clytaemnestra

Yes. I'm single for over a year and I liked only one guy before him (he's from my town), but I realized after I dated him that he's not the type of the person I want to be with. It happened in February. But I wasn't so crazy in love like now, I just liked him. It's very intensive feeling. In general, yes, it's wonderful, it's something to remember. On the other hand, sometimes I feel very sad with the fact that the things may not work and that he can change his mind or suddenly fell in love with someone and so on. But, even when one lives with a person, I'd say there's no guarantee that those things won't happen and you can never be 100% sure. I'm just afraid that I may be hurt at the end, I think he likes me, but still I feel incertitude, I don't know what's gonna happen. But, I don't feel like I should miss the opportunity, if it's possible to meet up, it's just that I talked with some people and they told me I've lost my mind, so I wanted another objective opinion.

Hi. I wonder what do you think and if you have any experience on this topic? Is it possible to work or eventually there'll be major misunderstandings? The reason why I'm asking this is because I'm an introvert and I'm attracted to extroverts and I was in a relationship with one and it didn't work so I'm a bit afraid and I wonder in my future will other my relationships with extroverts work or in every there are barriers that are bigger than in an ex-ex or in-in relationship? Did you have positive or negative experience with extrovert-introvert relationship? So, it didn't work because whenever I say I see one problem and we should work on it, he says that the major problem is that I'm not spending all my time with friends and outside the house like he does, but instead I sit and think about us and the problem is my thinking, and we shouldn't think about problems, but ignore them, relax and go with the flow. For me, it's not a solution, but covering the symptoms. Also, he kept on calling me anti-social for having just one friend who with I hang out, but the thing is I have many acquaintance and I'm not anti-social, it's just that in my spare time (what I don't have too much since I study and work) I prefer spending it with people I really care about or being alone and reading, watching movies, cycling, jogging and so on. And there is a list of many things he kept on telling me that I'm wrong and all the problems I cause. It's obvious that a guy is toxic and a bit narrow-minded for not accepting me the way I am and willing to change me by blaming me for everything that happens, so at the end I left him after two years because I felt too much negativity and guilt in that relationship no matter how hard I try to communicate and talk with him and now I'm full of love for myself and I'm ready to love someone else, but I just wonder about general opinion about this topic, i.e. about relationship between extrovert and introvert.

Why should you have sex just because everyone else does? If you don't have virgin shame, you'll have sex-shame if you're prone to follow social norms. You shouldn't be ashamed of anything. It's your body, it's your choice. Don't let society and friends decide for you when is the right time for such an intimate act.

Not actually. Yes, I got the part that out seek is based on the patterns that are indoctrinated in our mind by society, parents, childhood and other examples around us. Pain-love doesn't make me feel safe, me personally. When my relationship turned into pain-love one, I ended it. But actually, my question is more concrete, based on people's experience and in general, are too huge obstacles between different character traits, i.e. between extroversion and introversion? Not in a pain-love relationship nor codependent not independent, but in an interdependent, healthy one.

Hello. Long story short, I'm seeing two guys sexually. I need second opinion. I met online first of them after I broke-up long relationship and I just wanted good sex. When we met in person, we went right to bed because we were both too horny and we liked each other. The thing is, he's totally out of my league and in a committed relationship. He's ten years older than me (me 21), super handsome, successful (lawyer in state court), humorous, funny, eloquent. After sex I went home and I couldn't stop thinking about him. I'm aware that for him it was just sex, and he's a cheater, what means I'm not his only lover probably, but he's out of my league and I have some weird feeling for the first time in my life. I don't know how to explain it, I've never had someone sooo high-level liking me. Second of them, I also met online, he's a student just as me, and we used to chat every day and talk a lot, we have many things in common. We had a sex two times and I liked it, and I liked spending time with him. He's not seeing anyone except me, and we agreed that we don't want a relationship, just FWB (and we are 200km far away one from another, so we see each other like once per month), but in the last 7 days I'm the one initiating conversation (and before he used to text me every day first) so I feel a bit devastated, because I used to share my daily feelings and things happening in my life with him for already two months and now I feel pushy with him not contacting me first. He's not seeing anyone else and I've asked him last night if I bother him when I contact him first, he said I'm not and everything is fine and we chatted normally. Now, I'm seeing both of them because I feel like it is the only way to make things under control. I like the feeling of having options and not getting attached to only one man, but still I do have some feelings for both of them, not like being in love, but like thinking a lot about both of them. Should I push it through till I come at the level where I can detach sex from feelings, like men can or should I stop all of this because it is impossible to be totally emotionally non involved in those kinds of interaction? And if you have some particular advises about both guys, feel free to comment it.

