kieranperez

@Leo Gura what do you mean by epistemic idealist? I think I get what you’re saying (and if it’s what I’m thinking, a huge light bulb just went off) but I’m still not quite sure. I gotta bookmark that Stanford link. I forgot to last time you mentioned it in one of your videos.

@Leo Gura If i I recall correctly you’re fond if Hume. Thoughts on him? What about Heraclitus and Epictetus or Heidegger? I wanted to try Kant because of the light Wilber has shared on Kant’s insights and also the kudos I’ve gotten from Ralston and his apprentice Brendan Lea who I talk to. The critique Kant seems to make on reason and apriori frameworks seems relatively true so far as human perception and of how we relate to things but not true as far as it being existentially true. I thought it might be helpful so I can open myself to introduce new questions so as to broaden my own investigation into my own experience.

Shadow Work

I want to invite you to consider how you’re not helping her want to pursue enlightenment. A lot of even spiritual teachers are honestly just not what people who are going through a hard time need to here as what they say makes things worse rather facilitating trauma integration. For example, if you’re suffering and you’re not someone that’s into spiritual work, you don’t go to them just telling them “you’re attracting this suffering” or “that’s just a result of your own ignorance of Truth” or whatever. You don’t relate to people like that. Its not effective and that actually shows a lack of skillful ness and LACK OF COMPASSION for what others (as illusory as they may be - just like you) are going through. A lot of even enlightened people including “spiritual big talkers” are often very arrogant and really narcissistic in this regards. They actually project their own shadow onto other people. So Id like you to consider that may be how you’re relating to this person. From what I read, it sounds like that’s definitely a possibility, however, I don’t know you or how you really relate in reality so I can’t say. Nonetheless, this forum does attract a lot of spiritual narcissism (and I don’t say that as necessarily a put down) so consider that may be how you’re relating to this person and if so... of course she doesn’t want to. Again, if that is the case, you’re not walking your talk. You’re not serving as an example for why people may want to pursue spiritual realization. So consider that. All that said I really agree with what @ajasatya said. If you live your realization, you provide a helping hand and she says no... then it doesn’t really matter what you tell them. They don’t have to pursue enlightened if it’s not something in their conscious experience as something worth pursuing, and that’s just fine.

Shadow Work

How do I purify my mind, subconscious mind, emotions, beliefs, thoughts, perceptions, and projections in such a way that last? I’m realizing everything I manifest, everything I experience, etc. is a result of something I’m doing, want, and attract. However, I can’t just mechanically change the way I relate to the world from a place of say for example fear, just by doing surface level changes. Some of you recommend psychedelics. In my experience, there is a profound purification I find that goes on... as the experience takes place... However, there is still a major sliding back to such a degree that there isn’t really any progress. I may end up having a better conceptual understanding of what has been my underlying self-experience that I may not have been aware of, however I want to go beyond concepts. I want a real cellular purification that really lasts. The moment the psychedelics start to wear off, and the mind really starts to lock back into its prior framework.. not only does this feel schizophrenic and like true insanity but I feel like I lost at least most of the purification I did in that session. What major steps can I take in my life to really go about purification of my entire psycho-spiritual mind? I use the word “major” as a way to suggest a willingingness to “radical” suggestions. I really want purification so I can cease to end projections with the “external” (just bare with the limitations of langauge, don’t be a smart ass here) and relate to them only from deep unconscious needs, wants, personas/sub personalities, etc. and put an end to deep rooted fear, limiting beliefs about my self, shadows, etc. so as to take more responsibility in my life without being so terrified of everything. Note: Serious answers only. Don’t give me smartass nor condescending answers or projections of who and how you think I am (be mindful that you’re still only giving advice to an idea you have of me). Such responses will not be regarded.

Check out the ones with Doshin Roshi! I just moved to Boulder, CO to study under him and other from Integral (Zen) and I had the chance to talk to him and he’s the real deal!

What exactly is this question asking? Is there another way of asking this question in such a way I might be able to get at what is really being asked?

People have been telling for years, particularly recently, that I’m a really great writer and that they really feel what it is I’m communicating. They can even feel in their body exactly what it is I’m saying when I really want them to. But I don’t have much passion towards it. What does writing really do to change the world? Does that really start new visionary movements? Does that really help create a more conscious, loving, and impactful world? How many writers actually do that anyways? Writing just seems like a selfish thing like my sport. It’s somebting I’m good at but I don’t see what it’s really going to change.

Okay I think I get the basis of what the question is point towards. Thank you.

Okay let me be more clear on what this post was intended for... I am NOT asking for answers to the question “what is a distinction.” I am asking what’s a different way to word this question ask I don’t understand what the question is asking. What is another way I can word this question to direct my Contemplation. Repeat: I am NOT asking for ANSWERS.

So we could pose the question as “what is the Absolute nature of difference?” Or “what is the Absolute nature of duality?”

I know what Ralston said but that doesn’t answer my question

I’ll pass on trying to master wanting being a janitor in hope that that will lead to fulfillment There is a truth in what Newport is saying. However it’s incomplete

What a miserable human being lol you clearly don’t get sarcasm. Idk what fairytales you think I’m saying as you haven’t been clear (nor accurate) on any accusation of me on what it is I’m “preaching” to you other than just that you’re full of shit with your own fake skepticism that you use as a tool to protect your own fake authority on matters you’re not aware of.

This has been proven to be false time and time and time and time again. You can still get angry, experience suffering, suffering, act like an asshole just like most other egos. The difference is that you now have a different relationship to it. That new relationship though often can turn toxic. Hence the need for shadow work.

