Seeker_of_truth

He clarifies it in the next minute! I was just too impatient

That's nice!

Yes I understand! When I think of awareness my mind immediately forms an object. It doesn't have a conception of what a subject is other than the word itself, so I prefer using it. Hmm, ok. I think I just need to enquire into the nature of the self and come to this. Thanks!

Oh ok. I do have a sense that I am not located anywhere. Its as if I'm not a physical thing that can be located in a particular place in space. I don't yet understand how I am everything. I do feel that is possible but I haven't explored it yet. I also see that how in normal state I mistake thoughts to be me, but yes the thinker is just more thoughts. Thanks for that. I was just watching Leo's video on facets of awakening, and had that question. Thanks for the quick answer

I recently watched one of Rupert Spira's youtube video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usvt5awnmpM) in which he asks to answer as awareness a few questions on the nature of awareness. The first time I watched this I was effortlessly able to answer them. Now that I'm back from that perspective to the normality, my mind has doubts on whether I really was aware of the nature of awareness or whether I just imagined something in my mind. So my first question is if I ever become aware of the self how can I know that it is the true self? I thought if I ask is it me or am I aware of it, and if its an object in the mind I would answer that I'm aware of it. But I don't think that is good enough I feel it is possible to identify with an object and think that it is me when it isn't really me. Second question is after the realization fades off (taken over by the old identification) and I'm back to normality, what happens then? I don't know if I had a realization or not but assuming I did, for 1-2 days after it I was able to remember it and even experience it again. Then from day 3 the memory started fading and I feel crazy not being able to have the realization which seemed so simple and ordinary when I had it. I feel like I probably could get it again if I watch the video but the expectation of realization is driving my mind crazy - latching onto imaginary objects in an attempt to have the same experience. So now I'm kind of settling into normality and accepting it. Ok that was one part of my question. Now I want to share the realization I had (based on what I remember). I was able to be aware of me as the one being aware. It felt like I have always been that - always being there in background being aware. I could also see it being there in my memory of past experiences. I felt that awareness happened by itself - I didn't have to put any effort to be aware - and so even when I fall asleep I'm still being aware but since the body's perceptions are going down it feels like I'm going unconscious but I'm conscious as I have always been. I could also understand that no experience I had could affect me. Even if my body was being killed, I would be silently aware of it unaffected and it felt like it would continue to exist after death of the body. And regarding boundary of awareness it felt like wherever I looked I couldn't deny that awareness was there - I'm not sure now whether I confused being aware of what I looked to awareness being there. And the easiest one to answer was whether awareness ages - the answer to which is that it doesn't.

@Shambhu ?

Thanks for your inputs. I do sense that this is just the beginning I just relaxed and meditated today and got back the realization. I see that coming back to it again and again is making it more and more clear. Thanks

@Vibroverse Hmm, thanks, I'll try that next time.

Wow, that's a cool perspective!

I get acid reflux sometimes and I recently found that it was because I held the tension of anxiety in my stomach region. Once I relaxed that region, it went away. Not sure if it'll work for you but see if you are doing something similar... https://bridgesofunity.com/acid-reflux-the-meridians-and-healing-associated-life-issues/

@Leo Gura tagging you in case you missed it, I won't tag you again here

@Leo Gura If these questions are too personal and you don't want to answer, I understand. 1. What is your typical day like? What do you do everyday? I wish to know this because the more I contemplate, the more it is becoming clear that what I should be doing is self-actualization full time. But I wonder if it'll become boring to just meditate and read books all day long. I don't feel alive following a routine. So what is it that you actually do everyday? Do you ever feel that meditation is just boring, if yes, then what do you do? Is there anything else apart from self-actualization that you do just to break the monotony ? (or maybe you don't feel it to be monotonous?) I wish I knew more about who you are as a person. The videos are great, the concepts are great, what you do is great, but I wish to know who you are in your everyday life. I feel that'll help me to see how exactly you are putting the theory into practice. I don't know if that makes sense to you or you'd like to do that, but it'd be cool if you could share more of your personal life. When I hear some concept in theory I don't know how much value it has as long as I don't see it or try it on my own. For example, I didn't really value doing "the grind work" for a long time. I've of course heard it in theory, even in your own video - how to get shit done (which is a nice video covering the big picture of productivity). I did try to do it. But what really shifted the gears in me into highly valuing it was I think following John Sonmez. His highest value is probably grind work, I don't know, but everyday he posts on instagram how he is doing the grind work despite not feeling like it. He is actually doing it by choice and not because he is in a life situation where he has to do it to survive. That is what really inspired me to value grind work as well. Maybe that's not your style of teaching, but its just a suggestion. 2. How did you start getting into the self help business? I mean, when and how did you know that you actually have something unique of value to contribute and then what was your first step?

