kieranperez

What about spiritual communities and monasteries and ashrams? Are those different since the rules involve heart and conscious centered moral objectives and rules? Such as going to an ashram and following yamas and niyamas? Sounds like transcendent morality is more of a personal evolution in that we need to accept and love reality but it would still help if we set out certain ideals, even if they are arbitrary in the end. And also understanding why we select those certain to begin with.

@Leo Gura I was a bit stuck here. You said rules = freedom and you brought up the whole gun example which I agree with but at the same time my mind was connecting that to the problems of rules and morals to begin with and how we actually need to be pursuing trascendent moraltiy which is morality through no moral rules at all since rules stunt true genuine motives to flourish. Is there a piece of this I’m missing or is this just one of those paradoxes that I need to learn to grapple with?

Every single time I sit down to meditate I keep having so much spit come up and I keep swallowing and this is becoming so distracting and takes away from my concentration. I mean, this is happening like 10 times every minute. I’ve listened to the whole “put your tongue on the roof of your mouth” and that hasn’t done anything at all. I’ve tried letting it be but then I just end having a mouth full of spit which is just insanely distracting. I don’t know what on earth to do about this as this is so distracting. I’ve even tried doing my meditation first thing in the morning when possible before I’ve had anything to eat in case the timing of eating and meditating after had anything to do with it and that did nothing. Fuck I’ve even tried cutting down food and fasting more. What am I doing wrong here? Tips?

I’m mostly on board with this post. Honestly, this is my conversation with most people - disillusioning fantasies and realigning this process and how it tends to go. You will be forced to feel your suffering more than ever before. You will die. However that is the cost you pay to end all of that and end all suffering. So you must burn yourself alive in the fires of Truth to the point where all falsehoods and illusions have been turned to ash and all that remains is Truth and then you no longer suffer. However, the whole “stop chasing” is not good advice for newbs. I think disclaimers and disillusioning is important but also don’t discourage hardcore seeking. That whole stop chasing advice is advice you apply once you’re well along the path and you’ve made your commitment and that commitment has been translated into faulty action and you have your intent to pursue this thing for real and then you can surrender that need to seek.

So I haven’t had any awakenings but I was just at a restaurant and as I was sitting down I just kinda slowed down and almost “zoomed outL without any control. I wasn’t trying to do anything or be more mindful but suddenly I looked at my arms on the table and there was this sudden sense of lack of ownership of my arms. I guess the way I could put it is that I was seeing my arms but there was no domination of concept of ownership or familiarity that these arms are mine. I noticed that i just had this sense (it wasn’t even a sense) of how such a notion that these arms are mine would make any sense. Then I was just looking around the restaurant at the walls, the table, the people and noticing all the ways the were acting and suddenly had that feeling of “what the hell is going on here”. Everything and everyone looked like this orchestrated chaos that was being run by something intelligent. Not something external but what I was witnessing was unconscious acts and chimpery but what I was witnessing was chaotic yet somehow intelligent. I just had this intuition of like “this intelligence disguised as random chaos.” Then I just had that sort of clarity that one often gets in a lucid dream of like “none of this is different from a dream.” I think the big thing I’m started to get right now is how “in” the illusion we are. It’s the feeling of being too close to it and wrapped up in it. Even as I’m typing this on my phone I’m noticing once I draw myself back and realize and noticing my fingers typing how involved I am in the illusion. It’s so fucking subtle but so freaky. It’s that feeling one gets when they’re meditating and they learn to detach from the content of thoughts and they can notice thoughts as they and for what they are but now I’m learning to do that in “life”... whatever that is.

If you’re coming from a place of lack, that a good sign that it’ll end up in distasteful. Remember, the people who do the whole live in a cave thing spend time prepping for that too more often than not and have built up their practice over the years and also are so surrendered to this sole yearning that they are positively motivated towards this. They’re not doing this to escape something. I personally see nothing wrong with doing the whole live in the woods or in a cabin or something if 1. You can handle that mentally and have built that up and 2. You’re motivated to do this in from a positive place. Otherwise you’re going to likely just have a psychotic breakdown and corner yourself.

Welcome to enlightenment work newb.

Often I get confused when I read and listen to Ralston describing contemplation on more subtle things and then contrasting what he calls Contemplation and how he does it and then contrasting that with @Leo Gura when he talks about Contemplation. To elaborate on what I mean, I get this sort of notion when I read Ralston’s work that he treats Contemplation the same way of a minor question of like ‘what is time?’ Or since he’s a martial artist ‘what is judo?’ It almost seems like he treats it the same he does enlightenment work and meditating on this question outside of using thoughts. Whereas when I contrast this method or at least the way I’m interpreting it with Leo’s way of contemplating, he seems to be more open to using thought as demonstrated in “contemplating using a journal” and also his intro video to Contemplation. Leo if you see this, obviously you’ve met Ralston and had the chance to talk to him, how do you contrast his “style” of Contemplation with the way you present and teach Contemplation? Is there a difference or am I mistaken?

