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Little-me. I was about seven when I first experienced conscious insignificance. It was during a hiding. I was on the floor in front of a lounge chair. I felt myself shrinking into the carpet. No matter how small I felt, or how much my self diminished, I was still there, somewhere deep in the carpet. For many years, whenever my ego was under severe threat, I would relive the diminishing. No matter how insignificant I may feel, the little-me that cannot be invalidated is my original innocent self. It is that little part of me that remains pure and true. I can always rely on it to be there. It is untouchable, safe, and the source of my love.

I have been inspired by Victor Frankl. Extract from Wikipedia: 'Frankl wrote his world-famous book entitled, Trotzdem Ja Zum Leben Sagen: Ein Psychologe Erlebt das Konzentrationslager ("Saying Yes to Life in Spite of Everything: A Psychologist Experiences the Concentration Camp"), known in English by the title Man's Search for Meaning (1959 title: "From Death-Camp to Existentialism")'

Thank you David. That is great for the busy who are delaying what needs to be done. Sometimes a person may not have a busy life, and prefers it that way. Hermits get online too, and some see themselves as reaching out to others for both personal growth and to share growth. Sometimes people no longer have a need to prove anything anymore. Exploiting the self, others, or the world, is no longer a need/want. They get online to express their love for self-improvement - to support it. Sometimes the delay is not in their hands. They have done what they can and are now waiting. They get onto this forum to not waste spare time, but use it to reach out. So in a different way, a person on this forum may not be procrastinating but actually proactive.

I too prefer to travel alone, yet I get to freely meet new people too. Several years ago I traveled from Australia to Austria to train and compete in a cycling event. When I met other Australians there they were dumbfounded that I came alone. I could not see what the issue was. For a month I traveled everyday on my road bike averaging over 600 km per week. Visiting neighbouring countries and all the towns along the way. Austria is a beautiful country, much like Switzerland. The first thing I did when I arrived in Austria was to eat a fresh ham roll (Inspector Rex). @Evilwave Heddy said it all.

@mudita You display a variety of styles and approaches. That is quite talented.

Thank you pluto for sharing your experiences. Yes, there is something intriguing about tigers eye; as if it is looking at you. My mother had a jade Kiwi pendant. I remember feeling calm with it too even though it had a grotesque figure carved into it. Similar to this one.

As a child, for over ten years, dread was just outside the bedroom door. Silence was my best friend. I feel safe all alone in silence. I still do after 50 years. It's where I find truth.

About three decades ago I was in recovery, yet again, from addictions. I attempted many times over a seven year period to recover, but with no avail. I was becoming fearful of another relapse. Desperate to make a difference this time, I was willing to do anything to make a change. Not knowing self-honesty was the key, I tried all sorts of determinations. These attempts have their place and meaning in my heart. One such placed determinations was to make a personal pact, with the powers to be, for recovery in exchange of life-long service. It involved making a white magic crystal wand for a solo ritual. Besides actually going into the wilderness to do the ritual, I had spent hours making the wand. It was all those hours of contemplation to the reasons for making the wand that helped to crystallize the importance of recovery. There are several amazing coincidences which occurred while making this wand. To me, they are all powerful reminders of being loved and supported during my willingness to change. The wand always reminds me of where I have come from. Sometimes it is more important to know where you are coming from than where you are going.

Thank you Soulbass for your response. Do you keep a log on these experiences? If so, have any changed though the experiment was the same? I have never seen a red tourmaline until now. I find the black tourmaline very grounding. Many years ago I used to have it under my pillow. ____________________________________ IMHO, crystals, gemstones, beliefs, wants, fears, love, etc all play a role in how we experience and define our place in reality. Each on its own is not the definitive, but each has its place in the definitive.

Many years ago I met a girl who was doing therapeutic massage to pay her way through uni. I never had a massage before, she persuaded me to have a full body (toes to top of head) massage. During the massage I was telling her the wonderful vivid colours I saw in my mind. I saw many colours come and go, but some areas of the body flooded my mind with one prominent colour. When the massage finished I asked her if she had heard others describing colours. She said "No". As I wondered what the colours meant. She said I described the chakras. I asked what are chakras? She was alarmed somewhat that I did not know what they were. From her bookshelf she showed me an old book on chakras. I recognized the colours shown for each chakra and there locations within the body. The girl had tears on her face. She said it was only now that she realized that they truly exist. Same here. About a decade later, I visited a dying friend. He was a crystal therapist and had a large amethyst crystal on the chair next to his bed. I picked it up and placed it on my lap as I sat in the chair. After awhile it got too heavy, and positioned it on the seat between my legs. Its terminal end was very close to my groin. About five minutes later my back suddenly became rigid. I felt a powerful rush of cool energy going up from the crystal. The energy crashed through certain points up my spine, neck and through the top of head. It was like a wind. It took my breath away. I envisioned it as a pale violet light beam. As soon as I took the amethyst crystal away it stopped. There was an earlier time when visiting same friend and his wife. We were sitting around a coffee table chatting about crystals. I expressed some doubts about crystal therapy. He asked me to close my eyes for awhile. I thought he was going to give me some guided dialogue when suddenly I felt a large hole open up in my forehead. My eyes sprung open to see him spiraling a small thin crystal wand pointing about an inch away from my forehead. I asked what he did because I feel as if a hole was in my forehead. He said "I just opened your third eye to awaken you to crystal therapy". That forehead sensation was there for many hours. When Barry, my friend, was dying, both his wife and I were taking 12 hour shifts in home palliative care for him. My shift was from 6 pm to 6 am. During those shifts I would be in prayer and meditation, and reassuring him he was never alone during the night. He would hold my hand when pain and/or fear swamped him. It was during these times that I would experience visions of colours and patterns within his body. I could only rely on what my heart (not my head) was witnessing. Yellow energy would flow from my hand into his body, and saw many small nodal points in various parts of his body. Everyday I saw more of them. Shortly after he passed away. During that time, I made entries into a journal about those experiences. After Barry's death, another chapter of what is truth came to a hold (until now).