21

You don't have to be. Apply for some volunteering exchange or something like that. That worked for me. Or to volunteer at some festivals. Summer school maybe. Also, join some clubs, like sports or music, I don't know, maybe you'll find there people who prefer doing something useful in their leisure time.

That's was my question also. I had many, many people around me, I was hanging out with them like all day all night. Then, I decided to do something useful in my life, although it's summer. I went to summer school once, next summer I was in France with orchestra, the next one I was in Russia volunteering for 6 weeks. Unpaid. There are soooo many things I learnt at those trips. When I came home, all of my so-called friends were the same, doing same activities for years, and when I told them I went and worked unpaid with kids in Ru and that it changed my life, they've told me that I'm fool, because it's better not to do anything, than to do something and not being paid. I've lost contact with them and I found my way spending my vacations. That's just my experience. Now, I have one female friend whom I trust, and nobody else. But in the end, I had only her before, others were just to hang out with somebody, nothing else.

Can you finish University without any work on yourself, experience and learning? No. Can you find a love (or better to say build a high quality relationship) without any work on yourself, experience and learning? No. Just take it easy, work on yourself, as time goes your relations with women will be better and better, first you learn and practice flirting, then approaching, then first date, and so on... It'll come by time, just be persistent, if you fail an exam at University, you don't lose your hope and you don't fell into despair, but keep on studying, learning, practicing because it the end you know you'll pass it when you're ready for it.

Then you have it. Basically, all the things here you can do is to invest in yourself so you grow because when a woman meets high quality man she won't cheat on him because she knows she'll lose him and it's hard to find that kind of men. And if she lefts you, it'll be easier to find another woman, the more attractive (in general, not just physically) you are, easier you find a new one. If she stays committed, I would advise you to talk with her about her feelings and desires from time to time so she sees that you care about her and about her desires. The worst thing is when a man is ignorant, many girls then don't feel ashamed by cheating on them. I've never cheated on someone, nor I would ever, but some of my friends are doing it constantly, and they told me they do it because they don't feel their bf is paying enough attention on them and their feelings. Put your effort to develop your relationship more you can, it the end if she doesn't appreciate it, she loses more and you'll more develop yourself and learn also in the field of relationships. If she cheats, that's the worst case scenario, because as you said you've already told her is she wants to do it she can, only she has to inform you that she wants to do it and to break up with you. Btw I have many sexual fantasies but I don't have enough courage to do it, so keep it in mind that fantasies sometimes don't mean anything. If she does that, it's over with two of you, then just forget her and take your time to think about situation and to heel, and then start dating again. You don't have to rush anywhere, just seeing other people is good in my opinion because you change your perspective on the current situation and you meet more people, you get more experience about dating, you start thinking about other people instead only about her and that kind of things. Shit happens, at least it's better when it happens when you're young, than after 20 years of marriage. In the end, some people heal after 20 years of a relationship/marriage, so don't worry you'll also, just take your time, and stay positive whatever happens, it's not the end of the world.

But why? If you spent a lot of time with someone, for me it's normal to stay in touch. I chat with my ex once in a month-two, I ask him how he's doing, is everything okay and that kind of stuff. I don't want anything with him anymore, but I like to know he's doing from time to time. And it helps me to realize how I am growing, every time I have something new to say. And I don't think that it's a solution of the problem here. He can do that, and even if he forbids her communicating with her ex, if he continues being jealous, there'll be somebody else, and he'll go like that in circle. The solution is to find inner peace in your relationship with her and to talk things out, because eventually she'll do what she wants, not what her bf asks her to do. So, communicate with her, and be sure you're a high quality man, because when a woman meet that kind of man, she doesn't want to cheat on him because firstly she has in her relationship what she wants and secondly, she doesn't want to lose high quality man. And a jealousy isn't a characteristic of a high quality man, those kind of men are self confident and can handle every situation. So, in conclusion, find out why you are jealous, try to fix it and communicate with her if that's still a problem.

