lennart

Dear fellow actualizers, Like the title already said I feel currently very heartbroken due to a relationship recently breaking apart. I want to give you a quick history about my dating life. Currently I am 23 yo. I have always been really shy with girls and until my 20s I hadnt had much success in dating. When i was 21 i got into pick up and had lots of dates and got some experience with girls. Last year i went for vaccation to cancun where I met a beautiful mexican girl over bumble we had amazing sex and spent almost 2 weeks together hanging out all the time. When I head to fly back I talked to her and proposed the idea of me doing an exchange semester in mexico city she was excited about the idea and i started to do the application stuff. I got finally accepted and I would go to mexico in 5 months. so 5 months of long distance. In the beginning of january i arrived in mexico city and the plan was to stay here until june. The first few months were amazing and i started to really fall in love with her. I had the feeling that she did too but now I am not that sure anymore if she felt the same. After 2 months I started to get the feeling that something was off and she confessed to me that she wasnt feeling good because of the fact that I will leave soon and also that she realized that she still has feelings for her exboyfriend and me at the same time. Which was very confusing for me. After she broke up we had a period where it was a kind of on and off thing and last week she ended it completely. The first few days were horrible. I had to cry almost everyday and the worst part is that i dont have too many friends here. The only thing that really helped me was to talk to my parents and friends from germany. I am already feeling better but from time to time I get hit by these waves of sadness. I already get the feeling that this experience could be turned into something productive and positive but I dont really know how. What do you think could be the best to do in my situation to benefit the most from that heartbreak experience? I apreciate your tips and I would also love to hear about your heartbreak experience and maybe how you could turn it into a positive thing. Much love

I am even thinking about getting into a relationship with the one girl cause she is really my type.

So I already have a self-actualization journal but I thought it can't hurt if I create a new one so this gets seen more often. My current journal is about meditation and nutrition. Nothing too creative. I just record my meditations and smoothies with the idea behind it that I get motivated to not skip. Recently I got interested again in doing pick up. The thing is in the pick up community there are a lot of weirdos haha. A lot of people that think that it is okay to be rude or over the top sexual with a girl they just met. This initially scared me because I really want to avoid becoming like that but fortunately there are other pick up guys who are very respectful and I want to learn their style of pick up. So today is my first session. I will go to a park in my area and try to talk to at least 3 girls with a goody buddy of mine. I am super excited and scared at the same time. I want to share my progress here and document my experiences. So that I can get feedback from some of you pick up guys around here. Also @Leo Gura I would appreciate to hear a little bit of your journey. I know you have been in the pick up scene for some time. Maybe you could share some advice from your current perspective on pick up. Would you still do it? So yeah that's it for now. I'd appreciate some advice here. See ya later. Ps.: I also appreciate some recommendations for pick up guys on YouTube or other platforms that really helped you.

Hey guys just wanted to give you a quick update. I have been going on the streets pretty consistently for 3 weeks now with my wingman. I have done about 80 approaches and man my life has kinda changed. I have 4 Dates this week and had two last week. Made out with one of the girls on the first date.. Its hard for me to believe this because I have never been really good with girls and now it feels like girls really like me.

Yesterday I wen out again to ask for directions. I talked to one older women which was pretty easy then I saw a cute girl that I thought was really attractive. I had to push myself to go up to her. At first I didn't wanted to but then I told myself that I would regret if I didn't do it so I talked to her and asked for directions again. I am planning on going out today again and ask for directions or something like that again.

Day 230: Meditation: ✅ Day 231: Meditation: ✅ Day 232: Meditation: ✅ Day 233: Meditation: ✅ Day 234: Meditation: ✅ Day 235: Meditation: ❌ Day 236: Meditation: ✅ Day 237: Meditation: ❌ Day 238: Meditation: ✅ Day 239: Meditation: ✅ Day 240: Meditation: ✅ Day 241: Meditation: ✅ Day 242: Meditation: ✅ Day 243: Meditation: ✅ Notes: So I decided to cancel the hole smoothie thing and only go with the meditation. Other than that I started to go to therapy. The therapist was very nice and sympathetic. I also do a little bit of pick up of which I plan on doing more when my semester is over and I am doing the life purpose course with a friend of me.

