@Leo Gura i hear you, i am quite good at dropping ideas but there are shore some persistent bitches like ...OK, its Maya. But Maya exists (not in the material sense but as what it is, whatever it is). I am not interested any more in finding out why, but in loosing the WHY, so basically i just need to kill whatever is asking the question. I need to get rid of the *maybe's* , just for a moment/eternity. Will try this one, as soon as i get my hands on it. Thanks
@Vanish thanks!