clytaemnestra

Good luck! I also plan on moving abroad and while I usually don't have a problem being alone on my own, I actually now feel a bit of fear. Like, where to meet new people in a low-end society when I'm not studying or party-girl, so I have a common ground to meet people..

I feel exactly the same! I was always different than others and simply couldn't fit anywhere. You just get used to it, not all of us have to be party-types, I guess. I make connections with people, but they're not genuine, they're simply superficial and shallow and it doesn't work in a long-term. I just got used to it, I guess. When there're holidays or something where everyone gathers with 343836876235739 of friends, I just go traveling. I prefer it than attending some social gatherings because simply I enjoy traveling (or alone or with another random travelers) and I learn a lot while being outside and exploring new places and meeting new people. I have just a one friend and that's it, another people are just acquaintances who with I study or so, but no bonding.

I hate being exclusive, marriages and all other kind of social norms people go under just to feel safe and secure. It's about how much you invest in that relationship, not about frames you put around it. That said, I'd never hide my partner or be in a hidden relationship or so, but if our relationship is functioning alright, I don't see any need for Facebook status, public photos together, telling people around... Okay when it happens that someone asks or catches us on a photo together, but going around and telling friends and acquaintances "guess what? I have a bf" just to prove myself to others is out of question. But that's just me.

Never. You can have fulfilling partnership without signing the documents. People do it just because everyone says that should and they think it's a guarantee and they can now take their partner for granted.

To elaborate more how it works in some Western, Central and North European countries (note: there're exceptions, but those are social norms in my observation). I've never been to US nor UK, so I have no personal experience, only what my acquaintances told me. I completely understand those girls that're mad and I want to to show it from my perspective as I see it and probably they as well. Since we're raised with nudes on TV, porn and so on, for us is sex not a big deal and it's okay to have it on the first date without sex-shaming or to hang around as friends in get-the-know phase in a long time without sex. So, we don't consider cheating only as having sex with someone, but giving your attention and time to another person. We value time a lot and quality of relationships (in general, between people) instead on quantity, so it's kinda considered as immature if a person hangs around with another person "just so", or without any serious attentions (in FWB thing both sides should be clear on that matter, but I see more couples, than FWB). I female have only one female friend, others are just acquaintances, but not friends, so I also want to spend my time with one potential partner and if he doesn't see me as his (girl)friend (or on the way to friendship) with the fact that we have mostly 1-2 or 3 friends as a people we trust to, then I would think he's immature, shallow and superficial while he prefers quantity over quality. The characteristic of a man that's the most important to me is "respectful" (as well to my female friends) and I wouldn't find it respecting being someone's "option". If I put him as my priority in my leisure time (what means he should be more worth to spend my time with than reading a book or watching a movie what I really enjoy) I also want him to appreciate my time and not to have me as an "option".

It depends on the culture. I heard that in the US people do it, but in some European countries it's cheating if you DATE (non-sexually, just hang around) two persons at the same time. I personally have never dated multiple men nor I would ever. If my potential partner would have went on a date with another girl, he would be no potential partner anymore.

Yea, I agree with that last. It's just at the beginning to me very awkward, when it comes to arranging first meeting and initiating communication if both sides expect each other to initiate and start conversation and hanging around, i.e. get-to-know process.

I have a feeling that 'mature men' who are a bit above my level tend not to take things serious and are aware of their maturity, level, however you call it, so they tend to manipulate over women, since they're aware that they can have a 'better' one.

I personally believe in equality when it comes to sex and the guys are date are not prone to sex-shaming but more liberal, but apart from that I don't think that this statement is necessarily true. I think people learn more by learning about sexuality, communication and practicing it with a partner, and that said, it's always easier to do so with a long-term partner, than with a hook-up, what's only classic vanilla sex mostly. It's not about quantity, but about quality. I never slept with a girl (I'm a girl), so I don't have any experience in that way, but in my experience I learned a lot more by being in a relationship and trying new stuff with my bf, than having some occasionally sex.

I just wonder out of the curiosity, if you're shy and the girl is as well, who takes an initiative then? Isn't it like eternal waiting for another to make a step? I also always fell for shy guys and I used to be shy, but I simply realized it's not working that way for me, so I had to cross out of my comfort zone and to learn how to do first steps, so a guy to feel less insecure and more loose with me, so we can more emotionally connect and it easier goes.

