kieranperez

@Leo Gura fuck that was a typo I swear!!

Just remember that all because you get an answer to this question that doesn’t mean you’ve truly grasped it. Contemplate.

I really don’t wanna take that much credit. The majority of this comes from @Leo Gura and I just expanded on a few of them. Really wanted to use this to help give me a better idea of what my PERSONAL Top 100 questions in life are that can help guide me in finding and living my Life Purpose

@Nahm not sure if that's a compliment nor what to make of that lol

You're basically asking 'should I invest in improving my life?'

title speaks for itself

Totally open to being wrong and please tell me if I'm off on this... What I've picked up from @Leo Gura's video introducing his/the concept of a sage is that it's a person that embodies true self-mastery that is not only devoted to Truth, but also embodies the highest consciousness virtues a person can embody. Sharing and raising of awareness in others. Also someone who lives up to true big picture thinking and understanding. They don't throw out conceptual/intellectual understanding despite their embodiment to spirituality in pursuit of the highest spiritual truths. Sages are students of all aspects/facets of life. So they are also student of say science as much as they would be students of say metaphysics and existentialism. I'm kinda watering down my view of what a sage is. I have more of a "mind's eye view" of what I think a sage is. I haven't done much Enlightenment work (just starting my journey towards "it") so keep that in mind... From my conceptual understanding so far of Enlightenment is the grasping of one's true existential nature and how the thing we call "the self" is an illusion. HOWEVER, as a side-note/question on the Enlightenment part, what I don't understand is when people talk about having multiple Enlightenments even when they grasp their existential nature. I understand (obviously on a conceptual level to some degree, I'm open to how deep my ignorance goes and much more I have to learn) that one can become conscious of say a cup for example. What I don't understand though is when I hear how someone can be "highly Enlightened." Is that just another way of saying that someone's level of consciousness is so extremely high? Again, I'm totally open to feedback!

Definitely going to @Nahm! Do you think it's implied though that sages are enlightened?

I’ve always been extremely sentimental. Like... to an extremely unhealthy degree. At 22, as embarrassing as this is, I still sleep with what’s the equivalent of my baby blanket. Every time I think of putting it in a drawer and moving on literally makes me cry... like right now. This goes for almost everything about my past. I don’t want to move on and accept the reality that my little brother isn’t little anymore. He’s 16. In yet, I cry because I miss him being little because the fact that that part of him is gone forever just makes me so sad that i start balling. I think I can honestly say that this is why I don’t want to change. I don’t like moving on. I feel bad moving on. I feel like a bad person. I feel so guilty. Like, I’ll get into this train of thoughts and end up honestly hitting myself because I feel bad and feel like a bad person. I want things back. I don’t like change. I’ll have these episodes where I think for example that my dad is finally dead and I’m standing at his grave and I immediately run to my dad crying so hard and hug him and just say that I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to let go of my sense of self I’ve always tied myself to. The pain of simply facing this is just so strong and I feel so upset that I almost don’t want to bear it. It feels like I have to hold on. It’s not okay to let go. How I don’t want to. It’s like this vow that I have that says ‘I will never let go.’ I almost don’t even want to ask for help for this because I dont want to but I know that I kinda have to...

So I'm facing an issue right now. I don't feel that needy for a relationship. I mean, I want an authentic one but I don't find myself feeling desperate by any means. I tend to feel really lonely but that I've really started to learn that that's just me being so out of place with simply being which @Leo Gura has talked about in the past. Now that I'm about to start my journey with Enlightenment, that's something I know I'm going to get a lot better with in time. However, I notice I'm totally ignoring people and relationships now at this point and not wanting to work on my skills with women. I'm confident with my looks so it's not really an issue with that. I know I'm a good looking dude that knows how to dress well and all that. I just feel so out of place though socially. I'm noticing I'm becoming more and more introverted. Which I know is not a bad thing. Hell, it feels more real now. Yeah I get lonely but hell, I have mastered myself yet so I don't expect myself to be perfect. I just out of touch because I don't feel in contact with anyone though. Like, I'm just not putting myself out there. I can make easy conversation but I don't even feel compelled to flirt anymore. The more work I try to do on myself, the more out of touch I feel with people. I do want an authentic relationship but at the same time, I don't feel compelled to go out there. I think part of it has to do with insecurity that I don't have anything going in my life yet. Like, I still live with my dad and little brother and 22 so I guess I'm concerned with the way I come off. I feel like I'm not a true independent man yet. I guess I just don't feel like I have much to show for myself. I'm kinda at a cross roads where I'm questioning all the things I thought I was passionate about but seem so trivial now so I don't really know what to say about myself now. Again though, because of all that I'm just totally ignoring people now. This has been good in a way because now I've really been shown that the people who I thought were my best friends really aren't since they don't bother ever reaching out to me. A tough reality but a helpful one nonetheless. I think what has me feeling stuck is my own sense of lack of substance and stuff to offer. So I just feel so unmotivated to be out there anymore. I'm scared I guess too.