Why don’t my posts get me enlightened?! LOL YOURE WELCOME! lol jk

I’m about to order Om Swami’s Book “The Ancient Science of Mantras” and have been researching Mantra Yoga and this just seems almost surreal and almost like ‘come on. Astral realms, no such thing as me, everything is 1, god is everything, there is no such thing as perception, siddhis, paranormal abilities, but this???” For those who’ve researched and even done mantra yoga and Sadhana, what are your thoughts on the possibilities and claims made in this type of yoga?

Do you think that’s one of his strengths because he doesn’t seem to emphasize that all that much. I remember your interview with him and he seem to refer more to the necessity of discipline but like with any talented person, they don’t recognize their own talent.

At least he's honest about the diminishing return of chasing pleasure.

I’ve been looking off and on at Swami Nithyanda’s YouTube channel and this dude seems like a legitimate cult leader. Tons of sex and rape allegations and he seems to have followers who have YouTube channels talking about how great he is and how he’s a divine avatar in this total brainwashed way. As far as anecdotal reports these people are making this dude seems to have legit siddhis maybe and maybe enlightened but comes across as a total Zen Devil and cult leader. What are your guys’ thoughts?

Addresses these questions

Hey Leo, you’ve talked in the past about third eye openings while on 5-MeO and it’s also seems to me paranormal abilities and powers like siddhis really become possible once the third eye opens (though, that doesn’t seem to be an across the board result for people). Have you found at least in any of your research and findings that 5-MeO can activate those sorts of things? If so, do you think those kinds of powers are more accessible than if one just pursued and mastered yoga? Keep in mind: I’m more interested in enlightenment than powers. I’m just curious because hey, if it’s possible, why not get “full enlightenment” and access the highest possibilities a human being can have?

This was answered in this very thread

@Leo Gura oh yeah totally. I think it would be a huge mistake to discredit this seemingly mass number of anecdotal reports of people who are around him and what not. This just seems like he has a huge shadow. It’s a shame really.

Why the fuck is it this hard? Why is my luck this full of shit? Why is it this hard to realize what my core desire is? Why is it this hard to fucking decide? Why is it this hard to tap into what I actually want to work towards? Why the fuck can’t I stop talking to myself every second of the day and also change my narrative from this self defeating inner voice that just feels like giving up? Why do I quit EVERYTHING? People giving me advice on “go for a run” “sit down and just be,” AND THEN WHAT?! You sit down and just be and then go back home and be fucking useless with family that don’t really love me but just love the fantasy of what I represent? Just go get a 2nd job at another useless position where I literally hold back tears where it’s like “is this all I’m good for?! Why the fuck do I take orders from a boss who doesn’t know a fucking thing about anything in life?!” And meanwhile I serve people lying sales pitches to customers at my retail job that doesnt give me any hours nor fucking serve anything. And then get second one of those jobs... and then what? What happens after? I then work 2 jobs full time that I despise and start some god knows what business that serves god knows what? But as time goes on, my youth wanes. Can’t see a legitimate therapist because I can’t afford a good one and all the other ones just get paid for me to articulate my problems better. Can’t drive or likely move anywhere now because a guy t-boned my car that I didn’t and it’s $15000 to fix my car I got for my birthday and now I’m probably going to have to junk it because Geico ain’t covering me because the guy who hit me doesn’t answer his phone despite and they raised my rate and blamed me and I would have to pay $3000 every 6 months + monthly payments. I try and genuinely sit down every day to try to plan and figure out what do I actually want but NOTHING. I honestly don’t even know why I’m bothering to write this out but here’s whatever... just needed to vent I guess. Crying right now in the rain. I feel like giving up on this whole life purpose thing.

First off, thanks you to all of you ❤️ I’m still distressed and have that sorrow and dead feeling in the center of my chest but it’s nice to actually get some positive feedback at least. I’m talking to @Emerald on Friday to hopefully get some things cleared up and sorted out. To be honest, deep down I know what I want but I feel like I’m being psyched out of the challenge because my desire is so counter to what most people do. For me, the central core around my life purpose is enlightenment and not just for me but for impact on the world which is to not say I want to just become some spiritual teacher like Mooji or Adyashanti or become a Zen Master or something which in a sense is one of the challenges because in a sense that’s easier. It’s pretty simple really, join an ashram or monastery or find a teacher, do that whole thing for decade or two or three and then you gain your barings hopefully and then start to teach. But what happens when you can envision you doing something so unorthodox and original but requires so much work like studying psychology, learning saying healing, psychotherapy, different schools of consciousness, learning how to become a leader, mastering running, reading a lot, oh and also diving deep into enlightenment work hardcore and your own personal goal is to become a sage and you know that’s possible for you but requires MASSIVE work that demands a sort of environment conducive to do that and all that stuff? My vision in a sense is so daunting and such a shift in lifestyle and paradigm and extremely difficulty that to get the self mastery, the deep levels of consciousness and also love I need and want to have, the interpersonal and leadership skills, the writing skills, the solitude, etc. At the end of the day I don’t want to submit to just some orthodox Zen order or something like that. Enlightenment is the core of my life purpose and deepest yearning because at the end of the day, I personally don’t get how a person can go an 20, 30, 40 years (let alone a full lifetime) not knowing who they are and tell me they have a good life. Yes there’s ignorance and culture and all that stuff and that’s the nature of self deception, ok fine but I still don’t fundamentally accept that as an answer. This is what I think I got the most from @Leo Gura and this whole site it’s ‘hey! This is what’s possible. This is what you can know and live and become! This is possible FOR YOU!’ This is why I teared up at the end of the Ox Herding video where Leo said ‘you know too much. What are you going to do? Just go back asleep after you’ve been told all this stuff? This is your life’s calling.’ It’s bridging the gap between these where I’m at now and doing all that I said and also they other stuff involved in my vision because what I would need to become is so polar opposite of where I’m at now in my life. I have no yearning to be involved in society anymore but this is the challenge I guess on why this stuff is so hard and why the acceptance of some abstract call is so difficult because you’re pursuing not only the death of you but also when you want to be original and all this other stuff I’ll spare the details on, you realize how you’re path might be even harder and this other stuff. Also I think yesterday and today are reactions to my really positive mood 2 days ago and I was being brought back down by homeostasis. Just a thought though