Hello guys! I recently finished my 90 day yogic breathing challenge. Which helped me to gain some momentum. Now I want get more into it and implement a few more habits in the areas of health, healing, finances and university. So I will write about my experiences with implementing more of these habits. My objective is to document my journey here for at least one year. I know this won't be enough for full healing but I think it is going to be a good benchmark to see some solid results. My daily habits: continuing with my daily breathing. I will experiment with a few breathing techniques. Those are: Nadi shodana or alternate nostril breathing, Wim Hof breathing and regular slow breathing. I will alternate between those to prevent boredom. Another habit will be in the area of health. I will make myself a green smoothie every day. I will experiment with some recipes I got from a good book. I will post the recipes and give my review. I know that it will be likely that I won't be able to keep up with the smoothies every single day because of traveling or maybe I will forget but my aim isn't to be perfect but to be consistent. In the future I am going to add more habits like experimenting with supplements, medicinal mushrooms and herbalism.So thats all for now. I will update you guys every week on sunday. Wish me luck

so after a long time of doing nothing. I went out today with the goal of approaching just one girl. I didn't even wanted to do a full approach I just asked for direction and smiled and said have a nice day. I just wanted to do something easy. I think I am going to do that a few times and then eventually when I feel ready I am going to do an actual approach again

Man I think Mystery is pretty lost tbh. I read the book by Neal Strauss and how he gets described there shows that he has some serious emotional problems. And I totally agree on the Negs. You would have to turn into an asshole to some degree to do that and thats the last thing I want. But for sure some of the stuff works.

Thank you guys. Good to this positive feedback. And yeah I also thought that it might be to direct and intimidating to just say that I like her. Its probably better to just continue showing interest in her on a more subtle way. And we do have a date set up but unfortunately she has exams so it can happen in 3 weeks approximately. But yeah we will go to a lake and rent a boat. Well I think if that isn‘t romantic I dont know what is ?.

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 228: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Notes: Starting to become a little unmotivated to this this work right now. Cause I am not seeing substantial progress. I think the meditation alone isn't going to solve my social anxiety. I will need to see a psychologist for that.

Also haven't really been out talking to girls since the last time because my wingman is currently busy and I don't feel confident going out alone.

Alright. Thank you guys for all the suggestions. I have been thinking about it and yes I definitely need to work on other areas of my life to like emotional/ psychological well being ( Struggling with social anxiety) and I will definitely do that but I feel like I just can't wait haha I am freakin 21 this is the time to do shit.. And I wanted to give a little update. I have been on a semi date on Friday with a girl I already knew for some time and I think is pretty attractive. The reason why I am saying semi date is because I never really made it clear that I like her and think she is attractive. I only made some comments here and there that I think she looks good or something. But apparently that isn't enough for some girls. So we met at a small Canal here in Berlin and I bought a wine and brought. In the beginning (first 2-3 hours) I was feeling really good and thought it went pretty well. I made subtle physical body contact. For example touching here on the arm or on the shoulder when talking to her and she also did that a few times which is a good sign I think but then later when the effect of the wine started to dissipate I got like really tired and the thing about her is that she talks quite a lot so I started sliding into this passive role. Yeah in the end we said goodby like friends. But we want to meet again. I just think that when I meet her again I need to be more direct and maybe even say directly what my intentions are like "Hey listen I really like you and think you are attractive lets be more then friends" or something... Any suggestions?

The pick up community seems to be very toxic. There are a lot of fucked up pick up guys who try to manipulate girls etc. I want to avoid becoming like that so I try to keep it real with the girls. I just want to gain more experience to eventually find a girlfriend so I can stop doing pick up ?. And when I talk to girls who I don't find attractive I would be bullshitting myself and her also so I don't get why I should talk to unattractive girls. I mean of course I would not start talking to 10s only but maybe 8s. What negative experiences have you made in pick up?

well yes. I could have done that. I could also have said that she could bring him with her to the date or something like that.

