kieranperez

They're not happy with themselves. People need some sort of gross external fix (drugs, friends, sex, alcohol, books, TV, internet, whatever). It's subtle but profound

@SageModeAustin relax. I don't know the complete details of what you're going through obviously but as far as the overall picture, I've been there (still kinda am). First off, be very careful with this victim mindset. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions BUT in a way where that doesn't mean you're whipping yourself. You seem to be like me in your account of yourself and what's going on where this victim mindset comes in the form of 'I'm a victim to my own mind (depression, lack of development, OCD, impulsive behavior, etc.)'. This is tricky but I get it. Totally get it though. Honestly, really sit with yourself. Learn to be by yourself. Let these things work through you. Drop the weed. You're clearly just using that to cover things up and these things need to work through you. Learn the lesson of what you did that was maybe dysfunctional, manipulative, etc. and learn from it. Baby steps with the self-control but also make these steps both doable but challenging still. Sign up for maybe a race you think you can't do (maybe a marathon, 50K, etc.). Do something that demands more of you and set a reasonable goal for it and do it. I think this would be HUGE for you. All the best man I know where you're at. It can feel like a living hell but it's okay.

Is there a connection?...

My ex girlfriend went through remission through amino therapy. Definitely look into it. She reached Stage 2 or 3. I know amino therapy is really starting to catch on. All the best.

The biggest ones to me that I’ve noticed is the transcendence of judgment and more openmindedness from Yellow as opposed to Orange. Yellow is able to entertain and do a lot of “homework” into things they don’t understand that may seem outside of the cultural paradigm and are willing to admit they don’t understand.

I just finished reading this for the 2nd time in 3 months and I cried as much as I did at the end as I did the first. If you're really passionate about enlightenment and you want to make your life's goal to surrender and become one with God and you're considering becoming a monk, read this book. Om Swami has easily become one of my biggest role models. His story will humble you, surprise you, and inspire you. You can literally match up this beautiful memoir of his with the life of Buddha. He makes this journey come to life and really shows you exactly the level of discipline, surrender, devotion, commitment, and also positive motivation you need to have to pursue this. I'm probably going to keep this book for as long as I live. This is probably my favorite book of all time based on how much this resonates with me. Let this serve as a message that becoming a modern day Buddha is possible even today. If you're a Westerner your path may not look identical to this but let this serve as the powerful truth that this is what life is about. I hope this book does for you like it has for me.

Book: The Ancient Science of Mantras by Om Swami

Bro. Get out of this business. This business is a scam. End of story. YOU’RE THEIR CUSTOMER.

Sit alone with yourself for a few days if possible. Sit with your aloneness. Go deeper

THIS

You’re asking about Christian mysticism and talking about how you’re a legitimate victim in yet you’re conveniently overlooking the Christian Mystic himself, Christ. Christ wasn’t saying “oh whoas me” for what happened to him. Ramana Maharshi is still the same when he too died of cancer and same with Suzuki Roshi. Sure they went through the physical pain that arises with cancer but that’s not the same thing as suffering from it. Go through what you have to go through gracefully and responsibly. I’m not saying you can do this overnight in reaching that end of suffering. Heres the thing: you don’t matter. That’s not jut exclusive to you though. Look at the millions of people who can’t afford a bite to eat. Life isn’t about fairness. Life isn’t about “having (your) time to shine”. You have a computer or phone in front of you that can give you leads and resources to solving your problems (hint: you’re on one). I understand what you’re saying about feeling like you’re just destined to fail and being driven to fail. I know because, in a sense, that’s where I am now. I 23 at home with my Dad and little brother, dropped out of college in what I thought would be a gap semester, and now it seems like my little brother whose a senior in high school is likely to leave the house before me and I’ve never lived on my own. So I get it. All I can really say to you is that YOU are causing this. Depending on where you are in your neurosis it can be really hard to make a decision to take responsibility but, the longer you wait, the harder it gets. Life is both indifferent to you but also isn’t out to get you. You are out to get you. You just don’t know it (yet).

By practicing. By writing, seeing how and why it sucks and doesn’t convey your experience exactly the way you’re trying to have it be conveyed and then creating again. If it’s for music, master the fundamentals first along with your writing. If you can write the most beautiful lyrics but it’s a rock song for example, it won’t make a difference if you can’t sing or play the guitar or the drums or whatever. You have the message but you don’t have the skills to convey it.

Read “Ressurecting Jesus” by Adyashanti he does an amazing job clearing this stuff up and putting Christian mysticism into its proper light Try treating Christian Proverbs like Zen Koans.