Sat Yoga Ashram & Institute - Lead by Shunyamurti - Location: San Jose, Costa Rica Spirit Rock Meditation Center - Lead by Jack Kornfield - Location: Woodacre, CA in Marin County (North of Golden Gate Bridge) Cheng Hsin - Lead by Peter Ralston - Location: Pipe Creek, Texas Sri Badrika Ashram - Lead by Om Swami - Location: Shalamun, Himachal Pradesh 173101, India

What are some valuable skill sets I can learn decently quickly with a lot of hard work right now that I can start working towards and earn at least a decent wage? I’m putting my life purpose stuff on the side right now as I can’t keep living at home. I need to start becoming valuable in the marketplace NOW. The relationship is close to me either hanging myself or me eventually punching his face in. I can’t keep sitting around allowing the neurotic conditioning I’ve had all these years keep reinforcing this helpless victim mentality. I know money is not what I’m after and that renunciation and becoming a monk (not necessarily in a monastery) is what I want but I have too much unintegrated trauma and neurosis, lack of personal development, shame, anger, bitterness, resentment, self condemnation, etc. to do something like that now and come out the other side. What skill sets and careers could I start learning today and with some good hard work I could have a career in relatively soon so long as I become good? This is just a first step because I need to get out now.

Separate the event or circumstance from actually suffering. I can get punched in the face but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm "suffering" from it. Only the delusion that I'm special and "he shouldn't have done that" and whatever other fantasy I create out of the event is separate from the event itself. Reality is what it is and it's only lack of consciousness and understanding + acceptance of the truth that leads to this interpretation. Also understand that all because some people who may have these biological disorders like being born retarded (or downsyndrome if we want to be PC) or have serious schizophrenia doesn't change the case the matter of this reality. Yeah, their mind isn't developed or may have some sort "defect" that causes more self torment because they have a wiring or case in their genetics where they can't develop themselves to that point where they grasp reality as it is. They'll still suffer but that doesn't mean their suffering is based on anything real. I know people like this, hell my mom is like this with her own psychological disorders, but that doesn't change anything. One might word it as saying these people suffer involuntarily. However this is the 1% of the population who have this sort of excuse or exception. So unless you're like that, it's just cause you don't want to wake up to your own delusion.

I’m tired of the lies. I’m tired of not being able to really see through my own lies. I’m tired of not knowing nor being able to tap into what I deeply, authentically, and actually want out of my life. I’m tired of my life story. Im tired of my inner narrative of “I can’t” “I don’t know” and this never ending game. I’m sick of my family, cultural, social, societal influences and values telling me and displaying in day to day life what I should live. I’m tired of believing and being run by my thoughts. I’m tired of not having any direction because I fundamentally don’t know who I am and what I’m about anymore. I’m tired of playing this game. To win this game is to lose and I see people around me everyday who play this game and aren’t happy. I just feel like being stripped of all my nonsense. All I know (though I still intuit that of course I really don’t know nor can I know until it happens) is that I don’t want to play this game anymore and I want to be stripped of all my beliefs of who I am, all my lies about who I am, what I’m passionate about, what I believe about the world, all my beliefs about enlightenment, because I know that what I’m living, what I’m speaking to myself and to others, what I’m believing, what I’m projecting are ALL just 1 big pile of bullshit and I’m tired of living in bullshit. I can go into a talk about how I want to rebuild my life into this great thing and worthwhile thing but to be honest, that’d just be more bullshit because I don’t know what I authentically desire anymore. Whatever I come up with all a lie. The ONLY thing I know I genuinely and authentically want (and hey, maybe there’s more) and actually want to be is to absolutely nothing. It’s the same literal voice and also bodily sensation that comes whenever I sit alone in nature or at the beach. I laugh after hysterically.