She is a whore because she wants to sleep with more than one men in her life? Wow. And you advice him to 'get lots of pussy' and it is okay just because he's a man? Wow. I'm astonished, honestly speaking. I gave him my opinion and what I would like, what is applicable for open-minded and liberal people, and author of the topic presented himself in that way. If he is against that kind of experiments, it's totally okay, I just said that it is important to talk it out, not just to pretend that there is no problem while there is one. If you or she is not into that kind of stuff and you can't make a mutual solution, than break up. Just communicate it out so you prevent cheating, the main question was how to keep a girl loyal so I'm answering it. Communication. And this is not a topic about moral, so we shouldn't judge anyone if she/he is totally liberal or totally conservative, and using a word 'whore' is very, very rude.

Firstly, when a woman gets in her relationship what she wants, she doesn't cheat because she wants to keep a high quality man. She doesn't want to cheat on you, but to experience sex with someone else. That's a huge difference. When I had my first bf I thought the same, and I think it's better to try it when you're young, than to start questioning your moves after 10 years of marriage and sex with the same person. It's just curiosity, and it doesn't have anything with her feelings towards you. If I were you, I would suggest her threesome, or let her sleep with another guy while you're watching and that kind of stuff, I personally would like my next boyfriend to be so open minded to let us both experiment, even if it involves another people, while we're both equal there. Or try an open relationship in a sexual way. If you try to forbid her something, become jealous or try to control her, she will leave you, just listen to her what she is telling you, show her patience and understanding and try to find a solution for that problem together. Don't force her do anything she doesn't want to, don't control her and don't repress that problem because as time goes and you have more and more sex, she'll think more and more about other guys because after sex with one person for a long period you get bored of it.

The solution is not to run away from humankind, but to face your problem and find possible solution. Stay until you find better opportunity or job.

Hello from Bosnia. Much worse here, trust me. But I don't think that you should let your society influence you. It's all about the attitude. It's like a ship, when it is surrounded by water it won't sink, unless a water goes inside of a ship.

Depends what do you mean when you say monogamy. If it is in a sexual or emotional context. In sexual context, I don't think that monogamy works. I'm young as hell also so my opinion maybe is not relevant at all, but I can't imagine myself being intimate with just one person for years. I mean it becomes too boring, I assume. But I'm not against swingers, threesome and another things, as for the sex goes. And I'm against cheating. Women generally cheat because they need an attention and emotional connection, and that's a thing you can't solve so easy. I that context, I really don't know what would I do if I'd find myself in a situation where I don't receive enough attention by my husband let's say and I meet someone who is in love with me and gives me what I need. I really don't know, reminds me of the movie 'Unfaithful' with Richard Gere.

I think I won't develop them, as Leo said in How to control your emotions 'your emotions are result of your thoughts', and that said I'm aware that it is impossible to have a relationship with any of them, since one has a gf, and another lives too far, so I'm in control of my emotions in general. It's just that everything is new for me now and I feel like all over the place, and I'm trying to enjoy and to perceive it as only fun, but still I do have some emotions, I think about both of them and I think I pay too much attention on the whole situation. I hope that in a few months when I look back I'll laugh how things seems to be big and important to me, and actually they are not. Thank you.

Try with the club of travelers or something like that. I wanted to travel for a NY, and everybody wanted to be somewhere locally and doing nothing, so I found a buddy at a site and we went on a trip together. And always you have things like couch surfing and so on where you can meet locals and explore the culture better.

I second this. I'm from Sarajevo. Well, history made us the way we are, as they call us 'poor Europe's child'. I'm whole my life pissed about this society and mentality, especially as being a feminist and believing in equality and being raised in communistic family where women sit at home and raise the kids. It's not economic situation, it's more our laziness, conservativeness, complaining and minding everybody's business except our own. But eventually I've realized it's not where you are, it's how you feel about it. I've met many many highly successful people that made it here, and don't want to go abroad at all. And all of them claim that you can succeed everywhere if you have vision and you work very hard, somewhere is easier, somewhere harder, but in the end hard work always everywhere pays off. We're dogmatic because we are not taught to think critically, since our education system really sucks. Especially in BiH, with all kinds of segregation and nationalism, people don't have contact with 'others'. And as a nation, we are very very bad-traveled, people more prefer sitting at home and doing nothing, than going on some low-end budget trip, because they watch too much television and they're in some constant fear. I'm quite adventurous and I'm always said to be careful, bad things happen, it's not good idea to travel and so on, but the truth is in my case, I'm much safer almost anywhere abroad than in the middle of Sarajevo.

