) then I'd very much appreciate it.

@Jeff Zhang I wish there could be one in China as well, haha ... Looks like we're gonna have to wait a while for that, though. I've already made the first draft of my annual plan for next year. Planning to take a trip to LA and San Francisco with my girlfriend next October, shame the dates don't work out too well. I have a feeling I'm going to have to wait until 2020 before attending one of these events.

The unfortunate truth is that a lot of people stumble over one or two of Leo's videos and make a judgment and sweeping generalization within a minute or two. Rare is the person who stops to listen in-depth to what Leo is really saying throughout his body of work. I have little doubt that Joe Rogan has stumbled across one of Leo's videos at some point, but I'd also bet a lot of money that he never took the time to listen to any of Leo's 1+ hour videos in full receptiveness. It's easy for people to quickly mis-categorize others on YouTube and switch to another video, particularly when it comes to personal development - and even more particularly when they are measuring their potential wasted time versus potential benefit. If Leo were to get on Joe Rogan's podcast and give him a fair conversation, I'm confident that Joe Rogan would be very tuned in to what Leo is saying (whichever direction it took). It would also bring in a lot of new people to Actualized.org willing to go down the rabbit hole.