Edvard

As I'm able to shut my mind down more and more, I get deeper and deeper insights about every meditation session, although it generally goes up and down. It's been a good week. Just wnt to share my experiences and some thoughts about all those techniques, because getting enlightened, to me really seems extremely simple (not necessarily easy though). Two things: - don't think, which means train the mind to get better at that skill, and become present. - dare to not think, and become one with everything. Dare to release. So to sum it up: don't think. At my peak moments I sort of become more and more aware of me thinking about becoming aware, and then aware about me thinking about thinking about being aware. It's almost like it's spiraling more and more into an emergence with the thoughts and awareness to eventually become one, and it also seems to me that because this spiral can always become smaller, means there are many, maybe infinite levels or degrees to how close to clomplete emptyness you can become. And it goes deeper and lasts longer for me every session (some periods, including this week). At the peaks I had today, I got to the point of liberation, and I think it's the best experience I've ever had. Still scary to the ego though. I sometimes put in a thought saying «I'm ready to die, just surrender», and some thoughts about what reality is may pop in. I have to dig deep for subconscious assumptions like the self-image, too. And by deep concentration I get to the states of more and more emptyness, or whatever you'll call it. There probably are some more insights to be had, you don't know after all. I don't get the insight of consciousnesses «splitting», as some, at least Leo, claims. So not quite sure about this oneness, although I feel one with every sensation from the same perspective, sure. But I don't see some friend outside my house, thinking that I am him. I don't know what happened before the Big Bang either, as some seems to «know». That's like reality says something conceptual to you, like «you are one with everything. You are Jesus». I'm just saying it, because I think it may be easy to becone dogmatic about these things. You hear all these concepts about what the Truth is. I'm certainly open to me being everyone else, but that's probably a much deeper insight than what I'm currently having. I'm probably still scratching the surface. I'm not saying I'm enlightened (certainly not as I write), but I think I can see where it's going: more emptyness, and less centeredness. To me it doesn't even seem to be a sudden thing, but a gradual. I guess jumps can be made, and maybe somebody sees it without training, like Eckhart Tolle, but even he hasn't probably reached the rock bottom, if bottom even exists. I also wonder, how can you ever get enlightened by self inquiry, when that process seem to require thinking? I tend to mix it a little with meditation, and sometimes just try to be conscious of what reality is during a peak moment from time to time. I mean, isn't meditation that anyway? Why need a separate technique for just asking conceptual questions? Nothing wrong with asking now and then, but setting aside 1hr every day? And lastly, of course, one doesn't know anything, including me.

I don't know.

@Leo Gura Would you need sex before meditation path, always? I know you're answers vary dependingly, it just sounded a bit generalizing. Anyway, Newton never had sex. And I think he must have been fairly present? @MM1988 The thing is, of course one could take care of the «basic» things like sex first. If you really think that's the #1 thing in life now, Leo may have a point; do it. If it's important enough it wouldn't be a big deal, except for all the time you will spend (waste?) training dating skills, dating, looking good and living according to what society finds attractive. And that may be the way one learns that it's not gonna make you happy, but I would at least CONSIDER «jumping» over that step. But of course, depending on the person that may be impossible. So maybe you're right, Leo.

Man, once and for all I'm gonna have to make a decision. Am I gonna get up at the same time every morning, or am I gonna give that dream up? This is a problem I have had since about 13, and I've had many attempts on solving it. The problem is, it's just never worth it. The only time I make it is when I have gone through the cyclus of getting into bed later and later, until I'm back at 11pm again. Have been doing reasonably OK since I started university (which actually means really bad), but now I'm totally backsliding again. This, (maybe tied with tidyness) is my number one problem. Fitness, health and diet is pretty good(have gone cold turkey with no candy for 2 months now), but this I can't seem to get in place. The reason is probably that I'm naturally a person who doesn't like to go to sleep and doesn't like to get up (works best at night) and I don't have the internal necessary motivation for getting up. Because what's ultimately the reason? My current motivation is that I would study a lot better, and schedule the day better (get more things done), but it seems not to be strong enough. Or, it may be strong before I go to bed, but I know that in the morning it's gonna feel like I won't get up in a million years. So, what is the reason for getting up? Any tips for how to motivate myself? Any advice is highly appreciated.

@Nahm Free will is a fantasy the ego created for taking credit. Not even God can have free will. All there is is consciousness/reality, and no matter what perspective in any universe, no entity exists or has responsibility/choice for anything that happens «within» it. By sufficient and honest inquiry one should eventually realize this. But of course, you have to realize it yourself, not just listen to me or anyone else.

