clytaemnestra

The recent time has been very hard for me, from October on. I started one project and I failed. After that time, I simply feel that I'm loosing the control over my life. I've always been an introvert and I didn't like social situations, but in the recent time it has been impossible to go out. When I do, my body shakes, my heart beats too much that I can't talk nor breathe and I don't feel good. It's gone so far that I for fired because I couldn't work anymore the job where I was supposed to be surrounded by 30 people all the time. I always hated big parties, but now I have a fear, I feel myself as a looser and that I lost control over my life. I only feel good when I lock myself in a bathroom. But then, there're all the bad thoughts how I failed and how I'll never achieve anything in my life. Then I sit and cry. When I lay to bad I can't sleep and I feel so sad. Few times per day I feel pain in my chest, i.e. like my heart hurts (like I'm stabbed for one second and it stops), I don't know if it's caused by my mental state or I should check my heart. It's very hard being 21 and being expected to graduate and work, while I have other plans in my life (I want to start from the beginning studying something I always wanted abroad). My first step would be to go abroad and work anything a month or two until I gain language certificate, but no one supports me, they want me to stay and work some good paid job I hate instead of studying for x years for something what is gonna be useful for the whole my life. I finished Bachelor that's abroad useless, so I want to do a second one and I know what exactly, but everyone tells me it's stupid and late. When I talk with my family or friends, no one takes me for serious, they're like "just go and take a fresh air and everything is gonna be all right". My family is highly dysfunctional, my dad died when I was 16, my mother was an alcoholic, now she has a bad health and she's unemployed and when I go home I even feel more bad, so I avoid going home because I don't feel now that I can take care of her and myself in the same time. Nor I want, she's a grown-up, but on the other hand she's the only person in my family I have and I feel a bit responsible (although I shouldn't). I feel like no one understands me. I have no will for jogging (what I used to do for years already), socialization, studying, anything. People (including my roommates) don't see that something's wrong in my life, I hide it somehow, but in the recent time it has been too hard even to hide it. I'm very flegmatic, I'm not aggressive nor I have intensive emotions, I just don't have a will for anything, I want to fly on the other side of the world where no one knows me and to make a false identity and to start my life from the birth. Sometimes I catch myself imagining some ideal situations in my head as an escape from reality and day-dreaming or talking with myself imagining I'm in those situations. Am I insane? I watched Leo's videos, but I feel judged when I watch it and I feel even worse. The only things that helps me is Andre Teilzeit who has videos in German and I feel his support because he's having messy life as well and he's been going through all this things I'm going right now, so I feel I'm not alone, there're a lot of people suffering from same and that I should accept it and work on it instead of hiding it. I could wait until I move as planned and I believe that big city and (liberal) people would benefit me and a new start and I feel confident about it, but I'm afraid till summer it's gonna be only worse in my super small place with the same people every day who reminds me of my failure. So, my first step is detection of the problem and then working on it, but I don't know how bad it is actually? Do I have social phobia or it's just a phase? Am I depressed or just sad? If the root problem is not fulfilling my ambitious aim, should I set it again and go the same way or just to work on my current state and to learn to cope with failure? Does it happen to everyone or I'm mentally ill? For the first time I opened myself completely, so if anyone has something so share except "try to meditate and take a walk" and "you're guilty for your own condition", feel free to contribute.

Not actually. I'd prefer having someone to listen to me when I feel emotional and to cuddle with me, than to have sex. When you're an attractive woman, it's super easy to find sex. But to have someone who would listen to your shit and whom you can open your soul - very rare.

Erm.. if I'd been cuddling with a guy in bed, I'd also be surprised if he wants something more in a sexual way, because I think it's not men's thing to initiate anything more. I find it disrespectful, because we know you're always up for sex, leave us women to initiate, so to avoid awkwardness of "erm, I didn't mean it that way, I love you, but as a brother". People cuddle sometimes as friends, give each other massage and so on. It's actually friendzone and it doesn't sound odd to me.