I think you just need a hug

You’re not even enlightened in yet you think you know what enlightenment is lol as though you’re in a position of authority to talk. I suggest you meet some enlightened masters. You’re talking out of your ass.

So it’s been a month since my last post on here and felt like giving an update. After getting off I actually started feeling a tiny bit better. I was starting to do some self acceptance and it came along actually in the beginning. I was walking on some old trails I used to run on in Marin County over the Golden Gate Bridge. That was kinda where it ended. After about less than a week in I started falling into a worsening depression I haven’t fallen in in years. Mental breakdowns have become basically a daily thing. My only friend who lives next to me isn’t a available for me to talk to him just to have someone to talk to so I’m alone everyday. My dad has been going off on me on how I’m a loser because my suffering “doesn’t make sense” and how I just need to “man up.” I wake up everyday feeling too numb to get out of bed. I’ve had to leave work early a couple times now because I’m barely able to hold back tears. My mind won’t stop. It. Just. Won’t. Fucking. Stop. I can feel even in my body that this entire self is something I’m holding onto in yet trying to drop even a single belief like “ I CAN’T” (my bottommost core belief) because my entire sense of self is revolves around this addiction to holding this belief. This entire self is just a giant lie. Everything I say is a lie. Everything I think is a lie. The way I hold my body is a lie. I don’t feel suicidal per say as I don’t want to resort to that. I honestly just want help. I feel like I’m truly not good enough and that I can’t. I just fucking cant. Relative to what isn’t the belief. It’s that I can’t. Affirmations and such have been a disaster. I’ll be on a run (and now I’m hurt) and when I start feeling that core “I CAN’T” and I affirm “I CAN”, so long as I affirm “I can” there has to be the underlying belief that “I can’t.” Ralston talks about this in his book Pursuing Consciousness when it comes to beliefs, self-images, ideals, etc. I feel like I’m going crazy right now and this is getting worse every single day. This is exhausting. I want this to stop and I deeply want help. I don’t want “just accept yourself more” as I live in a house and an environment that is driving me mad. Self acceptance doesn’t help me move out. I tried learning programming, following the advice of @Bluebird who kindly helped give me some tips, after about a week of not being able to focus (struggling still now being off adderall and with ADHD) and feeling totally confused and still frustrated because the thought of being another programmer just eats at me and also because it’s so hard because of my ADHD, I had to stop. I have a life purpose but honestly it’s so demoralizing because it feels so beyond me. I’m tired of this man I just want help. I’m tired of feeling so dead and numb. Depression feels like nothingness and pain. It’s a hollowness that literally eats you away. I can’t afford therapy, I can’t afford neurofeedback, I can’t afford a life coach. Why did I have to grow up with a mom who tried killing herself every week? Why does my dad have to moralize to me? Why did I have to put on meds to that hurt me more in the long run and didn’t help anything? Why can’t I drop this addiction to suffering and this goddamn identity? Why can’t I just stop my mind for just 5 seconds? I don’t want anything other than help.

Lol okay dude. Smoke a joint then get back to me when you’re ready to be more self-reflective.

Lol yes, everybody is brainwashed on here except you. Good one. Notice that. NOTICE THAT. Its funny. You’re not enlightened in yet you think you know what enlightenment is to the point where you think people should stop talking about it the way they are. People don’t need to change for you. You’re not special. Everyone is special so what makes you so special and entitled? And yes I am brainwashed. Hence why I go to teachers to brutally point out my own conditioning, brainwashing, projections, and fantasies. Notice how your entire position is about OTHER people and ignoring your own position and your own cute little stake in your game.

Lol that’s adorable Read what I said above again. Im telling you to stay in your lane with your projections of me and pointing out to you what I’m seeing. Idk where you’re seeing me preach to you the Absolute. I’m telling you to stop whining.

Not all enlightened people are the same. Differentiate an enlightened master from another enlightened person. Nor are all enlightened masters. A true Zen master for example has 0 interest in entertaining you with answers.

Information doesn’t prevent people from falling into cults. Their degree of self esteem, how vigilant one is, mental health, and what not does. Though I wouldn’t call Actualized.org a cult of course, you still see cult-like qualities with how people who follow Leo like a sheep by they’ve been imprinted with his language. That’s not a problem of Leo but of people who follow like sheep.

I know, the whole “false humility” tends to be a good line to not want to drop projections and introspect into your own bullshit. Good one. Any others in your toolbox you got? Notice how you assume you think I’m on here talking like I know everything. I’ve NEVER on this forum claimed to be awake or enlightened. I’ve said multiple times how I don’t know. I’m NOT enlightened. I’m NOT awake. Do I make myself clear? HOWEVER, I also have in-person teachers I now have in the Denver/Boulder who’ve gone farther than most on this forum will ever go that I’ve had the chance to talk to like David Loy, Ken Wilber, Doshin Roshi, etc. These people are not angry little children who rant at people. If you, some dude talking shit on a forum, are going to tell me you’re more awake than these guys, start living, talking, acting, and contributing like it and get off the forum. Notice how entitled you have to be to be in the position where you lecture people because they don’t talk about the spirituality they way YOU would like them to talk about it. I’m not a fan of keyboard warriors who just preach enlightenment. However that’s IS my prejudice. I’m not here to pretend it’s not a prejudice. Stay in your lane when it comes to what you think you know about me. You don’t know what you’re uttering.