I'm concerned that the Do Nothing Technique can harm my legs if I'm not careful, especially when I start getting into states of consciousness that reduce pain a lot, which is starting to happen. Could my bones bend, could veins be damaged? Other risks? Any at all? I sometimes feel a lot of pain afterwards ... and I'm still only doing it in bed... So when to apply the «check-engine» of pain, and when not? Advice much appreciated.

@Leo Gura I've done 60 min several times, never beyond that though. Around 40 mins is where it starts getting really painful for me. But of course, it depends a little on the position I started with. Every day now I'm doing 60 min straight (allowing myself to move sometimes), and occasionally the do-nothing. Are your standards for this technique to sit on the floor or in bed?

@Elton Not that much fear, because my motivation for going to university is mostly positive, while I could always get a job right now. It's just that while I now have committed to go for university, taken up loan for it, etc., I just don't want to go back now. But I think it's becoming easier after some time, gaining more momentum and working on consciousness, and I do occasionally get the "flow-feeling"/"in the zone", which I think will happen more often as I learn more and become better. If there's any fear, it's the fear of not doing what's best, not fear of going broke or dying, or living on the street. I just want to do what I want... so if there's fear, it is that I don't...

Just watched Leo's video "You're Not Happy Because You Don't Really Want To Be", another funny eye-opener. He adressed something that has and still confuses me about motivation. I'm currently attending a univerity studying physics. If I dropped every neurotic motivation, I would play poker all day, maybe do some math that I want to do and do it in my own speed, without needing to pass all those exams. So, the point is that those exams make me neurotic, because I have to guilt myself into working towards them in order to pass them. Otherwise (authentically) I wouldn't care about them. Of course I could drop the need to do it, but without a plan that won't really make things a lot better. Because I'm also thinking that if I'm not happy working hard, then I'm not unconditionally happy either... What does Leo mean in this sense when he advocates dropping all the motivations to be happy? I like doing math, I just don't like it so much in a university setting. But if this would be my purpose, isn't university a good way to go...? So my question is therefore, should I accept some neurotic pursues for a while until it may get better and thereby enjoy it more? Or is this neurotic need for passing exams a sign that I should do something else? Of course, I could take some easier classes and have a better foundation to make it easier for me later on (which would be harder economically), and I really haven't ultimately found my life purpose, so I figured I'd try a bachelor in physics to see how that goes... Thanks.

@Leo Gura Are you happy? How happy do you think you are compared to an average person, and how much potential is there still for you at this point?

Yeah, letting go is sort of what I contemplate. The problem with that though, is that I then won't give a shit about the exam, because the higher self wouldn't care about that and grades, would it? No, ultimately, taken to it's fullest it would be to just sit down and do nothing. But no one's gonna feed you, so passing some exams seem appropriate, but still not really authentic, because I don't decide for myself exactly what to learn...

That's not what you told me? I said that I would like to enjoy physical pain, but that hurting is just still hurting, and you replied, quote: "It will stop "hurting" when you become more conscious. "Hurting" is a projection of the ego-mind." Is that still true, or are you saying that pain requires medical treatment only for unconscious, egoic people?

Nothing is right or wrong - no way to live, no ideology, no knowledge or any concept. Not even saying so is right. Not even saying that saying so is not right, is right. Which makes me wonder, what is right about the path of self-actualization? Why is that right for me? The answer must be that it's not right, but still the understanding that nothing is right or wrong, we tend to say is right, but how is that right? - What to do...? Life ain't easy. But that's wrong, just a projection, which is also wrong. - Just shut up and be. My mind talking to itself. Ah... so that's right! NO!!! stfu!!! This post just happened...sorry... too ba... ehm..

@Preetom What about science seeming to show masturbation reduces risk of prostata cancer?

Yeah, that often happens, but without morality. They don't need the rules, but do what feels authentic. And if their authenticity is totally against their culture - I guess that's fine for them. What may be looked at as horrible these days, may be accepted or preferred in the distant future.

@Shiva Makes sense, but this is what you start to care less about when becoming more conscious and dissolving the ego, it seems.