I also slept in the same bed with guys. Totally normal. That was my first thought, super cute dog.

Why's wrong to relax sometimes? Same like with the food, to prepare yourself delicious dinner once per week and enjoy it and have a chilly and nice evening? If he's obsessed, that's different thing, but I don't see any reason sometimes not to enjoy in a satisfaction and relief sex, food, nice conversations, hobbies whatever can bring to you.

So, I just started working 10 days ago in a new company and I met very cute guy. We went to some drinks (company) and he was standing next to me in a tram and approached me. We met, talked a bit about work and company and the whole night we were talking together. We got into deeper conversations and he told me he's afraid of commitment, he's only up to friends with benefits. I asked him why, he told me, because he's afraid that he'll start a new relationship, realize that the girl is not "the one" and he'll hurt a girl by breaking up the relationship and it'd hurt him, because he hates hurting feelings of another people. That night we only cuddled and tomorrow and he said no strings attached. He told me he doesn't like being with someone just for fun and fooling another girls and he takes love very seriously. Tomorrow 3 of us met, we had a nice time together, we were laughing a lot and then two of us spent some time alone, but non-sexually. The more I get to know him, the more we both realize that we have a plenty of stuff in common and we're quite similar and have same viewpoints and values. Now at work we sometimes meet during the breaks and talk all together, but nothing special. I contacted him on Fb and asked on Sunday if he has plans, but he saw the message too late when he already got home from gym and apologized, said he's sorry for missing the hangout and told me we could figure out something during the week. It's week now, but he doesn't call nor contact me. We just during the breaks talk all together and that's it. Or friends-thing discuss. Can I get some male input in this story? I, as a girl, was never afraid of a relationship, I don't get it why is he (26y/o)? Is there anything to be done or just to forget about it? Does he only say it or really means that I have no chance and I should forget about him? OK, for me FWB is okay, but since we have planty stuff in common, I'm not sure that I could be so open and not to mind if he has another "friends" for sex or if he sees me just as any friend.. So, while I'm still at the beginning and not attached, what to do? To break the friendship or to see what comes next?

Where did you read this sentence? I didn't say so. The guy was talking in general, we were talking about in on the same day when we met for the first time, thus with you part I don't see anywhere.

@Ry4n, thank you, but there has been an update in the story, I updated it recently in posts.

Well, I don't plan on enlightening him on what he misses.

Dudette!

No, I didn't even mention it, it was our first meeting. I agree with all said, I'm just thinking like, maybe he wants to be clear from the very beginning that nothing's gonna happen and I misinterpreted it. I mean, we girls change our mind very often when it to friendzone comes and since we have more options (at least it seems like to me) we kinda are not afraid of commitments, I mean like I've never heard any girl friend being afraid of commitment, so for me it's unknown field and it happen first time, so I'm still confused, but it's good anyways, I'm learning something new about men.

Yea, but that never crossed my mind as an idea anyways. I'll give time time and see how it goes. I guess.

Thank you. I actually never thought that it's an excuse to tell me that he doesn't like me for something more than FWB. Interesting point, I should think about it.

@Christian, @kyle barnett, @Toby, @Principium Nexus, @Life Coach, @Nahm, I just wanted to update with the situation two months after. First of, thank you for your answers, they've been very useful! I read it on time, but I was all over the place for a longer period, so it took me a while to get on my feet again. So, in short, I was still depressive, I had a shitty non-paid job, I got fired, my project collapsed, I was under a pressure by my family, friends, lived in a super-small place where everything reminded me how fucked up I was.. I talked with a friend of mine and he proposed me to move abroad just to change surrounding and due to better opportunities. It was a long way, in two months I sent over 50 applications, had 10+ interviews and I almost quitted, but somehow I just accepted that I'm a fucked up loser and the only way to go out of this state of mind is to work on my life, thus I was persistent and I believed I'll find something to start with. After 2 months of torture called trying to find a job, I got a job! It's astonishing that I found a job in a another country although I don't speak their language, the job was in my native language that's like useful for nothing and no one except expats speaks it abroad, but they needed one speaker and I was picked up out of many. And the job is account management, what I like doing and my R.I.P. failed project was in. Still can't believe it! I thought I'm not even qualified to wash dishes, but I ended up in a company where my skills are recognized and where I can grow. Then I realized how low opinion I had on myself, I worth a way much than I thought. I started working and I feel better than ever! Now it's funny to me how much I was worrying about some stuff I don't give a shit anymore. My confidence came back and I feel overall very good.