I got a scholarship two years in row already based on my school exam results. And I was the first accepted at the Faculty list of candidates based on our grades, so I don't pay for my education, the state does. So yea, if you have good grades you can use it so you get some benefits, at least in my country. It all depends. But in the end, in some cases it pays off, in some it doesn't matter if you have any education at all. There is no any guarantee that you'll be successful or not with or without school/uni.

I agree with the balance, I drink also one cup in the morning, not as an energizer, but like just to drink something warm while I'm reading news and checking what I have to do during the day. It can be tea also, I wouldn't mind as I'm not addicted, but for my metabolism coffee is better. I was caffeine free one period, but it slowed down my metabolism, this way when I drink a lot of water in the morning and coffee it's much better. And, also once upon a time I was addicted like 3 cups per day, but I broke down my addiction.

No, I wasn't hurt, I left him because I wanted to focus on my carrier. I really feel much better being single, than being in a relationship we had. Now, I have more time for myself. Because it is forbidden fruit and I feel like I need to try it in my life. Just to feel how it tastes. I know it is not moral, but it is just driving me crazy, he's like the hottest guy I've ever had. I just wanted to experience the forbidden fruit, and after sex I was super happy, but after few days I was totally screwed up, I was sitting and thinking about his girlfriend and crying and it took me few days to cope with it. Some of my girl friends had sex even with married guys and they're like 'come on, it's just sex, no feelings involved, enjoy your life' but in my case it hurt me at the beginning, I don't know how they are so emotionally resistant. I want sex simply because I enjoy it. I don't want a relationship because I'm focused on my carrier at the moment, and during the summer I'll be abroad for three months so I don't want to start anything and then just left, not because of me, but because I don't want to hurt someone and I don't want to complicate things, it's better to wait after summer. And I kinda want to enjoy my freedom, I was two years in a relationship. Yes, I'm afraid. That I'll have to choose between abstinence or falling in love because I can't detach sex from feelings. I just want to push it through and to say I can have sex without connecting any love emotions with our interaction. I guess it's something we women learn how to control and it comes with time. In my (conservative) society if people knew about this, I'd fit in the standard of slutiness, nothing else. Yes, there is a lot of immaturity and this is the first time I'm having sex with someone who with I'm not in a relationship (only one before I slept with was my ex) so everything is like new and weird for me. Thank you for your answer.

I have that technique and it is not at all as it seems. I don't know how I've developed it nor I can give you an advice on developing, I just found out that I can. I started reading and writing Latin letters when I was 4, and Cyrillic and English (as a foreign language) when I was 7. During school I was always reading something and now I study language+literature course so I have to also. I guess it came with time somehow. I think it is like you can read 1500 words in a minute. At least I can. I don't know if it is the same technique, but never mind. What I wanted to say is, even if you can do something, it doesn't mean that it is the best way to do it. It is like a running, do you prefer jogging and paying attention on nature and your environment or you just sprint to achieve the goal? The question is what you enjoy more. I personally never use that technique, expect when I have to read something quickly or it is super boring, because my eyes hurt after that. There is an eye muscle which regulates moves of the eye, and when you're reading super fast, you need to move your iris the fastest you can, and after some time my eyes simply hurt. And I don't enjoy it at all since I'm focused on the goal. i.e. just to finish a book. And your brain needs to be turned on all the time, because if you lose a focus just for a minute, you've missed many pages already. But I have to admit, it is a good exercise for a focus and it can be useful at some situation, but in general, it is not like you'll have super human capacity and you'll read every book that exists (like reading courses present it) because you simply get tired.

Exercising, resting and sleeping should help.

I don't see how are you initiating and contributing discussion on the topic 'how to have amazing sex'? I didn't see any argument so we can discuss it, only despair I don't want to comment.