kieranperez

So to answer my question point blank, you think this wasn’t samadhi? Edit: sorry I read that wrong. I thought you said I can’t achieve samadhi WITHOUT effort.

I can’t do what? Btw, lessons and important insights: Learning = observation is SO fucking powerful. If you go deep enough with this you can access now ways and modes of thinking that transcends all linguistic linear thought and tap into a true level of intuitive intelligence. This is a capacity you probably didn’t even know existed. I can’t explain this mechanism as it goes beyond language. Not knowing is super power. It’s really that simple as far as I’m concerned. Once you learn to REALLY not know and you see through all your accumulated “knowledge” and genuinely look at matters, questions, ANYTHING with fresh eyes like you’ve never noticed it before, you’re going to realize 1. How little you actually know, 2. Learning is infinite, and so much more. Not knowing will be like steroids for your current likely level of investigation. It also revitalizes your love for everything because you literally start seeing life like a child again. You break past all your accumulated bullshit and the wonder and mystery is back. You don’t know ANYTHING and it’s fucking beautiful when you genuinely get to that point.

Yeah that's where it get's tricky. You have to find that balance. Personally, I think note taking is helpful to a very good degree. I think some people take it over the top in terms of how neurotic they get with it and how detailed everything needs to be but also over the top in how important they think it is. Which is not to say note taking isn't important. It is. Just put it in it's proper place. How hard is meditation for you? Can you relax that need to conceptualize things? If that's hard or your answer is a downright no, I'd say spend some time doing the do-nothing meditation and practice dropping that need to do something and that need for conceptual control. It's like dropping a smartphone addiction. How do you drop something that has almost become a necessity this day in age and also can be used for something beneficial? Not like some alcohol addiction where you can just drop alcohol all together. I still struggle with this same similar addiction with my phone. I cut Facebook (deactivated) out and also Instagram (for the most part) and Snapchat (deleted) but also use YouTube now more than ever and am always listening to stuff. I wish I had a better answer for this.

Has this been a problem for you in terms of practical results or is this coming from your mind as an anxiety of you maybe just doing something wrong just because it might not be "the right way"? It really depends man. I don't think this is one way answer. My main thing I'd throw out there is not to confuse note-taking with understanding and learning. Note taking is great for facilitating those things and making sense of theory in a way that you can comprehend conceptually. If it helps you remember what you're taking in, it's facilitating your growth, understanding, and overall learning then I'd say keep doing what you're doing. I say this because this is personally what I need more of in my own life. I'm very very very good at understanding things non-linearly and thinking and contemplating things very abstractly but am horrendous at these concrete skills such as note-taking. As soon as I get in front of OneNote, I have no idea how to structure and congest non-linear abstract deep insights into limited language and note-taking systems. That's like me pulling my own teeth.

I literally felt a weight get off my chest reading this because I feel like I’m cheating myself if I go off and do something else. I have this vision of doing all this stuff like doing hardcore monkstyle meditation in a few years from now and go all Buddha and what not and pull that kinda combo off like I listed above (I don’t really like going into details because then most people read that as if I just want to copy other people and do what they did) and I look at like Sadhguru and sometimes think ‘how could I do that, become that, realize that on a much smaller scale?’ Then the whole money part of course creeps in and not having even gone up the maslows pyramid. I’m so good at thinking abstractly (although to me it seems perfectly concrete as far as I’m concerned) and I’m having more random mystical altered experiences every week with no history of psychedelics. I’m rambling a bit I know but I do agree that just having the financial barings I need will give me a huge weight lifted off and more leverage maneuver and make decisions. I thought about learning business and entrepreneurship but I think it’s wise for me to be honest with myself that that might be too much too soon and programming and web development might be a strong enough dose of challenge for me to reasonably get the change and leverage I’m looking for at this stage in my life. Where I’m at with my emotional development and self esteem and outside relationships, I think starting a business is just too much for my to handle right now. I think greater choices and clarity will come once I start moving farther up Maslows pyramid. The transition from being a 23 year old who hasn’t satisfied and integrated his lower to needs to pulling an Om Swami, Ralston, Buddha, etc. is a gap that I need to really strategize towards.

Scratch the last comment by me. Having a strong ego backlash right now and feeling super defeated and pessimistic and severely depressed. This life purpose and vision is really hard for me to hold and contain as it’s so far beyond me currently.

I guess I just don’t really see where to start though either with this life purpose in terms of scaling all the way back from the vision itself. I don’t know if starting some other business that’s unrelated to my life purpose is what’s necessary or what. I’m really driven by scarcity right now. I’m in a city I just can not afford to live in either. Rooms here are like $1200 and what not and the pressure and downright misery I feel from being at home with my dad I feel like I really don’t have a future. This might tie with the faith part but when it comes to ideas as to what I do tangibly starting tomorrow and what I build and what not, that’s where I feel dead. I mean man, if I started earning money doing something and I had a healthy place where I lived on my own, man I feel like I’d be in such a better place mentally and my own development. In my mind it’s like, become a programmer or something like that where I could get another job and then transition out of that in a few years or start some other business that’ll be low cost that’ll give me the funding and freedom to start the next thing or something. The tangible action stuff is where I feel dead... as said and pathetic as it is to say.

Not taking your share of responsibility, which is 100%, in taking up your share of the work, not doing your own research, not thinking for yourself independently, not gaining understanding for yourself, not doing the practices and not working to eventually outgrow all this.