Once upon a time I was also into mastering sex and I can say, men I was with after I learned some tips & tricks, were respecting me more for it and were positively surprised that girls are not ashamed of their sexuality and not just sitting and waiting to be put in bed with legs in air and waiting for a man to finish everything. Exaggerating, but if someone has a lot of experience and every sex is the same, without trying something new, that's kinda it. Of course, I've met many conservative men (as my friends and family are) who think that they should be the second partner to every woman and that every woman was "saving herself" just for him, but I don't want to get involved with that kind of people nor they want with me. I think the best is to have more partners because every of them will teach you new style and you learn a lot about men there, and to have one who with you can learn a lot about yourself, what you like and what you don't like.

Guys, what do you prefer and how do you feel with both of those girl types? Pros of bitches are that they're self-confident, they don't let anyone mess with them and they leave strong impression, they look completely powerful, independent and emotionally strong. On the other hand, nice girls are lovely, cute, warm and nice. I'm more like the first type, when I try to be this type, I feel like I show no standards and I let every one to be close to me (in the context of communicating with me, I'm very socially selective and I don't want to waste my energy and words on everyone). But the problem is, I like respective men and sometimes also bit shy types and then I feel like my bitchy approach (what's my normal behavior) can be a bit repelling.

So, one month ago one traveler visited my town and I met and hosted him. At the beginning he was very shy and non-talkative (as many fellow Scandinavian men), but after few drinks he was a bit flirtatious (but very subtle) and we had a great time (non-sexually). He doesn't seem to be a player who just wants a sex, since he was flirtatious on the second day when we were outside (no time or place for sex) and he added me on Fb and he initiated a conversation first few days after he left (he told me also he has been thinking about me). So, after he left, this one month we have chated (like every second day maybe) and he told me I'm beautiful, smart, interesting and he suggested us to meet up in Asia in February since I'm gonna be there, but he changed his plan and now he's in Central America. So, I was beating around the bush how I'd like to visit Central America and he was also beating around the bush, so I asked him directly for my holidays to meet up and he told me he has no idea where he's gonna be at that time, so he doesn't want to promise me anything since he's not sure. He told me he'll update me when he finds out where he's gonna be and at the moment he's without an internet for 2 weeks, so I'm sitting and contemplating about the situation. Firstly, I was sad because I thought there's no chance for a meet up and as a traveler myself I hate when I meet someone, but she or he is too far. Then, I met one girl who showed me some pages where I can find cheap flights and if I travel extremely-low-budget, I could afford it with my savings. She told me she'd go for him and that life's too short to miss the opportunities. Then, I thought like why I have to go all the way to Central America, there's nothing on the half way, but like maybe he could put an effort if he wants to see me. Then, I was thinking like, well, I'm a feminist, so I shouldn't wait, but to do something if I want to see him, we're both equal. Then, I was thinking like, but wait, isn't it crazy to fly 10000 kilometers to meet up with a man I spent only 12 hours with and I'm not even in a relationship nor I know if he's in love with me at all? Second thought is, what if he happens to be somewhere where I don't have any cheap flights to? Should I take it personally like he's not interested or that it's just a matter of circumstances and then to suggest to meet up in March when I have time, money and cheap tickets anyways? Does the boundaries really exist or they're just in our heads? Yes, some say, there're plenty of fish in the sea, but I really felt connected with him and I don't think that a matter of being physically present means anything (I have more friends abroad than in my country, literally, when one travels and volunteers abroad that comes with). I plan on moving in September to the country he plans to move to some time and he told me that I have a good plan and he'll also come there when I move, so theoretically speaking it's not like out paths may never cross in the future. But still, I have no idea what to expect till that time. I don't know should I expect him to want to see me as much as I want him or just to go with the flow and if it doesn't work on holidays (and it can if he puts an effort) just to cool down a bit? It's all fucked up. I hate those moments and I have to share it with someone. I'm all over the place with my thoughts, so any insight would be appreciated. If anyone is a traveler, do you feel the same sometimes? Honestly speaking, I feel like I should cool down a bit and go with the flow so like whenever happens the opportunity to meet up I should use it, if not I should be okay with it, but I have no idea how...