Yes I did just now. The only thing he says that is related to projection in my question is "When I'm getting into the personal life of the teacher then I'm projecting". However I'm not wanting to know Leo's personal life to judge him, I just want to know to know. I just want to know what his everyday life is like. What I think Leo does is that he meditates, takes psychedelics, reads books, take notes, shoots video, etc. But that is my imagination. The purpose of this question is to actually know the facts. I have no idea what the problem with this is and if there is I'd be glad if you could point it out.

Maybe. Sure, but I just want some ideas to try. The purpose of my question was to get a perspective of what Leo's life is. I don't know what made you think that this is a projection. Sure I have a rough mental image of who Leo is, but that's open to change and I don't think I'm making any judgments based on my mental image.

Depends on the day. Mostly these days I have some goal in mind and based on that I do the work. If I have a clear goal in mind I'm mostly working on it all the time taking breaks in between. There are periods where I don't have a clearly defined goal (either because I've accomplished my previous goal or suddenly there is a lot of uncertainty or too much change or I have to divert my attention to something else), then I just waste a lot of time on distractions and then after wasting time I sit down and think about what to do and maybe in a few days I formulate my goals and then start working on them again. That pretty much sums up my typical day. I have stopped meditating as I felt it become forced and it wasn't of good quality. I had other goals in mind and I couldn't give my focus to consciousness work, it kind of became unconscious work and I thought well fuck it I'll at least use that time on something else. But now I feel like I want to resume it. I've stopped reading books too as I think I have enough theoretical base for now and I'll start reading again when I have a natural desire to read. I'm not sure if I understand what you mean....

24/05/20 Study [At least 2 topics] (1) - Didn't do Isha Kriya (1) - Didn't do 3 x 10 minutes of concentration (1) - Didn't do 20 minutes of mindfulness with labeling (1) - Didn't do Code (4) Goals For Today: Study Isha Kriya Code

Part 1 - Becoming a Bulldog To become capable of locking and chasing its targets (a.k.a. Goals) Why Am I Here: On the new year of 2020, I casually reviewed what I did in 2019, tried to see if I did something worthwhile. I tried to list whatever I could, in the end I couldn't list one thing which I was truly proud of. There were small wins but nothing really exciting or big. And I realized it wasn't just that year, my whole life I've been mediocre. I haven't really put in the hard work. So the results I get in my life are just mediocre and mediocrity isn't satisfying when looking back. It isn't even fully satisfying in the moment. There is this feeling in the background that I'm disappointed with myself for not living life 100%. Its there when I'm procrastinating stuff and telling myself, just this one day I'll watch movies and shit. And once I get into that rut, its not easy and comfortable to get back up again. I decided that this year will be the year, that I do something that I'm proud of. This year I'll live my life to 100%. So I decided to set goals for every month and every week. I started this around the 4th week of January. I set goals that were quite in my reach if I was determined, and I achieved at least 50% of my goals. This system worked quite well for 3 weeks, i.e. 2nd week of February. 3rd week of February was the start of something I didn't expect. All my plans were thrown out of the window. Things I didn't expect came into my life, my life became chaotic. I'm a guy who prefers order. I managed it for one week. The next week it just became worse. I couldn't accomplish one goal that I set for that week. March, my routine fell into order again, I started again to work back. Did quite well the first two weeks. The third week, I had to move to my home with my parents due to the covid19 outbreak in my country. That put me off my routine and all the things that I've been accustomed with. And now here I am in the 4th week of march. I basically wasted 1 week and fell into all the old shitty patterns I used to have when I lived here. It feels tormenting to do the work now. I've to get myself back again. I thought maybe if I commit to what I'm going to do in public, I'll be motivated to do the work. So here I am. About me and About this Journal: About me, I'm currently a student who is about to graduate from college soon. My most important aspiration right now is to get a good job. So most of the work I do everyday (at least right now) will be related to developing my skills. Apart from that, I meditate once a day. Occasionally read non-fiction books (which I enjoy). Exercise once in a while. If you take the analogy of the ten ox herding pictures of zen, I think I'm at the second stage. I have a long way to go spiritually but I've to start by taking care of my immediate survival first and I think this will be a good time for me to learn how to be disciplined and productive. This journal as of now will serve as place for me to publicly list my goals and update the progress I make. I'm hoping that making myself accountable publicly will help to move my lazy ass to do the fucking work. So what I'll be posting are my goals, progress, insights, struggles, etc. I commit to writing at least one post every week. I'll maybe update the progress during the week. But you are sure to get at least one post per week here. (I'm kinda already scared right now if I'll keep this up ?, I'll give my 100% to follow through, even on difficult times when I'm not doing well ?) Thank you for reading, any comments are much appreciated.