This part for me has been huge. It’s a subtle point but huge. My commitment. intent, and focus with meditation has gotten a lot more intense and this has helped me concentrate, contemplate, and even bust through a lot of bullshit and even emotional victim mentality. How serious you take these practices is huge. Interesting thing, in the past when I’d try to sit like a rock and focus and contemplate I’d get physically and mentally tense because of my background in atheletics and being used to just having a bullheaded go harder approach but that’s not what “serious” means. When I finally got that, things have been turning around.

@Leo Gura thank you. Honestly that really does solidify this whole confusing thing in my mind. I really do lack faith but I know my heart is pure in its intentions and desires when I really connect with the innevitability of my own death. I’ve really gotten so used to quitting, giving up, setting my expectations lower, and the disappointment that came with never being good enough in my older passions (sports - basketball and running) that I acclimitized to that disappointment even though I wanted more (not success but just progress and really just a break from all the failures and disappointments). I do have low self-esteem but honestly I do see a way out of this and I do trust what you’re saying. What gives me hope is when I do feel my upcoming death and I do feel what I want super deep that I do actually cry from my vision. So I think I need to anchor that in along with the work. Really trusting myself and in my capacties is going to be a big challenge but I definitely see my core issue and I see that it is changeable. I’m going to start doing Nathaniel Branden’s sentence completions and really anchor this is into my mind and get to work on all the stuff related to my actual purpose. Can’t tell you how much I do that almost unconsciously. Really needed that reminder. This is why I love this site. Thank you for being honest about this reality. Needed that other reminded to. I get so caught up on, ‘I still feel anger, sadness, etc. so I still can’t enjoy my life.’ Like, I can’t enjoy my life until my farts don’t stink and I become some “purified perfect person” and I’ve see and discovered a bunch of deep stuff. Thank you. You had a video once where you talked about how important you deem it to be in being honest about not only this spiritual work but success, relationships, anything and being honest about expectations and I wish you got more credit for that. I’m glad there’s someone who can be fucking real about this work not sugarcoat it all. Your genuiness will always be appreciated on my end. Feel better btw with sinus infection and rash. @Dan Arnautu not going to lie. That really brought a smile on my end. Really, thank you. I don’t think I allow myself to recognize the strength in my vulnerability and self expression. All of what you said really did mean something. Thank you ❤️

Keep an eye out for the upcoming podcast to learn from the deceptions and rationalizations of a false ideological skeptic. Going to be a great episode to learn about the many epistemological traps we can potentially fall into. Going to also be interesting to see a false skeptic conversing with a higher level, healthier skeptic (Rogan).

This is all derived from Wilhelm Reich. Do some homework on his books and practices. This stuff is nuts, powerful, and insanely counterintuitive

If you don’t come back with rolls Royce’s and the eyes of an owl that can stare into someones soul, you will have wasted your time

Rule #1: you’re never going to time the market nor is anyone. Rule #2: you’re playing a rigged game. You’re not going to outsmart it.

Problem solved

Please. Don’t slide into my DMs

Can’t say no to a shirtless man with puppies. Well played @PretentiousHuman, well played.

http://www.nithyananda.org/#gsc.tab=0 If this guy doesn’t smell like a cult leader, I don’t know what does. Seems like an enlightened as fuck Zen Devil. Notice how and the way this guys followers deny everything and all accusations for all of the sex scandals this leader has and for delivering false siddhis and so on.

Can psychedelics help me uncover what it is I TRULY want? I feel so lost in my mind that I can’t tangibly feel what I want deep down. The truth is that I’m lost with no direction and I’m fucking tired of being frustrated not knowing what I want. To be honest, yeah I’m depressed. I do have to have moments almost each day to shed tears of built up frustration and confusion from lack of direction. I think I can set up a trip in a setting where I’m in a good space but if it leads to a “bad trip” and I run across some deep shit in my life, so be it. If I discover what it is I deeply want, awesome! If I have a “bad” horrifying trip where I finally fucking face and see all my inner demons, then it’s about time because I’m tired of being run by them and running from them, EVEN BETTER. I want clarity and I don’t really care what form that comes in anymore. I’m tired of guessing games. I don’t want to join some cult to give me my vision and purpose in life. I don’t want my ego to give my vision and purpose in life. If psychedelics are a good tool for this, please recommend. I’ve yet to do them and I’m currently looking at LSD. I was going to go gung-ho and just say fuck it and go research and find 5-MeO-DMT, face my egoic death cause that’s honeslty all I really want at this point. I don’t want to play games, I’m tired of suffering, lying (to myself and others), I want to know what’s on the other side and what I’m after so that I’ll also have that intense drive and motivation too and so forth but I feel like that might not be ideal for where I’m at just yet maybe in terms of the potential after math of a trip from a substance like that.

@rounder Saw him a couple weeks ago at his XMas intensive in Palo Alto (I live in SF so that was convenient). Talked to him and got "an enlightened hug"

Western science and it’s fear of paradox

@Arhattobe that’s a projection on your end. This whole “you can tell how enlightened someone is by looking into their eyes and their energy” is just bullshit. I’ve met plenty of enlightened people who are normal looking people. I met Adyashanti in person 2 weeks ago and gave the dude a hug and had a brief conversation. This whole you can see his energy through a video is just nonsense.

Here’s my question: what about kids with legitimate ADD/ADHD, Dyslexia, and such? How will your school provide ample learning for each individual? Totally cool if that’s something you’ve yet to come up with an answer on but obviously something you’re going to need to really study and come up with ideas on. High level Stage Yellow systems thinking is needed for that. 1st tier has done a shameful and atrocious job at solving this issue to the point where I’m almost convinced where these kids in the modern out of date school system will not be able to truly thrive until the playing field is leveled. I digresss though...

@Mu_ fair. I was watching too much Bill Burr when I wrote that. Apologies.