I'm 21 and recently I dated a man who's 34. It didn't lead to relationship, because he was less mature than me. He's still partying around without any intention to get out of the party phase and figure out what he wants of his life. Due to looks and behavior, I'd guess that he's 20 y/o student. So, as they say, the age doesn't define maturity.

How do you calculate what is exactly 80%? What does it mean at all to be feminine and which characteristics exactly make something feminine so you can determinate 80% of it? Sorry, but this sounds sexistic. Women just worry and do nothing but panic, while men plan and do something progressive. I can't agree. What do we need? Why do we need it? Need for what? Someone will find a girl who has 100 kilos attractive because she's the only one he can have. Or because she's self-confident comparing to another girl that's fit, but has issues with behavior. Of course decent looks is a standard, but I think it goes sometimes too far. What? It's a "plus"? For you it'd be the same being with a girl that has no education and is dependent on you comparing to some that has PhD and has wide-knowledge and can think critically? Let's say that their looks and mental state are the same, for the sake of comparison.

The longest penetration was like 15-20 minutes. I don't find it pleasurable having penetration more than 15 minutes. I kinda get bored.

1. respect (i.e. towards women as completely equal creatures), open-mindness, intellect, life fulfilled with hobbies, artistic spirit, passionate about job, positive and optimistic, ground to the earth, serious and mature, sense of humor 2. when a man cooks. so sexy

Why do you think that a silence is awkward??? I find it awkward when people talk a lot and want to socialize with me, although I'm not into socializing with random people, and your roommate is a random person. Or when they do small-talk just to be polite. Fuck it, fuck the rules. I prefer being honest, than polite. If you don't feel like talking-don't. Simple as that. I say "hi" to my roommates and that's all. "Hi" also on the street. If we need to talk about something apartment related, we talk openly without any problems. But they're not supposed to be my friends, they're just some random people I live with and that's all. We're to different to have any deeper connection.

You did you excepted like excluded from your life? Can you say a bit more how? Or you wanted to say accepted?

I have the exact feeling. My father died, my mother is a toxic person that was an alcoholic, all others are or abroad or dead. I accepted the situation in a way it is and I built my alternative way of living. For example, people for Christmas gather with their family and celebrate together - I go traveling and spend it with another familyless travelers. Traveling fulfills me and I feel happy when doing it. It's the same with every aspect of your life, you find for yourself an alternative solution. I'm an introvert and I find it very hard to connect with people and make friendships. Thus, instead of expanding my social circle to 3493958 people, I just accepted it that I have one real friend, few acquaintances for occasional meetings and hobbies together and that's all. I occupy myself with work, hobbies, so I don't have a feeling of loneliness. Of course, it happens sometimes, but I try to fulfill it with another activities. Home is for me a place where I feel myself comfortable. You'll leave your home anyways. I'll soon be moving abroad and my aim is to build up a life in a place I'd call a home. Of course, it's hard to move abroad alone (I did already) and start everything from the very beginning in a country which language you don't speak and you don't know anyone, but when you invest your effort, it comes with a time, I guess.

Congratulations. Who isn't anxious, nervous, excited, worried, etc.. when expecting a baby? I don't have any, but I don't know any people waiting for a first kid who're not losing their sanity. It's something new and a change that will affect whole of your life till the end of your life, of course you have different kind of emotions. Just work on yourself.