23/05/20 Code (3) Study (2.5) Isha Kriya (2.5) 3 x 10 minutes of concentration meditation (1) - Didn't do 20 minutes of mindfulness with labeling (1) - Didn't do Goals for today: Study [At least 2 topics] Isha Kriya 3 x 10 minutes of concentration 20 minutes of mindfulness with labeling

22/05/20 Study (1.5) - Didn't study much Isha Kriya (3) 1 x 30 minutes concentration meditation (2.5) 20 minutes Mindfulness with labeling (2) Goals for today: Code Study Isha Kriya 3 x 10 minutes of concentration meditation 20 minutes of mindfulness with labeling

21/05/20 Study (4) Isha Kriya (2.5) 1 x 30 minutes concentration meditation (1) - Didn't do 20 minutes Mindfulness with labeling (1) - Didn't do Was very tired yesterday, as I didn't sleep properly. Goals for today: Study Isha Kriya 3 x 10 minutes of concentration meditation 20 minutes of mindfulness with labeling

20/05/20 Study (3.75) Isha Kriya (4) 1 x 30 minutes concentration meditation (3) 20 minutes Mindfulness with labeling (4) *The numbers inside the parentheses indicate how pleased I am with how I've performed a task on a scale of 1-5 Goals for today: Study Isha Kriya 3 x 10 minutes of concentration meditation 20 minutes of mindfulness with labeling

19/05/20 Placement preparation (4) Study (1) Isha Kriya (2) 2 x 10 minutes concentration meditation (3) Mindfulness with labeling - 20 minutes (3) *The numbers inside the parentheses indicate how pleased I am with how I've performed a task on a scale of 1-5 Goals for today: Study Isha Kriya 3 x 10 minutes concentration meditation 20 minutes Mindfulness with labeling

I'm back again! What happened was I wasn't motivated to do the stuff that I wanted to do and I wasn't sure if this is what I really wanted to do. What I've realized is that doing what I planned to do earlier ensures the best possible outcome from my knowledge. I've identified two feelings: The feeling of doubt of whether I'm doing the right thing. The feeling of laziness - its like I really want to do something but I'm just lazy to do it. I think contemplating on the first kind is a good thing. Whether that doubt was right or wrong, it can bring things into proper perspective and that is why even though I've not been much productive for the past two weeks, I've gained a slightly better perspective and so I don't feel like those days have been wasted. But the second kind is mostly a temporary feeling. I've found some ways to counter that: To start doing it just a little bit. Starting to do is usually the hard part, so if I ask myself to do it just a little bit, I may find that I can actually keep doing it. Find / Reconnect with what used to make me joyful doing that thing. Its always easier to do something when its done as an end in itself and not as a means to an end. I've found that how I start the day is crucial. If I start the day participating in mind-numbing activities, I tend to want that for the rest of the day. I've found listening to some specific songs/music puts me in an equanimous state of mind. So I'm spending some time listening to them at the beginning of my day. Now that I have a feeling that what I'm doing is the right thing and I've managed to reconnect with the joy of doing what I'm doing, I think I now capable of doing more. Also I feel better keeping my goals more general and deciding on the specifics just before actually doing it. My goals for today: Placement preparation Study Isha Kriya 3 x 10 minutes concentration meditation Mindfulness with labeling - 20 minutes

02/05/20 Spent around 2-3 hrs learning django. ✅ 1x Meditation ✅ No porn/masturbation ❌ Exercise