Knowing enlightenment is not enlightenment in the slightest. As long as you put faith in your 5 senses and see that as reality, you’re not gonna be enlightened.

Not sure what that means or if that was a typo... Are you asking if I've been social with girls in the past? A little confused

Title is pretty self explanatory aha

Can psychedelics be an effective tool for tapping into true intuition and really give some great insight to help give myself a sense of direction? I find myself at a crossroads with #1 passion and I want to continue with it but I'm so stuck in trying to figure out what direction to go in. If so, does the choice in substance matter at all?

Holy shit I really don’t get this. It’s like day after day I can’t get a break with getting into some sort of ordeal or issue. Today I was walking my dog and she’s peeing and 3 guys walk by me and say “pick up her shit or eat it.” I swear I almost wanted to jump this guy but I talked some shit back (I’m really trying to tone it down) and that was the end of that. Earlier today I bust a hole in my wheel in my car. Yesterday I walk by my house and some dude out of the blue who I don’t know literally just says “you’re a fucking asshole.” I ask, “excuse me?” And he’s like “you and me. No police.” I didn’t fight this guy but I went to my dad and I got the blame because I’m made out as the troublesome kid that always gets into problems with people. This stuff is daily. Something is happening everyday. Yes I know a lot of it is directly my fault but it’s just the timing that’s like ‘holy shit! EVERYDAY?!’ I live in a great part in San Francisco too. People legitimately don’t believe me when I tell them what happens day to day because “no one has this happen to them. No one has this bad of luck. Maybe it’s you.” I get a lot of it is but holy shit, I walk down the street and I get called a piece of shit asshole and get threatened? All while I’m trying to work on myself? I truly don’t understand.

Smart move! I was going to say, that was a bit risky putting that material out there. Either way, I'm glad I got to see it. I got my entire commonplace set up now and am already using it!

Will be in your area soon I live in SF haha

@SmartFixer_OceanJjb @Joseph Maynor where in SF? I'm in Hayes Valley in the city

San Francisco, CA

I've never done psychedelics before. I've swayed away to be honest from @Leo Gura's Psychedelics for Personal Development Video since it was released until today and to be honest... I wish I never postponed watching it. I feel so much safer and at peace after watching that and feel a lot more relaxed and calm and have such a greater sense of trust with my mind after watching that. I owe you one, Leo! With that said, I want to preface that I already am on psych medication, which I have listed in a prior post but list it here along with my dosages again anyways... - Adderall XR 20mg (morning... although now I wait till after I do my mindfulness meditation) - Lamictil 200mg (100mg 2x p/day) - Abilify 5mg (night) - Prozac 60mg (morning) So keep that in mind before leaving me your tips, advice, and such. What I want to know though is if I can use psychedelics as a tool to help me breakthrough to reach say my intuition, hit greater visions for my life, so on and so forth. My focus is not on Enlightenment right now. Right now I'm really stuck by just no real motivation to do anything with my life anymore. My passions in my life have just been decaying over the years and the more I try to rekindle them or to go down different avenues, it just doesn't happen. I have so many great self-help books and what not and I don't have the heart to read them now. There is passion in me. I'm a runner. Running has always given me the most joy in life to such an insane degree. I've even reached a TRUE runner's high in terms of the dopamine effect. People exaggerate this but there are dedicated runners that go a whole lifetime of running and never experience this. I don't get pleasure from my running anymore. It's just become more baggage on me. I can't even journal anymore. The distinction I really want to get across is that I'm NOT looking for some external solution to fix all my problems. I'm just in such a low place with motivation, passion, drive, discipline, focus, etc. that I just don't do anything. I don't even like labeling myself a victim because I never make excuses that blame outside circumstances. I know it's on me. I rarely if ever put my problem onto others and stuff like that. If I fail a test, I know it's on me. Period. I know the resolutions to my problems in life come from within. Fuck I've been on psych meds (if you count my ADHD medication) since I was 6 years old 16 years ago. I started my first antidepressant/mood stabilizer 8-9 years ago at 13 or 14. I know this is not a solution nor a magic pill. However, if this is a resourceful tool (which boils down to my main question) that can awaken all that I feel has decayed and deteriorated over the years then I'm willing to have an open mind, do my homework, and give it a shot. Could psychedelics help with these matters and matters related to this and more? If so, what substances are worth looking into?