That's my problem as well.. I have a guy who's nice, kind, lovely.. but not as experienced in life as I am. So, I feel that I can completely manipulate over him, although I don't want to do it and I don't do it. On the other hand, I had a guy who was out of my league, but he didn't give a shit about me. So, I guess both options are not good, it's the best when the both sides are on the same page and level, but I believe that it always happens that one side is more, let's say, above another. I left my ex after 2.5 years because I outgrew him. It's simply annoying when you try to change in a positive way and you do simple things on your way and you feel very insecure at the beginning, since you're stepping out in the unknown and your partner holds you down and makes you more insecure. That was with my ex, he "supported" all the things I was doing for myself when it comes to talk, but when it comes to actions he does nothing to prove that he really supports, but only judges me for wanting to change (it was positive change and I'm not proud of it). So, I felt very much relieved and free when I left him, not free in a sexual way, but in the context of being able to do things only for myself without someone being behind my back and complaining around how I lose my time on stupid things (for him playing video games the whole day and not working anything was not stupid, but my ambition to finish studies was since being too materialistic and wanting to achieve something is a bad trait, like people die out of stress, lol). On the other hand, I don't like ambitious guys for who a girlfriend is on the last place in their life, I dated one who had 2205860953259 friends who were priority in his life. I like loyal and caring guys who care about their gf. I like also shy guys who are respectful towards women and let women do all the work (approach them, take all the initiative and so on). I don't know at the end what to say, it's not good to go into any extreme range. But anyways, I'd prefer someone who's a bit under my level, because otherwise I'd feel that he has more options and he's manipulating over me, so I'd feel more secure with someone who has less options in general than I have.

Sex is the same, it's just sex. You don't consume it 3 times a day, but once let's say if you're at the beginning. Still I think that both should respect each other for the first date and pay for their own meal. Maybe a man had to work hard to earn the money he has and I should let him spend his hour wage on me, what's one hour of hard work, and then friendzone him or tell him that I'm not interested? I'd never do it respecting him and his money (if he wants it's another thing, but I don't expect him to) and respecting myself and showing that I'm independent woman that can afford for herself what she wants without expecting anyone to pay anything (and then some women after one year expect new boots, then new cellphone...).

Please read it few times out loud. This is how I, as someone objective without any emotions, see him.

if you sleep with him on a first date and he considers you cheap would you be offended?

It's a matter of culture and society as well. When I lived in Germany I never got paid a drink and I never paid man a drink. Women and men are equal and that's a social norm. I prefer it this way, so I don't have a feeling that I owe something to someone. Sometimes after just one date I don't want to go out again with that person, so it's better to pay separately on a first date, so both are OK if it's first and last. Later after 5+ dates let's say, it's okay to take turns or so. I'm at the moment on Balkans and when I tell guy friends (I don't date at the moment) to split the bill, they're offended because they can't show their masculinity, machoness or whatsoever. I don't give a shit, when I want to split it, I split it. I explain them kindly my reasons to and if they don't accept I tell the waiter separate. I've never been to US, so I can't contribute to conversation, assuming that you're from US and I really have no idea about dating American girls.

It calls being in love and the first sparkle. That happens to me as well. Give time, time. It fades away with time. I never met anyone who would rather be studying than having a fun. I'd rather make love than do anything in my life. Everyone wants pleasure and fun, it's completely okay (unless you're addicted or you can't control yourself). Who has it with being 19? I'm older and I still have no idea what I want to do in my life. Yes, I have a direction, but not a perfect vision. If you think that studying is something people adore doing and are really passionate about, you're wrong. Yea, there are some great things, but studying at college is mostly 90% boring time and 10% of joy. You learn too much shit, especially on the first year. I'd be impressed with anyone studying math. But you don't study it to impress others, but because you like it, right? (yea, liking someone doesn't mean necessarily that you prefer it to sex, having fun and so on) Again, you want a sense to be attractive to others? Think about yourself a bit, what that sense mans to you. Because you're overthinking. You want to be attractive to others by being intelligent, but on the other hand you want to be having fun and funny at the same time. So, you have an inner conflict partying vs. studying. What's kinda okay when you balance it. No one says you should only study or only be partying. {btw if I were you, I wouldn't be looking for a girlfriend [if you are(what I wouldn't recommend you at this moment)] in clubs and bars, but in places where people with high IQ meet, if that's one of your highest values, so you can let each other grow, if math is indeed your passion. try MENSA, chess club or so. not all mathematicians are nerds} I have a feeling that you're a bit needy and have some insecurities, why you want to be attractive by being a mathematician. When a girl finds you attractive, then you leave a math because the purpose of it was to attract the girls. I'd suggest you on being single and alone for some time. Trying to be in a relationship with yourself where your parts of you which are in conflict - the fun part of you vs. the serious part of you, should find a way to balance and to dance together, instead of fighting. Also, give time, time.

