First of all a little introduction. I'm a 25 years old man-child, and about 8-9 months ago I've had this super bad experience with a co-worker which made me realize for the first time how ignorant I had become towards myself and others. It was a super awful period and not just for me, but I started to the believe that it was a necessary evil in order to make a change for myself. For about 2-3 months I had a lot of issues with anger, resentment, rage, frustration, obsessions, panic attacks, mood swings, you name it I probably had it, done it, felt it and it was awful. In the morning of 1st of January I woke up having the worst panic attack I could remember, it felt like I had this huge hole in my chest itching, hurting and burning and I think it took me about an hour or two just to calm down. After that I've decided to stop speaking with that co-worker and the next couple of weeks I felt light as a feather, quit my position as a team leader (which I didn't really wanted and had no clue what I was doing) to escape the unnecessary stress and in order to have more time for me to figure things out.
So I started to search the world wide web for answers and came across one of Leo's videos which lead me to another and another, and so on. I've seen a lot of his videos and even referred some of them, unfortunately not a lot of his teaching stuck with me and I still need to keep learning and watching them. During this period I've found out things about me, not a lot and mostly bad, but enough to start somewhere. I found out that I have a low self-esteem, that I'm looking for external validation and approval of others, and I'm afraid of being rejected by the people that I respect and want to know better. I found out that I'm impatient with certain things, and can't bring myself to have the same level of patience that I display when doing other things. I don't take responsibility for the things I do well, I don't know why, but I'm feeling uncomfortable when someone says that I did a thing well or pays me a compliment it just feels weird. I procrastinate a lot when it comes to taking important actions. I kinda suck at conversations as in I can speak with someone to deliver a message and just that. Too rarely it happens for me to strike an interesting conversation or to have a real connection with the other interlocutor, and yet customers from my work almost always seem to have a connection with me (I work as a customer support). I know that I lack coherence, mostly because I'm afraid of not being understood or being afraid of how the other might react. I also pay too little attention to my interlocutor level of interest for a subject or listening to him/her. And the list will go on and on.
I've started this topic because I can't bring myself to start making the changes and also because I'm confused at where to start. I'm scared as fuck when I start thinking of taking action, I've came to the point where I just know that my little "research" is almost over and taking action is the next step I need to take.
So my questions are:
1. Should I start working on all the things that I want to change?
2. How do I prioritize what needs to be worked on first?
3. How do I keep track of my progress, as in how do I know I'm moving forward?
4. How long to try a certain technique before trying another one?
5. How do I know that I cannot change a certain issue and I should start to accept it?