Is it right to kill a cow? Most people would say yes. Is it right to kill a dog? Most people would say yes if it is against a human being's benefit and no if the dog serves a human. Does a baby suffer by being quickly killed? What if we have an overpopulation problem? You have to explain why a baby's life is more worth than a cow's life. The only one to make such a distinction is the ego. For the ego there is right and wrong. There are only right and wrong moves to make when it comes to reaching a goal that is beneficial for the ego's survival. So in that sense, yes, but of course ultimately nothing is right and wrong - which could be a mindfuck to the ego, which is my point; that getting realizations like these and things like free will makes you much closer to understanding that you ultimately are nothing, and that's when you start to see the problems of the ego. Which ultimately isn't a problem, making it a mindfuck. At least it seems like it's an important step on the road to enlightenment.

Now that I've meditated for about 5 months without missing a single day, and 1 hour every day for the last 1,5 months, effects are starting to show up, a lot of good but also some annoying and scary things. 1) I dream a lot more, and the nightmares are getting raelly scary because they feel much more real, and even when I awake I still see the nasty imiges from the dream for some seconds more, thinking that it's still real. This happened last night. 2) I have gotten a little dizzy sometimes because I feel like the "images" of reality is floating so much around without thinking about the body, this has especially become the case the last days, after switching from 2*30 min a day to sitting still for one hour in a stretch. Are these normal symptoms? I guess they may, and I know there are some negative bi-effects from meditation, just want to hear if you experience some of the same? Should I do something about it, or just keep meditating without break? Thanksl.

At the university I'm attending now, the professors actually recommended to work at least 13-15 hours on each of three courses every week, and some may need more, especially the first semester to keep up.. was a little surprised about the amount of work required, myself.

I had a big taste of awareness yesterday. At least I had an amazing breakthrough in my meditation practice. I literally became things around me, although from the same perspective, but stopped identifying with my head or thoughts. My head became empty, and I felt I was at different places, I litterary felt that I was 2 meters in front of Edvard.. I also, for many minutes experienced utter peace and also joy, but still emptyness. Almost like some notion one may have of heaven. How it happened. When I meditate, I tend to experiment and shift between different techniques. Sometimes I try to let everything happen, and really embodying the idea that we don't have free will. I feel that helps, and sometimes I'm a little more focused on releasing thoughts a bit more actively. But embodying all sorts of concepts, especially Leo's videos abaut moralization is something I can recommend. I watched it some days ago, and to embody what he said was a large piece in the puzzle for me. I found that embodying what he was saying in those videos could be really effective when meditating. Because they really are enlightenment truths. Stopping to moralize also goes for putting awareness on your own moralization. Meaning that everything that happens is what should be. If you get upset over yourself, or try to create strict rules that your mind says you SHOULD follow, you are fighting a losing battle against reality. The last days I embodied this in different ways. Ie. you probably have thoughts that you don't want to think, yet sometimes they appear. The problem is that you may subconsciously view those thoughts as morally wrong, and you suppress them. You may even, without knowing it fear those thoughts. What I, from my experience, found was that this is a huge hindrance. So what I did was that I almost intentionally made all sorts of dirty and horrible thoughts, which I had never wanted to think my whole life arise. I just let everything come in and out, having absolutely ZERO moral obligations. I dropped every meaning, and my awareness had a change. Some days later (last night), I really focused on the present moment. The paradox is that your mind wants to seek something in the future but the future NEVER arrives. You have to drop everything and «lazer focus» your awareness closer and closer to the true present. The hard thing about this is that it takes effort, but the feeling of effort, frustration and anxiety is a good indication that you're far from the present. At some point you have to stop caring about whether you get enlightened, because in the end it's all about enjoying what already is here right now, as you're seeing it for the first time. What has also helped for me is doing a concentration technique: lazer focus on one specific sensation for like 2-5-30 mins, i.e.

Does anyone know, or have a good idea? I've been watching Leo's videos about moralism, teaching me more to accept reality just being, which I figure has to be the ultimate truth - it makes sense and explains so much about the world. Now, given this, being unconscious is also just reality. Evil is just reality. Suffering is just reality. Neither of those things are bad but from our own perspective. But isn't our own perspective all there is?, meaning that living in hell equates reality just being hell, regardless of whether hell is an illusion or not, or what is true in the absolute sense. Yet, I often hear from self-actualizers that reality is sooo amazingly beautiful. Isn't it then appropriate to say: "Well, speak for yourself"? So, does anybody know WHY or HOW the ego in all its evil exists? Is it necessary? Is it random? Or does no one know? Worth noting that given that I'm not dead or having been dead, I don't know how it is to die. Leo for instance, says it's the most beautiful thing. I'm a little skepticle of the notion that death by enlightenment equates "normal" physical death, not only because you come back to your ego again pretty fast. I've become more open to reincarnation, and think that it is actually quite likely - then, is it a viable notion that "you" could become a lower conscious being in the next life, like a chimpanzee or something, even if you got enlightened in this life? Or would you say enlightenment is like "Nirvana", where the cycle of all lives stops for eternity? This is quite speculative, so worth to note that I'm not believing any of it, but I don't exclude it either... just wonder if anybody has some knowledge, experiences or ideas, because I find it really interesting.

