kieranperez

I'm very iffy about pursuing Enlightenment. I trust 100% what @Leo Gura has had to say about it and I don't want to just take him on his word either. I do want to reach this insight. However, I'm worried that I might not have a strong enough psychology to tolerate that kind of work. It comes off as so debilitating and hard that it can actually become destabilizing while I'm still working on my success. Not that I'm making success my #1 priority overall in life. However, it is something I do need to address right now. Can work on both Enlightenment and success be done simultaneously or at least be considered doable?

I’ve been making good progress with my mindfulness meditation practice. Now, one of my issues is very deeply seeded anger issues. Now, when I get I can immediately spot it once it arises in my body, I even listen to my inner dialogue without judgment which is HUGE PROGRESS FOR ME. Never thought I’d get to that point. I’ve usually been able to keep my focus on my inner dialogue but would always get over powered by it. However, the more I shine my awareness on my anger and even my anger driven moralizing, I feel like a kettle filled with water that has been calmly keeping the water inside but the water boils so hot that water is fiercely bubbling out of the kettle, where it’s like about to shoot out like a volcano. The only way I keep it from shooting off and going crazy is when I do give in to my anger and I hold onto it and just cling to it and just decide to be pissed off and if I’m driving now for example, everything pisses me off more. Im just confused because I thought shining my awareness without judgment would be the tool to melt away these unwanted behaviors like in @Leo Gura‘s awareness alone is curative video? Is this common? Just super puzzled by my results lately. I did also rewatch The Dark Side of Meditation but I don’t think I’ve been consistent enough with my practice to be experiencing that as a result directly from my practice. I experience those things described in that video often but I don’t think it’s fair I give it to my time of where I’ve been inconsistent so long throughout my short mediation career. This is definitely making my problems in building up myself in my life purpose and success levels so I just find this rather problematic.

How do I know though the difference between what psychedlics are best for whatever outcome I'm trying to obtain? I agree with your advice on how to go into a trip with an objective but since psychedelics supposedly vary in different kinda effects, how do I be strategic and know which one's are the right one's to take? Like, how do I know (and obviously I use that loosely because I know you need to be open to whatever can happen on a trip) which is the best psychedelic to take given my objective? For instance, how do I know say mushrooms is the right substance to take given what my needs?

@Leo Gura the fact that I got an answer to that matter of mixing SSRIs and psychedelics and mood stabilizers is beyond appreciated. To be honest, that concern is really the thing that has been holding me back BUT, you'd find this interesting! I brought this up with my psychiatrist one time regarding LSD when I first contemplating taking psychedelics and he actually was so open minded and actually give me a legitimate answer of how on paper, LSD actually wouldn't be tampering really any of my medications. Funny enough... Abilify, which I listed as one of the medications I take, is commonly used to bring people down off of bad psychedelic trips. I have it lucky though. I've been working with my psychiatrist for so many years and he's someone who really knows his stuff and is very open minded and what not. Most people don't have that kinda relationship with psychiatrists. I'm not kidding when I say that he even subtly (of course) suggested that it might not be a bad idea but to still be cautious of course. He even explained how if anything my given medications wouldn't really change the matter because what LSD (which is what we were talking about) "tampers" with in the brain is separate from what my medication is addressing other than the Adderall which he suggested that if I do take acid, don't take Adderall with it. Really fascinating. And to his credit, he's the lead psychiatrist over at San Quentin Prison here in the SF Bay Area where I live so I really do have my trust in him.

Part of the SF Bay Underground Rave scene

You know what interesting. I don’t know if this helps as a clue or a good insight but I noticed in my meditation this morning that pretty much all my frustration, anger, anxiety, and just general neuroticism is actually based in my inner dialogue. It becomes so intense that it’s what takes ahold of me, my inner dialogue that is. Does this serve as a helpful insight on how to tackle this situation?

I have Leo's booklist but want to get some more book recommendations. I'm really struggling staying inspired in the early stages of my Life Purpose.

If you're truly authentically & instrinically motivated to do something, why would you need to stay in touch with that? I've found that kind of paradoxical. When I try to think of intrinsic motivations in my head I'm like 'well, isn't the fact that I have to come up with these mean that I'm already not authentically & intrinsically motivated to do this in the first place?' This comes up a lot when I do visualization to stay on track with work and studying for my real estate license which is a new field for me that I don't have a background in. Is visualization a tool to help create that internal drive or sustain/nurture that drive? Both? I think visualization would help make it more compelling to pursue to get through this dreadful studying to get the license (it's pretty much like passing your driver's test. You're just working to pass the test. The know-how comes with experience and guidance once you pass the exam and are actually working). Apologies if this is a little hard to follow... Dead tired right now lol

A funny reference to one of @Leo Gura's video (don't remember which one) "Lose weight by eating chocolate." @Ether that is no crazier than what you're saying. I really don't even need to watch the video to get the gist that you're missing the point of all that is being thrown at you. You're looking for shortcuts. Stop looking for shortcuts. If there was a quicker way to do things, everybody would be doing it. You think enlightened masters would go through the tortuous process of getting to where they are now if there was just Betty Crocker 1-2-3 step formula? You're either kidding yourself or lost in delusion. There's a reason there are people that put so much work into this and spend decades doing years of study into just this one singular Truth. Even if you're referring to just general improvement and not specifically enlightenment, it doesn't change at all. I've been a competitive runner for exactly 10 years now since I was 12 years old. I started out as a mid-packer for all of high school in just minor races. I'm lucky enough to have been able to look 10 years down the road in terms of physical and mental development to get to where I am now where I now have qualified for national championships in Cross Country and on the Track and have my Olympic B Standard for the 2020 Olympic Trials in both the Marathon and on the track. You don't get outstanding results from just 1 thing. Anything you want to cultivate takes a fucking long time. Again, you're either kidding yourself or lost in delusion.

