lennart

Dear fellow actualizers, Like the title already said I feel currently very heartbroken due to a relationship recently breaking apart. I want to give you a quick history about my dating life. Currently I am 23 yo. I have always been really shy with girls and until my 20s I hadnt had much success in dating. When i was 21 i got into pick up and had lots of dates and got some experience with girls. Last year i went for vaccation to cancun where I met a beautiful mexican girl over bumble we had amazing sex and spent almost 2 weeks together hanging out all the time. When I head to fly back I talked to her and proposed the idea of me doing an exchange semester in mexico city she was excited about the idea and i started to do the application stuff. I got finally accepted and I would go to mexico in 5 months. so 5 months of long distance. In the beginning of january i arrived in mexico city and the plan was to stay here until june. The first few months were amazing and i started to really fall in love with her. I had the feeling that she did too but now I am not that sure anymore if she felt the same. After 2 months I started to get the feeling that something was off and she confessed to me that she wasnt feeling good because of the fact that I will leave soon and also that she realized that she still has feelings for her exboyfriend and me at the same time. Which was very confusing for me. After she broke up we had a period where it was a kind of on and off thing and last week she ended it completely. The first few days were horrible. I had to cry almost everyday and the worst part is that i dont have too many friends here. The only thing that really helped me was to talk to my parents and friends from germany. I am already feeling better but from time to time I get hit by these waves of sadness. I already get the feeling that this experience could be turned into something productive and positive but I dont really know how. What do you think could be the best to do in my situation to benefit the most from that heartbreak experience? I apreciate your tips and I would also love to hear about your heartbreak experience and maybe how you could turn it into a positive thing. Much love

I am even thinking about getting into a relationship with the one girl cause she is really my type.

Hey guys just wanted to give you a quick update. I have been going on the streets pretty consistently for 3 weeks now with my wingman. I have done about 80 approaches and man my life has kinda changed. I have 4 Dates this week and had two last week. Made out with one of the girls on the first date.. Its hard for me to believe this because I have never been really good with girls and now it feels like girls really like me.

Yesterday I wen out again to ask for directions. I talked to one older women which was pretty easy then I saw a cute girl that I thought was really attractive. I had to push myself to go up to her. At first I didn't wanted to but then I told myself that I would regret if I didn't do it so I talked to her and asked for directions again. I am planning on going out today again and ask for directions or something like that again.

Day 230: Meditation: ✅ Day 231: Meditation: ✅ Day 232: Meditation: ✅ Day 233: Meditation: ✅ Day 234: Meditation: ✅ Day 235: Meditation: ❌ Day 236: Meditation: ✅ Day 237: Meditation: ❌ Day 238: Meditation: ✅ Day 239: Meditation: ✅ Day 240: Meditation: ✅ Day 241: Meditation: ✅ Day 242: Meditation: ✅ Day 243: Meditation: ✅ Notes: So I decided to cancel the hole smoothie thing and only go with the meditation. Other than that I started to go to therapy. The therapist was very nice and sympathetic. I also do a little bit of pick up of which I plan on doing more when my semester is over and I am doing the life purpose course with a friend of me.

so after a long time of doing nothing. I went out today with the goal of approaching just one girl. I didn't even wanted to do a full approach I just asked for direction and smiled and said have a nice day. I just wanted to do something easy. I think I am going to do that a few times and then eventually when I feel ready I am going to do an actual approach again

Man I think Mystery is pretty lost tbh. I read the book by Neal Strauss and how he gets described there shows that he has some serious emotional problems. And I totally agree on the Negs. You would have to turn into an asshole to some degree to do that and thats the last thing I want. But for sure some of the stuff works.

Thank you guys. Good to this positive feedback. And yeah I also thought that it might be to direct and intimidating to just say that I like her. Its probably better to just continue showing interest in her on a more subtle way. And we do have a date set up but unfortunately she has exams so it can happen in 3 weeks approximately. But yeah we will go to a lake and rent a boat. Well I think if that isn‘t romantic I dont know what is ?.

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 228: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Notes: Starting to become a little unmotivated to this this work right now. Cause I am not seeing substantial progress. I think the meditation alone isn't going to solve my social anxiety. I will need to see a psychologist for that.

Also haven't really been out talking to girls since the last time because my wingman is currently busy and I don't feel confident going out alone.

Alright. Thank you guys for all the suggestions. I have been thinking about it and yes I definitely need to work on other areas of my life to like emotional/ psychological well being ( Struggling with social anxiety) and I will definitely do that but I feel like I just can't wait haha I am freakin 21 this is the time to do shit.. And I wanted to give a little update. I have been on a semi date on Friday with a girl I already knew for some time and I think is pretty attractive. The reason why I am saying semi date is because I never really made it clear that I like her and think she is attractive. I only made some comments here and there that I think she looks good or something. But apparently that isn't enough for some girls. So we met at a small Canal here in Berlin and I bought a wine and brought. In the beginning (first 2-3 hours) I was feeling really good and thought it went pretty well. I made subtle physical body contact. For example touching here on the arm or on the shoulder when talking to her and she also did that a few times which is a good sign I think but then later when the effect of the wine started to dissipate I got like really tired and the thing about her is that she talks quite a lot so I started sliding into this passive role. Yeah in the end we said goodby like friends. But we want to meet again. I just think that when I meet her again I need to be more direct and maybe even say directly what my intentions are like "Hey listen I really like you and think you are attractive lets be more then friends" or something... Any suggestions?

The pick up community seems to be very toxic. There are a lot of fucked up pick up guys who try to manipulate girls etc. I want to avoid becoming like that so I try to keep it real with the girls. I just want to gain more experience to eventually find a girlfriend so I can stop doing pick up ?. And when I talk to girls who I don't find attractive I would be bullshitting myself and her also so I don't get why I should talk to unattractive girls. I mean of course I would not start talking to 10s only but maybe 8s. What negative experiences have you made in pick up?

well yes. I could have done that. I could also have said that she could bring him with her to the date or something like that.

Day 223: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:❌ Day 224: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 225: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ✅ Day 226: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Day 227: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 228: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie:✅ Day 229: Meditation: ✅ Smoothie: ❌ Notes: Listening to holosync before bed for 30 min consistently + trying to eat a handful of fruits each day and I started doing pick up. Just at the beginning of my journey. The link to my pick up journal:

Ok today was kind of a tough day. I wanted to go out with my buddy but he was too unmotivated and tired so I went alone. I was going to a big square in Berlin. It s called Potsdamer Platz. My goal was to approach 3 girls. I thought that would be reasonable but I underrated how hard this actually is lol. I approached the first girl. I went towards her said that I saw her and thought she looked great. She reacted very positive and we then even talked for like half an hour at Dunkin Donuts. I thought it went pretty well and asked her if she wanted to go on a date with me she said she had a boyfriend. AAAAhhh hahaha I forget to ask her haha. Then I approached another girl at the bus station. I was already a little bit tired from the previous conversation with the girl so it was a little bit difficult to approach her and talk about stuff. Also when I gave her my hand she shakes it but she said that I shouldn't do it because of corona. Well I quickly asked her for her phone number and went on. After that I was so tired and way too anxious to talk to another girl. I would say it was emotionaly very difficult today but now when I look back it went pretty well for the first time asking girls out. I mean for someone who has social anxiety it was pretty good. I know a lot of guys who don't have social anxiety and don't approach girls. So yeah I am proud of me haha. The difficulty will be now to make it a habit. If you are an experienced pua feel free to comment.