@Nahm Well, I'm not the only one to use that word, reality. Leo uses it too, particularly in his videos about moralism and free will. Everything/reality just is - being - and you are the only one, there's just one perspective in the universe, for me, and for you. If that perspective has low consciousness and a suffering ego, that is the solely reality that exists, as hell. That's what I mean.

So infinity made a conscious decision to split into infinine amounts of limited beings, because it was boring? Like, literally? In that case, you wouldn't want to stay enlightened forever, I guess. Isn't the whole point of enlightenment that you release all meaning, like boring? And if you mean it, then it seems that reality/God actually has an ultimate purpose - to grow yourself. In which case, life is in a sense very meaningful. But then you in the end reach infinity again. What then? New game? New round of hell?

Does it make sense in the long run to completely cut out candy, chips and cakes, which I love? Or would I be better off getting the cravings out of the system once in a while? For some time now, I have been considering to in the end commit to a goal of cutting out everything that gives pleasurable sensations tending to create cravings (and that to smaller or bigger degree is negative for my health), and atm I'm eating candy and chips about once a week, on average. After having gotten my weekly dose of it, I'm usually doing quite well for some days, until cravings start to arise at the end of the week. If I suppress these feelings beyond the weekend I may eventually burst out, buying insane amounts of candy on impulse because I'm not thinking rationally. It gets especially dangerous if I go into a shop while hungry. The point is that by cutting out these pleasures completely, I fear missing out on something, while at the same time thinking about what @Leo Gura has been saying, that this also is what creates the suffering and the illusion of existing. Addictions, like even thinking itself is something we crave because of the fear of emptyness, which the ego can't stand. My first question is therefore: is emptyness really nice, if you know what I mean? Is for instance, emptyness with no pleasures in the end a goal of yours? The second thing I wonder about is: do you think it's worth it for me to actually not attain any of these pleasures, ever? Or am I missing out on something? Because that's how it feels, but I also know it's counter-intuitive. I also fear that this may hurt my concentration abilities, and since I'm stuying at a University, those cravings are gonna get really distracting, especially if I do no-fap too (does that make sense, BTW? I've heard ejaculating regularly is positive for health (like reducing cancer risk))... I'll add that these are not relatively big problems of mine (no-fap would be the biggest obstacle for me, and this topic I actually find quite problematic), I'm less addicted to candy than most people I know, in addition to being skinny and athletic. Nevertheless, I'm aware that these are addictions that are creating some problems, and I'm contemplating whether getting rid of all external pleasures in the end will make me much happier. I do often fall back to some bad habits, although less now than before, and I'm trying to be really conscious of them, thinking about getting rid of all addictions altogether, which will require some suffering and emotional labour in the short term - and hopefully it will be worth it in the long run... or? Any advice would be much appreciated

Makes sense, although it's a little paradoxical, because why would you consume anything that's not optimal for your health if you don't need it? And one also have to define need. I feel that I need candy once in a while, but if my life depended on it, I'm pretty sure I would be able to not consume it ever. It's a little like waking up. I guess you can define an addiction if only external motivations will make you stop an addiction. For example, I have struggled with being addicted to stay in bed in the morning, but I still made it through one year of mandatory military service. Then of course, I didn't really have any choice. Once I finished, and I went four months without working, the day and night cycle was going all over the place until I've somewhat managed to discipline this now at university. But that's also an external motivation, that has a relatively short term consequence if I don't wake up. When I'm not working, I know I'm better off waking up early in the long run, but waking up late any isolated day will not have any immidiate consequence, so then it's easy to end up never creating the positive habit, thereby I could say I'm addicted. If I'm not addicted, then I won't need it - but is it possible not to want pleasurable things? Because if you like pleasurable things - how can you be happy with a lack of it? Only by not needing it, as far as I can see, but if you don't need it, and it's unhealthy, why would you consume it? IF it's possible to completely get rid of any cravings from a source of pleasure.