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 228: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: Listening to holosync before bed for 30 min consistently + trying to eat a handful of fruits each day and I started doing pick up. Just at the beginning of my journey. The link to my pick up journal:

Ok today was kind of a tough day. I wanted to go out with my buddy but he was too unmotivated and tired so I went alone. I was going to a big square in Berlin. It s called Potsdamer Platz. My goal was to approach 3 girls. I thought that would be reasonable but I underrated how hard this actually is lol. I approached the first girl. I went towards her said that I saw her and thought she looked great. She reacted very positive and we then even talked for like half an hour at Dunkin Donuts. I thought it went pretty well and asked her if she wanted to go on a date with me she said she had a boyfriend. AAAAhhh hahaha I forget to ask her haha. Then I approached another girl at the bus station. I was already a little bit tired from the previous conversation with the girl so it was a little bit difficult to approach her and talk about stuff. Also when I gave her my hand she shakes it but she said that I shouldn't do it because of corona. Well I quickly asked her for her phone number and went on. After that I was so tired and way too anxious to talk to another girl. I would say it was emotionaly very difficult today but now when I look back it went pretty well for the first time asking girls out. I mean for someone who has social anxiety it was pretty good. I know a lot of guys who don't have social anxiety and don't approach girls. So yeah I am proud of me haha. The difficulty will be now to make it a habit. If you are an experienced pua feel free to comment.

thanks bro

ok one update from today: I was going to the park in our are with my friend and we walked around searching for attractive girls. My initial goal was to approach 3 girls. After some time I realized that this would be way to much and I needed to scale down. So I settled for a warm up which was basically just asking attractive women what time it was. Its crazy how much this simple thing even affected me. Afterwards I was more talkative with my friends. We met a friend and his girlfriend. Usually I would have been more silent and not so direct. But then I was talking more. I was talking with more confidence and just participated more in the conversation. I have to say that afterwards I felt a little bit anxious and I felt super anxious before going out. I think the anxiousness comes from stepping out of my comfort zone. It feels so unusual but in a good way. Hope I will be able to continue on this path. Btw my friend ended up approaching no girls even though I encouraged him to do so

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 228: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: this week I was also pretty consistent with the smoothies and I finally got a hint to what is the source of my stomach aches. Its histamine intolerance. I started taking a medication which already works. Also I started using holosync again in the evening and it helps me fall asleep faster and my dreams become more vivid and interesting.

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 228: Meditation: ❌ Smoothie:❌ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: Sorry for uploading late. I got an advise from a friend who is medaling for over 3 years now. He told me to split the 10 min into even smaller bits of maybe 3 or 4 minutes which I did and it worked. Other than that I am working pretty hard on my uni stuff. It is fun but also very exhausting and I don't have much free time. Also listened to 50 cents new book on audible and I really liked it.

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 228: Meditation: ❌ Smoothie:✅ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notizen: Again have been working a lot on some uni projects. There were a few problems with my group partners but in the end it worked out pretty well. Also I have been looking a lot of movies because I am very interested in movies and think it might be my life purpose but not sure so I want to explore it more and tried to eat lots of fruits and vegetables. And also meditated everyday except for Saturday. I am kind of procrastinating with my meditation. I avoid it until night and then I am too tired to do it properly. So I am trying to fix that. And I will meditate right after writing this.

Day 216: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 217: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 218: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 219: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 220: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 221: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 222: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: This week was pretty good in terms of work. I was super creative with my current architecture project for uni. I was pretty passionate aswell. Maybe this whole architecture thing turns out to be my passion. who knows. When I am feeling super agitated or overwhelmed meditation helps to release tension but it feels like as soon as I get out of it the agitation continues.. Also did some exercise which felt better than last week.

Day 209: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 210: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 211: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 212: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 213: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 214: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 215: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: Feeling dizzy almost all the time which starts being very annoying. I did a workout outside with a friend and felt great afterwards, but on the next day my joints hurt. Its pretty weird. Nowadays I have anxiety in the evening/ night and in the mornings I usually feel fine. I started looking for a therapist. Its kind of hard finding one... Well what else? I still meditate daily but I feel like its not really working. I mean I focus on my breath and try to stay focused on it but I often get distracted by thoughts and I thought that I should feel at least a bit of a difference by now but not really... Damn this shit is hard. good night

Day 202: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 203: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 204: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 205: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 206: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 207: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 208: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: I feel quite good, expect of my upset stomach. I definitely need to talk to my doctor again. My cooking skills are developing pretty quickly. My family loves it and I love them loving it. :D. University classes are going well also. A little bit overwhelmed at the beginning but now its fine and I like working from home. But I feel like I haven't really been making that big changes in my meditation practice. Thinking about upping my time or being more rigorous at focusing. I don't know.