Gertsh

Thanks for the replies. Helps me wrap my head around what happened. I guess one of my main challenges in this work is that on the one hand I am constantly building up my conceptual frameworks, thinking about stuff, trying to understand spirituality, enlightenment etc. and on the other hand I try letting go of beliefs. Not easy. And I have studied Pyrrhonism... But apparently in the end it's really just about having the guts to surrender. During the trip it felt like there was just no room, no access whatsoever to letting go, but I feel like I have to look more closely at that.

Just briefly about my background: 27 y/o male. Have been meditating for 2 years now and been to two Vipassana retreats. I have seen great benefits from my meditation, mostly peace of mind, concentration abilities and more clarity about and connection to my emotions. I really like working with what’s going on inside of me. I had trips before with 1 g and 2 g of dried mushrooms. Especially the 2 g trip was beautiful. I felt a deep connection, a feeling of love to everything around me and the elevated consciousness allowed me to reevaluate my relationships and see them from a more loving, detached perspective. A week ago, I ingested 3 g of dried cubensis mushrooms from the same batch. The effects were kicking in quite rapidly and after half an hour I was experiencing strong visuals already. Not very long after that, I got completely disoriented. I couldn’t remember anymore how I got into this state and what was happening to me. I was desperately trying to find out who I was but having a single clear thought was hopeless. My mind felt like a chaotic battlefield. There was nothing to hang on to. I would find myself in one place not knowing why or how I got there only to find myself in another place shortly after. With a last sense of clarity I took a cold shower and chugged a bottle of juice. Once the effects became weaker, my orientation came back and I felt better. I even enjoyed the trip again. It didn’t even feel like a bad trip, since I didn’t feel very fearful, just anxious to find out what had happened. Now, almost a week later, I don’t feel any negative psychological after-effects. I did have a slight headache for two days though. Reflecting back on it now, I don’t see the benefit of such a mushroom experience. I had wanted to try a higher dose to have a spiritual breakthrough experience, but it really was only confusion and madness. The 2 g trip felt much more spiritual. Yes, with less ego it might be possible to relax into the experience, but I felt like there was just no room for me to let go because I couldn’t have a single clear thought. My awareness was wildly moving without any control from my side. I value clarity and peace of mind and this was giving me the opposite. From my current perspective, it looks like meditation and having good conceptual frameworks helps me much more than working with mushrooms. Still, I am very open and curious to hear comments about this from people with more experience!

So I had a very fruitful and enriching mushroom trip two weeks ago without any anxiety or fear at all. Two days later, though, I became sick. Had fever, was sweating at night and just felt a general discomfort. Still, I did not feel any negative psychological aftereffects, I just physically felt pretty bad. It must have been a viral infection and I am quite confident it coincidentally came just after the trip. But since I can't even remember the last time I was sick, I am skeptical. I grew the mushrooms myself, let them dry and since then store them in the freezer. This was the second time I consumed from this batch, this time 2g, the first 1g. And I didn't feel sick after the first time. I am in good physical shape, meditate daily for two years now and did plenty of research before the trip. Do you guys think there is no link between the trip and me getting sick at all, or that it actually caused me getting sick or at least weakened my immune system? Or that this could even be a psychological effect not obvious to me? Curious to hear about your thoughts and experiences!