All physical sensing and interpretations are in the past, because it takes time for the brain to interpret a stimulus or to create a thought. Unexplainable knowing has no time dimensionality to it. Much like intuition and telepathy.

Forgiveness increases as pride decreases. Becoming humble (soft, gentle, patient) quietens pride. Own truth of imperfection helps to find similarities with the unforgiven. Accepting our own faults helps to accept the fault of others. Forgiving others is forgiving ourselves all over again. Unforgiveness is like a clenched fist. It closes the door on our own truth of imperfection. Strong unforgiveness can petrify (stubborn) the body. Forgiveness is liberating. It creates more room / space within us for our Being to move more freely to express itself (unconditional love).

Black Tourmaline

Kissing is a strange and baffling behaviour. Yet it is so intoxicating. The same goes for other sexual behaviours.

Build up your self-esteem to the point of no longer needing it.

Enlightenment is a knowing what is true. The knowing IS as much as truth IS. The knowing transcends any language. As soon as language is used the knowing just becomes a story. Truth, needs no story to be known. Discernment by the enlightened is just knowing, without explanation or understanding of any logical processes. That is why the word faith is commonly associated with the knowing. Having logical knowledge about enlightenment is watered down by language and logic. No matter how well I write this explanation, it will not replace the unexplainable knowing of what is true.

Pain is inevitable, suffering optional. Depending on the definition, pain is a stimulus for body survival reasons. In itself it is neurological signal which, without a story attached to it (meaning), it becomes a curious, seemingly high frequency, sensation. Without the story, there is no pain or suffering. It is the story we have about that particular sensation, or pain, that turns it into suffering. Stories like: "It hurts; I am in pain; I cannot stand it anymore; I need a pain-killer"; etc. Try not to have a story about it. Accept it.

Why not first face your own fears about self, rather than facing those fears about others and what others may think. If you can first deal with your own fears about self, then fears of being judged by others becomes irrelevant, because you already know what is true and not true about yourself. No more secrets, no longer being fearful of others.

That was a bit of bad luck. Why did you quit riding your bike?

Let me see if I understood you. If your best friend were in your family situation, you would say to your best friend: "REALLY care about me and REALLY on my side with everything, I would refuse to leave them alone." Sorry CuteYTDawg, but you lost me. Could you explain it to me? If my original question confused you, I am sorry for that. So let me ask you a similar question again. Imagine knowing a child, in the same family situation you are in now. What would you tell that child to do?

In my honest opinion.... Every person is a free agent. They can come and go as they please. Focus only on your own self-development, unless invited by the other. Be ruthfully honest in all aspects. No deceptions, no emotional blackmail, no ignoring what the other is saying to you about you or the dating. Everybody is like a train going on a journey. If your date likes your journey/destination, your date will want to get on your train. If they no longer want to go where you are going, they will get off. So lets hope that your self development journey is attractive to your date. Otherwise you can still persist on your journey without your date, or you might find your date's journey even better than your own, and join on that person's journey. Personally, I prefer it when both my date and I are going in the same direction in self-development. Otherwise we will be waiting for the next station to arrive.

That sounds great. How did your date behave?

The bridge motor is a little too big for placing in the bridge span hut. So it will be placed under the display table, together with the boat motor. Both the bridge and boat will be pulley-cable driven. I do not particularly like working with moving parts because they are potential trouble. The more complex, the more likely to be trouble. For a while I have been haunted by what a sculpture-author wrote about moving sculptures; that a sculpture should not move. The reason being that mechanical / electrical apparatuses will inevitably fail. If the apparatus cannot be replaced the sculpture remains static and losses its purpose. In the back of my mind I am trying to work out how to avoid that scenario with this model. Interactivity is the main focus these days for museums. Its earlier attraction of seeing something new has been lost due to modern media coverage. Visitors come to a museum and see nothing really new. But if they are invited to interact with the display, then it becomes something new. I am hoping this display will still be somewhat interactive even if the bridge and boat no longer move. At least they can get a feel for the control panel . Many of the kids that visit the museum often play for ages on the ship's telegraph, with its bells and clicking noises. Which drives some of the staff nuts. The control panel switches are already loose and worn, I can easily imagine that they will not be working in a few years from now. So, if both display and console are now longer working, will the display lose its attraction and educational purpose? Perhaps, especially if the model was unattractive in the first place. So the plan is to make the best model possible with the minimal resources affordable. To do this, I think I have to try and achieve two objectives. First, is to make the model as service friendly as possible. Secondly, to create a model display that can stand on its own without having to rely on it to be operational. The service friendly objective would mean that accessibility to both bridge and boat motors, pulley systems and electronics need to be easy as possible. A manual needs to be put together with both operational and service sections. The display objective could be achieved by creating a diorama. Also, with an aesthetic focus which may pull the 'model' from a artisan's to an artist's perspective. The artisan bit is already challenging enough. The artist bit is way up there, but as I said before, 'nothing is impossible'.

I like your artwork. If you are regularly doing art for improving your life, why not consider starting a journal in this forum.