I second this. Do you want someone who will appreciate you or someone who doesn't see your values? Trying to tie down someone, you won't get anything. The world is full of men and women, yes it sucks, yes it hurts, but it will pass. You will eventually find someone who with you can make it work. How much you appreciate yourself, that much you'll be appreciated by others. Yes, it's easier to say, than to do, but time heels all wounds, give time, time.

Are you sure? I don't wear them because without them I'm 175 centimeters. With them I'm higher than 99% of men. And I have a lot of confidence to pick up a men I want just for one night. Without heels and artificial make up.

Thank you! I'm now curious, did it pay off at the end? Yea, I mean, when one is outside of the comfort zone, it's a place for self-development. But like, would you do it again?

Isn't that d-need? I mean, a need that is normal for every human being, the third one due to Maslow's hierarchy of needs? You want to say that every human being should live completely alone without a need to socialize and be understood by someone? What's the point here? It's wrong to like someone and to have feelings? I should be completely untouchable and unfuckwithable? It wasn't a date. Just hanging around with a guy. We were both very clear that we're only friends without any intention.

This one mostly. The thing is, I don't find men around me who can fit my personality. I spent some time living in Western countries, so my views are very open and liberal, comparing to the conservative country I live at the moment. He's also a foreigner. I feel like I'm trapped in a society I don't belong to nor I can fit. Anyways, I plan on moving in September and before then I have goals to achieve in my personal development plan. Yes, I know that we should be happy on our own if we want to be in an interdependent relationship, because if we're searching for others what we lack of, we'll end up in a codependent one. But still, I enjoyed talking with someone who understand me. I'm working on how to be happy alone and somehow I got used to it. I'm single for over a year. And I don't care about my surrounding. But this one was really intensive, when I met him. I haven't decided anything yet. When I wrote it two weeks ago, I was all over the place. He's outta the internet for two weeks already, so I've been sitting alone and contemplating about the situation. I realized that I"m overthinking, so I stopped thinking. I cooled down. I made also a plan B for holidays, which is also something awesome I'm looking forward to. I went out with one guy I met, I didn't like him in that context, but it was a good distraction. But still, I'm sitting on the fence what to do. I feel like going and not going in the same time. I don't know what should benefit me more. The time will show I guess, so I'll give a time to time, I have few days more until I should let him know.

No. The worst idea. Ever, ever. Why don't you ask straight forward? Not like 'why you always smell so awful?', but you could say something like 'did you change your shower gel for intimate parts? it smells a bit different' (with this one you're assuming that she uses one, so if she doesn't use then she'll maybe start) or like 'you should check yourself at gyno, because your vagina smells a bit different'. Maybe a girl really has some bacteria she's not aware of, so it'd be good idea anyways to tell her, so she checks herself. Don't tell her that it's really so bad, tell her it's 'just a bit different', so she won't be much ashamed and hopefully she'll visit a doc and start thinking about her hygiene habits.

Yes, but I'm afraid that he's gonna think that it's too much and that I'm too pushy maybe. I'm not sure if he'd fly 10 000 kilometers to see me. I'm now thinking like 'you want it? go for it' and I'm trying not to think like 'he should do this, he should do that' as anyone tells me, but 'I want to see him, so I'll do this and that'. It's just me who decided to imagine a life without borders and to do what I want to do. Of course, he agreed on meet up and told me he'll keep me updated about his plans where he's gonna be and then I'll check if I have cheap flight and so on. He didn't invite me, I asked him where's he gonna be, he says where probably and I said I could come if I find cheap flight, he told me he'll keep me updated when he decides where's he gonna be, since he's on the road at the moment. I've never done anything so big, so I'm a bit scared at the end, I'd say. The fear of unknown and rejection. But it's good at the end, I'm pushing the boundaries. I mean, if I go, I'll propose him a plan I have and ask him if he agrees on that plan or wants to be somewhere else, since I have cheap flight to only one place.

Yes, exactly. I'll do my best to get a rid of those. I'm aware that those lead to neediness and self-destructive for any relationship behavior. Thank you for your answer.

Yes, I was told I've completely lost my mind. That's the exact feeling. I feel like I want to see him and I'm ready to fly 10 000 kilometers to do it. Although everybody says I've completely lost my mind. Life is to short to miss the opportunities. Of course, if it's possible, like if I find still cheap flights and so on. I think more scares me if I don't find cheap flight and if he doesn't show any interest to meet in some another country if it's not possible in the one he told me he suppose he's gonna be.