I JUST got out of my psychiatrist appointment 2 minutes ago and we’ve mutually decided to start tapering off ALL my meds (one at a time starting with Adderall)!! I’m so happy!!!

I'm very iffy about pursuing Enlightenment. I trust 100% what @Leo Gura has had to say about it and I don't want to just take him on his word either. I do want to reach this insight. However, I'm worried that I might not have a strong enough psychology to tolerate that kind of work. It comes off as so debilitating and hard that it can actually become destabilizing while I'm still working on my success. Not that I'm making success my #1 priority overall in life. However, it is something I do need to address right now. Can work on both Enlightenment and success be done simultaneously or at least be considered doable?

I’ve been making good progress with my mindfulness meditation practice. Now, one of my issues is very deeply seeded anger issues. Now, when I get I can immediately spot it once it arises in my body, I even listen to my inner dialogue without judgment which is HUGE PROGRESS FOR ME. Never thought I’d get to that point. I’ve usually been able to keep my focus on my inner dialogue but would always get over powered by it. However, the more I shine my awareness on my anger and even my anger driven moralizing, I feel like a kettle filled with water that has been calmly keeping the water inside but the water boils so hot that water is fiercely bubbling out of the kettle, where it’s like about to shoot out like a volcano. The only way I keep it from shooting off and going crazy is when I do give in to my anger and I hold onto it and just cling to it and just decide to be pissed off and if I’m driving now for example, everything pisses me off more. Im just confused because I thought shining my awareness without judgment would be the tool to melt away these unwanted behaviors like in @Leo Gura‘s awareness alone is curative video? Is this common? Just super puzzled by my results lately. I did also rewatch The Dark Side of Meditation but I don’t think I’ve been consistent enough with my practice to be experiencing that as a result directly from my practice. I experience those things described in that video often but I don’t think it’s fair I give it to my time of where I’ve been inconsistent so long throughout my short mediation career. This is definitely making my problems in building up myself in my life purpose and success levels so I just find this rather problematic.

How do I know though the difference between what psychedlics are best for whatever outcome I'm trying to obtain? I agree with your advice on how to go into a trip with an objective but since psychedelics supposedly vary in different kinda effects, how do I be strategic and know which one's are the right one's to take? Like, how do I know (and obviously I use that loosely because I know you need to be open to whatever can happen on a trip) which is the best psychedelic to take given my objective? For instance, how do I know say mushrooms is the right substance to take given what my needs?

@Leo Gura the fact that I got an answer to that matter of mixing SSRIs and psychedelics and mood stabilizers is beyond appreciated. To be honest, that concern is really the thing that has been holding me back BUT, you'd find this interesting! I brought this up with my psychiatrist one time regarding LSD when I first contemplating taking psychedelics and he actually was so open minded and actually give me a legitimate answer of how on paper, LSD actually wouldn't be tampering really any of my medications. Funny enough... Abilify, which I listed as one of the medications I take, is commonly used to bring people down off of bad psychedelic trips. I have it lucky though. I've been working with my psychiatrist for so many years and he's someone who really knows his stuff and is very open minded and what not. Most people don't have that kinda relationship with psychiatrists. I'm not kidding when I say that he even subtly (of course) suggested that it might not be a bad idea but to still be cautious of course. He even explained how if anything my given medications wouldn't really change the matter because what LSD (which is what we were talking about) "tampers" with in the brain is separate from what my medication is addressing other than the Adderall which he suggested that if I do take acid, don't take Adderall with it. Really fascinating. And to his credit, he's the lead psychiatrist over at San Quentin Prison here in the SF Bay Area where I live so I really do have my trust in him.