This seems like such a pain in the ass. I’m HORRIBLE at organization and note taking and I still agree on just sticking with OneNote

I forget who it was but I remember being on Integrallife.com reading about the Enneagram while also doing some reading on the mystic George Gurdjieff and his background story and after reading and listening to some of the stuff on Integral Life I looked up the woman’s name who did the article and video on Google and found the enneagram test on her website. I don’t take it too to heart but it definitely narrows down on my neurosis and dysfunctional patterns frighteningly well and also tendencies of being. I’ve also noticed (just as an added note) a pattern and an underlying theme between all the different test I’ve taken from some that were on the Life Purpose Course to Meyers Briggs to the Enneagram, and so on.

So I've been really stuck lately. I don't have a strict sort of posture or anything when I self-inquire or some sort of regimen. I notice (no pun intended) that I contemplate/self-inquiry (whatever term we want to use) best when I just slow down and "zoom out" and really take in what's happening within my awareness and I notice when I do that I naturally get into this zone of not-knowing (or close to it) and I naturally find myself noticing that all perceptions occur within awareness. It's hard to explain but I get stuck on getting past that. I just find "myself" at this point where I start to become all that arises within experience. So if I'm on a grass field looking out, the boundary between myself and all that I'm seeing starts to become a nonexistent distinction. I start to notice that everything arises and passes away within awareness and also this distinction or some sort of separation between ego mind and all these thoughts becomes a nonexistent distinction. Thoughts arise but in the same place as the sight of the tree, the sound of the wind, etc. Despite all this though, there seems to be some barrier of ignorance remaining or something because I don't know what all of this awareness really is (if you're just going to say "it's all you" please don't comment). Any suggestions? I notice though that my self-inquiry goes a lot better when I don't formalize it. Questioning and deep absorption and not knowing becomes much more doable and possible.

I haven't read a ton of books on spirituality and I don't claim I know anything/everything. I sit down, shut up and do the practice and follow it up on some reading and talking and learning from other teachers from different traditions and paths.

Most diets are shams. Anyone selling you some strict rigid system that is emotionally driven by ideology and dogma is selling you a sham. I really enjoy @Leo Gura healthy food video. Strip away all the bullshit food that hurts you and play with it from there into something that works for you and you enjoy and also what works for any sort of health deficiencies you may have.

@John Iverson Read books, particularly biographies, autobiographies, and memoirs.

The subconscious mind be like

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm keeping this! LOL

This is a weird one for me personally. I struggle, and I mean REALLY struggle, sitting cross legged due to extremely tight, knotted up, stiff, inflexible hips (particularly in my hip flexors, psoas, and glutes). I can’t even do a high kick. Over my years of being a runner, I’ve noticed that most of my injuries stem from my extremely weak and tight hips and their extremely limited ROM (range of motion). I can’t even get into half lotus. Just not possible for me if I tried right now. Me sitting in say Burmese or “perfect posture” or even in the posture @Leo Guraposted on his blog awhile back is just excruciating. I feel this stabbing and throbbing in my hips and due to my extreme tightness there, this throws off my breathing as I can’t breathe relaxed or even through my diaphragm efficiently. I mean, I’m 6’ tall and 135 pounds and my 55 year old dad whose 190ish has more mobile hips than me. I also have an annoying saliva swallowing problem which makes meditation a nightmare (yes I’ve tried tongue behind the teeth, palate, etc. none of that has worked). So personally I nust sit in a chair for now. However! When I self inquire and really get in a groove, I can just be sitting at my kitchen table or standing at a view and it comes SO MUCH more effortlessly. I get in such a deep groove contemplating and lock in on awareness itself, everything is arising and passing away in awareness, etc. I can be slouched in my bed and it’s so much better.

One of the things that’s kept me up at night lately is all of the concerns and shit we see these days of rampant AI development, these clear signs of greater global tension and how freely we (US) threaten war and it seems like we’re slowly (but not slowlh enough) but surely heading down that road of some sort of nuclear holocaust, and also rampant capitalism and all the corruption and bullshit that materialism has brought into human consciousness and the dysfunctions it has brought. I actually get depressed sometimes just from the thought of my own future and all that want to do with this enlightenment journey and self actualization and life purpose and stuff when it seems like there are very metaphorical warning lights going off of not much time left until some sort of disaster kicks in. I mean, if you look throughout the course of prior centuries (especially more recent ones) there’s not a single one of them that isn’t disaster free and given that our collective world is, as far as I see, more dysfuncitonal psychologically and spiritually than ever, I don’t see why this 21st century is of any exception, and we’re already almost 20 years in. Sometimes I think that we desperately need a strong Stage Green president and leadership here in the US and in the West, not because they’re more right or correct or whatever necessarily but because they’d be the ones to swing the pendulum in the other direction from this mechanical hedonistic progress at all costs attitude and into this way of tightening the reins of all of that. I think of it almost like throwing a wrench into the gears of this efficient machine and I kinda just feel like we need that to slow this eminent death drive down. What are your guys’ thought on this?