So I just found that apparently I already had Microsoft One Note. I upgraded to Windows 10 awhile ago because I haven’t taken 100% responsibilty with my knowledge of computer software... So, what are some good basic categories worth starting with that some of you use on a daily basis that keep you on track with keeping it up to date?

JUDGMENTS!!!!! Im just kidding ahaha I had to

Have you found it inspiring while taking action? I already have it. Currently reading The Hero With a Thousand Faces but to be honest I’m not vibing at all with this Prologue. Hopefully it gets gets better.

This is more directly towards @Leo Gura but if anyone else has any true valuable opinions and points on this I would love feedback. I'm 22 and have been on psych medication since I was 6 starting off for ADHD. Before I got on it (adderall) I was tested for the disorder for 6 months in extensive multi hour procedures. Now though, I'm currently on the following medications: - Adderall - Lamictil - Abilify - Prozac I've been on more at the same time. The Adderall honestly just allows me to function because if I go several hours without it over the course of a single day I can't get out of bed and sleep all day because I have no energy. It can be quite crazy how tired I get if I don't take it. The more I don't take it, the more crazy tired I get. Can't imagine being off of it for more than a couple days. It's not that I have a craving for it at all mentally and emotionally. It's just that my body relies on it now pretty much but it's not like a normal withdrawal. I literally can't function without it and not sleep all day. So if I don't take it I can't get ANYTHING done during the day and I mean that quite literally. So that's a tough predicament. Adderall was also assigned to treat very clear symptoms of OCD that I do have. The Lamictil and Abilify are assigned as mood stabilizers. If I'm off Abilify for more than 2 days I can get borderline suicidal. A few days without Lamicitil I just can't think clearly at all and just very depressed in general. The problem for one is that I basically don't feel like I get anything out of these medications. However, that's hard to say because it's been YEARS since I've been on just 1 medication (the Adderall which I've taken for the majority of my life) so it is tough to say I'd be better off without them because I don't know what I'd be like if I was off them and have them all out of my system. The other thing though is that I don't see HOW I could possibly get off them at this point. I mean, I literally cannot do anything if I'm not even on a single 1. I really want to get valuable feedback. I think this topic would help A LOT of people. I also want to point out that I do trust my psychiatrist. He works with me to even try and get me off them when necessary. He's gotten me off a few others entirely. I have a great relationship with him and I know he's not scheming me or anything. Thanks guys!

Within 1 session of trying this technique I already am in love with the power of this method. As someone with ADHD, this is EASILY the most enjoyable meditation technique I've ever done. I'm still such a newbie with meditation and I already got a glimpse on what @Leo Gura was talking about in that video where he gave the example of using a microscope. I may be a total newbie still, despite following Leo throughout the years and trying to meditate consistently, but I totally got a glimpse of like 'holy shit... I really am asleep. I'm missing so fucking much. I really am totally unconscious even as I'm still raising my consciousness and am still asleep.' I felt my mind getting a bit fatigued doing this but I now that's going to get better with time. Safe to say I now have a meditation technique I love now and I know I will WANT to do every single day!

Not true. Psychiatrists aren't particularly trained in psychotherapy most of the time which is why they aren't the practitioners who typically do deep inner work in helping their patients. In other words, that's not their job. Yes there are sleazy psychiatrists out their but it's the same as how there's always sleazy people in all walks of different industries. If he didn't think I would be best on medication, he'd take me off. Been working with him for 6+ years.

What are your categories? @Leo Gura

@Leo Gura do you put your stuff into categories? Or do you just go day by day entries?

@Immortal peace I would love to stay in contact with you.

@Geromekevin would you say neuroasticity is what’s key to build in this “recovery” process?

Would love to learn and work and make great friends with those in SF and in the SF Bay Area! I live in SF in Hayes Valley.

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE COMMENTING! It's not that I don't believe in Self-Actualization and personal development at all. I know this all possible (to be self-actualized, enlightened, etc.) for me. What I'm so stuck in the mud with is with that belief just being conceptual. I'm struggling so much with taking action. I have so many piles of pure gold books, material, and motivation and what not. However, when it comes time to read or when I'm faced with feeling extremely lonely and am face to face with my crippling low self-esteem, I don't feel deep down that the Self-Actualized life is actually realistic. Again, it's not that I don't think that I can. It's that I don't believe in my dreams anymore (as cliche and corny as that sounds). These days I tend to not believe in my dreams regardless of how feasible they may or may not be. It's weird because I'm not someone whose ever really discounted my capabilities and talents and so on. What I discount is it being real. Not just the end results that are my dreams but I also dismiss any idea that I'll actually put in the work. I'd like to put it this way... Imagine you're a basketball player who loves the game to death and knows deep down with certainty you have the talent, passion, genetics, everything to become the greatest to ever play the game. You have the determination too. You're willing to put in the work. You have that vision set in your mind. You believe that this is something that's actually possible... BUT! You can't put in the true work to get what you really want so bad because there's something deep in you that sees that vision as just a very realistic fantasy but a fantasy nonetheless. You know logically that it's possible and not just a stupid dream but there's this inner... something that has you feeling stupid. You just have this certainty that has you 100000% convinced this is fantasy. You believe in your dream with every bone in your body and you even try to keep that dream alive... but there's just this end of the line you keep running into that stops all action. Does this resonate with anyone?

Title speaks for itself.

I'm a little confused with your question with what you're asking. My crazy sleep comes from not taking my Adderall because my body is so reliant on it just to function. I take 20 mg. Don't worry, it's no big deal to ask haha I already listed all my current medications anyway.

That's a fair point. My concern is just how long the withdrawal will take.

Why do you need a reason to do something?